BRING ME THE PANTS OF KIM POSSIBLE!
A fanfic by Erin Mills
"Kim Possible" (C) 2006-2007 Disney
Created by Bob Schooley & Mark McCorkle
A TOP SECRET RESEARCH LAB IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS...
...YES, THAT TOP SECRET RESEARCH LAB IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS
Shego grabbed the lip of the cliff and flipped herself onto the surface. Behind her, cursing and wheezing, Dr. Drakken slowly inched his way over the cliff and onto level ground. Shego looked down at him with mild disgust.
"You know, Dr. D, it wouldn't kill you to actually USE the gym every once in a while." she said.
"I..DO...gasp use the gym!" Drakken wheezed from where he was lying flat on the ground.
"Yeah, soaking in the jacuzzi for three hours a week doesn't technically count as using the gym."
"Could we please dispense with the criticism of my exercise habits and get on with it?" Drakken said, getting to his feet. "The world isn't going to conquer itself."
"I quite agree," came a refined Latin voice. Shego and Drakken turned to see Senor Senior, Sr. standing behind them, clad in mountain climbing gear, smiling amusedly. Behind him, his son, Senor Senior, Jr., was holding an ominous looking pistol at them.
"Now, then, Dr. Drakken," Senior said amicably, "If you would be so kind as to stand aside, my son and I will be taking the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer."
"Not a chance!" Drakken snarled. "Dementor tried this before and I'm not letting it happen again!"
"I don't even know why you want to steal the damn thing again." Shego said, "Both times you had it, you nearly ended up unravelling reality as we know it."
"Shego," Drakken hissed through clenched teeth, "A little SUPPORT would be helpful!"
"Nevertheless," Senior said, "We will be taking the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer, and I certianly hope you won't interfere, otherwise, I'm afraid we will be forced to use our freeze ray on you."
Drakken frowned. "SHEGO!"
Shego grinned evilly and flared up her hands, taking a step towards Junior. Junior grinned nervously and leaned down towards his father's ear.
"Um, Father, she never attacked me with her powers before." he whispered.
"Then shoot her, Junior! It's only temporary." Senior replied. Junior strightened up and pointed the gun at Shego.
Who wasn't there. Junior looked around confused, then gurnted as Shego dropped form the sky and plowed into him, knocking him to the ground. Shego grabbed the freeze gun and crushed it into powder. She smiled at Junior again.
"One thing I didn't teach you, SSJ," she said, "Never let anybody know ALL your tricks."
Junior giggled nervously, and Shego turned back to Senior and Drakken. "Well, now what?"
The two supervillains looked at each other, then both bolted for the door to the lab, trying to get ahead of the other. As they reached the door, Senior stuck his cane between Drakken's legs, tripping the mad scientist up. Drakken fell forward and his hand slapped the keypad next to the door.
To the surprise of everyone, the keypad turned green and the door slid open, revealing another unwanted visitor.
"You know," Kim Possible said, her arms folded across her chest. "I really wonder why I even have to bother some days. All I have to do is arrange for my foes to end up in the same place at the same time and poof! Self foiling villains."
"KIM POSSIBLE?" Senior and Drakken yelped. Behind them, Junior leaned over to Shego.
"Why do they sound so surprised?" he asked. Shego snarled.
"Who knows? Excuse me for just a second..."
With a yell, Shego leaped into the air and tackled Kim to the ground. The two of them rolled across the floor snarling, punching, kicking, you know, doing everything that normally happens with your standard Kim vs. Shego fight that we've all seen many, many, MANY times before and that certain fans have been known to watch over and over again trying to find excuses for some sort of physical attraction there, when quite clearly they hate each other's guts and can't possibly...wait, where was I?
Oh right, Shego pounced onto Kim and the two of them started pounding on each other like usual. Whle this was going on, Drakken and Senior decided to take the opportunity to dash into the lab and begin looking for the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer. As they spead out, Ron Stoppable appeared.
"All right, boys! Hold it right there!" he cried, posing in what he hoped was a dramatic and intimidating manner. Senior and Drakken strode right past him and further into the lab. Ron deflated and turned dejectedly to Junior, who had entered behind them.
"What does a guy have to do to get taken seriously around here?" he asked. Junior shrugged.
"I do not know. Perhaps it is because you are not quite muscular enough?" he ventured.
"Really?" Ron said. "You think so?"
"Oh yes," Junior said, "I have had many people run away in terror when I ask them to because of my impressive physique."
"Tell me more..." Ron said.
After about three minutes of searching, Drakken turned to Senior.
"All right, as much as I hate to admit this, I can't find the blasted thing. Any luck on your end?"
"Nothing." Senior replied. "It is as if they finally locked it away somewhere more secure."
At this point, when the readers are wondering if the author has completely forgotten about Kim and Shego, and whether this digressionary method of writing is only there to keep him from having to write an annoying amount of exposition, Shego managed to wedge her feet under Kim's rib cage and pushed off, sending the teen hero flying across the room and into a sotrage cabint near Senior and Drakken. The doors of the cabinet flew open and the two of them stared as they saw a small red and yellow, cylindrical device about the size of a soda can sitting on the top shelf. There were five claw like hooks set into the sides and top.
Aside form the size and the hooks, it was quite clearly a smaller version of the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer.
Drakken and Senior both stepped forward, trying to figure out how to get to it beofre the other guy did, when Shego flew over their heads and brough a knee down towards Kim's face. Kim somersaulted forward as Shego crashed into the cabinet. The miniature Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer flew out of the cabinet from the impact and sailed through the air. It also made the author realize that writing the phrase "Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer" is going to be the real pain in the ass part of chronicling this story.
Anyway, fourth-wall-breaking-bitching aside, the small Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer flew through the air, and landed smack dab onto the upper right thigh of Kim's pants. There was a metallick "snkt" sound, and the claws clamped down on the khaki fabric. Kim sat up and looked down t her leg. A small green light on the front of the device changed to red and a tinny voice began eminating from an unseen speaker.
"PAN DIMENSIONAL VORTEX INDUCER MARK 2 NOW ARMED. ANY ATTEMPT TO TAMPER WITH OR REMOVE THE DEVICE AFTER THIS TIME WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE ACTIVATION."
The six people in the room stared at each other, then down at Kim's leg, then back up at each other.
"You know," Drakken said slowly, "I have the distinct feeling I left the gas on back at the lair. Shego! Time to go!"
"Right behind you, Dr. D!" Shego said. The two of them left the lab at extremely high speed.
"Junior, I think now would be an excellent time to leave and regroup." Senior said.
"But Father, aren't we going to leave them in a ludicrously over complicated death trap before we go?" Junior asked. Senior sighed.
"My son, do you know what it is like to be sucked helplessly into a vortex in time and space that could easily encompass a space the size of the state of Nevada?" he asked.
Junior considered this for a moment. "No."
"Would you like to find out?" Senior said. Junior considered this for another moment then ran screaming out of the lab. Senior turned back to Kim and Ron.
"Another time then, Kim Possible. Be assured that we will return. Farewell!"
Senior gave a lazy salute and dashed out the door of the lab. Ron and Kim blinked and looked back at the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer attached to Kim's pants.
"Well, now what?" Ron asked. Kim reached down and pulle dout the Kimmunicator.
"Wade? We have a major problem here..."