Hey. Listen. I won't take long. Just wanted to…apologize. Obviously I haven't written anything in a while, and after all the reviews and author alerts I really should've written more. But I didn't, and I kind of have some explaining to do. I'll explain after the chapter's over, just bear with it, and sorry for the super mega long wait.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Ideas however…I don't own them either. They're not like copyrighted anyway, but they are still mine, so do me a favor and don't steal them. Thanks!
We rejoin our heroes in quite a mystery.
Shikamaru literally spit out his coffee. "What the…Naruto!?"
"What the hell happened to your pants?" Sasuke asked.
"Uhhh…I don't know…I think Hinata…took them…"
Somewhere the birds were happy and singing and somewhere turkeys roamed the lands happily, not being eaten by ravage Thanksgiving feasters. And somewhere, there was clarity and peace in all that we do. But not here.
"You're kidding me." Neji blurted out. "You're saying Hinata, that shy, weak little girl, somehow managed to overpower you, you being the one who she happens to have a crush on, and for some random assed reason, take your pants. I've heard better stories from deaf retarded incoherent hobos."
"She's not weak!" Naruto responded angrily. Neji sighed, knowing he probably didn't hear the rest of what he said either.
"You sure we're talking about Hinata Hyuuga right?" Kiba asked.
"Yes! I'm telling you, I woke up this morning and they were gone!" Naruto screamed.
"This doesn't seem logical…" Shino said.
"I agree, why would Hinata want your pants anyway?" Shikamaru inquired.
"And for that matter, there's no way she could get them from you without waking you up. I'm pretty sure even you couldn't possibly be that much of a heavy sleeper." Sasuke remarked.
"Look, last night we were talking and she whispered something in my ear. I don't remember what, but after that I can't remember much either! Next thing I knew, I woke up without my orange man!" Naruto said, waving his arms around for effect. This was unsuccessful by the way.
"Oh yeah. That really helps. You have no idea what she said, and you can't remember anything after her saying something. Way to go, Naruto." Sasuke replied.
"Hold it hold it hold it…" Neji started, standing up. "What do you mean by 'whispered'?" Suddenly all eyes turned back to Naruto. He looked to Neji's parental death stare, one even mightier and more threatening than his emo stare, and before answering glanced at Shikamaru, who gave him a 'Do not say anything stupid' look.
"Uhh…well, she like…got on the bed and…whispered in my ear." With each pause, Neji's stare became more and more menacing, and by the end of the sentence, it was like staring at death himself.
"WHAT." Neji practically growled.
"Y-Yeah. I mean, I was asleep…and then she walked in and she woke me up. Then we ki-" The half-orange, half-froggy clad boy stopped himself before finishing just as Neji narrowed his eyes.
"Ki…Ki…kids! Yeah we talked abo-" Naruto stopped again when he realized how much worse he just made his situation. It was then he glanced around the room for help. First at Sasuke, who actually had some emotion in his face. He was smirking, maybe a few inches away from being a full smile. Chouji completely ignored him and was still devouring breakfast, Shikamaru gave shot him a signal to run like hell, Shino was giving him mixed signals, and when he turned back to Neji, he was a time bomb seconds away from explosion.
"Uhh…I'm just gonna run now." Declared Naruto.
"I'll give you 10 seconds." Neji answered.
"Can I get more?" Naruto asked.
"5…4…3…" By two, the only thing left of the ninja was the smoke he left behind him.
"They always run…" Neji smirked, in a hunter state-of-mind. He leaped over the table and chased after the ninja who was stupidly giving himself away by the loud screaming for help.
"Poor guy." Shino remarked.
"I wonder what did happen to his pants though." Kiba asked.
"They'll turn up eventually." Said Sasuke who continued to eat.
"Does Naruto know you have his pants Hinata?" Asked Sakura jokingly.
"I don't know, he hadn't woken up yet when I left, he still could be asleep." Hinata replied.
"Wait, are those really his pants?!" She asked.
"I doubt they could be anyone else's Sakura," Tsunade said sarcastically. "Really now, have you gotten hit on the head or something Hinata?"
"I'm fine! Why do you ask?" She responded.
"It's just kind of weird to go around wearing someone else's pants like that! Especially ones that are obviously way too big for you." Hikari interrupted.
"Well, I thought it would make him happy." She responded.
"Who the hell told you tha–" Before Tsunade could finish, Tenten suddenly burst out into laughter. Everyone turned their attention to her as she fell out of her seat laughing. "What's so funny?"
"She's…just so…ignorant! Ha ha ha! It's hysterical!" Tenten responded in between laughs.
"Why is that funny?" Tsunade asked angrily.
"B-because! Hinata 'got in his pants'! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!"
"…" Just then Sakura started laughing, remembering Anko's 'lesson' last night. Shizune giggled a bit herself, and soon the whole crowd was chuckling at Hinata's miss-interpretation of sexual innuendos. Remember that single individual proud of clueless Hinata? Now she weeps.
"What? What'd I do?" Hinata asked worryingly. Everyone stopped for a second and looked at her. The Hyuuga hadn't even blinked.
"Y…You're serious?" Tsunade asked, wiping a tear away from her face. The girl nodded sternly. It was then the Hokage realized what was wrong with this situation. Hinata was supposed to be taught sex by Naruto. She then realized Naruto could potentially be the worst teacher ever considering his lack of patience and overall knowledge and that assigning him the job educating an innocent ninja about the adult world could be the worst mistake she's ever made in her whole life. That including the time she let Kakashi drive a bus.
"Well…this is awkward." Shizune blurted out.
"It gets worse, look." Sakura pointed to what appeared to be an orange fox being hunted down by a larger white tiger with steam emerging from its ba-. Oh wait. That's just Naruto being chased by Neji. Sorry, false alarm folks.
"HEEEEELLLP!!" Yelped the poor ninja being pursued. Like the tiger he appeared to be, Neji pounced on Naruto, the prey just barely dodging the hunter's vicious attack.
Just as Naruto escaped out the door, the hunter's roommate yelled, "Don't create too many casualties like last time okay Neji?" He got up, brushed himself off, and scoffed.
"Hinata, why the hell are you wearing Naruto's pants?" He replied, paying no attention to Tenten's comment.
"Erm…I don't really know anymore." She said bluntly. The Hyuuga sighed. So far he's been up an hour and his day's already been turned into a reality show.
"…Are you going to give them back?" He asked calmly.
"Y-yeah, as soon as he gets back."
"Good. Thank you." He slowly walked away, but before leaving, he said, "Oh, and tell your boyfriend to take a shower. I could smell his fear a mile away."
He left the inhabitants in the room completely shocked. First he actually was calm to Hinata, then he said 'Thank you' (A sure sign of the Apocalypse), and then he mentioned something about smelling fear. It's like taking the know-it-all prodigy jerk and giving him a complete 180. One brown-haired kunoichi uttered a single word before dozing off.
"So…what shall we do today oh fine master?" Asked a certain bird.
"I don't know, I haven't got a clue of anything to do. Well…at least to do this early." Answered Hikari, glancing at the pillow next to her and smirking.
"We could head to Disney World or something."
"And risk another robot destroying half a city?" She said, flipping through the channels.
"Sounds good to me, only that place is another road trip away and honestly I'd rather not go on another six hour bus ride right now."
"True. Oh so true. I think that little girl might still have a grudge against me."
"Why does she hate you anyway?"
"Because I keep stealing her ice cream."
"Ah. That's probably why. Maybe we should go out and do some extreme stunts."
"Ooh! I've always wanted to go skydiving." Hikari stopped channel surfing to shoot him a glance. "Oh…yeah, right. The wings and all. How 'bout a pool?"
"What about some matchmaki–"
"Now you're talking!"
Around the time the bird and his friend were scheming, Naruto had finally decided the coast was clear enough for him to return without being attacked by Hinata's overprotective cousin. Nonetheless, he took every precaution when going in. As soon as the door was open he dashed in and hid behind the counter, alerting the attendant behind it.
"Umm…sir, are you–"
He made a loud "SHHH!!" noise before ducking. Then, he looked left and right, making sure his predator was nowhere in sight. Luckily for him, no long hair girly hair in sight. With that he leaped from behind the counter and behind the couch Tenten was lounging on.
"Psst!" He whispered to her. She opened her eyes and looked over at the overreacting ninja on the ground.
"Yeah?" She asked lazily.
"Have you seen Hinata?" He whispered.
"I think she's in her room." She yawned.
"Thank you for your services, you will receive a great reward when my mission is complete." He bowed then creped away James Bond style.
"Whatever…" She responded, closing her eyes once more.
Naruto, being Naruto, decided instead of taking the direct route, he'd take the really long detour just to avoid Neji. He saw the door in sight, but thinking he could be caught, he leaped into the air duct above him. Crawling through corridor after corridor, he found himself in an elevator shaft, just as the elevators were making their way through. As one was going up, he jumped onto it and let it lift him high into the shaft until he saw another opening, in which he jumped through. Then he continued his mission, frantically crawling away from a few rats in the process. When he had finally gotten out of the air shaft, he found himself at his door. Happily, he looked at the door as if it had "Mission Accomplished" engraved upon it. He slowly crawled toward the door and reached up for the doorknob…
"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?" Asked Neji who had just walked by.
Naruto quickly jumped to his feet, screaming, "CRAP! Mission compromised! Abort! Abort!" He once again jumped to the ventilation shaft above him and crawled through, hoping for a hasty escape.
"Idiot…" said Neji before walking toward the lobby. Naruto peeped through the grate and once seeing the coast being clear, he jumped down, hastily grabbed his key from his pocket, and opened the door, closing it immediately. He huffed, and he puffed, and he almost blew himself down if it weren't for him holding onto the sink.
"Naruto-kun?" Said a voice that happened to overhear his heavy breathing. Picking himself off the sink, he spied the Hyuuga girl sitting on his bed watching television. More importantly, in his pants.
"Hinata!" Naruto yelled. "Why'd you knock me out and take my pants? Don't you know the pants are the most sacred and wholesome thing of a guy? Taking a guy's pants is like taking his pride and joy away!"
"I-I don't know, I thought it would make you happy?" She responded.
"What made you think that?" He asked.
"I-It's a long story. Here-" She started, unzipping the zipper on the orange sweatpants. "You have them back."
"H-Hinata! W-wha-what are you doing?!" Covering his eyes with his arms he said. To make matters worse, the door opened and in walked in everyone's favorite blonde kunoichi.
"Hey Naruto, Kakashi wants us…to…" Sakura's voice trailed off, staring at Hinata still taking off Naruto's pants unfazed by her walking in. "…What the hell are you Naruto!?"
He quickly wheeled around to try to tell his story, but before a single word could be uttered from his mouth, a chakra-infused fist was shoved directly into it, sending him flying out the window.
"Oh, hey Sakura. How are you?" Hinata asked calmly, holding the orange sweatpants in her hand.
"Hinata, don't you think you should put something else on?" Sakura asked.
"Why? It's not cold or anything. In fact," she said, waving her hips in the breeze and grinning, "I kind of like it!"
"…Who are you?"
Meanwhile, the other blonde kunoichi hung hopelessly above the city, scrunched up in a tiny circular net, slowly losing her sanity as time went by. She had tried everything so far to escape her prison: clawing at the ropes with her incredibly expensive nails, trying to rip the knots apart, and now she had resorted to gnawing on the ropes with her teeth. It was a dark day for her. Just as she was about to give up hope, something shook the net. Looking down, there was a pair of hands and orange (or yellow, whichever) hair.
"What the…Naruto?" Ino asked.
"Oh, hey Ino. How's it hanging?" Naruto asked nonchalantly.
"Besides hanging in a net for the longest time and breaking every single nail I had, fine actually." She answered sarcastically.
"How long you been up here?"
"I don't know. I left my watch in my room. How'd you get up here anyway?"
"Look at that building right there," Naruto said, using one his arms to point toward a skyscraper on the opposite side of the street. She looked over and saw the building he was pointing out, spying a big dent in the wall.
"See that dent?" Naruto asked. She nodded. "Yeah, I made that."
"Ouch. How'd you make that?"
"Sakura punched me."
"GRR! That forehead girl! Always causing trouble with people. That's how I got in this net in the first place!"
"Woah. Sakura did this to you?"
"Well it's not like I did this to myself!"
"We should get revenge on her!"
"I guess. But we won't be able to do anything until we get out of here."
"…Know any good jokes?"
Ino sighed. Today was definitely not her day.
"Alright! Got it!"
"Got what?" Asked Hawku.
"The perfect plan. Something so sinister, so devious, we barely even have to do anything!" Said Hikari, pulling out a green book from her drawer with the title 'How to be Youthful: Steps to get the girl of your dreams'. "With this book, all we have to do is give it to Gai and the rest of the plan will unfold naturally."
"Sounds good to me. Great plan and minimal work, I'm loving this." Said the bird, putting his wings behind his head.
"Good. Now help me wrap this."
"So it doesn't look suspicious or anything. You know how Gai is, anyone who questions his youthful-ness is challenged almost immediately. But if I wrap it up and give it to him like it's a gift, he'll just think it's a present for something and will read it just to be courteous," She responded, pulling solid green wrapping paper from the closet. "It's amazing how much complimentary stuff you can get with rooms like these. Most hotels I go to don't give out free wrapping paper."
"Hmm…well, if you don't mind, I think I'll sit wrapping out. Don't you remember what happened last time?"
"I told you I was sorry! How was I supposed to know all that tape would get stuck to you?"
"Feathers and tape do not mix, Hikari."
"Fine. But you're still helping me out on the log cabin."
"Log cabin? What log cabin?"
"You'll find out soon enough." She responded, putting a bow on the finished product. "Now come on, we have a delivery to make."
All was wonderful in the world of Might Gai. He'd awoken to birds singing and a bright and sunny future ahead of him. Taking a quick shower and grabbing a light breakfast, he was ready to go on his daily 50-mile run warm-up around the city, followed by a strenuous training session with his team. Yes, life was indeed good for him, everything was right with the world.
Just as he was about to take off, he heard a voice in the distance.
"Wait, Gai-sensei!" Yelled Hikari, trying to catch her breath.
"Ah, hello Hikari! Would you like to join me in my warm-up?" Gai asked, jogging in place while talking.
"I'm sorry Sensei, but I actually just came to give you something before returning to my own warm-up. Here," She responded, handing him the green present. Taking it out of her hands, he asked, "What's this?"
"This is a present from me and Hawku for being so awesome to us! We saw it in the store the other day and thought you might like it." She said. Smiling, he tore of the wrapping paper, and after reading the title, his smile grew into a hearty grin.
"A book on how to be youthful! This will be most helpful for my students! Thank you! I shall read it on my run!" He said, tucking the book in his arm. Smiling, Hikari gave an 'O.K.' sign with her hand before he burst out the door, ready to take on the world. As soon as he was out the door, her smile became more sinister, and she walked back to her room with an evil smile spread across her lips.
Yes yes, it's short I know. I didn't want to make it so long that I'd have to go into tomorrow to finish it. Sorry, next chapter will be better.
But first, let me explain. You see, after I posted some of those stories, I kind of got bored or writing. I mean, it was fun and all, but fanfiction just didn't seem to be my thing. That's probably because my friend Yakman got me into Webcomics by accident, and I became so interested in them that I myself ended up creating one with him. Combined with homework, issues with friends, issues with family, and even some school sports, I sort of just forgot about making fanfictions altogether.
Sorry for all those who waited so long for this, things have really changed. A lot. Growing up does that to ya. But that's no excuse. I should've said something, like being on hiatus, or specifying I wouldn't be doing comics anymore. For that I am sorry.
Probably the reason I came back though is because of a story I read the other day. Losing Everything The New Revision by Ghetto Anime Princess. I had remembered to read about it before but never did, and once I did I thought it was pretty cool how he/she (sorry, names can be misleading) brought their words together. I remembered how I used to do that. Which is why I decided to at least finish as soon as I could.
Once again, sorry for the long wait, hopefully I'll be better this time. And no, I probably won't post a link to that comic. If you really care that much, PM me. Otherwise, don't ask. Really.
Also, I'm really hating how you can't make the triple dash seperators! And they delete lines when you have only "..." on it! That's so annoying! How am I supposed to work with that!