And I'd give up forever to touch you,

Cause I know that you feel me somehow.

Kate turned the volume out until she could no longer hear the cars honking in the streets, her neighbor's dog barking, until she could no longer hear anything.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,

And I don't want to go home right now

She closed her eyes until she didn't know where she was anymore, and she didn't care. She had closed herself off from reality. The truth was, she'd been locked away from it for two weeks already.

She began to whisper the words of the song softly, and an image began to flood into her mind, something blurred that she couldn't see.

And I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

It was the backseat of a car, in the middle of a winter night. The windows were open wide, and there Kate was, her head stuck out the window and freezing rain blowing into her hair. She was cold, colder than she'd ever been in her life, but she didn't even feel it anymore. And the song was still playing loudly as ever from the car stereo. Finally she pulled herself out of the rain and grinned at the driver of the car. Seeing his face again, even in this vivid memory made her want to open her eyes and cry, but she didn't. She kept listening. The same familiar words blasted from her radio again,

And I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

That did it. All of a sudden she punched the power button of her stereo fiercely and sobbed. She cried until she thought she would flood her tiny apartment and drown again. She realized she knew what the song was about. In a moment of understanding came desperate grief, and those words brought his face back into her mind, the face that kept haunting her, wouldn't leave her alone. Sawyer.

She rocked herself back and forth, crying for the first time since she left the island, tears streaming into her hair. He wouldn't leave her alone. No matter how hard she tried, he kept coming back. She could fell him touch her; hear him whisper "Freckles," softly in her ear. She had tried to run, the only way for her to solve anything was to run, but she couldn't run from this.

"It was me, it was me," she whispered. Kate knew she sounded crazy, but she didn't care. She had to tell someone, even if it had to be herself.

"It was me, me. I let him die."

And just with those words Kate felt herself relax, even only slightly. She began to breathe again. Finally she had told herself the truth.

She closed her eyes. The fear was gone, the secret told. But the pain still wouldn't go away. God, she thought, will it ever just go-

The intercom started buzzing, giving Kate a heart attack. She looked at it apprehensively, as if it were a stray dog that might bite her.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

She stepped toward it, trying to relax her pounding heart. She could see the scene playing in her mind like an unstoppable nightmare, the cops breaking down her door, handcuffs curling like biting snakes around her wrists, the click of a locked cell door-


It was probably just someone calling for someone who lived here before, she thought, trying anything to calm herself down. After all, she had only been here a few weeks-


She thrust her fist against the intercom button and stammered, "Yes, yes, hello?"


The voice was short and very deep, but as soon as Kate heard it she practically melted with relief. It was almost impossible to put a face to it. But to Kate there was still a mist of familiarity around it.

She pushed the thought out of her mind and said, "I-I'm sorry-I think you may have the wrong room."

"Damn it," the voice muttered under their breath. Kate suppressed a laugh. They had clearly never used an intercom before.

The voice came back, brighter then before, trying to cover up their mistake.

"Well, guess what, with all the trouble we've caused you for our stupid mistake, how about we give you these perfect pepperoni pizzas absolutely free!"

Kate couldn't help it. She laughed out loud. "Who's we?" she asked.

"Uh- Ray's Original Pizza."

Kate rolled her eyes. There had to be a hundred of those in New York already, and each one was supposed to be the original.

"This is a really great deal. You won't find this anywhere else-"

"Okay, fine, thank you," Kate said, hitting the unlock button. He's not gonna go away anyway, she thought.

Less than a minute later, there was a pounding on her door, "Coming, coming," she called, stumbling to reach the knob.

The time it took for the door to open was the longest moment in Kate's life. She saw everything in perfect detail, the way the door scraped her creaky wood floor, the way he stepped into her doorway, and the way he looked at her when he said,

"Hey, Freckles. Sorry about that pizza."