Harry Potter does not, in any belong to me. Until I get enough creativity to make up my own charaters, I shall continue to play with hers.
Remus had always been the kind one, the one that you always went to, the one who was always there. When James had been struggling through his feeling for Lily, who had been there for him?
When Sirius had been questioning his sexuality, who had gotten him a date with the hottest guy in school even though his heart had begged, pleaded even, for it to be himself that he showed to Sirius.
Those months had been agunising. Even worse then the girls had been, because now Sirius was one step closer, and the closeness made it all the more painful that it was impossible.
Then, when they were fourteen, he had been the one to stand up for Peter, even though Peter had taken the longest to accept his lycanthropy. What made it worse was that none of them actually came to him for help. He had just known. He had seen the invisible lines of pain when James was turned down again, and was there with a pat on the back and the right words to say.
He had heard the silent tremble in Sirius' voice when he said that he'd dumped yet another girl, and it was Remus that was there with the reasurence that it was not his fault. Peter, well Peter you hardly needed to even pay attention to know if he was upset, his every action would scream it in the least subtle of ways. But Remus was the only one who would tell him that he did still have friends, and that he would always have people to stand up for him.
Remus never once regretted anything that he ever did for one of his friends. He delighted in James' smile the day that he had received a yes from a certain redhead. He had felt proud that day when Peter had joined the fight to battle on their behalf. And Sirius. . . He would do anything for Sirius, and anything that Sirius did would be enough.
But still. . . He couldn't help but want, sometimes. . . He would have liked for, just once, to have someone bring him a towering ice cream Sunday (chocolate, with hot fudge sauce and chocolate sprinkles), like he always did for them. He would have liked to know that he mattered as much to them as they meant to him.
And so far, that had yet to be proven to him. Not that he would ever, ever stop being the one that was there, but just once. . . It was in the fifth year that things started to get even worse. Sirius was spending more and more time away, James was constantly looking for ways to please Lily, and Peter was tagging along with one of them.
And Remus was alone. At first, this didn't bother him. They always hung out at Hogsmede, and followed through on plans, and joined him at the hospital wing after full moons. But then, even that started to slip. Sirius was constantly forgetting him, James seemed to simply not care, and Peter followed the two of them, as he always had.
What he hated the most was when they said they had 'forgotten', as if that would make it better. As if that got them off the hook. Remus always smiled, always told them that it was alright, not to worry, he was okay with it, and that he'd had homework anyway.
But it wasn't true. Everytime that one of them said ' forgot,' Remus wanted to scream. What was it about him that was so forgettable. Clearly it wasn't important enough to them to have them remember. With him, it had never been like that. He always thought of them, what he could do, what would make them feel better, what he wanted to tell them. But clearly, that was just him.
It hurt even more when they tried to do something to remember it, like write it down. That was it, the final proof that he was not a part of their life. That the plans were simply not important, that they needed a reminder just to remember their so called best friend. But he smiled, and said it was ok, not to worry, he was fine with it.
And they believed him. That was even worse still. If one of them had said such a thing, he would have heard the lie, would have looked them in the eye, and told them, point blank, that they were lying, and he would get them to tell him what was wrong, and then he would fix it. But apparently, that was another thing that didn't matter. They didn't even know him well enough, even after five years, to tell when he just wanted to collapse to the ground and sob.
He was the rock, the one that they held onto when the storms raged around them. And no one ever remembered a rock after it's purpose had been served. And he knew that, but it still hurt.
"Come on, Remus." Sirius laughed, grabbing his wrist and tugging him along. "You've been spacing long enough. Me, James an' Peter want to show you something!" Remus felt his wrist tingle.
Sirius dragged him off his place on the couch to the boy's dorm. Then he pushed Remus in front of him. "Close your eyes." he whispered in Remus' ear, as Remus tried not to shiver, he did so, even though Sirius had just wrapped his arms around him, and was covering Remus' eyes with his own hands, as if he didn't believe Remus would do it.
Remus heard the door open, even as Sirius guided him in the room. He felt Sirius' hand leave him and move away. "Open them on the count of ten." Sirius ordered. Remus grinned and did so.
. . .8 . . .9 . . . 10. His eyes flew open, reflexively looking around for his friends. But all that was there was a dog, a stag and a rat. . . . Hang on. He stared at the three animals on the floor, and his jaw dropped open in shock as the dog gave him a slow wink.
He had been wrong. He had never been forgotten
I'm really proud of this one, I wrote it in a state of semi depression, so it may seem a bit more bitter than I meant it to, but hopefully the end made that better. Please review.