Of Marauders and Mistakes
Disclaimer: Rowing created the Harry Potter world. I just explore it and own nothing.
Author's Note: My first Fanfic!
Summery: In her second year of Hogwarts, Lily Evans has had enough of that rude, arrogant, Potter boy and his friends. When she tries to take revenge however, things go terribly wrong.
"He's so tall and silent!"
"What do you think Alice?"
Alice looked up from the transfiguration homework she and her friends Lily and Sharon were supposed to be working on, and surveyed the third-year boy studiously doing his homework, on the other side of the common room. He had thick brown hair and broad shoulders, "and he is tall and handsome," thought Alice, but when she answered Lily, all she said was, "Frank's nice, but we're only in our second year, don't you think we're a bit young to be looking at boys?"
"Alice we're twelve years old. We're nearly teenagers!" Lily turned, leaning her elbows on the back of her large, red armchair and put her chin on her fists, to stare dreamily at Frank Longbottom.
"Do you think he knows you have a crush on him?" Sharon asked.
Lily sat back on her knees and gave her friend a worried look, "I don't know. He's so silent. Do you think he does?"
Suddenly the whole room was filled by the sound of a very, Very loud burp. The three girls looked up disgusted to see Sirius Black sitting on the back of the couch nodding and bowing as James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew held their sides laughing uproariously from behind the couch. Pettigrew was actually clinging to it for support.
"Boys!" said Sharon in disgust.
"They're so immature!" huffed Lily turning to sit properly in her chair so she wouldn't have to look at the offenders, "I can't believe that they can be so gross and rude."
"Just ignore them," said Alice quietly, "We need to finish this essay anyway."
"Burrgt" burped James loudly.
"Wow that was really big!" exclaimed Peter in awe.
"Why, Thank you Peter, It was wasn't it."
"That was nothing!" scoffed Sirius "Check this out. Buurrrrrgt!"
"Now that was a burp!" said Remus tossing his book onto the couch.
"You try one Remus," James urged.
"Not me. I'm no good."
"Sure you are," encouraged Peter, "Go on!"
"Well," Remus took a gulp of air and let a small "urgt"
James and Sirius burst into laughter.
"That wasn't too bad," said Peter.
"OK, you try now," said James recovering.
"All right." Peter took a deep breath scudded up his face and just as it was turning red he let out an "ut"
The other three laughed so hard there sides acted.
"That sounded more like a cough than a burp!" laughed Sirius.
Peter just shrugged.
"Don't worry," said James putting his arm around his friend, "I'll burp for you." And he did a good loud "Burrrgt"
"And I, my fine fellows," said Sirius hopping onto the back of the couch and looking down on them like an actor on a stage, "Shall burp for Remus." It started deep in his stomach and rose roaring and rumbling for freedom, "BRRUUUGGPP!"
Everyone in the room looked up and James, Remus and Peter fell into fits of laughter.
"For you, my good Remus," said Sirius nodding and bowing as he basked in the attention. James jumped up beside him and together they broke into the burping version of "My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean." As they finished Peter broke into applause and Sirius went into a solo of the burping ABCs. Jumping to his feet James bowed and waved "Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week."
"Hey, James," said Remus leaning in toward his friend, "burping of bonny lasses, any success in getting the attention of yours?"
James stopped grinning and look over at Lily, who was sitting in the armchair beside the fireplace with some friends.
Realizing that he'd lost his audience Sirius stopped at W and followed James's troubled gaze. An evil grin spread across his face.
"Hey James, I know what you can do to get her attention!" Sirius leaned down to whisper in James's ear. As he listened wicked awe spread across James's face.
"No way!" James said when Sirius had finished, but he was already laughing in anticipation.
"Go on!" urged Sirius.
James looked back at Lily. Behind his glasses his eyes began to sparkle and the corner of his mouth began to twitch into a half smile.
Lily was bored. She stared down at the blank parchment in her lap. "I hate transfiguration," she thought.
Across from her Alice, who was already nearly finished, looked up as some one approached. Lily turned. It was that Potter.
"What do you want?" she demanded.
Glancing sheepishly around James spoke quietly, "Evans, I have a secret to tell you."
Lily stared at him suspiciously. He looked sincere, and whatever he wanted to tell her would probably be more interesting than transfiguration.
"What is it?" she said throwing her not quite started essay onto the floor.
He leaned in, and she pulled her hair back so he could whisper in her ear.
"Buurrgt" he said right in her ear and then burst into laughter.
"Eewwu! Gross!" she squealed pushing him away from her.
Over by the couch his friends joined James in his gales of laughter, Sirius was laughing so hard that he was having trouble keeping his perch on the back of the couch.
"That's it!" yelled Lily, jumping from her seat and snatching up her wand. Like a storm cloud she advanced upon James.
James stopped laughing and took some steps back; he'd seen Evans work some nasty hexes in charms class.
"Auris Asello!" yelled Lily, and James ducked as a jet of orange sparks shot toward him.
Behind James, Frank Longbottom had finished his homework and was making his way toward the dormitories, a mountain of books in his arms. As James ducked Lily's hex sailed onward and hit Frank squarely in the back of the head, he stumbled forward and his books fell with a tremendous crash gaining the attention of the entire common room.
To Lily's horror a hush fell and everyone watched with baited breath, as from beneath Frank's dark brown hair two large, gray, donkey ears grew a foot high above his head. As Lily gaped in horror, and Frank tenitvely reached up to inspect these new additions to his facade, Sirius broke the tense silence. "Baugh Ha-ha a Ha-ha-ha a Ha!" He was joined by the rest of the marauders, as he fell off the couch, and then by most of the room.
"Oh, Frank I'm so, So sorry! I really, Really didn't mean to hex you! Potter was just so-"
Frank began to pick up his books, "Don't mention it. I'm fine," he said turning red in the face, "It's nothing. It'll-" he glanced at Sirius rolling on the floor in fits of laughter, and turned a deeper shade of red.
Lily wheeled on the Marauders, "Be quite all of you!" she screamed. Everyone but Sirius shut up. Peter turned pale and took refuge behind James. Sirius however continued to kick the floor holding his sides with laughter. He didn't even seem to have heard her.
Lily stomped her foot in frustration, "Shut up! It's not funny! You! You're so- Vocsis Asello!"
"That'll shut him up," she thought.
A purple jet rushed toward Sirius.
"Ah Ha Ah Ha-ha-ha Ah Ha-ha BRAY-HA HEE-HA Hee-ha Hee-ha Ha Ha." Sirius stopped and sat up in puzzlement as the rest of the room stared at him. Glancing around, Sirius grinned. He was the center of attention. He opened is mouth to chuckle, he was that pleased with himself. "Hee-ha!" He closed it again, bewildered.
James began to laugh, "Ha ha. It's a donkey's laugh! Ah Ha-ha-ha. That's a good one Evans! Ah Ha-ha Ah Ha-ha!"
Looking from James to Lily and then back to James, Sirius began grin evilly. Happily getting to his feet, Sirius raised his arms, and turning slowly, so that the whole room could see him, proudly brayed, "BRAAAY HA HEE-HA HEE-HA Hee-ha Ha Ha!"
Half of the room laughed, but that wasn't nearly good enough for Sirius Black. Running past Frank, Sirius jumped upon the table the third-year had just vacated. From his stage, Sirius took the stance of an opera singer and brayed his loudest, "BRAAAAAY HA HEE-HA HEE-HA HEE-HA Hee-ha HEE-ha Ha Ha!"
Everyone laughed, everyone except Frank Longbottom and Lily whose face was as red as her hair and buried in her hands. "What have I done? I've made it worse! I can't believe this is happening!"
Remus glanced at Frank, who was trying to stuff another book in to a bulging bag, and stubbornly ignoring the scene around him, and then at Lily. Recovering from his laughter, Remus began walking towards the portrait hole as he called over the noise, "Come on Sirius, Frank, we need to get you two to the hospital wing, Madam Pomphery will get you fixed up."
With a last Hee-Ha, Sirius jumped down from the table to follow Remus.
"I'm coming too," called James leaping over the couch.
"Me too," shouted Peter hurrying to catch up with his friends.
As he stepped through the portrait hole, James turned to Lily and gave her a cocky half grin, "Come on Evans, you'll have to tell Madam Pomphery all about it!"
Lily's blood boiled, but this time she stuffed her wand into her pocket, and followed Frank out of the common room.
The group proceeded down the torch-lit hallways toward the hospital wing, the four marauders in front, Sirius braying at intervals, causing the other three to go into fits of laughter. Following a few feet behind them was Frank Longbottom, his bulging book bag over his shoulder, one hand running up and down the length of one of his fuzzy ears, "They're not too bad," he thought optimistically trying to ignore the idea of what his mother would say if she saw them. Behind them all came Lily in a state of embarrassed dejection, "They've ruined everything! I can't bear the thought of what Frank must think of me now. My love life is ruined!"
When Madam Pomphery saw the marauders enter the hospital wing she sighed in exasperation, "What have you four done now?" she said hurrying over to inspect the latest damage. As Frank entered however, she came to sudden stop, eyes popping in surprise, "Good Merlin, Mr. Longbottom, those ears!" Frank pulled self-consciously at a floppy ear.
Lily came in just in time to see the accusatory look Madam Pomphery was giving the Marauders, "I did it," she confessed. This was the last thing Madam Pomphery was expecting. Taking an astounded step backwards she fixed Lily with a shocked expression, "What was that, Miss Evans?"
Lily's face turned red again, "I did it, Frank's ears. It was a mistake. I didn't do it on purpose. Potter was just so, so-" she struggled to find a word that was terrible enough to describe him.
"Charming," James offered.
Sirius let out a suppressed bray, and Madam Pomphery jumped. Hardening her voice, Lily continued icily "That turned out to be a mistake too, but I did it on purpose," she said crossing her arms.
Wearily Madam Pomphery took a deep breath, "Well then," she said surveying the children before her, "Mr. Longbottom, Mr. Black, if you come with me I think I have something to set you right."
Frank and Sirius followed her toward the back of the hospital wing, with the rest of the Marauders in tow. Lily however, remained behind, her face buried in her hands. Glancing behind him, James saw her and turned back. As she heard him approach Lily looked up angrily, "This is all your fault, Potter!" she stormed, "You've got to promise not to tell anyone else!"
Twirling his wand like a baton, eyes sparkling, James raised an eyebrow, giving her his cocky half smile, "Oh don't worry Evans, this shall be our little secret." he said with a wink and a burp.
Afterwards- Poor Lily Evans. To her great distress, James Potter and Sirius Black made it their goal over the next three weeks, to give every student a pair of donkey ears and a laugh to go with them. It was amazing how fast those tall cone-like wizard hats came back into fashion. And it was a good thing for Severus Snape too, because James had given him a bonus and turned one of his newly acquired ears hot pink and the other lime green.