Title: Keeping Up Appearances

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: Neji/Tenten

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 789

Summary/Description: Them? Caught in the act? Never. NejiTen CRACK!

Warning/Spoilers: Rated for implications and naughtiness. No spoilers. CRACK! Some OOC, but, come on, it's CRACK! Only got a minor skimming in the way of editing, so beware typos and errors.

A/N: Can't remember where the idea for this CRACK!fic came from, but it ambushed me when I was writing something else. Had to stop and scribble it down.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, stuff like this would happen on a regular. And there would be no interruptions. :D

"Wait… did you just hear that?"

"Mmm… no. Come back here."

"Ahh, yeah, love… wait, I'm serious. Stop. I think someone's coming."

A pause, in which they both listened intently.

"…Damn it. You're right. Someone is coming."

"Oh cripes. What are we going to do? Look at us!"

"I suggest you stop complaining about our state and start doing something about it."

"Alright, alright. Did you see where my bra went to?"

"Under that chair. Where's my hitai-ate?"

"Uh… up there. Don't ask me how it got wrapped around that light bulb."

"If there's anyone I should ask, it's you. You're the one who took it off. Or maybe yanked would be a better word."

"Whatever. I don't exactly keep track of where I throw things in the heat of passion."

"Hn. Okay, I've got it."

"Good. Where's my shirt?"

"Um. Tenten?"


"Adjust your brassiere, please."

"Oh. Right. Thanks."

"…I can still see your nipple."

"…Oh. …Better?"


"Great. Now where in the world is my shirt?"

"Behind that table, next to mine."

"Thanks. Here's yours."

"Thank you. Try smoothing out the creases; you look like you've just been through a desert storm."

"Right back at you. Okay, it's not getting any smoother than this."

"It can't be helped, I suppose."

"Okay, so we're all set?"


"…Um. Neji?"


"You forgot to… ah… tuck yourself in."


"That's better. Now come let me just try to take a few tangles out of your hair."

"What about yours?"

"What about mine?"


"…Oh crap, look at my hair! Quick, where are my hair ties and hairpins?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, 'you don't know'? You're the one who took them out!"

"Well, I don't exactly keep track of where I throw things in the heat of passion."

"Don't you smirk at me, Hyuuga Neji. What am I going to do? If this person sees me without my buns, they'll know something is amiss."


"Ahh! You're no help at all! The footsteps are getting closer!"

"Shouldn't you lower your voice, then?"

"ARGH. …Quick, pass me your ANBU cloak. And don't just stand there, try to look natural!"


The door opened just after Tenten flipped the hood of the cloak over her hair.

Lee stood in the doorway, blinking suspiciously at his friends. Neji was sitting at one end of the couch, reading a mission report, and looking natural. Tenten was at the other end of the couch, inexplicably wrapped up in a cloak, carefully writing summoning symbols onto the inside of a scroll.

The green beast's eyes narrowed.

"Hello, my friends."

"Oh, hi Lee."


"What brings you here?" Tenten gave her old team-mate a pleasant smile as she said it.

"…I thought I heard strange noises coming from this room, so I came to investigate."

"You must have been mistaken," they both said in hasty unison, Tenten once again fully concentrating on her calligraphy, Neji not even looking up from his work.

"Okaaaay." Black eyes shifted between the two ANBU. "Uh… Tenten? Can I ask you a question?"


"Why are you wearing that cloak inside?"

"Uh… err… I… um…"

"She was feeling cold," Neji supplied.

Lee blinked again, slowly.

"It's stifling hot out. Even I had second thoughts about wearing my vibrant green Power Suit; so great is the discomfort created by the heat." He regarded the two of them confusedly.

"That's strange." Tenten chuckled nervously. "I still feel very cold. Maybe this is something serious. I should probably go check Tsunade-sama. In fact, I think I'll go right now." The kunoichi shot to her feet abruptly, as did Neji.

"Yes. I'll go with you."

"Bye, Lee!" Tenten had the decency to call out before the two of them vanished in a puff of smoke.

The black-haired man shook his head, and heaved a sigh. Those two had been sneaking around like this for months. If they didn't want anyone to know about them, that was fine by him, but he wished that they would exercise a little more caution and discretion, and so gauche situations like this wouldn't occur.

He couldn't really fault them, though, he supposed. The unique Power of Love was enough to temporarily addle the brain of even the most experienced, war-torn shinobi. And it was a good thing that his rival was finally embracing Love, and that Tenten was now finding true Happiness in her Youth.

"Yosh!" he whispered smilingly to himself.

Anyway, he should go, he supposed. It would only make things even more awkward if he were still here when they returned and realised that there was a pair of panties beneath the couch, a hitai-ate on the cabinet, and hairpins strewn all over the floor.

A/N: Muahahahahaha. Is your brain dead? Great, because so is mine.