Well, if you read the turkey story you know that the last chapter is for my copy and pasted thanks so…BiceyNix, jesse, StarlaMarie, lamcsi, kitsune, Lil' Ainjil, Missing Whisper, Sara Jessica Grissom, Jenny70529, CSIBuckeye, angsty-otaku, forensicsgirl97, chriscarter, anniehiltner, Kakidoll, xoxoPAUxoxo, Chione of the Nile, angry penguin(I'm in love with your penname), Veronica10 (thanks for calming me down, but not thanks for the compliment...I ate like a pound of chocolate after that!), Invisible Evidence (Sooo sorry I didn't automatically give you props for the wet sailors! You know I still love my gangsta transcontinental killer!),jordanx3greggo (Holy Goat Fuck! You're ungrounded today!! Celebrate with brand new CSI...Grissom's back! WITH A BEARD!!--HOT), Tadpole24 (Ego-freaking-boost. How can you not love the Aussies?)
Oh poo, how could I forget 'Grisson & Greg 4ever'? Dude, Grissom and Sara are canon, therefore your little comment earns you the right to take a flying suck at my left ass cheek. Only the left though, the right is specially reserved for those people who put Grissom and Sofia together. I know it's just fiction but ew people, ew.
Other than that fruitloop, it's been a goattastical ride my dearies and I thank you all…
Just as Grissom moved the scissors to make the cut, a sharp knock on the car window startled them both, causing them both to jump in their seats...
…and causing Grissom's hand to jerk and a massively larger-than-planned portion of Sara's hair to fall away.
"Sara! That was not my fault!" Grissom said as he held up the hair-covered sucker.
"Who the hell is knocking?!"
The man outside the car knocked again. "You two want to step out of the car please? Before I have to call for backup?"
"Backup? Holy crap, Griss, it's the cops!"
"Oh, for the love of- Just get out of the car, Sara."
"With the giant patch out of my head!" she snapped.
"You jumped just as much as I did!" he said as they stepped out of the car. "Can I help you officer…Jacobs?" Grissom asked after reading the man's nametag.
"You just hold on a second, sir. Miss, are you alright?" he asked looking at Sara who was rubbing the back of her head to inspect the damage that Grissom had done.
"Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" she asked looking back and forth between the two men.
"Are you sure? You're not just saying that because he's here? We can go someplace else and talk, ma'am, if that would make you feel more comfortable."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Grissom asked.
"Boy, you do have a temper on you don't you?" Officer Jacobs said while he took a step closer to Grissom. "Just because you beat on this lady doesn't mean you'll get away with back talking me."
"Beating this- what the hell are you talking about?" Grissom's voice rose again.
"Sir, I will only ask you once to tone your voice down before I mace the hell out of you," he warned as he reached for the can on his belt.
Sara stepped in, "Officer I don't know what you're talking about. Honestly, this man has never hit me in all the years that I've known him."
"Miss, I was just on my way back from getting coffee and all I see is a man and woman in a car. The man has one hand in the woman's hair and the other hand is holding something sharp. The woman has both of her hands on his like she is holding on for dear life. I don't care how you look at it, if you are on the outside of this car, it looks like that man is trying to kill you."
"Well, with the way this date has been going-"
"Sara!" Grissom yelled.
"Sorry. No, Officer Jacobs, I assure you that, with the exception of my hair, I am perfectly fine."
Just as Jacobs lent in to look at Sara's funny bald patch, he had a bout of gracefulness. He tripped, sending his coffee all over the front of Sara's borrowed outfit.
"Oh shit!" came from both men. Sara just stood still with an unbelieving look on her face.
There was positively no way that this date could get any worse than this.
"Sara, are you alright?"
"It wasn't hot." Jacobs explained that he preferred iced coffee drinks over hot ones. One look at Sara's cold coffee soaked body and Grissom had to agree that iced drinks were much better than hot ones.
"I'm fine," she said coolly.
"Are you sure, miss? Oh man, I don't even have anything to clean you up with. I'm on foot tonight."
"It's fine, officer. I'll get her taken care of," Grissom explained and Jacobs went on his way after apologizing once more for the mess he had caused, hair and all.
"So I take it this would be a bad time to ask if you're having fun yet?" Grissom asked after they got back in his car.
"I really, really hope that was rhetorical, Grissom."
"Thought so. I need clothes," she sighed.
"I'll stop at a gas station." At her confused look he offered up, "You know, Las Vegas novelty shirts and whatnot."
"Oh, whatever. Just get me something so that we can go eat."
Fifteen minutes later, Sara was watching Grissom suspiciously as he came out of the gas station with a bag in his hand. He didn't look like he wanted to get back into that car too quickly.
When he finally got in she turned to him and held out her hands for the merchandise but he didn't hand it over right away.
"Sara, before I give you this, I just want you to know that this was not my choice. Not at all, not one teeny little bit. Please do not kill me for this because I really had no choice in the matter. The shirt or your hat."
Sara had figured that she better get a hat too since she was partially bald and was probably going to be eating in a public setting.
"Just give me the stuff."
He handed the bag to her and her jaw fell to her lap.
"Okay, there is no way in hell I am wearing this stuff, Grissom!"
"There isn't anything else in there, Sara! I swear!"
"Grissom, seriously…'BJs are my thing'?…There is no way in hell I can wear that. And don't get me started on the shirt."
"The shirt is kind of an honor if you think about it," he shrugged.
"Oh, yeah? Well, Mister Honorable, this shirt will fit you."
"Give me yours," she said while handing him the novelty shirt.
"Sara, there is no way I'm wearing that!"
"I threw up after riding a roller coaster with you. I had a sucker stuck in my hair by some Satan's Spawn kid at the movies. I had it and a chunk of my hair cut out right before I had to stop you from being maced by a cop that thought you were physically attacking me. Grissom, your ass is giving me your shirt and putting this one on."
"I don't think so," he said sternly.
Less than a minute later Grissom had his shirt off and handed to Sara. He slipped the other on and turned to her, she was starting to unbutton her shirt! "Aren't you going in to change?"
"So everyone can see my sweet new hairdo? No thanks, I'll be fine changing in the car like you."
"You trust me enough to change in front of me?" he asked unbelievingly.
"Of course I do, you're ga- Grissom," she blushed. Not because of being half naked in front of her one and only dreamboat, but because she had seriously almost called that dreamboat GAY! Maybe he wouldn't notice…
"What?"…shit he did.
"You almost said something else."
"Just then. You almost said something else."
"No…you must be distracted by my devastatingly hot bod or something, Grissom, because I most certainly did not!" she laughed nervously.
"Yeah, alright then. Are you hungry yet? You think your stomach can handle some food?"
"I would love some food, but can we just get a sandwich or something, I really don't want to go in anywhere," she said pointing to her head.
"We can do that."
Half an hour later and the pair were at a quaint little stand sitting at a picnic table waiting for their food. Sara was sporting her oversized 'Gil Grissom' tee and awesome new hat. Grissom was looking rather dashing in his new clothes as well.
"You know, Grissom, I think Greg might already have that shirt…in that same color too," she laughed.
"I still think it's ridiculous that I am the one wearing it." He didn't laugh.
"There was no chance that I was going to be wearing a hat that said I like giving blow jobs and a lime green tee shirt that says 'Last Virgin in Vegas'. Absolutely no damn way, Grissom."
"I feel like such a tourist," he said as he got up to retrieve their food.
When he sat down, Sara opened her bag of chips, took apart her sandwich and started putting the chips on it.
"What are you doing, Sara?"
"I like to eat my sandwiches like this...with the chips on it."
He laughed at that.
"Are you making fun of me?"
"No, it's just… that's how I always eat my sandwiches," he shrugged.
'Oh, sweet Jesus, we're perfect for each other and you made him gay!' she thought as she silently cursed God and bit into her sandwich while Grissom began 'making' his own. 'I could learn about bones. I'll glue every damn bowtie the man has. Chains and whips? I'll beat his old ass silly if that's what he's into.'
"What do you want to do next?"
"I thought you had everything planned out, Grissom."
"Sara, I thought I had a very fun, very enjoyable date planned out. Like you said though, we had vomit, suckers, missing hair, near mace, coffee and explicit novelty wear. I really don't want to plan anything else as far as this date goes."
"Oh, come on, Griss, it hasn't been that bad." She was lying for his prides sake. In all reality it was honestly the worst date she had ever been on and that included that time her foster-grandfather showed up on her first date when she was thirteen because he was on his way to the store and he couldn't quite remember if she needed tampons that week or the week after. But Grissom was trying and who was she to complain? She was getting all she had ever wanted from the man, just one chance.
"It has been that bad, Sara. Good thing I had no intentions on sleeping with you tonight. With the way things are going, I'd probably slip and break my damn hip. Or yours. Hell, probably both!"
After the EMTs were positive that Sara's airway was clear and that she'd be okay, and they assured Grissom that, no, he could not die from embarrassment, they packed up and left.
Sara sat on the tables outside to make a phone call while Grissom went inside to pay the bill and explain to the owners what was going on, and that he and Sara weren't going to sue.
"Catherine's phone, God speaking. Hows may I direct your call?"
"Ugh...God, let me talk to Catherine."
"You are…you oh." Greg snickered.
"You're is gonna hate her!"
"Why?" Sara had a pretty bad feeling about this.
"You're on a date!" he yelled.
"No, I'm on a case, Greg. Remember?"
"Nu-uh. Catherine says you didn't never asked if he liked the guys and you're date, um, datie…" she heard a thud.
"Greg?! Are you there Gr- uh...God?"
"Where the hell did you go?"
"Sara?" Catherine slurred out.
"Oh, my godedness youse are gonna be soooo mad at me!" she laughed.
"God tell you?"
"Sure did! What the hell, Catherine?! What happened to 'I'm not that big of a bitch'? You weren't supposed to tell anyone!"
"Okay, first of all…the yelling is juss gonna haves to quit, you big ol buzz kill you. Third, is it third? Fourth of all, don't worries about it. We gots thems babies of Greg's!"
"You tell 'God' or whoever the hell he is when he gets up off of the floor that I will torch those things in a friggin heartbeat if he says anything to anyone about me and Grissom."
"Will do, Your Soberness," and she hung up.
'Life hates me.' Sara thought. The only things that could actually make the night better would be for her to be abducted by aliens or to just be whacked by the mob...something along those lines.
"Who was that?"
"Jeez, Grissom, you scared me!" she clutched her chest...Grissom paid special attention to that fact.
"Sorry. The owners are satisfied that we won't sue."
"Yeah." He was glad she wasn't bringing up what he had said to her. Like he seriously needed reminding.
"I don't care what we do," he said truthfully.
"Well everyone is over at Good Times…Greg thinks he's God…that could be worthwhile," she suggested.
"Drunk Greg is always worthwhile."
'Screw it just ask him!' she thought. "Grissom, are you…um...are you-"
"Am I what?"
"You sure? You've had something to ask me for the last two days."
She sighed, "Maybe later."
"Alright," he nodded.
About an hour later, Grissom and Sara arrived in front of Good Times. On the way, Sara explained to Grissom that no one knew they were on a date, that everyone thought they were on a case and he was completely understanding. They called ahead to let Catherine know to meet them outside.
"OH MY GOD!" She fell to her knees laughing at the pair.
"Hey, Grissom, I think Catherine likes your shirt," Sara smirked.
"Really? It couldn't be your hat by any chance?"
An elbow to his ribs got rid of the smug look on his face and they all walked into the bar where they were greeted by everyone in, pretty much, the same way that Catherine had greeted them.
"Well, the only person I don't see is Hodges. Where's he at?" Sara asked.
"Sara, you are not going to hit him," Grissom warned.
"No, I was just asking, Mom. Jeez, why does everyone think that every time I ask about Hodges, that it's because I want to hit him?"
"Probably because every time you ask about Hodges, it's because you want to hit him," Nick laughed. "He's in the potty."
"Sara...your hat a suggestion?" Greg waggled his whole face suggestively at her.
She hit him upside the back of the head. "Not for you!"
Catherine drunkenly dragged Sara to the ladies room while Grissom was subjected to questions about just why a case would get so out of hand that Sara would be missing hair and he would become the unofficial 'Last Virgin in Vegas.'
"You didn't asked hims yet?"
"You sure don't need any more alcohol tonight, Cath."
"S'fine…youse asks hims yet?"
"No," Sara sighed.
"We alls wants to knows, Sara." she said in a 'duh!' voice.
"Everyone already thinks they know, Catherine."
"But doesn't Sara want to know?"
"I'm Sara," Sara told her.
"God, you're drunk."
"Greg's out there," Catherine laughed.
"God…Greg is there." She pointed at the door.
"I'll ask before we all leave…I just have to work up the nerve."
"Tequila will gives ya all the nerves youse needs!" Catherine yelled as she stumbled out the bathroom door and back towards the bar.
Sara went to the table were Greg/God, Nick, Hodges, Warrick, Bobby, Archie, Grissom and Catherine now were. Catherine set a shot down in front of everyone.
"Whoo!" Catherine yelled.
Everyone repeated and downed their shots.
Greg decided that it was time to talk again, "So…Sara…hows…everything…in…your…date?"
Sara looked up to the ceiling. "Whoever, I don't care whichever one of you gods, just one of you please help me get through tonight without maiming or killing Greg. Going to prison isn't really on my list of fun things to do for the day."
"Why would you want to kill Greg?" Archie asked.
"He doesn't know hows to shuts it up. Right, Sara?" Warrick looked at her and winked.
Sara was mortified…Warrick knew?! She threw a look of death to Catherine whose only response was, "He puts out well." and a shrug.
Greg started up again "And…taking…gays…on…dates?" he pointed around the table "Now that's the way to be optimistic!"
"Greg, or God, or whoever the hell you are…if you don't shut up…I'll burn those porn stars." Sara took the cards out of her purse and waived them in front of Greg. Grissom reached over and grabbed them.
"What are these?" he looked shocked to see Sara with such a thing.
"Those are NOT mine! Those are Greg's, I stole them from him."
"Cuz you're gays!" Bobby slurred out.
Grissom looked confused. "Who is gay?"
"You, ya big fairy!" Hodges yelled…it is never wise to mix alcohol and a possible concussion from a 'door'.
"What?!" he looked at Sara.
"We all know it Bugsmanas and we stills loves it…I means you," Nick said.
"But not in that way!" Bobby warned.
"I don't cares if you likes guys…I gots a…something…a cousin! Yeah, he is one cools gay guy, Griss. I'll give you his numbers," Archie offered.
"Sara, I swear I have no clue what these people are talking about!" Grissom said as realization hit.
"I might," she said quietly
"I said…I might."
"What are you talking about?!"
She broke. "Screw it! Grissom are you gay?"
"What?! Hell no I'm not GAY! Where did that come from?!"
"Well, you never asked me out or did anything but avoid me. You went out with Terri Miller and you hooked up with the leather chick and don't even get me started on that scum sucking whore Sofia! I told everyone that you weren't gay but Nick and Greg pointed out that you went to the…"
'Here we go with that mile a minute stuff again' he thought as everyone looked on with wide eyes at her motor mouth as it took, what would normally be a five minute conversation, and turned it into a 2.5 second one. "SARA!" he yelled, but it was no use.
"…dominatrix place after the guys were discovered and everyone thinks you're gay because I never asked to find out and tell them any different. But I really don't think that you are gay because if you are then that really just means that I am the absolute worst judge of character ever. I said that you weren't gay and Catherine agreed with me but I gotta tell you, Griss, I'm really starting to wonder!"
"Sara, I'm not gay, just..."
"Slow in the head?" Catherine supplied.
"Let's go with that." He grabbed Sara up and kissed her as passionately as he could. When he broke it off, he said, "Sara, really, I'm not gay."
"I kinda caught that," she said with a mile wide grin and then jumped on him, kissing him again.
"Ew, seein' that makes me need more alco...beer," Hodges said. On his way past Catherine to the bar, his drunken concussion got the best of him. "Catherine...whats do you say to me, youse and a goats farm?"
Catherine's right hook was his answer. She pointed to his passed out body on the floor "Someone get his wallet...asshole's payin' for my new nails."
For the next two hours, everyone sat around drinking or horribly singing karaoke while Grissom and Sara non-gay made out in the non-gay corner of the non-gay bar because Grissom wasn't gay! They would've gone elsewhere -wink wink-, but they were the only sober ones in the group so they called a cab for those who wouldn't fit into Grissom's car with them.
Greg decided that they had all had enough and announced that it was time to head home. Apparently though he had missed out on the entire previous conversation.
"So, Grissom…you likes the guys huh?"
"I'm not gay, Greg!" Grissom yelled as he pointed to Sara who, quite happily, had her lips attached to his neck.
"Sure," he said unbelievingly "Poser."
"Just for that, Greg, you realize that you are never getting those cards back right?"
"And juts why the halls not?"
"I'll make you a deal…for every decomp you do, you get two cards back."
"Buts that's likes eighty eleven cards!" Greg protested.
"That's right, Greg, and you didn't even count the jokers."
"Awww…" he whined as he made his way out to Grissom's car mumbling something about 'stupid virgins' and his 'sweet Jersey.'
Yeah, I think 8 will do... I have never had so much fun writing something in my entire life! You guys all rock super hardcore! Yay for you!
Reviews my lovely loyals...reviews!
thegreatbluespoon---I think after writing this, I'm due for a CAT scan.