Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.
Tears of Rain
By Silver Sailor Ganymede
I like taking walks in the rain. It helps me think, helps me clear my mind, but most of all it helps me both to remember and forget you. It helps me remember that I love you, you, the one that controls this stormy sky and this stormy heart. It helps me to forget that you are not mine, and you never will be.
I walk along the streets, my façade fallen. I'm not as naïve as everyone thinks. They forget that I faught on my own for so long before they even knew who they really were. They forget that I know so much more about the past then they do. They forget how I was when I first met them; that is my true face, not the one they always see.
I find myself in the park, just like I always do when I'm thinking; I just let my feet lead the way, my mind has other things to contemplate. Everything is going as it usually does when I go out in the rain, and that's when it happens. That's when I see you.
You're sitting there, under a cherry blossom tree, now so empty and barren at this time of year. I wish with all my heart both that you will ignore me and that you will acknowledge me. I do not know which; my mind is confused whenever you are near.
You spot me and say hello, motioning for me to sit next to you on the ground. I sit, not caring that it's raining; I'm already soaked through, sitting down won't make any difference.
I ask you what's wrong; after all, the only time you're ever on your own like this is when you fight with her, isn't it? Sometimes I hope, and I know I shouldn't, that your fights will get too bad one day and you'll leave her for me. A stupid hope, I know, for what am I to you? Nothing I suppose, at least that's what it seems.
You confirm to me what I already knew. You were arguing with her again, though you don't say what about. This is the closest you ever come to crying, you, who had locked her emotions away inside her a long time before you knew who I was. Your walls are too thick now for anyone but her to penetrate.
In my heart I feel like telling you I love you, that you and I would never fight, that I would never make you unhappy, but I can't. As Venus my duty is to help others to fall in love with people and to maintain their relationships, not break them up for my own happiness.
Instead I tell you what I always do. Just go and apologise, give her some flowers, tell her you love her. It always works with girls; I just wish I had someone to do that to me.
You smile and thank me, then get up and leave, your face shining with hope as you do. You know she will forgive you when you get back, and so do I, and that's why my heart is being ripped apart.
I feel like crying as you walk off, crying both out of happiness for you, because you are so in love, and out of sadness for myself, for you are not mine and never will be. But Venus is not supposed to love, that is her curse, and mine. I cannot show sadness either, for why should I be such a bruden? Why should I show myself to be anything other than what you think I am?
I am now alone once again, alone with my sorrows yet unable and unwilling to show them. All I can do now is put my façade back in place, and cry tears that are not my own but tears of the rain.