Whose Verse is Worse?.
By Denise (kdsch123)
Acknowledgements: We all know I don't own "Smallville", at all, right? Because there would be significantly less griping and whining about the show if I did. Just saying. The description of the holiday said to get old high school friends together, but I figured current friends and alcohol might work too. Let's find out.
Spoilers: None, really. Season 6, but only because of Oliver Queen. Otherwise, it's all just way outside the show continuity…
Pairing: Chloe/Oliver Queen, Lois/Clark
Summary: Poetry and Beer do not mix. This didn't get as rowdy as I thought, but I might work on it.
August 18 – Bad Poetry Day….
"It's your turn, Lois" Chloe sipped her beer, icy cold and just exactly perfect on a hot night like this. "no more limericks…you have to make it up…" August in Kansas was miserable, but an article Oliver had read on his way back to Metropolis from a quick trip to Star City had inspired this evening's entertainment. Armed with plenty of cold beer, they all sat on the porch of the Kent farmhouse, as the sun went down over the cornfields.
"Okay." Lois sighed, draining hers, and setting the bottle down with a purposeful clank. She turned to Clark and squinted at him. "This is for you, Smallville…"
"Your eyes are green,
Your t-shirt is white.
I used to date Oliver Queen,
It is freaking hot tonight…"
The three others laughed, and Lois smiled, proudly. "Well, at least it all rhymed."
"Yes, at least." Clark laughed, handing Lois a fresh bottle from the cooler. "And you made it up. It was also very, very bad. Unfortunately, the rules ARE the rules…"
"Yes, I did." Lois twisted the cap off her bottle and tossed it to her ex-boyfriend. "Your turn. And don't make me puke with sonnets to my cousin, because ugh.." She took a long drink.
Oliver set his beer down and took Chloe's hand tenderly, gazing into her eyes. "I wasn't going to at all, but now that Lois said don't…
In all the world, there can never be,
One such as you again for me…
"Ollie!" Lois screamed, laughing, as Chloe rolled her eyes…"You are such a woobie.."
He tossed the bottle cap back at Lois. "I'm not done…so impatient…
"To correct you in a public place,
has been for me a deep disgrace,
So, Lois…" Oliver turned, grinning, wickedly. "I'm glad we are no more,
Because of you, my eardrums tore…"
"Ass." Lois said, as Clark and Chloe guffawed, but she nodded, satisfied. "A ode to me. All your fancy education paid off. But, was it bad enough?" Oliver bowed in his seat and laughed, catching the bottle cap again.
"Okay, Kent...it's on you." Oliver said, putting his arm around Chloe. "Make it super." He flipped the bottle cap to Clark. "You have to drink, though."
"I keep telling you I have a high tolerance, but whatever." Clark caught the cap. He took a deep breath.
"This is my family farm
We work to keep the crops safe from harm.
With plow and sickle and strength of arm."
"YAY!" Lois and Chloe clapped. Then Chloe shook her head. "No good, Walt Whitman. It's supposed to be BAD poetry. Start drinking."
Clark smiled, and drank, draining his beer in record time. "Aah." He grabbed a new beer and popped the cap, tossing it to Chloe in a quick flick of the wrist. "Chloe…"
"Thank you…" She caught the cap and sighed. "I can't."
"You have to." Oliver said, "And it's got to be bad. So far, Lois is winning."
"I know." Chloe replied. "Okay..bad poetry…
Bananas, pears, tangerines
Apples round and plain,
There is no worse a poet
Than my cousin, Lois Lane…" She giggled, covering her mouth as Lois laughed out loud, nearly spilling her beer.
Clark grinned. "I don't know, Chloe… that was pretty bad. We may have a worse poet here after all." Chloe grinned, blowing kisses to the table.
"So competitive, Goldilocks." Oliver kissed her. "Well, get to it." She laughed, and drank her beer. She tossed her bottle cap to Lois. "Go, cousin."
Lois straightened. "All I can say is that college has ruined you all. I finally found my calling…
The beer is cold
This porch is hot,
This poem stinks,
But it's all I've got…"
Oliver, Chloe and Clark applauded loudly. Lois laughed and drank, draining her beer. "I need another, Smallville. I'm starting to be inspired, too."
Clark handed her a new beer. "An encore?"
"Absolutely. Sudden death." Lois opened her beer. "You and me, Smallville. Winner take all." She held out her hand. "Ready?"
"oooh." Oliver and Chloe said, making Clark laugh. He nodded and shook Lois' hand.
"Should we make this interesting?" Lois asked, letting go of Clark's hand. "A prize for the worst?"
"Fine." Clark nodded. "What are the stakes?"
"If I win this, you have to totally wash my car, in the sun, with no shirt." Lois said. "While I hang out in the hammock and drink lemonade that you make for me."
"Okay." Clark said, laughing. "And if I win, you have to be quiet for the whole day. Not one word, and you have to hang out with me all day, so I can make sure you're being quiet."
"ooooh." Oliver and Chloe gasped again, looking at each other. "Okay," Oliver threw a cap in the air. Top, Clark goes first, bottom, it's Lois…" The cap hit the table with a clink and Chloe looked at it.
"Clark..you start." She sat back.
Clark stood, clearing his throat. "I think that I shall never see…"
"No stealing!! You're ripping that off…" Lois stood, pointing at him.
"A girl who is a bigger pain…"
"You're going to rhyme pain with Lane..that's just cheap, Smallville."
"or drives me more insane…"
"Ooh." Oliver said, kissing Chloe's cheek for no reason at all. "He's going for the triple."
"Than my good friend, Lois Lane."
"Right…" Lois laughed. "You done?"
"She thinks I will wash her car, and make her lemonade..
But tomorrow she'll be silent, and I'll have it made…"
"Sweet!" Oliver cried, "Oh, beat that, Lane. That totally sucked." Oliver raised his beer to Clark. "Good job, my friend. I may need to hang out with you tomorrow. We don't have plans, do we, Chloe?" He took a long drink of his beer.
"No, we don't." Chloe smiled. "So sure she's going to lose?"
"I'm completely sure she's going to lose." Oliver nodded. "You think different?"
"I do. Okay. Lois wins, you get to wash my car tomorrow, no shirt, while Clark washes Lois' AND I get the lemonade too. That porch swing has my name on it." Chloe leaned forward and raised her face to his, her lips a fraction from his. "Babe."
"And if Clark wins, while Lois is being quiet tomorrow, you have to be at my total beck and call. No "I'm writing the article of a lifetime, Oliver…" stuff, either. Whatever I say and whatever I want. AND I get lemonade AND the porch swing." He kissed her hard. "Babe."
"Side bets…I like it." Lois rubbed her hands together and stuck out her tongue. "You're going down, Smallville…
I hate this town, I have to say
It smells like cow poop, and sometimes hay
If you think I'll ever shut up for you,
You'll never live to see the day…"
Clark sat down, stunned. "That was terrible."
"I know." Lois grinned. "And, I win."
"Judges?" Clark turned to Oliver and Chloe. They put their heads together, conversing, and then looked up, Oliver dejected and Chloe grinning brightly.
"I'm so sorry, man." Oliver said to Clark, as Chloe nodded approvingly. "We're washing cars tomorrow. Because, Lois, that poem totally reeked."
"It's going to be a scorcher tomorrow, too. Almost 100." Lois mock pouted at Oliver, and patted Clark on the arm. "Wear sunscreen."
The sound of rain on the window made Clark smile before he opened his eyes. There is a God, Clark thought, and when he opened his eyes, and saw the sun streaming through them, he realized God had a sense of humor. Or someone did. He got up, and saw Lois, in a black bikini top and cutoff shorts shooting the hose at his window.
"Wakey, wakey, Clarkie!" She called, and Clark could see Chloe and Oliver talking near her car, just past Lois. Chloe was wearing a flowing, pale green sundress, and although he didn't want to, Clark could not help but notice how the sun shone through that thin cotton dress, outlining Chloe's curves. Oliver was noticing too, and Clark grinned. Given the girls chosen get through the summer day attire, Clark imagined effect was half the intent, which was unfair. So, doing his ogling from the window of his room, Clark smiled, going to his bathroom to put on his bathing suit and a t-shirt to go down stairs. He heard everyone come in the house, and it was obvious that while Oliver and Chloe were not hung over at all, Lois definitely WAS. Chloe had started coffee, and she and Oliver had brought breakfast for everyone with them.
"Morning." Oliver said, casting a quick glance at Lois, who was rummaging through the Kent's everything cabinet, looking for something for her headache. "I drove out to that superstore near the highway and bought all the car washing stuff this morning." Oliver was as early a riser as Clark normally was, and he looked wide awake, dressed similarly to Clark, board shorts and a t-shirt. "It's all out in the trunk of Chloe's car."
"Good. So, we get this done early and then to Crater Lake for lunch?" Clark smiled, hoping that Lois would agree. "Seems like a great day for the lake."
"Yeah, you'd think so." Lois said, pushing her sunglasses up, rather than take them off in the house. She looked at Chloe. "Well, lake after the guys pay their penalty or what?"
"Fine with me." Chloe sipped the coffee she'd just made and smiled. From here, Clark could see, without any powers at all, that Chloe had a green bathing suit under that cotton sundress. "I was hoping that might supercede the car washing, Lois, even the idea of sitting in the porch swing is unappealing…let's forget it and go to the lake." Chloe dropped a conspiratorial wink at the guys, but Lois shook her head.
"No." Lois said, stomping her foot. "Car washing goes forward." She took off her glasses and leveled a stern glance at Clark. "Don't try and get out of it, either."
"Okay." Clark raised his hands, and Oliver shrugged. "I guess I'd better get to making lemonade, then, so it's cold enough…." He allowed himself to examine Lois openly, purposefully arranging his face in disapproving lines when the opposite was true. "They probably wouldn't have charged much more for the rest of that bathing suit, Lois."
"Cute." Lois smiled tightly, and put her hands on her hips. "Deal with it."
"I'm just saying…" Clark cleared his throat and Oliver grinned, pulling Chloe into his arms, ready to try a new approach to getting out of this unpleasant chore.
"Chloe…you don't really want me to do this today, do you?" He murmured into her ear. "I can think of a thousand other things that are much, much more…"
"You're washing my car." Chloe replied, just as seductively. "Nice try, though." She kissed him quickly. "Aren't going to go back on your word, are you?"
"Nope." Oliver shook his head. "Absolutely not." He traced a finger under the neckline of the loose sundress Chloe was wearing. "I want to stay on your good side." Chloe smiled up at him, completely aware of how he was trying to charm her.
"Woobie." Lois snapped in their direction. "When did you get to be such a marshmallow, Oliver?"
"I don't know, Lois." Oliver turned and looked at her, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Maybe I always was." He shrugged. "And, maybe I'm not always. It just depends on the why and the who." Oliver kissed Chloe. "I'll start getting the stuff to wash these cars together. The sooner we get this done, the sooner I am going to the lake."
"Remember, two coats of wax, guys. I want the inside of my car vacuumed too." Lois called out, over the radio. She had indeed planted herself in the hammock, while Chloe smoothed sunscreen on Oliver's shoulders. Lois rolled her eyes at them and settled back, opening a paperback book to read after sipping her lemonade.
"This is all funny, and everything, but be careful." Chloe said, low, so Lois wouldn't hear her. "It's really hot and Clark…he's not affected by the temperature like you are."
"I'll be okay." Oliver replied, turning to eye his girlfriend grouchily. "You're being awfully nice for someone that sold me out last night. Don't think I forgot that, lady."
"Aww. I'm only human. The idea of seeing you all hot and sweaty…" Chloe purred, and Oliver laughed. "I lost my head a little." She giggled and Oliver wanted to bite her, just hard enough to make her squeal.
"Well, next time, tell me." He kissed her instead. "I'm sure I could have figured out another way to get hot and sweaty for you." He peeked down the front of her sundress. "I've never seen that bathing suit before. New? I definitely like it…"
"Yes, it's new." Chloe kissed him back. "I found it while you were away last week. Okay, you are officially UV protected. Go make my car shiny, honey."
"Yeah, the car." Oliver said, looking away from Chloe reluctantly. "Bye." He rumpled Chloe's hair and then paused to look down at Lois. "You don't know how badly I want to flip that hammock over, Lane."
"Don't even consider it, trust fund. You have a job to do. My cousin is all soft and sweet around you, but I'm not letting you get away with anything. Winner's privilege." Lois looked at him over her sunglasses, and waved Oliver away. "Now, shoo. I hear the Turtle Wax calling you." Oliver eyed the hammock again, as if measuring it's stability and the chances of flipping it quick enough to take Lois off guard.
"Just once, right on your ass. It's going to take a man of steel to put up with you." Oliver shook his head and Lois grinned at him pleasantly as he walked down the porch steps.
"Just remember, Wax on," He held up her left hand and rotated her flat palm in the air, and then did the same with her right hand. "Wax off."
Clark had started washing Lois car already, and he grinned when Oliver started scrubbing Chloe's car. "Trying to figure out how to flip the hammock?"
"She really is a piece of work." Oliver turned his head, looking at the porch again. Chloe was watching them, waving a little and Lois was reading her book. "I'm constantly amazed that they are from the same family."
"That makes two of us." Clark laughed, sloshing more soap on to Lois' car. "and I know them both longer than you. Still have no answer to that question."
"Lois." Chloe said, pushing the porch swing with her foot, as the project wore on, the day getting hotter. She had already brought Oliver and Clark lemonade twice. "How long is this going to go on? I mean, it was funny watching them get started, but the sooner we help them, the sooner this gets done, the sooner we can get to the lake and have a good day..."
"I have no plans to help." Lois said, and Chloe frowned, standing. "A deal is a deal. Besides, look at that view." Lois pointed to where Clark and Oliver were working in the sun. "Come on, cousin." Lois looked up at Chloe and grinned. "What is so wrong about that?"
Chloe folded her arms across her chest and thought for a minute, as she studied the sun glinting on the sweaty bodies of her boyfriend and her best friend as they worked. Without looking away, Chloe asked Lois the important question. "You want more lemonade?"
"Bring out the pitcher." Lois said, putting her sunglasses back on and settling back into the hammock with a pleased sigh. "And lots of ice."