A/N: Okay, I seem to have run out of ideas for my Manhattanverse series (at the moment, I'll work it all out), so I'm going to do what seems to be a popular choice and write a new season for the show. But I can't write in script form for the life of me, so I'm going to write it in prose and you'll just have to imagine it's filmable. And the 'episode' titles are Aerosmith songs, and hopefully a new episode will come out once a week. And I never saw any episodes from the 8th season, so my details may be off. So I hope you enjoy. We'll see if I have enough ideas to give all the characters story lines, but it will probably end up being Jackie/Hyde centric. Just a warning. Wow. That was long.
Disclaimer: I own nothing from THAT 70S SHOW nor the Aerosmith songs the chapters are named for. And if I did own the show, I wouldn't have needed to write a WHOLE NEW SEASON to fix the dummy writers fumbles!
Episode 9.1: Same Old Song and Dance
Donna wished that she hadn't drank as much champagne as she had the night before as she sat up on January 1st, 1980. But she figured that she'd only get to celebrate a new decade only so many times in her life, so she had better make it worth it. She reached for a glass of water, and remembered that she was in Eric's room, and he never had water on his nightstand. She groaned, and stumbled out of bed.
"Happy 1980," Eric said, and she muttered unintelligibly as she wandered out of the room for the bathroom. She walked into the bathroom, and turned on the faucet. She opened the medicine cabinet, and found what she was looking for: Tylenol. She popped the pills in her mouth, and closed the cabinet.
In the mirror was a reflection of Jackie Burkhart. Donna shrieked a little bit, and turned around.
"Jackie, why are you here? It's really early!" Donna hissed, finishing off her water.
"Actually it's almost ten thirty, so it's not early, and Kitty let me in," Jackie said, and began primping in the mirror. "Happy 1980."
"You said that last night," Donna said. "Frankly I don't see the big deal, the decades don't become their own until at least three years in. The 60s didn't become the 60s until JFK was shot and the 70s didn't become the 70s until Nixon resigned."
"Nevertheless, it's a new decade and I'm going to make something out of it," Jackie said. "I turn twenty this year and I'm not about to mess everything up once I'm past teenagehood. How did you do it?"
"I knew what I wanted in life," Donna said. "That could be your first step."
"Oh please don't start lecturing me about life, Donna," Jackie said. "I've heard enough life lectures to last me, well, a lifetime." She followed Donna out of the bathroom back into Eric's bedroom. "Donna, don't walk away, I think I need to talk to you about something."
"Can't it wait until this afternoon?" Donna asked.
"What is she doing?" Eric grumbled, and Jackie sat on the bed with them. "Hey, this is a double bed, not a queen size."
"Donna, I don't think I love Fez," Jackie said, a little panicky. Donna didn't flinch, and put a pillow over her head. "Aren't you surprised by this???"
"Um, no, not really," Donna said. "I'm not."
"Well you should be! Until very recently I was quite convinced that I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but now I'm not so sure!"
"Jackie, really, let's talk about this once I'm awake," Donna said. "Until then, why don't you go bother someone else?"
"Donna! Who am I supposed to talk to about this?"
"Try my Mom!" Eric said, covering his ears. "Let me sleep! How are you not exhausted?"
"Because unlike you two I wasn't fooling around with my significant other all night long," Jackie said. "And frankly, I'm not sure that I want to start."
"Go talk to Kitty," Donna said. "We'll talk after lunch." Jackie huffed, and stormed out of the bedroom.
"I was right," Donna said.
"The 80s aren't any different from the 70s." Eric chuckled, and threw his arms around her.
Jackie walked to the kitchen, and saw only Hyde at the table. She groaned, but walked in any way.
"Have you seen Kitty?" Jackie asked. Hyde looked up from his cereal.
"Because I need to talk to a woman and Donna is blowing me off," she said, hand on her hip.
"Well I think she went to the store to make a big lunch for Eric," Hyde said. "Now that he's back for good she's back to spoiling the hell out of him."
"He needs to move out before the umbilical cord grows back," Jackie said, going for the fruit bowl. Hyde chuckled, and she smiled too.
"Well, if you really want you can talk to me," Hyde said. Jackie laughed snidely, and bit into the pear she had found in the bowl.
"Please. We both know you don't want to listen to my problems. You never have."
"It hasn't stopped you before now," he said, staring contently at his bowl of Captain Crunch.
"Well contrary to popular belief, I'm not the same girl I used to be," she said. "I don't rely on you anymore."
"I wish I could say that hurt, but it doesn't," Hyde stated, just as snide as her laugh. "Fine, if you don't want to talk to me you don't have to. Whatever." She snorted, and left the kitchen.
"Man am I glad I got out when I did," he muttered, and continued eating his cereal.
Kelso walked into the kitchen.
"Hey man, what did you say to Jackie?" he asked.
"She looked PISSED OFF," Kelso stated, pouring his own bowl of cereal.
"Whatever, the attention isn't on her, isn't that enough reason for her to be mad?" Hyde asked, and Kelso chuckled.
"Heh, maaaan I know what you mean," he said. "She's been crabby ever since she started dating Fez. I tell ya, I bet he doesn't satisfy her in bed. I could make her scream so-." He didn't finish, for Hyde slugged him on the shoulder. "OW! What was that for?"
"Don't talk about her that way," Hyde growled.
"Whaddayou care, man, she's not your girlfriend anymore," Kelso said. Hyde snorted, and continued eating his cereal. "And it's not like she dumped you, YOU'RE the one who dumped her on her ass."
"Are you done?" Hyde asked. Kelso shrugged.
"I may be," he said.
Fez walked into the kitchen.
"Have you guys seen Jackie?" he asked.
"She just left, why?" Hyde asked.
"She left before I got up without saying goodbye or anything," Fez said. "Did you see where she was going?"
"I think she stormed off, Hyde pissed her off," Kelso said. Fez sighed.
"You bastard, you should have kept her here," Fez said. "I'm worried about my princess."
"Please, I'm eating," Hyde said.
"Well if you see her, tell her I'm looking for her," Fez said, and left the kitchen back out the back door.
"Is he gone?" Jackie asked, peeking her head through the door from the living room.
"Are you hiding from your boyfriend?" Hyde asked.
"No!" she said, defensively. "I just don't want to see him right now."
"Isn't that avoiding?" Kelso asked.
"No. THIS is avoiding. YOU," Jackie said, and ran back into the living room. Kelso looked back at Hyde.
"Okay, that confused even me," Kelso said, and Hyde chuckled.
Red was working on his car, when Bob walked into the garage.
"Hiya Red," he said. Red looked up from under the hood.
"Haven't you left for Florida yet?" Red demanded.
"Oh, no, not yet," Bob said, leaning against the work bench.
"Well when are you leaving?"
"Do you want me to leave?" Red rolled his eyes, and wiped his hands on a rag.
"No, Bob, I just want you to not barge into my garage when I'm working on my car," Red said.
"Anyways, have you seen Donna?" Bob asked. "I know she was here last night later than I was."
"I don't ask questions about who is here and who isn't," Red said. "I just care when they eat my food and drink my beer. And come to think of it, Eric's loser friends do that."
Bob was about to answer, when he looked up from the garage into Eric's window. He saw Donna, leaning against the window as Eric made out with her.
"OH MY GOD!" he yelled, and Red looked up too.
"Ah JEEZE!" Red said, going back to his car. Bob, in his rage, looked for something to throw, and settled on an oil can. "Hey, I use those for nails!" But it was too late, Bob threw it and it hit the window. Donna turned, and then through the glass it was apparent that she shrieked. Eric freaked out and drew the curtain down.
"I'm gonna kill him!" Bob exclaimed, and ran into the house. Red shook his head, and went back to his car.
"Dumbass," Red said. "Barely been home and already has a hit on him."
Kitty was in the grocery store, picking up ingredients for Eric's favorite pie, and noticed a short brunette hiding behind a stack of cans.
"Jackie?" she asked. Jackie peeked around, and then acted surprised.
"Mrs. Foreman! What a surprise!" she exclaimed.
"Jackie, did you follow me here?" Kitty asked. Jackie laughed, as if it was a laughable question, and shook her head.
"God, no Mrs. Foreman, I didn't follow you. I just needed to pick up something," she said, grabbing a can from the stack. "Yeah, I just needed some… creamed corn? Gross!" She dropped the can on the floor, and crossed her arms.
"Would you like to help me shop?" Kitty asked.
"Oh, well, I should be doing that thing I was supposed to be doing, but… Okay, sure," Jackie said, and gladly walked next to Kitty as she shopped.
"So did you have a happy New Years Eve?" Kitty asked.
"Oh, it was okay," Jackie said, and was silent as they walked down the aisle. Kitty picked up various ingredients, and sort of shook her head.
"So what is on your mind?" she prodded. Jackie shrugged. "You know you can tell me." Jackie nodded, and then turned dramatically to face her.
"Mrs. Foreman, Fez and I are having problems," Jackie said.
"What kind of problems?"
"I don't like kissing him." Kitty was shocked by this admission, but tried not to show it.
"But, you seemed to happy when he asked you out," Kitty said. "You had a smile on your face and a spring in your step- Oh, honey, would you please grab that can of pumpkin pie filling for me?"
"I know! And I should be happy, he's the man I'm supposed to love because he's everything I want in a man," Jackie said, snatching up the can and dropping it in the cart. "But whenever I'm with him lately, I'm just not feeling it."
"Well sweetie, it sounds like you're just in a rut," Kitty said. "You should try to, oh, I don't know, SPICE up the relationship."
"Yeah?" Jackie asked, unconvinced.
"Oh of course, sweetie!" Kitty exclaimed. "Now where is that grocery list? What I think you should do is go to your apartment, put on something cute, and wait for him to come home. Then, you can retreat to the bedroom."
"Ew!" Jackie exclaimed, and then put a hand over her mouth. Kitty looked surprised, and Jackie groaned.
"See what I mean? This is awful!" she moaned. "Mrs. Foreman, I just don't know what to do!"
"Well honey, you shouldn't be afraid of sex," Kitty said, missing the point completely. "It's a perfectly natural experience, and come now, let's not act like we're wholly innocent."
"I never said I was innocent, I-!" Jackie began, but Kitty was thrusting the shopping list in her hands.
"Now, let's find the freezer section and get more pie stuffs!" Kitty said, and Jackie sighed. No one is being any help, she thought.
The guys were in a circle in the basement.
"Man, you'd think Bob would accept the fact that me and Donna are having sex," Eric said. "I mean, I had to pull my mattress up just to fend off his blows."
"Hey, if I found a guy with Betsy I'd beat him up too," Kelso said. "But I don't have to worry about THAT for another…. Fifteen years."
"If you're lucky," Hyde said, chuckling. "But she's your daughter. You probably have thirteen years before you start chasing the guys out of the house."
"Hey shut up!" Kelso said, trying to swing but missing and falling off his chair.
"Guys, Jackie won't have sex with me," Fez said, grimly. Kelso and Hyde both laughed.
"You haven't done it yet?" Kelso asked, getting back up on his seat. "Man, you must be going nuts!"
"No kidding!" Hyde said.
"Yeah man, I had her in bed after two months," Kelso said, and Hyde hit him on the shoulder again. "HEY! What was that for?"
"You're an idiot!" Hyde snapped.
"Fez," Eric said, "maybe you're approaching things the wrong way. How have you tried to seduce her?"
"I say 'Jackie, let's do it', and she hits me in the chest," Fez said. "She apologizes right away and acts all crazy, but then when I suggest it again she hits me again."
"You have to be smoother than that, man," Hyde said. "You can't just demand it. She isn't into that. You have to be subtle."
"Why? I said 'let's do it' and she did it," Kelso stated, and Hyde hit him again. "HEY HEY HEY!! I'm getting really sick of that!"
"I've been with Donna on and off forever, and even I can't say 'let's do it'," Eric stated.
"Kelso, Hyde, you both have done it with her. Can I get some pointers?" Fez asked.
"First you tell her she's pretty," Kelso said. "And that you love her and want to marry her. That gets her in bed right away."
"Kelso, that's tacky!" Hyde snapped. "Fez, you just tell her that you'll wait until she's ready, because you care about her enough to respect her feelings. That way you charm her, and if you're lucky she'll do it with you then and there." Fez's eyes brightened.
"I'm going to go do that right now!" he stated, and ran from the circle out of the basement. Donna nearly missed hitting him as he ran up the stairs to the street.
"What is he running for?" she asked.
"He's going to go try and get Jackie to have sex with him," Eric said.
"Lovely," Donna said. "Eric, my Dad's calmed down. And I even got him to give this back to you." She held out a Chewbacca action figure.
"Chewy! Donna, you're the best!" she nodded, and they kissed quickly.
After driving around, avoiding her boyfriend, Jackie walked into the apartment, and saw the Fez had lit candles and was setting out a nice dinner.
"Fez?" she asked. He smiled, and walked to her, a rose in his hand.
"Jackie," he said. "I know that you're been feeling really uncomfortable lately. And I want you to know that I am sorry if I have been the cause of any of it. I also want you to know that I can be patient, and I won't do anything with you until you are ready." She looked at the rose, and smiled at him.
"Fez, that's so sweet!" she exclaimed, and hugged him, feeling a little better about the situation. He hugged her tightly, and put his lips to her ear.
"So, are you ready to do it now?" he asked. Her eyes snapped open, and she pulled away and hit him in the chest. "Ai!"
"You just said that you would wait and respect my feelings!" she exclaimed. "What the hell happened to that?"
"I… I … You look pretty?" She hit him again. "Ai!"
"Fez, I don't want to have sex with you just because you said I'm pretty!" she exclaimed. "Everyone knows that I'm pretty, it's a fact! God, what did you think I was going to do?"
"But Kelso and Hyde said-." Her eyes became even angrier.
"Michael and Steven were telling you how to get me in bed?" she exclaimed, and Fez was certain that she was about to breathe fire.
"Well, they… I…. You're beautiful?" She growled, and stormed out of the apartment. Fez looked at the dinner on the table, and sat down and began to eat it by himself. He smiled a little.
"Ooh, I forgot I put garlic in these potatoes," he said.
Kitty laid out the big meal for the family, including Donna, and smiled at them all.
"Happy New Year, everybody!" she exclaimed. "I made this chicken and this pie and the potatoes and the beans all from scratch, in honor of Eric being back for good!"
"Kitty, if you keep feeding him this stuff he'll never want to leave again," Red said.
"That's the point," Kitty said, and everyone chuckled a little. Until they realized she wasn't kidding. "I'm just glad that everything is back to normal, and I am going to revel in this until Eric and Donna go to college in the fall. I have a lot of time before that happens, though, and you can be sure I'll be cooking up a storm while he's still here."
"I love you, Mom!" Eric exclaimed, and Hyde rolled his eyes. Donna felt a need to say something.
"You better savor it while it lasts, honey, cuz when we get our own place I'll be too busy to spoil you," Donna said, and Kitty shot her a look. Red chuckled, and clapped his hands.
"I did miss this," he said, and Kitty shot him a look too. He stopped, and everyone began to eat.
Jackie threw the kitchen door open, eyes searing through everyone who looked at her.
"Jackie?" Kitty asked. "Would you like some of the dinner that you helped me gather?"
"How COULD you give Fez pointers on how to get me in bed!?!?!" she exclaimed, storming to Hyde. Donna dropped her fork, and looked at Hyde in disgust. Red covered his eyes in weariness, and sighed a 'jeeze'.
"Well, I-," Hyde began, but Jackie was on a rampage.
"You told him that I would jump into bed with him if he said he would be willing to wait for me! That's disgusting! Was that your strategy to get me in the sack?!" she yelled. Hyde tried to open his mouth, but she wouldn't let him. "I knew that you were a jerk and a heartless whore monger who won't let himself be happy, but I had NO idea that you were lower than the parasites that reside in the intestines of the scum of the Earth! GO TO HELL!" She threw his water in his face, and stormed from the kitchen.
Everyone was speechless. Hyde slowly took off his sunglasses, and wiped his face with his napkin. Donna stood up, gave Hyde a look that wound not only kill but vaporize, and ran after her friend. Eric raised his glass.
"Well," he said. "Happy 1980." It did very little to diffuse the tension.
Kelso was on the phone with Brooke as this dinner incident took place.
"Brooke, all I'm saying is that I don't think you should let Betsy hang out with the little boys at the playground… It's not that I don't want her playing, I just don't want her playing with the boys!... I'm not crazy, it's for our daughter's best interest!"