A/N: Insert lack of pesky author's note. Muha.
Narri: Woohoo, chapter two! 'Cause I just KNOW ya'll are eager for more! )3
Narri: O-KAY, SO! Shall we do this thing?
Narri: I can't HEEEAR YOOOOOUUU…
Narri: …Oh, shut up. NEXT SCENE! (claps)
Part 2, Scene 4
Michel: (bursts into room angrily) I have never been so insulted!! Good luck marrying HER off! (stomps away with torn heart-print underwear)
Florian: (offstage) HIM!
Laila: (sees his pink underwear and cringes) That's a sight for sore eyes. (walks out towards gardens) Florian! …Oh! Er, ah, "Jasmine"! (snicker)
(Noel pops up in Tigger suit with the rest of Michel's ugly underwear.)
Laila: Wha?! (grabs torn cloth and cringes again) Ewww…Florian, that's the 5th person in a week!
Florian: What are you talking about, Laila? He's practically our only extra. It was the same suitor over and over again.
Florian: And he really wasn't my type. …Yanno. Being male and all.
All: Yeah, suuuure…
Laila: (mutters) I wouldn't blame you. After all, he did have ugly underwear. I mean–"Jasmine", you really shouldn't be so picky. The law says that you must be married to a prince by your next birthday.
Florian: Law? What law? Says who?
Laila: ME! Now shut up and pay attention! ( pulls out chart with stick from air) Florian, if you marry, you'll live happily ever after! (points to picture of badly drawn Chibi Florian looking happy) Now, if you don't marry, you'll be unhappy! (points to picture of badly drawn Chibi Florian crying) And God knows you can't fight your way out of a sleeping bag. You need someone to protect you.
Florian: (sweatdrop) Laila, did you draw that yourself?
Laila: (glares) Got a problem with it?
Florian: Uh, err…no! Of course not!
Laila: Good! So the next person who walks in that door will be your husband!
Isaac: (wanders in the door) Hey, you kids! Where's the friggin' bathroom around here?
Narri: (yanks Isaac offstage and points him toward the lavatory)
Laila: (shudders) …Err. Like I said, the next SUITOR to walk through that door.
Florian: (mutters) Better not be Michel again–I MEAN, I'm not ready to marry just yet! (begins to play with water in fountain)
Laila: Yeah, we got the hint when you sicked a five-year-old on him.
Noel: (making a superhero-like cape out of the underwear) Oh, I didn't beat him up! Florian did! (points)
Laila: (slaps forehead) WHY am I not surprised…? Look, Florian, my decision is final! (exits stage left)
Florian: (fishes script out of fountain) …Hmm, let's see…"runs to bird cage, frees birds, looks idiotically happy for some reason". (looks around) What bird cage?
Narri: Once upon a time there was a broke authoress…NEXT SCENE!
Laila: (walks into throne room) I don't know where…she…gets…her…stubbornness from. I wasn't nearly as picky.
Louise: (snickers) Sure, THAT'S why you don't have a husband in this film.
Laila: Hey! I heard that! …Now, as I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted! Where am I supposed to find a person for Florian?
(Azura and Louise enter the room.)
Laila: (jumps) AH! Don't do that! (glares) Oh, it's just you, "Jafar". (sarcastically) Just the person I wanted to see…
Narri: (hisses) For God's sake, stay in-character!
Azura: I am here to serve you, ma'am.
Laila: Reeeeally? (smirks) You can start by jumping off the roof.
Laila: (frowns then smirks) Oh, "Iago". Have a cracker! (stuffs stale crackers in Louise's mouth, just a little violently)
Louise: (chokes, glares)
Azura: (laughs) Her majesty certainly has a way with dumb animals.
(Louise glares at Azura, who glares back. This goes on for several minutes.)
Azura: …Oh. Ehem…Uh, perhaps I can find a solution to this problem.
Laila: We're NOT raping him into submission.
Azura: But it works—I MEAN, I…wasn't going to say that.
Laila: (unconvinced) Riiiiight. So what IS this plan?
Azura: It will require the use of a mystic star sapphire…or two.
Laila: Oh, here. (thrusts Betty Deux at Azura. Offstage, Noel bursts into tears.)
Azura: (takes bear) …What? Aren't I supposed to, well…hypnotize you first?
Laila: We don't trust you with unconscious people.
Narri: And it wastes film.
Solomon: (sarcasm) Well, aren't you a saint?
Laila: See ya! (outta there)
Narri: NEXT SCENE!
(Camera zooms in on Florian attempting…and failing…to climb a poorly-constructed wall. Of course, he falls on his ass about 15 times, to snickers from the rest of the cast. Noel runs up in his Tigger suit.)
Noel: FLORIAN! Whatcha doing?
Florian: (jumps about a foot in the air) ACK! …Ah…oh, Noel. You scared me.
Noel: Huh? Where ya' going? Can I come? Can I, can I?
Florian: Shhh! The others will hear you!
Noel: But they're right there! (points to the wings three feet away where the rest of the cast is busy stepping on toes and invading personal space)
Ray: (mutters) We need bigger wings.
Solomon: EEP! …Whose hand was that?!
Michel: Whose ass was that?
Narri: (seethes) SHUT UP!!
Florian: I'm sorry, Noel, but I can't stay here and…(reads from script discreetly hidden under a bush)…have my life lived for me! Besides, I have to get the heck out of town before Laila tries to make me marry Michel…again. (pats head) Goodbye…
Noel: But how are you going to get over the wall?
(Due to faulty construction, the Fake Wall™ collapses. The authoress blames termites. The cast argues that termites don't eat construction paper.)
Florian: …Oh. Well, then. (walks over the wall and into the wings)…OW! Whose hand was that?!
Narri: NEXT scene, people! (mutters) If I have to raise this rating, heads are gonna roll…
(Florian walks through the marketplace, completely oblivious, per usual, and has his pockets picked three times, is groped twice by not-so-innocent passers-by, and is tripped once by an apologetic Monsieur Tassel.)
Michel: (pops out from behind a booth) Pretty lady, buy a pot! No finer pot in brass or silver!
Florian: I'm a MAN! …What? Michel, weren't you just at the palace?
Michel: (glances around nervously) I don't know what you are talking about, sir. I'm just a regular street vendor.
Florian: No, I'm positive. You tried to feel me up, and I mauled you. I still have your underwear.
Laila: (snicker) Things that sound worse than they really are…(is elbowed by Ray)
Narri: (whispers) He's an extra, Florian! Just go with it!
Florian: (slightly unnerved) O-okay…uhm, no thank you.
Monsieur Tassel: (at another booth) Sugar cane! Sugar cane and beets! Sugar cane and pistachios!
Jacques: Would the lady like a necklace? A pretty necklace for a pretty lady!
Florian: FOR THE LAST FRIGGIN' TIME—
Knight of Templar #3: (shoves a dead fish in Florian's face) FRESH FISH! We cath 'em, you buy 'em!
Florian: ACK! (runs, hits one of Ray's henchmen, who chokes on the fire he was trying to swallow and burps it out) Uh…s-sorry?! (is completely freaked out, but keeps walking. Meanwhile, Ray and Noel, back in the monkey suit, are sitting on top of a stall.)
Ray: Okay, Noel, here's the plan: First, you drop down into the booth disguised as a sack of potatoes. Then, when the shop keeper is wondering how the Hell a bag of potatoes got into his fruit stall, I'll sneak up on the other side of the booth and—(realizes Noel is gone) Noel? Hey, KID!
Noel: (looks up mournfully at the shop keeper with the biggest, saddest eyes he can manage)
Laila: (doubling as a shop keeper) Awww, how precious! (gives Noel a giant watermelon) Enjoy!
Noel: (scampers back up to Ray) Look I what I got!
Ray: Exactly WHO is the phantom thief around here, brat?! (growl)
Noel: I-I'm sorry…(offers Ray the melon)
Ray: …Nahhh, you go ahead. I'm not eating anything that Laila's had. …OWWW!! (is ferociously beaten in the ass with a broom by Laila, from the underside of the tent roof)
Narri: Yo, kiddos! (waves script) This would be a really good time to notice Florian before he gets himself or somebody else killed!
Florian: (stumbles out of an alleyway fresh from getting mugged, his hair a mess and his shirt missing) S-somebody…get the l-license plate of that c-carriage…(staggers off)
Ray: (getting his eyes full of Florian's lack of shirt, and other pleasant things) Phwoah, nice ass—
Narri: (enters scene briefly to shove a script under his nose)
Ray: (monotone) I mean… "woooooow".
(Florian walks up to Fatima, who is trying to reach an apple in a stall.)
Florian: Awww, you must be hungry. Here you go. (hands her an apple)
Fatima: I'M RICH! I'M RICH! (scampers off)
Solomon: (makes a brief appearance as shopkeeper # 6) You'd better be able to PAY for that…
Florian: …I think we both know that's not happening.
Solomon: Do you know what the penalty is for stealing?! (whips out a megaphone)
Florian: (genuinely alarmed) NO! NO, PLEASE--!!
Solomon: (shouts into the microphone) I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES—
Florian: AUUUUUGH!! (cowers)
Ray: (runs up to Florian, dragging Noel by the tail of his suit) Come on! RUN!
(The three of them run like Hell from the megaphone while all the shopkeepers simultaneously put out signs reading, "FREE EARPLUGS WITH EVERY PURCHASE!" Within minutes, they are all able to retire.)
Narri: NEXT scene!
Narri: (yanks their earplugs out) NEXT!! SCENE!!
(Camera zooms into Azura's "Evuhl Layr OMG1111!1". Louise is running undignifiedly on a treadmill, powering an odd rope of circuits and wires that seem to be hooked up to--)
Narri: My computer is now also in the movie.
Ray: You must be so proud. (lights up)
Azura: Faster, Iago! You need to run for at LEAST five hours to get the spell working!
Louise: FIVE HOURS?! I've ALREADY…(huff)…ben RUNNING…(pant)…FOR TWO!
Azura: Congratulations, you can subtract. FASTER!
Narri: (dangles a script in front of his face, then gets gone)
Azura: …Oh, look at that. You were only supposed to run for five minutes. Oh, well.
Louise: WHAT?! (spontaneously passes out and is dragged off of the still-running treadmill belt and flung into a wall)
(A picture of Ray (probably off of an anime gallery) flashes up on the computer screen.)
Azura: Oh, look. It's "the Diamond in the Rough". And it's Ray. Big surprise. I'd better go send some guards to round him up.
Narri: CUT! ...Yo, Satan. I have a feeling you could have put a little more "oomph!" into that scene.
Azura: I have a feeling you could die. (pulls out handgun)
Narri: EEP! That is CONTRABAND, mister! NEXT SCENE!! (runs for cover)
Narri: SIX SCENES in ONE CHAPTER! WHOOO! ADRENALINE RUSH! XD
All: (look slightly alarmed)
(Camera zooms in on Ray leading Florian through a veritable jungle gym of roofs and ladders, and even a few chutes.)
Ray: (grumbles) I swear to god, this place is around here somewhere…
Florian: You don't even know where your own house is? And I thought MY sense of direction was bad!
Ray: (glares) Oh, shut up…
Noel: Isn't it over there? (points to a professional-looking cardboard sign reading "RAY'S HOUSE HERE" in front of a broken-down old rooftop room)
Ray: ……Well, c'mon, w don't have all night. (grumbles indiscriminately)
Narri: (hisses) Stay in-character!! You're SUPPOSED to be sweeping him off his feet right about now, "Aladdin"!
Ray: (mutters) Yeah, yeah…so, where'd you come from, anyway?
Florian: (dutifully recites his lines) It doesn't matter. I ran away and I'm NOT going back. (yells offstage) And you can't make me, Laila!!
Laila: (from backstage) Oh, you are coming back THIS INSTANT and you're gonna marry Michel, young man!
Florian: NO I'M NOT!
Narri: (panicked) LINES! We have LINES, people!!
Florian: (mutters under his breath)
Ray: (ignoring) So. Uhm. Why DID you run away? ...Like everyone didn't just hear that…
Florian: My…"mother"…is forcing me to marry Michel.
Ray: (winces) Yikes. Can't blame you.
Solomon: Plus, it would be illegal in over 200 countries.
Ray: I mean, that's awful.
Florian: TELL ME about it. He even has heart-print boxers!
Michel: ALL LIES!
Narri: (head in hands) I'm about to start gagging people…
Ray: (smirks) Oh, really? You know, I usually go commando, myself.
Florian: (coyly) Oh?
Florian: (licks lips)
Narri: (over Solomon's confiscated megaphone) WE HAVE A "T" RATING AND SMALL CHILDREN PRESENT, YOU HORMONAL BUNNIES!! STICK TO THE SCRIPT!
Noel: Huh? What's "commando"?
Ray: Well, kid, it's when you don't wear—
Narri: (a-la Frou Farbischna) SEND IN THE GUARDS!!
(A handful of Ray's Henchdudes enter stage left.)
Henchman # 55: We've got you NOW, street rat! (grabs Ray)
Florian: HEY! That was getting good—I MEAN, uh…let him go!
Henchdude # 21: Looky here, men! A street mouse! (pushes Florian over)
Laila: (flips through script) Does somebody have a line, here?
Narri: SAY IT, FLORIAN…
Florian: No WAY!! (crosses arms)
Narri: (whips out bazooka) Do NOT mess with me, kiddo! Ya'll have deviated from script ENOUGH for one scene!!
Florian: Eep! I-I mean, uhm…(quietly) …unhand him, by, uh…o-order of the…(hangs head)…princess…
Narri: Good boy. As far as you know, that wasn't tape-recorded. )3
Florian: (glares) I hate you a lot.
Narri: You'll get over it.
Henchpeople: (GASP!) The princess!! (snicker snicker)
Florian: SHUT UP! Just…let him go. (points at Ray)
Henchpal # 11: I'm sorry, "princess" (snick) but our orders come from Jafar. You'll have to take it up with him.
Florian: (laughs nervously) …Ahhhhhh, y'know what? On second thought, just keep him. Well, look at the time, gotta go!! (outta there, stage right)
Narri: (races onstage after him, brandishing megaphone) GET BACK HERE, ROCHEFORT!!
WHAT-oh-WHAT will happen next?!
Laila: (walks by, carrying props) Like these brats haven't all seen the movie…
YOU'RE asking for it, missy…
"OMG REVEW PLZ11111!1!!1". X3