Title: Living the Vida Tok'Ra by Selmak

Rating: PG – bad word.

Category – PreShip

Content Warnings: Snarky Symbiote. Read at your own risk

Disclaimer: I never would have thought of this pairing except for Tricia… Err.. These characters aren't mine, never will be mine, and are own by others. And since Jacob/Selmak was killed off, I figured I could play with them, as they aren't playing with them no more apparently.

Word Count: 2,436

Author Notes: Many Symbiotic kisses to JakeFanatic & Lizardbeth.

Special Note: Tricia, I guess you know by now that I lied regarding the Lorne/Ronan fic. 


"Jacob, how about her?"

Jacob Carter, the newest Tok'Ra on the block, so new that his Tok'Ra BDUs chaffed him in a sensitive area, rubbed his aching head. Not for the first time, Jacob wished that he had given a little more thought before jumping at the chance to have a new Best Friend Forever. Dying really clouded a man's judgment. But gaining a new Best Friend Forever, who was pointing out choice pieces of Tok'Ra ass for her new host, was a bit much. Selmak, the most revered, oldest and wisest of the Tok'Ra, was also apparently a horny rapscallion of a Symbiote who wanted nothing more than to get laid and laid repeatedly.

"I think I've just been insulted by new Best Friend Forever!"

Selmak's mental voice was a throaty, sexy alto that reminded him surprisingly of Sherry Stringfield from "ER". For a moment in his mind's eye, he saw the actress walking down a hospital corridor. She entered an exam room with a boneless, symbiote fluidity and then began talking to a patient. It took a few minutes before he realized that he was the one in a patient gown.

"Now, General Carter," she said, her voice full of deep concern. Selmak shook her head before closing the patient chart with a loud snap. "I don't understand what the problem is. Doesn't everything work?"

The coquettish look in her eyes left Jacob no doubt about her meaning.

"That's the problem, Selmak," he protested. "It works too well."

"Yosef's a sweet girl," Selmak insisted.

"I'm fifty years old, Selmak," Jacob thundered.

"What's age got to do with it?" questioned Selmak.

"I can make my own decisions!"

"You're yelling at me," Selmak sniffed. Selmak's brown eyes began brimming with tears and damn it to hell, her lower lip was quivering.

Jacob bit back a laugh, not wanting to share his disbelief that a 2,000 year old symbiote would resort to tears and a quivering chin.

"Oh, come on, Selmak! Don't even tell me that your other hosts never yelled at you," Jake retorted, stopping Selmak in mid-sniffle. "Because I know that is one hell of a whopper."

"A whopper? That's a sandwich isn't it?" Selmak asked, before she tilted her head in pretend confusion. "Ah…you're saying that I'm… fibbing… That I lie."

"Selmak," Jacob interrupted his symbiote before the crocodile tears started once again.

"Aren't you happy that I fixed everything?" Selmak questioned. "Especially that part?"

"I barely lived through puberty once, Selmak!" Jacob nearly spit that comment at Selmak, but he decided that he needed to be tactful.

"Look, you're the best symbiote a man could ever ask for," Jake insisted, wondering how the hell he had gotten himself into this mess. Oh yeah. Lymphoma, Dying. George. Sam. Trip off world.

Damn him for a fool, but Sel started preening at his compliment. She raked her non-existent fingers through her non-existent hair and fluffed it.

"But I'm still getting used to you, and throwing another person… ok… two more personalities into the mix is a little rough."

Selmak sighed and sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry, Jacob," Selmak whispered. "Please don't be mad at me…."

"I could never be mad at you, Selmak," Jake promised. "I promise you…."

He was stopped in mid-sentence as Selmak put both of her hands over his mouth.

"You're so sweet," purred Selmak. "But you made that particular promise before to only one other person, and I can't hold you to it. Because…. I asked Yosef to be your Host Mentor."

Two days later he found himself sitting in Yosef's chamber, which had no door, so he could have a 'chat'. It was as if he was in Tok'Ra Anonymous and Yosef was his sponsor. Yosef was a fine figure of a woman; Jake could and would admit to himself, though she bore a striking resemblance to the actress that was in Superman. What had her name been? Sarah Douglas?

"General Carter," questioned Yosef in a soft voice. "Your mind is elsewhere?"

"Selmak is feeling a little under the weather," he explained.

Her head was tilted, her kissable lips were puckered, and that tacky purple dress was thankfully nowhere to be seen. Their heads were getting close and closer when abruptly, Jake pulled back.

"SELMMMAKKKKKKKKKKK!"

A very irritated Sherry Springfield formed in his mind's eyes.

"Why, why, WHY, must you Tau'Ri scream? I'm right here; all you have to do is quietly think, 'Yoo hoo! Selmak' and I'll answer."

"Can you tell me why unexpectedly I have developed a strange dislike for her purple dress?" Jacob quietly thought.

"You want Yosef out of it?" Selmak asked helpfully.

"I think your thoughts are influencing me," he mentally snarled. "I seem to remember you making disparaging comments about Garshaw's lack of fashion sense."

"Well, Garshaw's hosts are usually male," she explained. "Yosef is Garshaw's first female host in over a thousand years."

Selmak walked over to a black board and she pulled down one of those old fashioned map that were loaded on a spring roller and were located in every classroom universe wide.

"Garshaw was female when she converted to being a Tok'Ra," Selmak explained. Using a long pointer, Selmak pointed at a picture of a rather flashily dressed female, before tapping it on the picture of a rather handsome male next to her. "Her first host was critically injured so we put her in a male body. It helped to hide from the Goa'uld, as they were expecting little Ms. Trailer Trash Ho' Goa'uld."

Jacob broke the mental connection and looked at Yosef.

"I think some of my race's more colorful idioms are rubbing off on Selmak and not for the better," he explained. "Can you please call me Jacob?"

"Jakov," Yosef tried slowly before continuing. "Jacob…The reason why Garshaw and Selmak thought it would be helpful for you to talk to me is because I also am a late host. Most Tok'Ra hosts are younger. I had my thirtieth naming day."

"She was thirty five years old," Selmak piped in helpfully.

Yosef blushed and then smiled. "Garshaw had gotten comfortable to having a male host, and so there was a period of adjustment…"

"So I'm not the only one that knows that the party line of symbiotes taking on the gender of their host is a crock of…." Jacob impishly thought.

"It TAKES time to change one's ways of THINKING!" Selmak retorted.

Yosef explained slowly, "Garshaw thought like a male, by that I mean Garshaw liked ogling the female hosts. Let me assure you that there is quite the difference between how a man thinks and a woman."

"I've heard the rumor," he assured her.

"Did Selmak have difficulties adjusting to having a male host?" Yosef questioned.

Jacob tried not to think of a strange dream he had dreamt after he had blended. He was standing in front of a mirror, naked, flexing and stretching. His body had performed various yoga poses, including one that would have made Arnold Schwarzenegger proud as it involved a lot of flexing.

Unexpectedly, there was a sound akin to a smart-alecky symbiote being nailed to the tunnel wall.

"You were AWAKE?" Selmak squawked. "I thought you were sleeping!"

He tried not to smile but Jake knew that he had failed miserably.

"Selmak's doing just fine," he assured Yosef, as nobody would ever hear him badmouth Selmak.

Yosef chuckled and began rubbing his neck.

"You're so tight; let me massage your neck. Selmak must be so cramped," Yosef teased.

Her hands were soft and gentle, yet aggressive in loosening his tight muscles. Selmak was in heaven, at first sighing now and then before deciding to purr. As Yosef continued to massage and stroke his neck, Selmak's purring went from a gentle cat's purr to the not so gentle sounds of the engines of a 747.

Then she began rubbing his shoulders, after assisting him in removing his jacket. Then her quick hands began rubbing his back. Yosef alternated between long strokes with her hands to ease the tension from his muscles, and then light, almost teasing touches from her fingers that traced up and down his neck.

Jake was relaxing more and more under Yosef's massage. Yosef had incredible hands, and… the mental sensation that he was rapidly realized was Selmak's "voice", was getting very tingly from Yosef's fingers.

"Selmak?" he mentally called her name out slowly.

"Yes'um?" she drawled.

In his mind's eyes, he saw Selmak lying on a massage table, wearing a robe and getting vigorously rubbed down. The look on her face was blissful and she oohed and awed in delight.

"Is she… trying… to seduce me?" His voice rose an octave or two while he sputtered out that question. "Or is it Garshaw? You know that love as two business."

"You didn't read the brochures," Selmak chided gently. "We live as one, love as one."

"SELMAK!" Jacob roared. "Don't quote the party slogan at me. I want a straight answer here!"

"It's Yosef. Hosts always make the decision. We symbiotes can suggest a pairing, but Yosef's after you, Big Guy! I saw her eyes light up when she saw you in your Tok'Ra uniform!"

"Selmak! I'm not ready for this!" Jacob insisted.

"Shoot! I blended with a celibate monk!" Selmak hissed. She struggled into a sitting up position, and wrapped the towel securely around herself. "Do you want me to tell her, 'No'?"

"No!" Jacob insisted, trying to maintain something close to dignity in a situation that was rapidly spinning out of control. When he signed up to be Sel's Best Friend Forever, he had neglected to read the bottom line of 'celibacy not recommended'. "We're just moving a little fast here."

Selmak's expressive face conveyed her disbelief over his skittishness, and then her face fell.

"You're worried about me!" Selmak squeaked. "You'd do her in a heartbeat except you're worried about ME!"

"Selmak, I've only had sex with one person at a time, I've never done a ménage a trois."

"Ménage a quad," Selmak inserted helpfully.

Selmak's noticeably cheery attitude was really beginning to piss him off. He was in the midst of a crisis and Sel was just being … randy…

"Can we LEAVE Garshaw out of this?" Jake requested plaintively.

Selmak swiftly came fore at that moment, leaving Jacob sputtering about wasn't she supposed to ASK before she took control of HIS body.

"Yosef, dear, sweet Yosef," Selmak said softly with a poignant regret. "Forgive me, for I'm not ready for this."

Selmak's sincerity surprised Jacob, as her bubbly cheerleader personality disappeared for parts unknown. Instead, Selmak's voice sounded serious… and full of heart-rending sorrow and heartache.

"Selmak… I'm so sorry," Yosef whispered. Her apology was then softly echoed by Garshaw.

"I'm so sorry. I had thought that you were in need of physical closeness," Garshaw whispered. "I know you loved Saroosh very much."

"I am," Selmak's voice was soft and plaintive. "I so miss her. This is all my fault… I just needed…"

Selmak put her host's head on Yosef's shoulder, and she began to cry.

Jacob stopped his mental protestations, and then tried to talk to Selmak. In his mind's eye, she was sitting on a park bench under a large oak tree. She was sniffling real tears, and deliberately ignoring him.

"You need a handkerchief," Jacob informed her. "I'm so confused. I thought you wanted to have sex with Yosef… and Garshaw…"

That last name was added as an afterthought.

"I wanted to feel… loved," Selmak sniffled. "I have a big gaping hole in my little itty, bitty heart where Saroosh used to be. I knew you were interested in Yosef, and Garshaw said that she was more than agreeable… and in fact, she was delighted. But while you were interested, you were more worried about me and how I'd react…I didn't realize how scared you were over what it would feel like for you with me in your head. Then I comprehended that I was close to making a colossal fuck up because you're not ready."

"If you were nervous about me tagging along, you should have told me. I wouldn't have looked," Selmak assured him. She then put her hands over her eyes. "I would have closed my eyes, not listened and I would have not said a word."

Jacob wiped the tears from her face and then he asked her gently, "But what would you have gotten out of it?"

"I would have felt your emotions so strongly," she explained. "I wouldn't feel so alone then…."

"Why didn't you tell me you felt like this?" Jacob questioned. "Are we not supposed to be completely honest with each other?"

"I didn't want you to know how much I miss Saroosh!" Selmak then gave up all attempts at propriety and began sobbing uncontrollably.

Jacob put his arm around her, and Selmak's tears began soaking his Tok'Ra uniform. He came fore and he looked at Yosef.

"Selmak's grieving right now, and she could use… physical affection…" He said that slowly, uncertain of what Yosef and Garshaw's reactions would be.

To his surprise, Yosef gave him a sad, regretful smile.

"I know how Garshaw grieved for his previous host," she admitted slowly. "Aldwin and Gerim volunteered to help ease his pain."

Aldwin was a young host, or so Jacob thought. His symbiote Gerim was rather reserved, and Aldwin did most of the talking for the two of them.

"There is no disgrace in this, Jacob," Yosef assured him. "Garshaw and I will be delighted to join with you. Do not be ashamed."

"There's no shame in loving," he retorted softly. "The important thing is, will you help me with Selmak? She needs to be loved and reassured so badly."

"Yes," Yosef agreed.

Jacob tried not to laugh, but failed. His eyes kept getting drawn to the doorway. Yes, he was taking his first step in becoming fully Tok'Ra, but some old habits died hard.

"What's so funny?" Yosef questioned.

"Is there someplace with a door? That we can close?"