A Sasu/Naru Fanfiction -
SASUKE: (is some age that the author thinks is acceptable to have sex which uses the literally tool of foreshadowing hint hint) I hate Orochimaru because he is a child molester. I have decided to go back to Konoha, because I have discovered I am madly in love with Naruto and I am going to make him mine.
The author puts in a disgustingly detailed lemon, which ends in Sasuke screaming Naruto's name.
He leaves Orochimaru's lair. For sake of the plot, Orochimaru doesn't attempt to stop him because he is too busy raping some random kid.
NARUTO: I hate my life. Nobody loves me.
He cries and feels depressed.
The author then inserts a flashback which involves random villagers raping and beating the shit out of Naruto when he was a child.
This makes the readers disgusted and want to throw up.
The writer then decides to describe how incredibly hot/cute/sexy/feminine Naruto is (with the bruises), despite the fact that every single person who has read the manga knows he looks nothing like a girl.
NARUTO: I miss Sasuke. He was my only friend.
The author conveniently forgets about Sakura, Kakashi, Iruka, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten, Shino, Kiba, Gaara…
Naruto contemplates suicide, because everyone hates him. He decides that he will never become Hokage. This whole change of character is completely believable and, of course, well written. He is just about to slit his wrists with a kunai when Sasuke walks in. Sasuke is horrified at the sight of his Naruto about to commit suicide.
SASUKE: Don't do it, Naruto!
Sasuke begs Naruto not to kill himself because he is madly in love with Naruto and not interested in necrophilia. Finally, after a horribly cheesy and out of character dialogue, which involves Naruto crying hysterically on Sasuke's shoulder, Naruto decides not to commit suicide. After this heartbreaking scene is over, the author somehow decides that now is a good time to have some action.
Sasuke and Naruto have hot sex which would make even porn stars blush. The author then adds in that both of them were previously virgins, conveniently forgetting, again, that Naruto has supposedly been raped and that he has crush on Sakura. The author also decides not to give an explanation on why they are both so experienced, being absolutely chaste until now. But it doesn't matter because they are hot and sexy and everyone loves hot sex between attractive boys. In this sex scene they yell each other's names, adding suffixes such as –kun and –chan, which is so out of character, readers, if there are any left, want to stab out their eyeballs. Naruto is so submissively OOC and adorable that the author feels compelled to describe his and Sasuke's good looks once again.
SASUKE: I love you, Naru-chan!
NARUTO: I love you too, Sasuke-kun!
They fall asleep and remaining readers empty their stomachs on their keyboards.
The Next Day
Tsunade lets Sasuke stay in Konoha the because he is hot and they all love him. Naruto and Sasuke then go have sex in a janitor's closet which has just randomly appeared. The author then realizes that they have forgotten to bash Sakura and has her walk in on them. She runs away crying never to be seen again.
A few days later
Itachi comes to Konoha, because he is a rapist and wants Naruto, because he is hot. The author offers no explanation of why they think he is a rapist, just that he is. Itachi attempts to rape a completely defenseless Naruto, but Sasuke saves him and kills his brother. Naruto cries on Sasuke's shoulder once again and then they have sex. Again. The entire village rejoices and then they live happily ever after. Well, except Sakura.
A/N: This is something that just wouldn't get out of my head. I got the idea from a fic called: The Ultimate Harry Potter Cliché Catalogue and because I was annoyed at the cliché-ness of a lot of Sasu/Naru fics. By the way, I really like Sasuke/Naruto, but like I said before some of the fics have a really repetitive plot which, as I said above, annoys me. Please Review!