So Are You To Me

Disclaimer: I don't own 'The Pact'…It is the wonderful creation of Jodi Picoult.

A/N: Yeah so this would be my first 'The Pact' fic…It's really far off from what actually happened, but please give it a little read anyway, and please review…ENJOY!

P.S: Oh and the song in this fic is 'So Are You To Me' by East Mountain South…I just heard it today and it was so sad I had to put it in here.

…………………………

His heart hadn't thumped quite this violently since the night his life may as well had come to an end.

He had lost the only thing that had ever really mattered to him that night.

The love of his life.

His best friend.

Emily.

Chris Harte had never been to a Jewish funeral, but determining the differences wasn't really what was occupying his mind at the time.

"We're here." His mother's whispered words brought him back to reality, a painful reality that was 'the world' now that Emily was gone. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Chris merely nodded as he pulled his aching body from the car…The devil would be ice-skating in hell before he missed Em's funeral.

His last chance to say goodbye.

And to let her know how he felt.

He watched his father open the car door and gesture for Kate to join them. Both his parents had used all their joint power and well mastered manipulation skills to keep her away from the funeral, but she had very indignantly told them that 'If Chris was strong enough to go, then she was too.'

Chris followed his family towards the funeral, keeping a few feet behind them at all times…Whether it was because he was still unsure how informed others were about what had happened that night, or for reasons that only his subconscious was aware of, he felt like being alone right at that moment.

For the first time in days, his lips actually twitched up into a small smile when he realized that the service was to be held outside.

Em would have liked that.

They slipped past the Gold's who were seated in the very front row, and Chris knew deep down that his family would have been right there next to them, had this terrible incident happened under different circumstances.

Melanie was crying uncontrollably as she was sitting snug under Michael's arm, so closely in fact, that Chris was sure that if she had been able to insert herself under his skin, she would have.

Michael's bottom lip was trembling profusely in an effort not to cry, as he comforted his wife…And Gus gave James a smile that suggested that if there was any animosity between the pair following their daughter's death, it was now gone completely.

Gus offered Melanie a sympathetic smile as they past, but the grief stricken mother merely buried her face further into her husband's chest and continued to cry uncontrollably.

Chris watched his mother sigh ruefully, before taking his arm softly and pulling him down into a seat towards the back, and gesturing for her husband and daughter to do the same.

Chris gulped a tad and lowered his head dramatically once people turned and started to whisper and point in his direction.

"I heard the police think he did it" He heard the mother of one of Emily's friend's whisper.

"He didn't mom!" The daughter gasped, "He loved her!"

All Chris could think was just how scarily true that comment was.

"Just ignore them." Gus told him.

Chris rolled his eyes at his mother's patronizing comment. Emily had just died…Did she really think he would be overly worried about people whispering?

The whispers were soon hushed abruptly however, once the service began.

It was beautiful.

That was the only word Chris could have used to describe the service.

Beautiful.

Em didn't deserve anything less.

The whispers soon picked back up however, when he heard the words, "Emily's boyfriend Chris Harte, will now say a few words."

Chris gulped and looked to his family…James and Kate gave him a warm, encouraging smile, and Gus gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Just tell her how you felt," she smiled. "Make them realize that you couldn't have done this to her."

Chris drew in a shaky breath, and willed the strength to fill his unstable body as he got to his feet. He slowly brought one foot in front of the other approaching the alter, and he could feel everyone's eyes on him as he reached his destination.

He opened his eyes to gaze out over the sea of judgmental people, and for once, even that 'just picture them in their underwear' cliché wasn't going to help him.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words seemed to come out. He looked down to the Gold's. He gulped when he realized that Melanie was acknowledging him with an icy glare, Michael however, had an unreadable expression plastered across his face.

He looked up to the large picture of Emily's pretty face, and suddenly the task that his mother had just set didn't seem quite so difficult after all.

"Just tell her how you felt."

;'; As the music at the banquet…

As the wine before the meal…

As the firelight in the night…

So are you to me…

Chris' voice shook as he spoke "Well like you all know, Emily was my girlfriend." He took a few large breaths before continuing "But she wasn't just that. She was my best friend." He paused for a few moments; struggling with the weight of his profession "We grew up together. We were always close. So close at one stage we were upset that we didn't have the same reproductive organs. I remember," Chris paused for a moment and let out a small laugh "I remember once when we were really young we asked my mom is we could have the same and she told us that 'we get what we are given…Just like Halloween candy.'"

The audience suddenly all began to laugh and Chris felt himself relax slightly. He looked down to his mother who had tears streaming down her face and was gleaming up to him warmly. He looked down to the Gold's…Even Michael let out a small laugh, and Melanie's lips twitched up slightly through her tears.

"Emily was the coolest. She never said no to a dare, so I couldn't either…I couldn't let her think I was weak." Chris smirked, not really knowing if he should say the next thing at a funeral, but who cares? They were his memories "I remember when we were nine, Em dared me to steal 'The Joy Of Sex' from the library." He had to pause again while everyone laughed "I remember the both of us thinking back then that it didn't look very joyous…If you had have talked to us seven years later however…" He trailed off as the audience erupted into laughter once more…He looked down to his father who was laughing and shaking his head in amazement.

"Sure we fought a lot, But I remember the first time the 'Chris and Emily forever' pact was broken was when we were thirteen and both our family's went on vacation for Christmas." Chris paused for a moment to look to both his family, and the Gold's who seemed to be recalling the trip in question. "I remember my dad had taken me hunting and I had killed this Hare. That night I couldn't sleep…All I could see was the Hare. So I snuck down stairs and opened myself a bottle of alcohol." The audience all laughed again through their tears and he saw his parents shaking their heads at the memory. "I had almost finished the bottle when Em came down wearing this ugly penguin thing, and first she yelled at me, but then she sculled a bit…I forgot however to tell her to take it slow, so next thing I know she spits it all back out and we turn to see our parents watching us…hands on hips."

Melanie smiled through her tears at the memory, before Chris continued in mock anger. "When we were questioned she told them that I made her drink it. I remember thinking 'Gee, what happened to stick by each other no matter what eh Em?'" The crowed laughed again, before he continued. "Then Christmas morning I had to stay in bed as punishment. I knew Em felt guilty so I made her ski down this huge mountain, and well you know how it goes, she broke her leg!" Chris looked down to the audience suddenly feeling that they weren't judging him anymore "Man, I was so worried…But well on New years eve I stayed at the lodge with her while our parents were at a party and we were watching TV…" He trailed off for a moment to look to his dad who had witnessed it, before, " And when the ball dropped we had our first kiss." Chris smiled and looked down to the smiling crowed and then back up to Emily's picture "We bumped heads of course."

Everyone laughed once again but Chris' features turned serious. "I was going to get up here today and tell you all how much I loved Em, but I don't think I need to tell you…I think you can see it by the way I talk about her." He paused for a moment as he gazed over the sea of nodding people. "But even if all you here today can't see it…I know that Em knew it, and that's what matters to me." A single tear fell from Chris' eye and he could still faintly hear the sound of muffled cries. "Emily wouldn't have wanted us to mourn at her funeral, she isn't like that…She would have wanted it to be a celebration of her life!" Chris smiled "Thank you."

;'; As the ruby in the setting…

As the fruit upon the tree…

As the wind blows over the plains…

So are you to me…

As Chris walked back to his place through the cheering people he felt liberated. He sat back down and his parents gave him one of those 'we're so proud of you' smiles.

After the service was completed a swam of people all came up to Chris and congratulated him on his speech…Including the Golds.

Michael smiled "That was wonderful Chris."

"Emily would have loved it." Melanie added, before giving Gus a small smile and walking away hand in hand with her husband.

"Well we had better be off then" Gus announced to her family.

"Hey mom?" Chris asked, "Can I just have a few minutes?"

"Sure." Gus smiled knowingly and gestured for James and Kate to follow her "We'll be in the car."

;'; As the wind blows over the plains…

Chris walked back slowly, and kneeled in front of Emily's freshly covered grave. He pulled an old, crinkled paper flower out of his pocket, and upon viewing it, let his mind swim back to his first day of kindergarten;

;'; So are you to me…

"Hey Chris!" Emily exclaimed as she bounded up to him "I made you something!"

Chris took the small paper flower from her and read the messy hand writing on the side 'Chris and Emily forever' it read, "What is it?"

"It's a flower, duh!" She smiled "And as long as one of us always has it, we'll be together forever."

;'; So are you to me…

Chris laughed at Emily's statement and put the paper flower to lie atop of her grave.

As stupid as it may have sounded, he really hoped that it worked.

End