This is my first try at a fanfic so beware!

Pair: Shikamaru and Ino so if you do no like the pair that much, then you have been warned…

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto…if I do then the storyline's progression would be faster..haha..

I am a kunoichi.

I cannot let my emotions rule over my judgement. That is one of the most important things for a kunoichi…and a girl, a woman.

But why do I let you do this to me? Why?

Why can't I stop myself knowing that what we do would hurt so many people? Like Sai? And Temari?

But you always come to me, Shikamaru. Even if it hurts. Even if I am not the person holding the very inside of your heart.

When we are in a mission we treat each other like when we are still genins. You would always be a very reliable teammate and leader, "how troublesome" it may be to you. In front of others, especially with our loved ones, we would always be seen as a team with Chouji. Good friends. Real, close friends.

Team 10 gathered in the restaurant we frequent to celebrate our promotion to Chuunins. Now all of us are in the same rank. Asuma-sensei treated us and Chouji as usual made Sensei pay a lot more than four people eating. We were all having fun like we used to…but then something unexpected happened. While I was looking at the window and reminscing on how all of us have grown, I felt a hand covered mine under the table, a soft, callused, warm hand. It was yours.

My reaction is not of the usual. I only looked at you in surprise. You gave your lazy smile for half a second, and then let go, while telling Asuma-sensei that he better be paying for all of food. You only held my hand for the briefest of seconds. But it was tight, making me feel assured and secure of what will be ahead of us. It felt so…right. But after that we were still the same. Teammates and friends. Only friends.

But you do things that make me ask you…why?

We were on a two-man mission to retrieve an urgent letter for Tsunade-sama. We were running as fast as we can as it was really important. I was also in a hurry then because Sai just got back from a very long mission, and I was suddenly deployed into this.

When we stopped at an empty clearing I got there first, then you were suddenly behind me. "Ino," you called. And I looked.

What surprised me was the haste kiss you planted on my lips. And that lazy smile again. "Let's go, Ino," snapped me back to reality. For a few seconds I was staring, maybe begging for more…but I know I can't. You're with Temari. I am with Sai. We then continued on our mission, still remaining as normal as usual. But inside…I know I am avoiding something else.

When Asuma-sensei died and he asked me to take care of you two. I know you wanted to hide your emotions to all, so that it wouldn't be "troublesome" for them.

But not to me. Not when I found you cloud-watching one time, smoking the last cigarette from Asuma's pack, and looking up, with those eyes of sadness. Guilt. And pain.

You only expressed it through one single tear then. But seeing that tear made me feel something unfamiliar to me, an unusual emotion, that came from the depths of my heart. It was so heavy and unbearable, but I kept my composure. So I sat down beside you and did the most natural thing that came first…wiped your tear and said, "After this you'll quit smoking…right?"

You said nothing and just continued to stare at the clouds. I did the same, waiting for your answer.

Then after taking the last drag, you were suddenly on top of me. I did not react. And you kissed me. A long, lingering kiss.

Even when your breath smelled of nicotine, I gave in. I responded fully, giving more than I did not expect.

Luckily there was no one else on that stop when that happened. But I know you intended to do that when no one is around. When no one can see us. Only in secrecy.

After that kiss on top of the hill, when we get the chance to be alone, we kissed, and then some more. But that's only it. No confessions. No breaking up with our lovers. In the public we are as normal as we are supposed to be. I know it was not right, that I had many chances to stop what was going to be a troublesome relationship, but I still let you, not knowing why.

Why, Shikamaru? Why did you want us to be like this?

Your relationship with Temari was going smoothly. Quarrels can't be avoided though, but that's natural in a relationship. So was mine with Sai. I love him so much and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

We never talked about our lovers when we're "together". You never showed jealousy towards Sai. I never felt any jealousy towards Temari either. I know our boundaries. Where I should put myself, in your heart, as you are in mine.

I thought of these while staring outside the hospital window…and looked at the scar I made a few weeks ago through my wrists.

I can't take the lies anymore. Not when you left this world. Not when you never told me…of who I am to you.

I only tried to get the answer in the only way I know. To follow you. Because you left me with a very serious matter alone, and I do not if I can tell anyone about this.

I am carrying your legacy…

Reviews will be accepted with gratitude. This is my first try. Thank you for reading this and sorry if it wasn't to your expectation. But a big thanks.

Lady Kenley