James leaned against the holly decked refreshment tables sighing darkly into his eggnog. The Merry holiday Dance was a booming success and he did not want to be there. Sirius and Remus had dragged him for some unknown reason and said he could sulk but he had to come he'd get a present at the end of the night.

There was only one thing really keeping him there. The music that floated to his ears and filled the hall was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. He took a cherished side glance to the small stage off to the side. There she was in an amazing green dress singing with that voice that had first attracted him to her. Lilly Evans was belting all those holiday tunes with a voice that was like silk for the ears.

James turned back to his cloudy beverage quickly. He'd forbidden himself no more could she do this to him, no more was he a kept man.

The beginning of their seventh year at Hogwarts, James came to school sure this was the year this one had a new feeling a new meaning. She couldn't turn him down forever she owed it to him somehow. He felt he'd grown up some how, matured he was ready to be everything she needed him to be. But alas when he found her she was already snogging with a devastatingly handsome Ravenclaw. That was when James realized that Lilly Evans did not like him.

James spent the first month of school in a depression that even Sirius couldn't shake from him. James slumped in every class trying to block out happy memories and hopes involving the gorgeous red head. His professors were worried and so to get him to buck up they assigned him a tutor, the best they had and luckily they were in all of his classes. None other then the temptress that had made him this way in the beginning.

At first she was all business and James preferred it somehow. This was he could heal and not have to worry about old wounds. The plan worked for about a month but when Lilly realized he just didn't have any old spark left she prodded into feelings. Trying to inspire him. he forbid any kind of personal chats but allowed stupid mindless banter. Who'd win the next Quidditch match. No brainier Gryffindor always won. They had him for seeker after all.

A friendship, granted a fluffy one, ensued. James kept a stiff upper lip when it came to people asking about their sudden change of heart toward each other. They no longer had rows in public, there was no longer an air or rejection around them. everyone had noticed and seemed a bit distraught.

Finally getting tired of all the questioning James proved he was out of his Lilly grove and found himself a girlfriend. A very respectable attractive and shy Hufflepuff. She could barely believe he wanted to go out with her but very happily accepted once he proved to her it wasn't a prank and he wanted to have a relationship.

James had many happy weeks with her and was satisfied that the balance and peace between Lilly and him would last. She could have her boy friends he could have his girlfriends and they weren't meant for each other.

James sighed again looking up into the red and green crowd. That girlfriend and him had mutually split, there was just no passion in their courtship. James was finding there wasn't much passion in anything anymore. He swallowed the last of his drink and set down his glass he was fed up with this jolly atmosphere. He strode quickly across the hall to the door was but Remus was there to stop him.

"Don't James hold on for another minute, then you can leave," he said quietly and looked at the stage. James frowned and turned with him a new song was starting and Lilly looked nervous.