K-Mart Incident

The long (kind of) awaited sequel to Wal-Mart Adventure

The snow danced through the air, leaving a beautiful coat of glistening white beauty all over Konoha. (It does snow there, doesn't it? Oh well, it does now.) It was the first snow of the season, just in time for Christmas, putting everyone in the mood to give and be happy and love. Or hate, for those who decided they hated Christmas.

The blond haired genin frowned as he stared out the window. He wanted to be outside enjoying the winter wonderland, or at least try to, but instead he had been called into Tsunade's office, along with Sakura and all of Team Gai for a mission.

"Now that you're all here, we can down to business. I have a very important mission for all of you, and while it is important, it's easy and I'm feeling good right now, so you can do it without the supervision of a Chuunin," Tsunade smiled. What they didn't know was that Tsunade only felt good because she was too drunk on eggnog to care anymore than she did.

"What's our mission then?" Sakura asked happily. She loved the snow, and Christmas, so it was a delightful time for her.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, and you have to, is…" Tsunade paused and looked down; closing her eyes and then opened her eyes and stared dramatically at them. Everyone looked to her with a gasp. "OPERATION SECRET SANTA!!!"

"Secret Santa?" Naruto asked flatly, Kyuubi growled from atop his head. It sounded lame.

"Yes, you need to go out and use the money we've collected to buy gifts for the children of Konoha! Because I'm a good person!" Tsunade laughed. "Only a good person would come up with this wonderful of an idea, which will bring joy and laughter to all the bright children of our village!" She threw her arms up in joy.

"You're really plastered, aren't you?" Naruto glared. He was bitter. Kyuubi peed a little. Why was he bitter? No one knew…but it probably had something to do with the fact the authoress willed it that way.

"I am not plas-plasfffffff- what you just said. I'm very...Christmassy right now," she hiccupped. "Just get your rears over to Wal-Mart and get to shopping! I have too much to do here anyway!" she shook an angry fist at them.

Sakura and Naruto looked to each other with fearful wide eyed expressions. Tsunade uttered the name of the most dreaded store in history…DUN, DUN, DUUUUNNNN!!!!!! Wal-Mart yo.

"AH HELL NO!" Naruto screamed. "Not only will they not let us in the store, you couldn't pay me to break in! That place is evil!" He threw his hands about wildly to add drama.

"But, Naruto," Lee started. "This is for the children!" he struck a nice guy pose. Neji smacked in him in the head.

"I agree with Lee. We could do it just this once for them," Sakura added. Tenten cheered along too. Neji stayed quiet.

"I don't care if the kids are dying of some obscure cancer! I'm not going in there again!" Naruto folded his arms across his chest. "The only place I'll go to is K-Mart!"


"Since when are you such a butt face?" Sakura asked.

"Since I saw yo' mama's face!" Naruto snapped his fingers. Christmas made him out of character, and bitter. He didn't like being alone on the holidays.

"PEE YO!" Kyuubi cried in an equally gangsta way.

"Naruto, come 'ere," Tsunade mumbled. Naruto took a few steps closer.

"What do you want?" He grumbled. Tsunade shoved a cup up to his face. "What the hell is that?" he asked, smelling the some what nasty smell.

"Milk. Drink it. Now." She shoved the cup up to his mouth. Naruto choked as Tsunade forced the drink down him. It tasted funny. After the drink was gone, Naruto stood in complete silence and stillness.

"Hokage-sama? What did you do?" Sakura asked. Everyone leaned forward and stared at Naruto.

"I gave him the spirit of Christmas!" she laughed, taking out the bottle of eggnog and shaking it.



Everyone's jaws dropped. There, dancing and singing in front of them was a drunk Naruto and Kyuubi. Ya know, even though he's on his head, what happens to Naruto, happens to Kyuubi. Blah, blah, blah.

"Keep this with you in K-Mart," Tsunade handed Sakura the bottle of eggnog. "That way, in case he sobers up, you can keep him drunk and happy, so you don't have to deal with him being a whiny-ass bitter little boy."

"…All…right…" Sakura tucked the bottle away in her butt pouch. Heh. Butt pouch. "Come on…I guess we should get going…" she said, taking Naruto by the arm and guiding him along.

Lee, Neji, and Tenten followed with uneasy stares and headed for K-mart.


The group of assorted Christmas Nin stared up at the half dead K-Mart sign; the K was flickering off and on, making it appear as just 'Mart'. To top things off, it was a 'Big K' as the words under the sign said.

"Hn. Wal-Mart's better," Neji grumbled.

"GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER!! WALKIN' HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVEEE!!!!" Naruto threw his arms out and spun around in the parking lot. He then proceeded to fall and bust his ass on the pavement due to the ice. "HAH! That hurt…"

"Pssst, Tenten!" Lee whispered in his teammate's ear.

"What do you want Lee?" she whispered back, unsure of why they were whispering. Everyone around them (excluding Naruto simply because he was now ice skating around cars) could hear them.

"Will you help me pick out a present for Sakura-san while I'm in here too?" he asked, with hopeful eyes.

"Lee if you wanna buy her love, go shopping some where that didn't have Martha Stewart as a spokesperson," she said flatly.

Suddenly, the equally half dead electric doors flew open and nearly whacked Neji in the face. An eerie feeling crept upon the collection of genin, once again except for Naruto. Sakura grabbed him by his scarf and drug him to the doors like a dog. A very drunk dog.

"Some might say there's no such thing as Santa! But as for me and grandpa, we believe!!!!!" There was a steady chorus of 'PEEE!' in the background of Naruto's singing.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!! I think I liked it better when you were bitter," Sakura yelled. Naruto stared at her for a moment, a confused look upon his face. He then reached up and poked her on the nose.

"Pook!" He said in a high voice, and then laughed uncontrollably.

"How much alcohol was in that eggnog anyway?" Tenten asked.

"Probably straight vodka with a little eggnog added to it," Neji answered.

No one seemed to notice the doors were still standing open, and threatening to break from being held open so long. They were starting to sizzle. Bzzt.

"I guess we should go in and get this over with," Sakura sighed, dragging Naruto behind her still. They all followed closely for fear of being separated. Once they were past the half dead doors, the proceeded into the main area of K-Mart that was occupied by the Customer Help Desk and the shopping carts.

"This place…" Neji started dramatically. Everyone looked to him. Naruto hiccupped. "It sucks ass," he finished flatly.

"Well duh," Tenten said, placing her hands on her hips. "Lets just hurry up and get this done, this place is starting to give me the creeps," she wrapped her coat around a little tighter. "What's on the list Hokage-sama gave us?"

Neji reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. Tsunade had entrusted him with the list simply because she knew he was probably the most normal in the entire group. She knew Sakura would probably try to take complete control, Naruto was too drunk to read it, Lee would try to do it dramatically, thus running the risk of destroying it, and Tenten….well, she didn't know Tenten. Not many did; for she in an underdeveloped character that the authoress is going to have fun tormenting.

"I suppose we should take care of all the toys first," Neji said scanning the list. "Then we should head to the music…I guess," he folded the list back up and shoved it in his pocket. He was never one to really go shopping, so he only assumed that would be easier. And lucky for him, it was.

"Too the toys then!" Lee threw his hands into the air, striking a dramatic pose.

"JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE BELLS!!! JINGLE ALL THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!" Naruto cheered as he rode past the group on a cart.

"BAKA!! GET YOUR BRIGHT ORANGE ASS BACK HERE!" Sakura chased after him. Naruto giggled as he enjoyed his magical sleigh ride. Well, he thought it was a magical sleigh ride. Then the wheel gave out on the cart, as they very often do, and it stopped, but Naruto didn't, and he went flying through the air.

"Oh what fuuuuun it is to fasdkfjla la eakdmcfaioenn…." Naruto slurred as his eyes spun around from his crash. He couldn't tell he wasn't really singing anymore.

"PeeEEEEEEEEeee…!" Kyuubi murmured as he clutched onto Naruto's headband. Naruto wobbled as he sat up, but then shook his head a little. The 'Christmas Cheer' was wearing off. Alcohol only lasts so long when you have a demon.

"What happened?" Naruto looked around and was partially blinded by the fluorescent lights. His eyes widened in fear. "I BETTER NOT BE IN WAL-MART!" He screamed, only to realize the over all store. It looked rather crappy, and like half of it was under renovation. "Oh…"

Sakura saw he was starting to sober up. She contemplated leaving him that way, simply because his caroling was getting on her nerves. Then again, she wasn't sure she wanted to put up with him being bitter. The others might kill him either way, so she decided to keep him drunk.

"Open wide, Naruto," Sakura said as she kneeled down next to him.

"What the—" but it was too late. Sakura forced him to drink more eggnog. The rest of the group sighed. He was going to be loud and obnoxious either way. But drunken Naruto was much more amusing than bitter Naruto.

"Is he all right?" Tenten asked as they grouped around him. Naruto gave out a hiccup and looked up at her.

"Heh, you look like a panda," he giggled and pointed to her hair, which in his eyes were panda ears. Tenten punched him.

"Come on, the toys are right there," Neji pointed over to the aisles of various toys.

"YES!" Lee said brightly and struck yet another pose. Neji smacked him.

But little did the ninjas know they were being watched. Watched by some kind of pure evil…waiting for the right moment to attack…

Ok, there's more on the way. It might be a little bit longer before I post the next chapter simply because I've got a few other things that need working on. This one probably won't be as long as Wal-Mart but I'm still planning no less then 3 chapters. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and the more to come!