7/07/08 (aka Ichigo's birthday in the Western Hemisphere) Jodie's Note: WHEEEEE!! THIS IS THE UPDATED AND REWRITTEN CHAPTER 1. THE ORIGINAL CORNINESS HAS BEEN TONED DOWN (i hope) AND IT'S LENGTHENED CONSIDERABLY. ENJOY!! why are you yelling, Jodie? CUZ I FEEL LIKE IT...!! PS. WOW!! IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS I THINK SINCE WE STARTED WRITING THIS STORY...WE UPDATE WAY TOO SLOW, BUT IF YOU READ CLOSELY, YOU CAN SEE OUR WRITING STYLE HAS CHANGED CONSIDERABLY (for the better I hope)
Authors' Note: The ideas in this fanfic are shared by me (that's Jodie to you) and my friend, Karen that's me!! (yah, she's in the italicized words). This is our first fanfic so if you're gonna criticize us, pls, pls, pls, do it nicely Yeah, or I'll kick your sorry butt.. This will be a relatively looooooong story which means it will take forever to finish due to the speed we will prolly update (full super turtle speed ahead!). This starts in my point of view aka, my friend Jodiiiieeeeeeeee!! Karen's Note: Enjoy!! Go s'mores and lavender and cheese and cellos and-and-and- So have at it!! and tell us what you think. Hahaha…Karen gets the last word and ignore the italicized words :P meanie-poopie-head sigh shakes head HA!
Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter, or Ron Weasley (not that we ever wanted to 'cuz he's ugly but…yeah), or Hermione Granger (which is a shame since she's the cooliest witch evah!), or anything else that J K Rowling made up… kk people?
We all start out as a cell. As the secrets of life infuse our tiny bodies, we develop into an embryo. Eventually, we become the mighty fetus…fingernails and all. Then, if you were a good person in your past life, you might find yourself the child of a wealthy, kind, and considerate family of two parents and maybe an older sibling. Sure, the parents might be divorced, but life is good. If you lived a life of sin in your past life, you will be the child of…well, an Asian family. And YOU will be the older sibling (dammit!). And no matter how much you want them to separate, "divorce" is not a word in the Chinese dictionary. Well, it is, but generally it's shunned into a little corner by other words, like "honesty", "obedience", and above all, "academic excellence". So what am I suppose to do when I find myself with a test paper with a giant, red B+ written, circled, and underlined on the top right hand corner? Oh wait...let's take out a dictionary:
B+- (bee-plus)-n.- Death by Electric Glares (Oh dears...)
So here I was, on Death Row, scheduled to cease to exist in the ten minutes it took to walk home from school. At my moment of pure need and vulnerability, I had only one person I could turn to.
"Serves you right, Jodie. You could've gotten an A if you wanted to. But you didn't care to, so it's your own fault, you know."
Okay…I had no one to turn to.
"Geez, I can't help that school's too easy. I can't focus. Especially when you're blasting your Zen at full power when we're studying." I retorted, scuffling my feet against the sidewalk.
"Music stimulates my brain." My neighbor (and best friend, though you wouldn't know by the conversation flying around right now) , Karen, looked up at the sky in self-holy--ness.
"Sure it does…that's why you barely made it to an A-. And if you just turned down the volume so I could have actually heard my own iPod, let alone my brain thinking, I could've gotten the A+ I wanted. You suck, Karen."
"I wouldn't be talking, O Retarded One."
I hated Algebra. With all of those x's and exponents and twists when the answer is probably along the lines of "no Real number", sometimes, you just can't be bothered. I trudged up the steps to my house only to hear the sound of my dog, Eskie, barking and scratching at the door like it was the end of the world, and then trudged up some more stairs to my room in silence (thank God for working mothers and business-busy fathers). I plugged myself into my iPod, took out a well-thumbed Bleach manga, and tried to forget that throwing my test into the trash wouldn't stop my parents from finding out.
After 30 minutes of self-denial and Ichigo's bad boy but 23rd smartest in the school (that stung…) hotness, I decided to surrender to society's attempt at brainwashing innocent children…homework. I got up, took out my papers, picked up a pencil, ...and felt something wet hit my head.
I froze and looked up.
For some insane reason, there was an owl hanging onto the top of my window sill. Without thinking, I swore expressively and tried to grab it. If you've ever tried to grab an owl (Karen: No, Jodie, most people aren't that stupid.) (Jodie: Shuttup, Karen…I was under stress, 'kay?) then you know that they don't take kindly to human fingers and tend to hit people with their ridiculously large wings. Not to mention drop nasty stuff on people's heads. Shit. I looked around for a Kleenex to get the nasty stuff out of my hair when I saw a letter that decidedly wasn't there before. I looked at the green, fancy writing on it, and after deciding that it wasn't going to blow up anytime soon, opened it.
"Dear Ms. Jody Chang (my god, there goes the spelling of my name again)
Please remain calm and read this explanation as we relay to you things that you have never known of before this time. (-blink- -blink-…was that even proper English?)
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and would like to explain to you our purpose. We are a magical community that has existed hidden and exclusive to those of magical powers. The Ministry of Magic has decided to create an experiment to test if those of non-magical peoples have a hidden talent for magic. As you are of the 15th year of age and of Muggle (-pause-…wait, that sounds familiar…) descent, you have been selected to engage in this experiment. We will have someone retrieve your person tonight at eleven o'clock and bring you safely to Hogwarts.
It was signed with a flourish. For a moment of utter silence, I just sat there. Then the phone rang, cutting into my tai chi quietness. I looked at the caller ID and proceeded to pick it up gingerly.
"OMIGAWD, OMIGAWD, OMIGAWD!!"
"Hello to you too, Karen."
"You have NO idea what just happened to me!!"
"Of course, I don't. But you don't know what happened to me either. In other words, shut up and listen," I cut in hurriedly and relayed all that had occurred in the last ten minutes minus the stupidity of me trying to catch an owl (I mean seriously, there's no need to bother her with insignificant details of my carelessness brought on by lack of sleep), "…and so I picked up the phone, and heard you shouting your head off. I know, I know. Whatever you were gonna say surely could've been interesting and maybe even important, but I think we should focus on whatever stinkin' hallucination is trying to mess with my brain right now. Okay?" There was a pause, and then…
"What the hell?! That's not fair!! I thought I was the only one to get the letter! Gawd, Jodie, why d'you have to spoil everything?"
After a couple hundred eye blinks, I unfroze my tongue long enough to say, "My hallucinations are worsening. I believe that I imagined you said that you ALSO got a psycho stalker letter. And, oh, the reaction from you that I'm receiving, (in this painful and terrible hallucination, of course) is too happy pixie unicorny for my taste. And you know what? My first thought is to start freaking my head off, because someone is holding a grudge against me, and has suddenly decided to test the distance between me and insanity, which you know is already way too close for comfort!"
"Well, OF COURSE I'm excited," she said, speaking slowly as if to a stupid, "Do you have any idea what this is?!" Her voice crescendoed and sped up, "This is HOGWARTS for the love of Pete!! Can you believe it?! It's actually real!!"
Not getting her point, I sat on my bed thinking. "Hogwarts...I've heard that somewhere before."
And just as my eyes strayed to my bookshelf, I heard Karen's exasperated sigh echoing through the phone, "Hello?! Earth to Jodie! Where've you been!? Remember, J.K Rowling, dude with a scar on his forehead, a million dollar franchise with little action figures that wave sticks around? Dinging any bell?"
"Oh right...that Hogwarts."
I heard Karen snigger, "Hahaha --gigglesnortbellylaughsmirkgiggleagain-- that took you long enough."
"But...you don't actually believe in all this, do you?!"
Another sigh came from her end of the phone, "Jayzus. This is gonna take a while…wait a sec. I'm coming over." Before she hung up, I caught a static mumbling about something to do with gravitationally challenged, mentally challenged. As if someone as short as me, could be stupid. Huh, all the energy that didn't go to my height went to my brain you know. (That's why short people are smart.)
When I heard my dog barking its head off, I looked out my bedroom window to see Karen bouncing up and down on our doorstep. Seeing that she was currently in a must-come-in-or-will-bounce-to-death mood, I strolled leisurely out of my room, and walked slowly down the stairs, taking a minute every now and then to appreciate the fascinating paintings we hung by the stairs (ah, art). By the time I actually got the the door and opened it, Karen was bouncing off the walls, dressed in full out girl's-gonna-kick-some-butt style, you know, skull-cap, cami, combat boots, all in shades of glaring lavender and white. She bounced in before I could react and grabbed my arm, bouncing me up the stairs (ignoring the fascinating paintings. She's got no taste in the arts, ya know), and into my room (almost pulling my arm out of its socket while she was at it). After some rummaging through my bookshelf, she took down my abused (as in well borrowed and un-well used, courtesy of Karen, the book molester) copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and flipped to page 51.
"Look!" she said. There, underneath the letter that Harry received was the exact same signature on our own letters. "Minerva McGonagall." Karen scrutinized my reaction. "Well? It makes sense right? You believe me right? Right?! RIGHT?!"
"Weeeeell… I think someone's been drinking too much Jamba Juice and all that frozen slush has replaced that someone's sense of reason. I mean, what was left of it, anyways.."
Another sigh. "Aww, come on, Jodie!! Why don't we just wait for eleven o'clock and find out if this retriever guy does come! Then we'll know if this is all just a hoax or if we're really going to Hogwarts (YEYYY!), which we are, duh, since I'm always right," Karen said as she bounced on my bed.
Apparently, sighing is contagious as I felt one shudder through me too. It was either that or have her bug me the whole night, something I really couldn't stand on a night like this (Though don't tell her that. It's bad to boost her ego. It's already so big that if I do, she might explode. No, really.) I expected my mom wouldn't be home till morning and my dad was off in Asia somewhere talking to old bald people in business suits, so it wouldn't hurt to be held hostage by Karen for the night. "Fine. But if this is all just some stupid practical joke, I'm blaming you when I fail tomorrow's science test."
"Don't worry! You go ahead and sleep if you want, I'll wake you up when the golden retriever comes! WHEEE!"
-munchmunch- "Hey, Karen? You hungry? Karen? Oh wait, you fell asleep..."
"OUCH! Karen? Um, Karen? Your foot's in my face. KAREN?!" I tried to push her over a bit. I pushed harder, then gave up. She sleeps like a rock, literally.
Karen, jolted awake, jerked involuntarily (or so she claims, but it must've been accidentally on purpose as her foot smooshed my face against the wall) and struggled to sit up. ""Wazzat?" Karen grumbled groggily, as she tried to smacked at the stupid alarm clock as if trying to make it disappear.
"It's just our stupid alarm clock that tells us it's 10:57." I bolted up. "Omigod. It's 10:58."
"Actually, it is now 10: 59," cut in Ms. Smarty-Lavender-Pants. Pause. She muttered under breath, fully awake, foot in proper position (away from my face) "five...four...three...two...one..."
"Ah………okay?" After another second or two, I looked at Karen, and said accusingly, "See? I told you so! But nooooooo, you just wouldn't listen. Seriously Karen, it's not rea—"
"OMIGAWD IT'S DUMBLEDORE!!"
Authors' Note: BWAHAAHAHA!! Cliffy time!! Now, here's where we're going to explain some things. We are entering Harry and co. 6th year. We have privy info about everything, including Harry and Ginny's little thing, but we aren't going to use that information...noooooo...we wouldn't do that XDDDD