The Internet Troll

By Joe

Summary: Bill gets a rather unusual hobby of an internet troll.

Author Notes: I do not own King of the Hill, its characters, or any other copyrighted material.

Bill sulked in his living room feeling very depressed. His life was not very full to say the least. Sure, he had three friends that cared about him and a job as an Army barber, but that was really all he had in his life. Bill's life was very dismal and stale. Many people had called him a loser before, and it made Bill feel even worse. Bill was fat, bald, and he was divorced by the only woman who was ever a spouse to Bill.

Not much happened in Bill's life. He didn't have many hobbies, friends, or activities. He needed help getting his life back together. It all started after he lost his one love…Lenore. He was very doubtful that any woman would ever love him again, and he was too old and out of shape to take up a sport of any kind. He needed another activity that would at least make him seem a little less boring.

Bill sighed. "What can I do to fix my life?" he pondered. "Lenore left me for good, and no other girl likes me." He stared over at the computer. "Hmm…maybe I can do something on the computer to pass the time." Bill got off the sofa and walked to his somewhat dated computer. He turned it on and waited for the machine to load.

When the computer finally turned on, Bill went to a message board on the internet that he visited from time to time. The message board was called the INGb. He went to the Family Dude message board on INGb to see if there were any new posts. As it turned out, there was quite a lot of chaos on the board. There was spam everywhere. Most of it was from one user in particular named crn407. He mainly said negative things about Family Dude without giving a legitimate reason.

Bill read some of crn407's posts, and he giggled at them. They were funny. One message said, "A recent study has proven that Family Dude fans lack in basic intelligence. One-hundred percent of test subjects that had an IQ of less than 50 were Family Dude fans. Therefore, for the sake of your own well being, stop watching Family Dude." He giggled at the ridiculous statement and read the angry statements of other internet users who were infuriated by crn407's stupidity.

"You know, this almost makes me want to be a troll," Bill said. He then clicked the "New Topic" button and typed in the title: "My neighbor watched Family Dude once…" Bill then finished the message in the post's body. "And my neighbor said that Family Dude is for dumbasses and losers." Bill clicked the "Submit" button and laughed his head off. He refreshed the page numerous times until he saw that a few people had replied to his message. Most of them were angry, telling him to get a life. But one message scared him. The user's name was H-HLL, and his message was, "Bill, cut this crap now, or I'm gonna beat your ass."

Bill gasped in shock. How did this guy know his name? Did he have some sort of special hacking ability? Bill just shrugged it off. The guy probably didn't even know who Bill really was or where he lived. Bill decided to try more trolling. "I know someone who's fat and bald," Bill typed for the subject. In the body, he said, "And he watches Family Dude. Stop obesity and baldness by sacrificing any Family Dude viewing." He clicked the "Submit" button again. Once more, Bill saw the angry replies of the other users but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw another message from H-HLL. "I mean it, Bill. I know who you are and where you live. Stop embarrassing yourself."

Now, Bill was frightened. H-HLL could have been bluffing, but Bill had his doubts. Even so, he wanted to see how much he could get away with. He typed another message. "Family Dude is for n00bs!" he declared. Nobody replied to the message except H-HLL. "This is your last chance, Bill. Stop trolling, or I'm coming over to kick your ass."

Convinced, Bill decided to stop trolling. But then, without realizing it, Bill clicked the "New Topic" button and typed gibberish into the post without even thinking. He pressed the "Submit" button. But by the time Bill realized what he'd done, it was too late. He heard banging on his front door. "Bill! Bill! Open the door so I can kick your ass!" He'd heard that voice before. Bill turned off his computer and ran for his bedroom. At that minute, the front door burst open, and a man's footsteps thumped down the hall. He then found Bill cowering behind the bed. The man gave Bill a big kick in the ass.

"Ow!" cried Bill. "Stop, stop!" The man kicked Bill's ass a few more times before stopping. Bill turned around and looked up at the angry man. It was his good friend Hank Hill. Bill grinned sheepishly at Hank and gave him an innocent wave.

The End