DISCLAIMER: I OWN THIS SHOW AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS, I REFUSE TO GIVE IT UP, ITS ALL MINE!!! -is taken away by people in white suits-
WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS SCENES OF YAOI (MALExMALE) PAIRINGS, IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE READING IT, SHAME ON YOU.
SPOILERS: CONTAINS 1 (ONE) SPOILER FOR FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST EPISODE 25, A LAST FAREWELL (or something like that)
It was that time of year again.
Edward Elric was strictly a person of science, and had no interest in the holidays whatsoever. If asked, he might even say that he hated them. Even most non-religious people celebrated Christmas, but Edward carried on as if nothing was changing at all. He wasn't a downright Scrooge or anything, he just preferred to ignore it. He thought it was over-rated, pointless, stupid, boring, and just overall hated how everyone acted as if they should be this joyous person all of a sudden, giving gifts to everyone they cared about. Why did they need a certain day of the year to give someone a present? Or to act all happy and preppy. Why did they act like they could only do it once a year? It was people like that he hated the most. It was for people like that he didn't spare a glare, or anyone else who rambled about it. As you can probably tell, he was doing a lot of glaring at a certain dark-haired Fuhrer.
"Ah, Christmas is in the air, Fullmetal, can't you smell it?"
"No, All I can smell is another one of your psychotic plans. People still haven't shut up about the Halloween party, since Hughes took all those goddamn PHOTOS!!" He raged, suddenly seeming a lot bigger than he actually was.
"B-But you're forgetting, Fullmetal! I-I-It wasn't me who made you do it!"
"Yes it WAS!" He stormed, clapping his hands together, but being stopped from any further motion by a warning from his brother that Riza was in the room.
Edward turned around and looked at Alphonse, standing there with his dirty-blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. He couldn't help but smile, he never could help it when he looked at his brother, or heard his voice without the metallic twinge.
"Okay." He agreed, causing the taller man to sigh in relief. It had been a lot better since Alphonse had gotten his body back (meaning Edward just hated him now, instead of actually wanting to kill him).
"Ah, but Hagane no- (A/N Sorry if it's annoying that I switch back and fourth between English and Japanese words, or names, but I just write what I think would sound best...)- You didn't seem so discouraged last holiday, now did you?" He pressed on smartly, a nice smirk coming into effect as he saw the look on Edward's face.
"Y-Y-You bastard! You bastard of a Fuhrer! I refuse to admit to anything that happened that night! It was a fluke, I swear to god Al did something to me! Yeah, It was Alphonse! He probably put something in my tea before I left, blame it on him!" He screeched, making insane hand motions and trying to act like he didn't notice his own tomato-red face.
Roy muttered something like; "Or so you say..." But it went unheard of in the frantic mind of the blond.
"You're excused from the rest of your work day, if you wish so, Fullmetal." He cut into the continuously rambling and blushing Elric, causing him to stop suddenly.
"You can go home." He said, shrugging his shoulders.
"You mean...you're not going to ask me to go to some stupid party, or dress in some ridiculous outfit?"
Roy shook his head. Edward continued;
"Not some stupid stake-out, or festival, or anything like that?"
"It's not all fun and games in the military, Edward." He said calmly.
Ed continued, not noticing that Roy had used his first name.
"You're not going to get me to play some retarded game? Nothing at all..." He said wearily. Roy nodded.
"I don't trust you...Im staying anyway." He said, walking out of the room with Alphonse mumbling;
"No stupid costumes...no stupid games...no games..."
Roy turned cheerily to the rest of the staff (and Hughes, who always somehow ended up there).
"Right then, as I was explaining before our favorite Midget interrupted us, here are the rules of the game, which Im sure your all aware of. However, thanks to last years paint incident with a young Alphonse Elric, some of the rules have been changed." The entire unit (plus Hughes) immediately perked their attention to Mustang's words. Riza continued doing her paperwork, hardly listening. They all deserved a break once in a while, what was it of her to stop them?
"So, let's start with a recap of the game. The fist one to make Hagane no Blush will win every other players tickets for the turkey dinner coming up. But there are a few rules to be added; Rule number one; It must be a real blush. It can't be from anger, or anything like that. Rule number two; Alliances may be formed, but if they win, the tickets can only go to one person. Who, is up to you to decide, fight among yourselves if you will. Rule number three-"
"Rule number three-" Riza interjected calmly, not looking up from her work, "-Is that none of you may kiss Edward, or 'come onto him' if you will. That will not count if he does blush. After the little incident with the Fuhrer last year, I think the poor boy has had enough of that." She finished, stacking her finished paperwork neatly, and finally looking up at the lot of them. Some stuck their tongues out at the idea of actually kissing Edward, while others snickered at the look on Roy's face.
"The game starts- now." She withdrew her pistol and shot at the sounding of the last words, making everyone scatter and start plotting.
This was not a good day for Edward Elric, Not a good at all...
Edward's eyes darted around the hallway, something was happening, he knew it. And he'd be damned if he was any part of it, or allowed himself to be.
Breda, Farman, Feury and Havoc had already formed an alliance, Hughes having said he'd figured out a plan on his own, leaving Roy to plot by himself.
The four gathered around a floor-plan of central headquarters, trying their best to come up with something that would most definitely make Edward turn red.
"I was pretty sure we'd used up every plan last year, but none them seemed to work! It's like he's a robot or somethin'!" Breda added, as the quadruple came up with nothing.
"Yeah, the only thing I'd be able to think of was what the Fuhrer did last year, but Miss Hawkeye said Edward was off limits!" Feury said, adjusting his glasses.
Farman thought for a moment, slowly forming an idea.
"Maybe...Maybe we don't have to." He said, looking up at the other three.
"What're you talkin' about, Farman?" Havoc asked, shifting the cigarette in his mouth. Farman motioned for them to get closer, and whispered something to them all, making sure no one else heard.
"You're crazy!" Feury said, pointing at the eldest of the four.
"Yeah, no one would be stupid enough to do that!" Breda continued.
"Ill do it..." Havoc raised his hand, and the remaining three turned their attention to the man smoking (something other than a cigarette, they all assumed at the moment).
He shrugged. "Ill do it." He repeated, Walking out of the room and leaving nothing but a stunned silence and the smell of smokes.
Hughes however, had a plan all of his own.
"Heya Ed!" Hughes called, making the alchemist jump a few good inches.
"Oh. Hey, Hughes." He said, sighing and continuing his path along the hallway.
"Brigadier-General." Alphonse greeted, bowing. (A/N AHAHAHA I CAN DO THIS! Hughes isn't dead! MEHEHEHEHEHE Im the authoress, I can do what I WANT!) Hughes gave a small wave, putting an arm around Edward's shoulders.
"You don't seem so happy to see me, Ed. What's up?" He asked, (as if he had no clue what was going on. Typical Hughes.)
"He's plotting something, I know it." He said angrily, continuing down the corridor.
"You mean the Fuhrer? (A/N: Thats the third time I had to go back and change 'Colonel' to 'Fuhrer') Nah. Hey, speaking of Roy. Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" He asked, looking up at Alphonse, who nodded and hurried away.
"No! Alphonse don't-...leave me." Edward sighed, turning back to Hughes.
"You have my un-divided attention." He said testily.
"Well," Hughes whipped out a photo of a certain blond at the masquerade ball two months ago (The 16th one this month). "About that dress, Can I ask about matching undergarments? Although Im sure Roy would know a lot about-"
"It's now divided." He growled, walking away before Hughes could even catch the look on his face, let alone whether he was blushing or not.
"Hey! You're not supposed to hit people with glasses!" He shouted after the blond, who was so angry at the moment he didn't think he heard him anyway.
He sighed and pulled out a checklist from his pocket, ticking off something at the top.
"Well there goes plan A..." He mumbled, peeling himself off the ground and leaving to plot some more.
Havoc walked into the break room, seeing an extremely pissed off Edward sitting at the table reading. He almost walked back out again, but figured he might as well try while he could. He took a long drag from his cigarette and calmly walked over to the table, causing the Elric to look up.
"Hey, Boss." He said, leaning on his elbow.
"Hey." Edward replied, slightly ticked off, knowing that a conversation was going to come from this. (A Conversation he wasn't going to like, to boot.)
"So hows that friend of yours doing? Winry or something...By the way, d'you have a girlfriend?"
"Do you?" He snapped, leaving the room in an even worse mood, and a puddle of Havoc on the floor, as well.
"Does no one have any consideration for their comrades anymore? You cold-hearted people..."
The slamming of a door was all he got in response.
Feury poked his head back into the corridor, shaking his head.
"It's a bust." He said, looking back to the remaining two.
"Well guys, it looks like we're going to have to go with the back up plan..." Breda looked at Farman, and they both turned to look at Feury.
"B-B-But you guys said we didn't have to!! I-It doesn't have to be me!" He shouted, backing up while the two grabbed him by the arms and dragged him back into Roy's office.
"Why does it have to be mee!?" He yelled all the way down the hallway. "Why always mee!?!?!"
Edward stomped by the front desk, trying to find out where Alphonse had gone to, when Riza called his name. He looked up.
"Theres someone on the phone for you." She said as if she were as confused as the look on his face. She just shrugged.
"Well, they have the district number." She handed him the phone and left to take care of some papers.
Edward put the telephone up to his ear, he could hear multiple voices on the other side, but who he couldn't define.
"Uh...Hello?" The whispering on the other side of the phone got louder, and finally someone spoke.
"Um, Hello, i-is this Edward Elric?" Asked an oddly over-feminine voice.
"Um...Well Im a big fan of yours and..." The voice trailed off, and there was louder whisperings from the other end again.
"A-And...I...I was wondering..." It wavered again, "How...How often do you jack off!?" There was a noise on the other end like someone dropped the phone. Edward held it out and stared as loud, incoherent voices muffled it. He waited until they stopped and put the phone back up to his ear.
"How often do I what?"
Feury panicked, looking around to the military officers and putting a hand over the phone.
"He doesn't know what it means!" He whispered hastily, as Edwards voice called from the other end;
"Hello? Are you still there?"
Feury rested the phone against his ear with trembling hands.
"U-um...y-you know..." He fumbled, pitching his voice about 12 tones higher again.
"No, Actually I don't. What are you talking about?" His voice was getting annoyed.
"Oh, c-come on! W-When you..." The spectacled officer slammed the phone down, cursing out loud and blushing furiously.
"Well that backfired." Breda said, staring at the ceiling.
"Hello? Hello, is anyone there?" Edward asked, and received the dial tone in response.
"I guess they hung up." He said aloud, setting the phone down and turning to leave the office.
"Who was that?" Riza asked, having an idea at who it actually was. Edward just shrugged in response.
"Hey, what does..." He stopped, realizing he might not really want to know. "Nevermind..." He turned and left the room, more confused than he was when he first came in.
"I don't want to hear it, Hughes." He left the room quickly.
"Darnit!" He said, standing in the empty corridor.
Meanwhile, The Fuhrer sat in his office, contemplating his ultimate strategy- so far he had nothing.
Roy Mustang had always been an excellent plotter, to just draw a blank was completely insane! He had to come up with something, there was no way he'd let any of his ruthless staff come up with those perverted plans of theirs and make his Fullmetal blush! No way!
Roy sat straight up in his chair, rethinking the thoughts he'd just had.
Since when was Edward his?
(Since the Halloween ball)
Now he was arguing with himself! He really was going insane trying to think of something. If he hadn't put in all those damned rules, he could have just...just what? Kissed him again? Was he looking for excuses now? He'd always been rather good at excuses, but...Hold on. Ha! That was it! He had the perfect plan! But he'd have to time it precisely...Yes. Yes, this was definitely going to work.
The rest of Roy's unit (Hughes again, now sporting a rather red cheek) was collapsed on the working tables, having thought over every possible way to make Edward blush, and had received not even a sense of uncomfort. He really was like a robot, he'd avoided or backfired every plan they'd executed on him for the last two or three hours. Now they really had run out of ideas.
"What happens if no one gets him to blush? A stalemate? I mean, the Fuhrer hasn't even tried yet. What's up with that?" Breda asked, staring at the ceiling again. Then, as if on cue (as it probably was) the door to Roy's office burst open, revealing the 'smirking bastard' himself. He looked around at his unit all too happily.
"Whats this? You've given up already?" He asked, walking across the room.
"Yeah, we've tried everything. He just won't blush." Havoc said, looking at Mustang. Suddenly, the door to the office opened, revealing the blond once again. He gave the room a look, as they'd all been acting very strangely today, and took a step into the room, but was stopped by Roy.
He looked up, tilting his head back a little more than was comfortable, and stared at the dark-haired man in a rather annoyed way. Roy just leaned on the door frame, staring at Edward in a way he didn't like.
"What?" He asked, his temper running on short fuse (as always). He followed Roy's gaze upward even further until he was looking directly above him and gasped.
Why? Why was it always mistletoe? The stuff was demonic. There was no way he was submitting to the satanic will of the mistletoe. Never.
"What the hell!? You're fucked in the head, thats supposed to be for boys and girls, you bastard. Im not a fucking girl! " He growled, looking for a way out of it. It was always the mistletoe, dammit!
"Didn't seem that way when you were prancing around the ballroom in a frilly pink dress, did it?" One of his subordinates called, followed by cheering and a couple of wolf-calls from the back of the room.
Ed gaped. "What the hell! I would never kiss that bastard! Im going to k- mmph..."
Edward stared at the Flame Alchemist, and no longer needed to look up, as he was directly in front of him. Kissing him, to be exact.
For a moment, he had a sense of comfort. Roy's warm lips on his, pressing down on him without being to forceful. He guessed that was what they called a perfect kiss, just like this one.
And then he realized the entire military staff was in the room...
"Argh-!" He stared, wide-eyed at the taller alchemist in front of him, his face as red as ever.
"S-See...that wasn't me kissing him. He did it that time!"
"Hey! That's not fair! You said yourself that we weren't allowed to kiss him!"
"And that time, too..." Edwards voice was getting weaker and more dazed through the confusion.
They all broke out at once, ignoring the fumbling blond's rants of protest and embarrassment. Riza stopped everything at once with a quick pull of her finger (on a trigger), and the room fell into silence.
"Now..." She said, turning to Roy and Edward, who had gained some composure and was turning back to his normal shade, with pinkish tinge. "Fuhrer, If you would please explain your antics to the rest of the staff." Riza herself seemed a bit thrown off by Mustang's actions, and probably wanted an explanation just as much as any one else in the room.
"Well that's easy," Roy said, with that same 'I-own-you-all-and-you-know-it' look on his face that he so often wore. "I didn't do it for the game."
The entire room fell silent. Eerily silent.
"W-What?" They all chorused at once, including Hawkeye.
"I did of my own accord." He shrugged as if it were nothing. Young Edward in the corner had now returned to a nice shade of burgundy, feeling like a vessel in his brain was going to pop from all the blood rushing to his face.
Roy smirked triumphantly.
"I win." He said happily, making a 'V' sign with his hand.
"But-" Breda started, and was cut off by Riza;
"He's right. He does win. Because-" She continued, overpowering the rest of the room. "He isn't actually blushing because The Fuhrer kissed him, he's blushing because of something he said. So technically the second time is under the rules of the game."
"A Brilliant plan-" Roy boasted, "If I do say so myself." (For more than one reason.)
He turned back to Edward, who looked up at him with an almost frightened expression on his face.
Havoc sighed. "Alright Mustang, We get your point, the game is over, you win." He said, as Roy continued with his previous actions.
He didn't respond for a minute, then drew away from the shorter alchemist.
"Okay then, Game Over. You're all free to go." He said with a smirk, once again locking lips with the Elric who was now somewhat air-deprived.
The entire room stared in complete shock and confusion, and just sheer surprise as Roy grabbed the front of Edwards shirt and dragged him out of the room before anyone could say anything else.
Edward Elric was strictly a person of science, but absolutely loved the holidays. If asked, he might even say that he adored them. He couldn't help but love the way everyone was happy all the time, not to mention Christmas break was coming up, and he wouldn't have to face the rest of the staff for a long time. On top of that; Alphonse was spending the holidays in Risembool.( A/N: Thought I forgot about him, didn't ya?) This was a wonderful day for Edward Elric, and (from the sound of it) a wonderful night as well. ;D
I wasn't exactly sure how to end it there, but I think it turned out okay. The rest of the fic...not so much. So, yay if its good, Sorry if it sucks. Im sure it could be better but I suck 'cus Im a procrastinator. XD So yeah...I might try and get some fluff in for the holidays, but I dunna. Don't really have a lot to say except...REVIEW!!! (AHAHA Im fricking getting a PS2 for x-mas if i can find the FMA game(s)!!!!) W00T!