A/N: So, the story behind this is that I love AU stuff, I really do, and I often get random "what if" thoughts in my head that won't leave me alone. This results in my writing stuff, it does.

So, this is about...my third or forth fanfiction I've wrote, and, well, I've never finished any, to be honest. But this one had promise! I feeeel it! I'll finish this one, though, since I have my beta reader to constantly poke me.

So, I present to you Chapter One of Crazy Talk.

Oh, and also, I do not own ZIM.


Light refracted off the tinted windows of the scientist's room. The light seemed to mingle on the window, before flowing towards the center of the small, almost completely white room. Suddenly, a small, oval shaped device let out a loud sharp ringing, which sent what appeared to be a bundle of sheets flying upward. The bundle growled, and hit a button on the top of the object. It immediately silenced its ringing, and the bundle slowly sat up, and proceeded to pull the sheets off of its exceptionally large head. Underneath the sheets, there was a boy.

The boy looked rather tired, and frustrated, no doubt from having his sleep interrupted. He had large amber colored eyes, which were currently squinted. His hair, though obviously slept on all night, still maintained an odd scythe shape. He stumbled awkwardly out of bed, vaguely searching the nightstand for his glasses. Placing them on, he looked out of his window, which was nearly clear from the inside.

"Mmm, gotta set a delay in the mechanism," he mumbled, lifting up his glasses and rubbing his eyes before letting them fall on the bridge of his nose once more. He sighed, looking about his room, which was quite a mess. There were beakers scattered randomly about, and some odd substances coated his walls. There were one or two Bunsen burners, which had been put away quickly, though some effort had obviously been taken to assure it wasn't a fire hazard. Elsewhere in the room there were piles of various wires, haphazardly piled upon one another.

"Computer," the boy said, hoarsely, as though he didn't use his voice that often, "Run cleaning program 575." There was no response from his computer besides the opening of several compartments in his ceiling. Robotic arms descended from what appeared to be a small space, and began cleaning up the mess.

Nodding curtly, approving of the computer's action, the boy walked over to a large silver and white panel covering the middle of his lower wall. A keypad beeped angrily at the boy when he approached. He stared at it blankly, before remembering he had installed one for his closet. He didn't really need one, but he just really enjoyed installing things.

Quickly he punched in the code, and the silver and white panel slide over to the white, revealing a large closet, completely filled with white lab coats. He grabbed one at random, and quickly changed, throwing his pajamas (which had light bulbs on them) in a white bin near his bedroom door. Hoping he hadn't left any important research out, he turned the knob, and walked out into the hallway.

The hallway (and, indeed, the rest of the house) was drastically different from the boy's room. In every nook and cranny there were pictures of so called paranormal "evidence." Pictures and posters lined the hallway, the living room, the kitchen, and even the bathroom. The only other place that was devoid of these annoying things, besides his bedroom, was his sister's.

The boy sneered at the largest poster, one that had an alien saucer and under it, the word "Believe." Yeah, he'd believe – he'd believe his dad was insane. Honestly there had to be something wrong with the man; all he ever talked about was ghosts or aliens or seeing Bigfoot in their garage. "He was using the BELT sander!" he had said. Yeah right, Dad.

"Investigation" equipment lay all over the stairs, and on the ground floor. The boy had to walk carefully to avoid destroying any of it. Even if he didn't like what his dad did, he wasn't about to destroy any of his equipment; it would crush him. Jumping over a pair of handcuffs, he finally landed right outside the living room. He could see his father sleeping on the couch. There had been a Mysterious Mysteries marathon last night, and he was sure his father had watched every single episode, probably even going to far as to take notes.


Shaking his head, he walked through the living room to the kitchen. His sister was already there, eating cereal. He narrowed his eyes at the girl. "Gaz," he said, "Was that the last of the cereal?"

"Dib, you don't own all the cereal, you know," Gaz spat back, through a mouthful of cereal. The boy, Dib, sighed.

"But Gaz, I'm the one who buys the cereal with my money," Dib said, rather upset that he wouldn't be eating cereal this morning. His sister said nothing, but, instead looked down into her bowl, seemingly ashamed of her misdeed. Dib couldn't be sure if she was, though. He wasn't sure if she just pretending to be sorry, so he wouldn't stop buying stuff for her. After all, he was the only one that did.

Dib sulked towards the black cabinet with the large picture of the Loch Ness monster on it. After rolling his eyes at the creature, he opened the cupboard and took out a box of pop tarts, also purchased with his own money. He didn't even bother to put them into the toaster, and instead sat down next to his sister, eating the pop tarts raw.

Suddenly, there came a beeping from Dib's wrist watch. Exasperated, he pressed the button, revealing a panicked looking man in a lab coat. "What is it this time, Simmons?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

"Sir!" Simmons exclaimed much to Dib's dismay; he hated being called "sir." "Sir!" he repeated, "The pink elephant experiment has gone HORRIBLY wrong!"

"Did you forget to infuse the negative ions into the nuclear component?" Dib asked dully.

"Uh, actually…yeah…" the man said this a little embarrassed. "But it would be greatly appreciated, sir, if you could come in to look at it!"

"Simmons," said Dib, throwing away the rest of his pop tart, "I have to go to skool." The call was immediately cut, and Dib walked back into the living room, grabbing his backpack and muttering a quick "good bye" to his still sleeping father before leaving the house.

Gaz quickly followed him, looking a bit abashed that he had left her, but saying nothing. Dib didn't even really notice his sister, he was busy thinking about skool. It was the one time of day that he actually got to focus on his experiments with no one bothering him, as the skool kids left him alone. They always left him alone ever since he had accidentally set that girl's hair on fire. Ah well, it suited him just fine.

The siblings walked to skool in silence, and departed from each other in equal silence, each going to their lockers, getting their stuff, and going to their classes in silence. Silence was a large part of being in their family.

Dib sat quietly in his seat, tinkering with some sort of new invention he had just come up with. He was sure it would make quite a large sum of money; they needed it. Dib was the bacon bringer. He made all the money and he bought all the necessities. His dad, the "paranormal investigator" didn't make enough money to support a family and buy all of his ridiculous paranormal propaganda at the same time. It didn't matter, though. Dib was more than happy to allow his father to use his own money to buy all of that junk, as since Dib certainly wasn't about to indulge in his father's silly beliefs.

"Class," the voice of Ms. Bitters rang out across the classroom, making everyone in class pay attention, except for Dib. What ever she had to say he either already knew, or wasn't worth his time. "I would like to introduce the newest, hopeless appendage to the student body. His name is…ZIM."

Dib quirked an eyebrow at the name, it was certainly strange. ZIM? He had never heard of such a name.

"ZIM, if you have something to say, say it now, because after this moment, I don't wanna hear another sound from you!" Bitters shrieked at the boy, causing him to remain silent for a moment. Dib didn't know how horrified this "ZIM" was of Bitters, since he still had not looked up from his work, but, he surprisingly recovered much more quickly than the other new students.

"Hello, friends," ZIM began, casually, which surprised Dib. No new student started that casually, well, usually at least. Most of them only could say "Uh, hi!" before running off to their seats. "I am a perfectly normal human worm baby." Now that, that made Dib raise his head to look at this new student. The first thing he noticed about him was that, well, he was green.

"You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine," ZIM finished, and walked over to his desk with his hands outstretched.

That kid's green, Dib thought staring at ZIM, That kid's GREEN!And… he continued, studying him more carefully, He has no ears! Or nose! His heart skipped a beat. That wasn't normal. That wasn't normal at all.

"YOU!" the green boy suddenly burst out, pointing to Dib, "You filthy-dirt-BABY! Why do you stare at ZIIIM?"

Dib blinked, he had been staring, hadn't he? "Uh, well," he said awkwardly, "It's just that, well, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but, you're green."

ZIM narrowed his eyes at the boy, "It's a skin condition, FOOL BOY!" he said.

"Oh," Dib responded, "That makes sense…Is that why you don't have ears? Or a nose?"

"Hah!" ZIM said, "Stinky earth stink! You have no mouth!" He pointed at Dib, smirking, as though this was a contest, whose goal was to point out all of the body parts missing from an individual.

"Whu?" Dib said, feeling his mouth. He paused. Oh, he must mean my lab coat, he thought, realizing the cuff of his coat covered his mouth. "No, ZIM, it's just my coat covers my mouth. I have a mouth."

The green boy gave Dib the evil eye, "YOU'RE LYING!" he shouted.

"What?!" said Dib, shocked. How could this boy say he was lying? He didn't even know anything about him!

"Say…" Zita whispered to The Letter M, "Isn't that new kid a little weird?"

"Hey…yeah, he is," said The Letter M.

ZIM, overhearing this, abruptly shouted out, "NONSENSE! NONSENSE! I AM NORMAL!"

What was wrong with that kid? Dib wondered, observing ZIM's outburst. Maybe he has mania or something…

Before anyone had time to comment on ZIM's strange behavior, the bell rang, and Ms. Bitters hissed, "GO HOME NOW!" Stopping her previous lecture about "doom" that no one was listening to in the first place.

Outside, Gaz had been waiting for Dib. She was playing her Gameslave, and seemed extremely uninterested in everything else. Yet, somehow, she noticed when Dib walked past her and followed him.

Dib, on the other hand, had not noticed Gaz. He was too busy thinking about the strange new kid, ZIM. He sure was strange. In fact, he was beyond strange, he was downright abnormal. There had to be something other than a skin condition wrong with that kid. There just had to be.

Maybe Dad's right? Maybe he's an alien? A voice scoffed in Dib's head. Yeah, right, and maybe dad's right about fairies, and merpeople and vampires? Dib chuckled outwardly, causing Gaz to look at him angrily, "No, that's crazy talk," he muttered to himself.