AN: This is the first short fic in the Wings of Heaven collection. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Please let me know what you think. There's a possiblity of maybe a sequel to go with Better Than Me in the future.
Song Inspiration: Inspiried by Better Than Me by: Hinder
It had been an exhausting night for Trent Fernandez. He laid in his bed, lost in his thoughts. The previous happenings playing over in his tired mind. His head ached with pain and wondering thoughts of what he had done and with the possibilities of what could have been. If only he listened to his heart just this one time and not his mind. If only he had, he wouldn't be laying there in his own misery, kicking himself for the words that he had said, how harsh they had come out. He took his anger, his pain, and his frustrations of the past out on the one single person that ever mattered to him. He didn't know what felt worse, his heart or his head or seeing the pain in her own eyes. The tears that fell down her face as he told her that it was over because he couldn't deal with the fact that he had hurt her all that time ago when the evil of the White Dino Gem had taken control over him and made him do things he wouldn't normally do. He fought her and the others...he lied and kept things from them. He hurt her and if given the right moment, he could have killed her and that thought alone tore at his shattered heart. It was something that he was having a hard time getting over and letting go.
Trent rolled over onto his side, staring at the empty spot next to him on the bed...the same spot that she once slept in. His hand ran over the sheets, slowly, still able to smell the sweet scent of peaches from her body wash that she used the night before. A soft sigh escaped his lips. 'What have I done?' He thought to himself, hating himself more and more with each time he thought about what he told her.
He still couldn't believe himself that he let her walk out the door and out of his life. He wanted to stop her but the thought of hurting her again terrified him so he let her slip away and now he was even more miserable then he was all ready. It hurt him deeply that he had to do what he did...tell her that he didn't want to be with her anymore, that they were better off going their separate ways...that he was only standing in the way of her life. He would only cause more harm then good if they were to stay together.
He closed his eyes. The look on her face, the hurt was visible to the naked eye in her own eyes. The tears...the sadness...the moment her heart broke into a million of pieces when those 4 words slipped out of his mouth, but it was the only way for him to get her to go, to leave him alone and not try to comfort him like she had always done in the past. This time he couldn't let the warm embrace, her caring words, break through the wall that he put up. He couldn't hurt her anymore. He wouldn't aloud himself too.
It had been 7 months since the evil gem was destroyed and they had defeated his father who was Mesogog and everyone went on with their lives. But there was always something deep inside of him that he couldn't forgive himself for what he did while under the control of the gem. It may not have been him mentally causing the chaos but the White Ranger was still apart of him. Even some part of him liked the power that it possessed. The feeling of not being able to be stopped or the thrill of releasing his own inner demons he struggled with, through the gem, it was...it was almost incredible. He couldn't be stopped and some small part of him loved that feeling.
It was that day that he found out that the Yellow Ranger was her. It was a tough fight, he did give them credit for trying to stop the White Ranger but they were no match for him. He was much stronger then they were. He still had the memory of him fighting the Yellow Ranger. He knew that he had hurt the ranger after they went at it for a few seconds before he got the upper hand and took her out. He could remember hearing the White Ranger laughing at their fight when she didn't even leave a scratch on him and she was down on the ground and demorphed.
He reached for her. He was going to destroy her but at that very moment when he roughly turned her around to face the one who was going to end her life, he saw who she was. He was shocked...surprised...he even had a feeling that the White Ranger was taken back by who was there in his arms, when it was the very girl that the White Ranger's host had crushed on. And it was a struggle for Trent to try with everything he had in him to stop the White Ranger from hurting her anymore. It was a battle that he soon would lose when the Red and Blue Rangers got in on the action to protect their fallen friend.
Trent slowly sat up in bed, running his fingers through his black hair and then over his face. He rose from the mattress and walked over to the dresser. He reached a crossed it and picked up the wooden frame and looked at the picture. A small smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. It was of him and Kira together, taken while they were at the Cyberspace Cafe just a few minutes before she got up on stage to sing. His arms were wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him and they both were smiling. He could tell that they both were happy at that moment in time. He could see it in their eyes and thinking back to that day he felt it too.
He ran the pad of his thumb over the picture of Kira. He sighed softly again. 'What went wrong, Kira?' He asked as if he was talking to her and not just the picture. 'Why did I hurt you before?' He continued to ask. 'Why have I hurt you again?'
It was for the best. Wasn't it? Wasn't it the right thing to do, to let the one person that ever trusted and loved him leave? He thought so at the time. He vowed that day at the park that he would never hurt her again after not only the fight between her and the White Ranger but also when she found out that he was in fact the monster that was causing so much distress and chaos.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, fighting back the tears that now wanted to fall, and the longer he looked at the picture. Deep down in his heart and soul, he knew that he hurt her again. He told her to leave and never come back. That it was over between them because...because he didn't love her anymore. He knew that was a line of bullshit. It was a lie, something he had come up with at the last minute to get her to leave. He put on the cold, stone face, said it with little, if any feeling and hid his emotions behind the brick wall he put up.
The fact was he did love her...he loved her so much...more then his own life. She was his light through his darkness, the never ending battle of his struggles with what the gem had done to his body and soul, leaving wounds that were hard for him to mend...to forgive him self for what he did. She was what he wanted and maybe would want to spend the rest of his life with too, if only she would have him for that long. But he knew he had gone and screwed things up and any happiness he could have.
The damage was done. There was no turning back, even if he wanted it to be the way things use to be before he told her to go. It's how it was going to be. Trent hoped he could live with that.
She walked around the city of Reefside. The tears streamed down her face, the pain was there in her eyes. She could still hear his voice. The coldness in his tone, the cold look in his eyes...almost as they were when he was struggling with the white gem. It scared her; it sent an eerie shiver down her spine when she looked at him as he told her that he no longer wanted to be with her. She didn't understand why he would have said all those awful things to her. She was kind and caring and she loved him for who he was and not what he did all those months ago. She looked passed that. She truly, honestly, believed that he would never hurt anyone...especially her. He wasn't himself...it wasn't his fault. She couldn't hold that against him. It wasn't him.
But then why did he act the way he did towards her? How could he have been so hateful...so mean? What did she do so wrong to deserve this? All she ever wanted was to be there for him and help him to finally be able to forgive himself for what he did. She thought she was doing the right thing. Everything was going good between them. They decided that they would move in together and start working on their life together. They were happy...she was happy. Now it was all taken away from her in one split second of life changing events. Somewhere down the line and between the last few days, he had changed on her and she didn't see it coming. She missed it, she had gone through everything in the last few weeks trying to come up with something that she didn't see that made Trent change his mind about being with her. But she only came up empty handed...her head hurt from it all now.
She continued to walk, trying to clear her head and her thoughts, not wanting to relive the heart breaking pain of having her lover...her best friend...the one she knew that she would have spent eternity with if given the chance...the one she loved...tell her that she could do much better than him. But she didn't want anyone else. She wanted him. She kept on telling him that but it felt like that no matter what she had told him, he wouldn't listen to her. She tried with every ounce of her being to reason with him but her words were no longer good. He had pushed her away and when she tried to comfort him, he told her not to touch him. She knew the impact she had on his life. It was obvious to all those around them, she also knew that if she had gotten that chance to embrace him, things wouldn't be how they are now. It broke her heart, in more then one way.
She was lost in her own misery when she wandered into the Cyberspace Cafe. She ignored the curious looks she got from by standers when they noticed that she had been crying. Her cheeks were tear stained and slightly flushed and her eyes were glossy. A sign that at any given moment, the water works would start again. She let her eyes scan the room, looking for her friends, hoping that both Ethan and Conner were there. She needed someone to talk too and she knew that she could always count on them.
She sighed softly, when she spotted Conner sitting at their usual table, books and papers scattered across the top of it as it looked like he was doing his homework. She slowly made her way around the tables and other customers to get to their table. She tried her best to hide the hurt and the tears but the moment she got there, her eyes began to water again and one by one the tears fell. She stopped. She swallowed the rising lump in her throat. "Conner..." She barely said above a whisper.
Conner looked up from his book when he heard his name being called. He smiled when he saw that it was Kira, but just as quick as his smile appeared, it disappeared and concern washed over his face when he spotted the tears. "Kira." He muttered softly, practically jumping out of his seat, knocking it over in the process. "What did he do?" Were the first words out of his mouth, walking around the table and to her side.
Kira knew exactly what he was talking about. She fought with her self to stay in control of her emotions in front of him but one look at him, desperately needing a friend, she lost the battle. Her lower lip began to tremble, the tears came faster. "He doesn't love me anymore." Was all that she was able to get out before she cracked and she broke down and cried.
Conner swallowed hard as he reached for her. She willingly went into his arms as they wrapped around her. Her head leaned against his chest as a heart breaking sob escaped her throat. He held her close and tight, letting her cry. "Kira..." He whispered.
He was at lost for words, not knowing what he could say to help or make his friend feel better. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened between her and Trent but he knew just by those words, the out come was not good at all. He never, since knowing Kira, had he ever seen her this upset before and he was worried. "Kira, what happened with Trent?" He finally was able to ask her a few minutes later, still keeping his arms tightly and protective around her.
She poured out her heart in her cries until she could no longer let out a single tear. Her breathing was unsteady; she turned her head off to the side slightly and sighed heavily. She brought a shaky hand up and whipped the side of her face off. "We got into an argument about the past…about what happened during those days when he was bad." She began to try and explain what happened at his apartment. "He told me I was better off without him and that he didn't love me anymore. He was so cold and cruel to me." She popped her head up and looked Connor in the eyes. "This isn't like him. He changed on me and I don't understand what happened." She shook her head fiercely and as if by some unknown force to her, had turned the water back on because her eyes tear up again. "Why doesn't he love me anymore? What did I do so wrong?"
Conner ran a hand up and down in soothing strokes, to her back, hoping to comfort and settle his friend down. He sighed softly, searching for the right words to use. His eyes wandered from hers to just looking around the room, hoping for some answers that he could use but he knew that it was rather pointless. He lowered his head and his eyes lingered back onto hers. A soft, caring smile appeared on his face as he looked deeply into her eyes. "You did nothing wrong and it's not your fault, so you can stop thinking that way." He started to say. "You're a sweet, caring woman, Kira. You gave him a chance when no others would; you saw hope and a decent man. You did all that you could to help Trent and you loved him for who he was and not what he did. It took a lot of courage and understanding to look past all the wrong he did, because you know me, if I was in your situation, I wouldn't have given him the time of day…but you did and that's saying something."
Kira closed her eyes; her head hung low and listened to what he had to say. In some way it was kinda surprising to hear him talk like that when it was obvious that he did not like Trent since day one. He liked her and she knew it but she never returned the feelings. His friendship mattered to her the most then anything else. She knew he was hurt when she chose Trent and not him and told Conner that she didn't feel what he hoped she would. He knew it but respected her decision. "But why doesn't he want to be with me then?"
"I don't know why he acted the way he did but he's a fool for being an asshole to you and letting you go when he had a wonderful woman at his side." Conner sighed softly. He placed his finger under her chin and tilted her head up. "Look at me Kira."
Kira opened her eyes and looked back at him.
"You know how I feel about you. That will never change. You know I love you, you're my best friend and I cherish that we can still be friends, despite what I feel for you. You know I would do anything for you and if Mr. Huffy Pants is the one your heart belongs too, than I can respect that. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and obviously Trent makes you happy." Conner told her the best that he could without really letting his own feelings get in the way. His face expression changed as he looked down at her. "Answer this for me, do you love him?"
Kira looked at Conner oddly but nodded. "Of course I do, with all my heart. Why?"
"Do you want to be with him?" He asked another question, ignoring her own question.
"Yes, more than anything." The words practically came out of her mouth in a pleading sorta way.
"Then go to him. Show him that you won't let his nonsense get in the way. Fight for what you believe in and want. Talk to him and if he truly does love you as much as he said he does, he won't let you walk out the door a second time."
For the first time in hours, a small crack of a smile appeared at the corner of her lips. He was right. She had given in too quickly the first time with him when he didn't let her talk before. She did want Trent…she did love him so why should she have to give up everything she…they worked so hard for? Why let him throw it all away when they could work through the problems and not run away from them.
"Thank you Conner." She said softly, her smile growing slightly bigger. "You're a true, good friend to me and I appreciate it." She leaned up on her tip toes and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "You'll make any girl happy and proud." She whispered in his ear before turning and walking away. She headed out of the café and back down the same way she came, going back to Trent's apartment with hope and determination in her heart.
Conner smiled as he watched Kira retreat from the café. It hurt to watch her go to another man but he knew he had done the right thing and in a way it had felt good too. He knew it was time to finally let her go and start working on his own life. Maybe he would grow enough courage to talk to Krista. She sure was pretty. His smiled turned into a silly grin as he turned back to the table, picking up his chair and sitting back down. He picked up his pencil and went back to his homework, only to be interrupted once again.
"Conner?" A voice came from next to him.
This time, it was a completely different voice. A voice that was soft but yet carefree and sent a chill down his spine. He tilted his head slightly to the side. His eyes lit up and sparkled in the light of the room. He met the eyes of the dark haired beauty and couldn't help but to smile at her.
Trent placed the picture back on the dresser face down. It was too hard for him to look at it anymore. Seeing her smiling face only made things worse. Sighing heavily, he looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He had small dark circles under his eyes; his face looked worn from the lack of sleep he had received in the last few days. His hair was out of place and a mess. But what caught his attention the most was the look in his eyes. They had that eerie, cold look. Now he understood why Kira had looked at him as if she was afraid of him. She saw it too.
His hands balled into fists, his knuckles were turning white and his eyes narrowed. He hated the man that he saw. He couldn't stand looking at himself any longer. He brought his hand up and smashed the mirror. The glass fell from its frame and shattered as it hit the dresser and floor. A frustrated cry roared from his throat and out his mouth. He pressed his arms against the side of his head, his chest was heaving heavily and small traces of blood came out the small cuts on his hand. It was times like these that Trent hated the most, losing control and no one there to help him.
But he had himself to blame for this. The only person that was willing to help him was no longer in his life. He let her go just like that without hesitating or questions. If he could take it back he would. It was pretty funny to him though, going from wanting her out of his life to needing her more than anything. He never realized just how much he needed her until now. Could he get her back if he tried? Would she take him back after everything he said to her? Could she forgive him once again or had he really gone and mess things up that bad to where she wouldn't even look at him let alone talk to him? So many unanswered questions with little to no time.
He dropped his hands to his side. His cut hand brushed against his pant leg and winched at the stinging sensation. Looking down at his hand, the blood now slowly rolling down his fingertips and dripped onto the floor. "Fuck." He muttered to himself. He brought his hand up for a closer look, examining the small wounds…not deep enough for stitches but enough to make it hurt every time he closed his hand and opened it.
Trent turned away from the dresser and walked out of his room. The mess would have to wait; it was the least of his concerns and made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed the kitchen towel from the counter and wrapped it around his hand and applied pressure to stop the bleeding. He rummaged around the kitchen for the first aid kit he kept in there. With all the noise he had made looking for the small white box, he barely heard the soft knock at the door and if it could have been just a little more quiet, he probably wouldn't have heard it. He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the wooden door. A sort of panic rushed over him. His heart jumped up into his throat as he tried to swallow. He had a feeling on whom it was on the other side of the door.
Kira stood outside of his for the last 15 minutes. On her way over to the apartment, she had gone over a million times in her head on what she was going to say to Trent. What she was going to ask but the moment she got to his door, everything faded from her. She just stood there, contemplating on what she should do. Should she knock or should she just turn away and leave? She wanted to leave, boy did she ever want too, but when she tried to turn away, something pulled at her heart and made her stay. It didn't help matters that she was gripping the door knob.
She didn't even remember grabbing it or let alone knocking on it either. The nervousness of seeing him has played its part well. Her stomach twisted and turned with uneasiness and her body trembled. It felt like she was in a daze state of mind and couldn't think clearly. But it was true. She had brought her other hand up to the door and knocked. It was soft for sure and wouldn't be surprised if he didn't hear her. She hoped he didn't. She wasn't sure if she could face him now. "Stop being a coward Ford and talk to the guy." She practically yelled at herself. "It's your only chance you have…" Of course it was. She knew if she walked away now, she wouldn't have another chance to try and fix things…back to like they were or pretty close to it.
She leaned up against the door, her forehead pressed against the cool wood and her eyes closed. Without thinking much of it, she knocked again, this time a little louder and a little harder. When she didn't get an answer, she knocked once more. "Trent…" His name rolled off her tongue. She knew he was in there because while she was standing there she heard noises from inside, so why wasn't he answering her then? "Trent?"
His suspicions were right. It was her and when he heard her call his name, his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He hung his head low, staring down at the tiles on the floor, gripping the counter tight to stop himself from going to the door and opening it. He just couldn't do it. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't…not now, not when the wounds were so fresh and deep in both of their hearts. "Please go Kira." He whispered, feeling the pain twice as bad, all over again.
Tears whiled up in the corner of her green eyes. She opened her mouth and continued to speak, hoping something she says would knock some sense into him and he would open the door. "I know you're in there, Trent. I heard you. You can't pretend you're not in there when I know you are." She said, her tone was cool and collective but the inside of her was an emotional wreck. She sighed softly, pressing her hands against the door and turned her head off to the side. Her eyes slowly opened just as the first set of tears rolled down her cheeks. "Don't do this to me…to us. Open the door…" She pleaded with him, little by little, her heart broke more. It was the worst feeling to her when he refused to open and talk to her. "…please Trent. Please open the door." She blinked back the tears and sniffed, trying to keep herself under control from breaking down. "Please talk to me…"
Trent had let go of the counter and found him self standing at the door. He reached for the doorknob but quickly snatched his hand away. He heard the plea in her voice and the soft cries and this only made his own eyes water. "I…I can't…" He whispered his words again. "I'm so sorry for everything, Kira…" He leaned back against the door, his hands in fists, ready to punch the first thing that they would come into contact with. "Forgive me…"
Kira stood there in silence for a few minutes and turned away from the door. She fought back the sob and swallowed the lump that rose up in her throat. She couldn't believe that this was happening to her all over again. Once again she failed to keep the man she loved in her life or get him back for that matter. What little hope she had was slipping through her fingers faster then she could keep up. She sighed, brushing strands of her hair away and tucked it behind her ears. She whipped the tears off her face and turned back to the door.
If he wasn't going to open the door to face her, then he was going to hear what she had to say one way or another…even if it meant having the damn door in the way. In one last hope to try to reason with him. "I know I can't make you talk to me, though I wish you would because there is so much that I want to say to you, like how much you mean to me and always will. How much I still love you. I can't stop loving you if you think I would after the things you said….I won't let my self."
He almost had thought she had given up on him when she had become quiet and hadn't spoken a word for what seemed like forever. But when she finally spoke again a small part of him was happy that she hadn't walked away. When she said that she still loved him even after everything he said to her, made the coldness in his eyes softened. He could no longer fight with the emotional turmoil of the day's event and tears fell from his eyes. He listened…something triggered in the back of his mind and made him listen to the sweet sound of her voice.
"I know the real Trent Fernandez and I know the real Trent wouldn't hurt me. He's the kind and sweet, caring man that I fell in love with. I also know you didn't mean those hateful words earlier…that wasn't you." She told him through the door. She choked back a sob. "I don't hate you, I could never hate you…I forgive you. I forgive you, Trent. I always have, please don't let the past destroy us…what we could be…together….forever. Isn't that what you said? We would always be together? Then why not let us? Let us get past this…let me help you." The sob came out of no where. She could no longer take it. It was breaking her heart, feeling so helpless when all that she ever wanted was to help him. She stood there, still no sign of him letting her in. She turned her head biting down on her lower lip as it trembled. "Please Trent, talk to me. Let me know something. I don't want to let go…"
She had enough; her heart could not take anymore. It was going to end like this…end with her spilling her heart out before him and he was going to stay behind the closed door. "I guess this is it than. I guess…" She took a step back from the door and looked at it, cursing that something so solid could stand in her way. She reached out and touched it one last time. "Just know…I love you …" She cried out softly. "Good-bye Trent." The words barely above a whisper. She took one last look before she turned on her heels and walked away.
Trent stared at the doorknob. He kicked himself over and over again for not opening the door when he had all the chances in the world to do so. But his own cowardness of being afraid to face her, took him over and he let her go just like that again. He heard her say good-bye…she had given up on him. He didn't blame her; he would give up on himself too. Didn't he already do that though? Had all the wrong that he had done finally got the best of him? Was it his fate to live with all the guilt or pain he has cause? Sure, that was what he might have thought of 7 months ago before she came into his life. Was he ready for it or could he chance it and fix all the wrong that he had done. His heart yelled at him for letting her go a second time, his mind screamed at him for not doing something right in his messed up life.
"Go after her, you moron." He told himself and it didn't take him long to react and opened the door. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do but at that moment in his life, he did not care. If he would regret this, then he would deal with that if that would to ever happen. He just wanted to hold her…he needed her. He knew this from the start and why he had let his own problems and emotions stand in the way of having what he always wanted…he would take that up with himself another time.
He stepped out into the hallway and turned right. He saw her walking away. He could not let her get away this time. "Kira." He called out her name.
She stopped in the middle of the hallway and slowly turned around to face him. She felt her heart stop beating for a second as she looked him in the eyes. The cold, eerie look was replaced with the kindness of the Trent that she knew.
He took a few steps down the hall. "Please don't go." He took another step closer to her, but was afraid to get any closer to her, afraid she would reject him. "Please don't leave." He dropped to his knees as they gave out from under him and looked up at her. "I…I'm sorry."
The sincerity in his voice pleaded and tugged at her heart. She stood there not sure what to make of this or what had made him change his mind, but she found her self walking towards him. She knelt down before him, a hand with a gentle touch, touched his face as she caressed his cheek. A small smile appeared on her face through her tears. "I never left…"