This is it, the last chapter. Thank you all for everything. Without your support, I don't know if I could have continued.
I don't own That 70's Show or The Police, I do however, own Sting. Really. Trudy can have him over my dead body!
De doo doo doo, De da da da
It was the first week of July and Jackie was due in just another week. The last month had been hectic for everyone. The gang had begun operation baby Jedi. The nursery had been painted with fluffy clouds and teddy bears, the drills were practiced day and night. Eric knew the fastest route to the hospital from Jackie and Hyde's house, The Hub, the Muffler shop and Grooves. They had all decided that Jackie was not to be left alone, so she had someone with her at all times. Fez and Laurie had made sure that Jackie's bag was ready, as well as made sure that the car was ready for when the baby came home. Jackie and Hyde of course, had no idea that their friends were practicing baby drills while they were off at their doctor appointments or were at work. Jackie had briefly wondered why she was never left alone, but decided that it would be better not to ask. She probably didn't want to know the answer anyway.
The only thing they didn't have was a name for their baby. Jackie refused to even consider boy names, and Hyde hated everything that Jackie suggested. They eventually turned to their friends for guidance.
"Erica, because, after all, I'm the one who put you two back together." Eric said arrogantly.
"No, name her Fez!"
Kelso had pushed Fez at this point. "That's not even a girl's name, you should call her Michelle."
Hyde and Jackie thanked the three guys for their oh so creative suggestions and then turned to the girls.
"I like the name Belize." Donna suggested.
"Isn't that a country?" Eric asked.
"I'm not naming my daughter after a country." Jackie stated.
"What about Jennifer?" Brooke asked.
"I've known too many Jennifers." Jackie answered, waving Brooke's suggestion off. She turned to Laurie for a suggestion.
Laurie shrugged. "Beelzebub?"
Jackie stuck her tongue out at her friend. "I'm not naming my daughter after you."
The night before The Fourth of July, Hyde woke up to find himself alone. "Damn it." He muttered underneath his breath. He got up and went downstairs to find Jackie was on the couch watching TV. He sat down beside her and kissed her head.
"What are you doing up?" He asked her.
"I can't sleep." She replied grumpily.
"So you came down here to eat popcorn and watch reruns of Get Smart?"
Jackie nodded. "Yes."
"Do you want me to call Donna or Mrs. Forman?" He asked. Donna had offered to stay with them in case Jackie went into labor at night, might Jackie turned her down, saying she would have Hyde call her if she needed her. Jackie shook her head and told him everything was fine.
"Is there anything I can do?"
She frowned. "You can make our daughter come out."
Hyde laughed. "I don't think I can do that."
"What are you good for then?"
"I'm good for loving you." He replied.
"That's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard you say." Hyde grinned.
"We're going to the Forman's barbeque today right?" She asked, snuggling closer to Hyde.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He stood up and took her hand. "Now come on, let's at least try to get some rest." He pulled her up from the couch.
Later that day, the group, sans Jackie stood around eating their hot dogs. Jackie had gone inside to go to the bathroom. Her stomach had been hurting all day, but she decided it was gas and did her best to ignore it.
"Would you guys look at Hyde?" Eric gestured at him, "He looks like hell."
Hyde and Donna glared at Eric.
"Who cares about Hyde?" Donna said, "It's Jackie you should feel sorry for. She's the one who has to swallow an antelope in reverse!"
Eric laughed. "You're right Donna, men are horrible."
Donna nodded and kissed Eric.
"She can't sleep, which means I can't sleep." Hyde took off his glasses so that he could rub his eyes. "And I really like to sleep."
Jackie stared guiltily down at the now empty plate of cupcakes. It was official; pregnancy had turned her into Bob Pinciotti. It was okay though, she was due in a week, and after that, she'd go back on her diet and exercise regime and loose the extra pounds she now carried. As Jackie licked the chocolate icing off the plate, her water broke in the Forman's kitchen. Jackie laughed briefly; Red was going to love this.
Jackie walked back outside holding her bump. She ignored her friends for the time being and went straight to Kitty, Red, Bob and Joanne.
"Can I talk to you two for a moment?" Jackie asked the Formans.
Kitty nodded and the three of them stepped to the side.
"I'm really sorry Mrs. Forman, Mr. Forman."
"Sorry for what?" Red asked her.
Jackie blushed, "I sort of made a small mess on your floor."
"It's okay; we'll get one of the boys to clean it up." Red told her.
Kitty took Jackie's hand. "Red, she's saying her water just broke."
"Oh, then we're definitely making one of the boys clean it up." He paused. "Oh!"
Another contraction hit Jackie. Kitty looked at her watch. "When was the last one you had?"
Jackie shook her head. "I'm not sure, maybe before I went inside to use the bathroom."
Red yelled to get everyone's attention. "Everyone, stop what you're doing!" They either were ignoring him or didn't hear him.
He tried again and then looked over at Kitty and Jackie. "Kitty, go take care of Jackie, I'll handle these morons."
Donna noticed Kitty holding Jackie's hand. "I'm going to go see what's wrong." She told them and headed over to Kitty and Jackie.
"Oh, Donna, I'm glad you're here." Kitty said.
"What's going on?" She asked.
Jackie grimaced in pain.
Kitty pointed. "That is what's going on. Jackie's water just broke, and well, your friends are well…"
"Dumbasses?" Donna supplied.
"Yes." "Now Red went to call the hospital to tell them we're coming, but you need to take charge of the group. Remember the drills!"
Jackie looked up. "Wait, you guys had drills for this?"
Donna nodded. "Yep. While you and Hyde were at your doctor's appointments, we would get together and practice what to do when this happened."
"Aww, that's so sweet of you." Jackie hugged her tall friend.
"It's nothing, now, watch this."
Donna pulled out a whistle from around her neck and blew on it. Instantly, everyone except Hyde stood at attention, but even he was looking at Donna, who was now pacing in the Forman driveway.
"This is not a drill people!" She yelled in a sergeant voice. She pointed at Eric. "Eric, go get the Vista Cruiser." Eric saluted her and ran off.
"Fez, Laurie, go get Jackie's bag, then meet us at the hospital." Fez and Laurie jumped and headed towards Hyde's house.
"Uh, Donna?" Hyde asked. "What's going on?"
Red came back outside before Donna could answer him, he walked up to Hyde and slapped him on the back.
"You're going to be a father, dumbass, now go!" He hit Hyde again and Hyde went towards Jackie and Kitty.
Donna and Red looked at each other. "I think we handled that very well don't you?"
Red saluted his daughter in law.
The group walked into the hospital together except for Bob and Joanne who had stayed at the Forman's to clean and get rid of the rest of the guests. Kitty walked up the nurse's station.
"Hi Patty!" Kitty said cheerfully.
"So what brings you down here? You're not scheduled until tomorrow."
Kitty was about to answer but was interrupted by Jackie lashing out a trail of obscenities. They all looked at Jackie in amazement.
"I didn't know she knew those words." Donna whispered to Eric who was too busy laughing at the look on Hyde's face.
Slowly, everyone turned to look at Red.
"Red Forman, Jackie used to be a sweet girl, and now look what you've done to her."
"Now why would you think I taught her those words? If you should blame anyone, it should be her degenerate fiancé."
"Hey!" Hyde said. "I didn't teach her that."
Jackie rolled her eyes and spoke to Nurse Patty. "Hi, I'm Jackie Burkhart, and I am here to give birth to his illegitimate child." She pointed to Hyde. "May I please be taken up to my room now?"
Nurse Patty stood up. "Are they with you?" She gestured to the group.
"I'm extremely tempted to say no." Jackie said with a glare as she sat down in her wheelchair.
Jackie and Hyde were alone in the hospital room. Hyde was feeding Jackie ice chips and reading an article in Cosmo.
"Jackie, this is crap, do women honestly think they need to do all this stuff to keep us satisfied?"
"Of course we do."
He shook his head. "Baby, the only thing you need to keep me satisfied is that thing you did last night."
"That's number seven."
He flipped the page and looked. "Huh, so it is."
Kitty walked into the room. "I've come to put your IV in."
The door opened again. "Hello Jackie, Steven."
"Hi Doctor Lewis." Jackie waved.
The doctor checked Jackie. "Well, you seem to be progressing nicely."
"I'll leave Steven for you if you get my drugs for me now." She fluttered her eyelashes.
Hyde stared at her. "Forget that." He turned to Doctor Lewis. "I'll marry you myself if you get those drugs."
Doctor Lewis laughed. "I'll put the order in right now."
A short time later at the hospital, the group is in Jackie's room. Kelso and Fez played catch while Laurie braided Brooke's hair. Donna, Eric and Hyde sat beside Jackie's bed. Stevie Wonder played in the background. "You are the sunshine of my life, that's why I'll always be around." Jackie sang to Hyde, drugged. "I love you Puddin'pop."
He leaned down and kissed her. "And I love your bag."
She nodded. "Me too!"
Laurie looked up at them. "Man, I chose the best time to come home!" Fez smiled at her.
"That you did my candy girl."
Eric and Hyde scoffed. "Candy girl?" They both asked.
Donna frowned at Hyde. "I wouldn't talk, Puddin'pop."
"That's Mr. Puddin'pop to you." Hyde pointed to Donna who just laughed.
Jackie, Donna, Laurie and Kitty were in a circle in the hospital room.
"Steven owes me for this." Jackie said. "And as soon as my drugs wear off, I'm going to tell him just that."
"I'm going to make Eric go out and get the biggest box of condoms he can find, because there is no freaking way I'm going through that." Donna said, pointing at Jackie.
"Oh, it's not so bad." Kitty said, "Sure, it's painful at first but then you're rewarded with a beautiful baby and then you get to watch them grow up and get married and start families and soon you're in a nursing home and do your children ever come see you? Of course not, they're too busy with their own lives, never once do they consider the excruciating pain you had to go through just to bring them into this world!"
The girls stared at Kitty.
"Are you okay mom?" Laurie asked.
Kitty laughed. "Of course I'm okay."
Doctor Lewis came back, followed my Kitty and Red.
"Well, we just talked to Bob and Joanne, they've got everything cleaned and are going to get everything ready for when Jackie comes home." Kitty told them.
Doctor Lewis laughed at the sight. "You are some group."
Eric nodded proudly. "We're the best."
"We really are." Donna said matter of factly.
Doctor Lewis walked up to Jackie. "And how are you doing?"
She smiled. "I'm fantastic!" She paused as another contraction hit her. "Except those seem to be happening faster and faster."
He nodded. "I bet. I think you're ready to go Jackie."
She started to get out of the bed. Hyde nudged her back down. Doctor Lewis laughed.
"I meant you're ready to give birth."
Jackie nodded. "Oh, I knew that." She said sheepishly.
Doctor Lewis turned to the group. "Okay, everyone who is not the father needs to leave now."
The group started to get up and walk out but Jackie spoke up. "Doctor? Would it be alright if Donna and Mrs. Forman stayed?"
Doctor Lewis smiled. "I think that's alright." He looked at the three of them. "Go put on your scrubs."
The group headed out the doorway. Fez paused and looked at Kelso. "This is the best fourth of July ever."
"Now Jackie, I need you to push." Jackie shook her head. "No."
"Jackie, it's not going to be long now, I really need you to do this."
She shook her head again. "No."
"What's wrong sweetie?" Kitty asked her.
Jackie looked over at Hyde. "Steven, I don't want our daughter to be born a bastard."
Hyde laughed softly. "Jackie, I don't think you have much of a choice. It's a little too late to have a wedding."
"I'm not giving birth to this baby until we're married." Jackie said stubbornly. Hyde looked at Donna, Kitty and Dr. Lewis for help.
"Well, whatever you two kids decide to do, you need to do it in the next twenty minutes." Doctor Lewis told them.
Kitty sighed. "If you want, I can go get the hospitals' Priest."
Jackie looked up at Hyde. "Please?" She asked softly.
Hyde leaned down and kissed Jackie. "I don't have a choice in this do I?"
Kitty walked out the door to find Father Peter. Donna smiled at Jackie and Hyde. "You two will need witnesses; do you want me to get Eric?"
They both nodded.
Seven minutes later, Donna and Kitty had returned with Eric and Father Peter.
"I hear you two want to get married." Father Peter said kindly.
Hyde nodded. "She just can't wait." Jackie bit her lip.
Eric looked around. "Do I really need to be here?" "I don't do well with uh, this…" he waved his hand around.
Donna looked over at Eric. "What are you going to do when I'm the one giving birth?"
"I plan on being passed out on the floor." Eric told her seriously. "I'm serious." He then looked over at Hyde. "Man, I was looking so forward to giving my best man speech."
"You still will." Jackie told him through clinched teeth.
"He will?" "I will?" Donna and Hyde spoke at the same time as Eric.
"Look, all my life I've dreamt about having a big wedding, and well, I have the money. We're going to have that wedding and the huge reception."
Hyde laughed. "That's what Eric and Donna said, and you can see how well that turned out."
Jackie glared at Hyde. "Big wedding." She repeated again. "But right now, we're doing this!" She yelled the last part.
"I think it's wonderful, Jackie." Kitty told her.
"Me, too." Donna said.
"Do you have rings?" Father Peter asked.
They shook their heads. "We weren't really planning this." Hyde told him.
Eric stood up from his chair. "Wait! I know what we can do! I'll be right back!" He ran out the door. Everyone looked at each other confused.
Eric ran up to Fez and Kelso in the waiting room.
"I need a favor." He said.
Kelso pointed to Eric and laughed. "You look like a huge dork."
Eric shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, do you guys know that grocery store down the street?"
Fez nodded. "They have the best licorice."
"There's machine there that sells really tacky jewelry. I need you guys to go get two rings out of it."
Both Fez and Kelso stared at Eric.
"You want us to do what?" Fez asked.
"Look, Jackie and Hyde want to get married before their baby is born, but they need rings, so I'm begging you, please, go spend your quarters on tacky plastic rings!"
The two looked at each other and ran off. Eric stood in the hallway tapping his foot impatiently. Everyone in the waiting room stared at him.
Kelso and Fez returned five minutes later with a grocery sack full off plastic jewelry. Kelso handed the bag to Eric who started to rummage through it. He pulled out two and handed the bag back to Kelso.
"Thanks man." He ran back inside Jackie's room.
"Got 'em!" He gave the plastic balls to Hyde.
"You got us cheap plastic rings?" Hyde asked incredulously.
"Technically, Fez and Kelso got them, but it's not like you really gave me much time! I couldn't just run to the mall and ask Fenton for them. He would have modeled them!"
Hyde opened the cups. "Well, I guess I'll take the skull and you can have the dolphin." He handed Jackie the skull ring.
"Well, if you two are ready, we can begin." Father Peter told them.
"Wait!" Kitty exclaimed. "Red will be pissed if he missed this, I'll go get him." She ran out to get Red.
"Hold on!" Donna exclaimed. "If you get married without the rest of our friends they'll, uh, well Fez will cry."
They all looked at Doctor Lewis hopefully. He just sighed. "This isn't usually allowed, but…okay, fine, go get them."
Donna went to get the rest of the gang.
A minute later, the room was full, everyone was wearing scrubs.
"Okay, what's going on here?" Red asked.
Donna laughed and pointed at Hyde and Jackie. "Our favorite criminal turned businessman and cheerleader turned mechanic want to get married before their kid is born. We thought you might want to be here."
Red tried not to smile. "You did?" He said gruffly. He walked over to where Kitty was standing and took her hand. "Well, if you insist."
"It won't be long now." Doctor Lewis told them.
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the union…" Father Peter started to speak as Jackie pushed. Hyde interrupted him. "You might want to skip that part."
Jackie screamed again.
"You're doing great Jackie."
The priest looked flushed. "Okay, uh, do you Steven take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, do you promise to love, cherish, honor her as long as God allows?"
Hyde smiled. "I do."
"I see the head." Doctor Lewis told Jackie and Hyde. Hyde was making a point of staying above Jackie's waist.
"What does she look like?" Jackie asked Donna who stood beside Doctor Lewis.
"She's got Hyde's hair." Donna told her. "She's beautiful."
Kitty wiped Jackie's brow. "You're doing great sweetheart. We're very proud of you both."
The father turned to Jackie. "Do you Jackie take Steven to be your lawfully wedded husband, do you promise to love, cherish and honor him as long as God allows?"
"I DO!" Jackie yelled as she pushed again.
"She's almost out!" Donna said.
One more push, Jackie." Doctor Lewis said.
"It's a girl!" Doctor Lewis announced.
"I told you so!" Jackie's voice could barely be heard over their daughter's cries.
"Great, another loud one." Eric grinned.
"I want to see her!" Jackie said as the nurse took the baby away.
"She's just getting cleaned up." Doctor Lewis told her.
Jackie instantly started to cry. "We were too late! Our daughter is a bastard!"
The priest laughed. "Jackie, I don't think God is angry, besides, I can finish if you want."
Jackie looked up at Hyde. "What do you think?"
"Well, it would be a pity to let these rings go to waste. After all, Fez must have spent a lot of quarters to get them."
"And you have recited your vows already." Donna offered.
They all looked at Father Peter who coughed and then smiled. "Steven, place Jackie's ring on her finger and recite after me."
Hyde slipped the plastic dolphin ring onto Jackie's finger.
"I give you this ring, in token and pledge."
Hyde repeated the priest's words. "I give you this ring, in token and pledge."
"Of my undying love and faithfulness to you."
"Of my undying love and faithfulness to you."
Jackie looked down at her ring in wonderment. "Wow." She didn't even care that it was made of plastic and was too big for her finger.
Father Peter looked over at Jackie. "Place Steven's ring on is finger."
She slipped the skull ring onto his finger.
"Repeat after me, I give you this ring, in token and pledge."
Jackie's voice was hoarse. "I give you this ring, in token and pledge."
Kitty held a glass of water up to Jackie's mouth. "Drink this sweetie." Jackie took a sip.
Father Peter continued. "Of my undying love and faithfulness to you."
Jackie smiled. "Of my undying love and faithfulness to you."
"Then by the power vested by God and the state of Wisconsin, I pronounce you husband and wife." The father smiled. "You may kiss the bride."
Hyde leaned over. "Okay." He said before kissing her gently.
Everyone clapped and hollered as the two kissed. The nurse returned with their new baby girl wrapped in a blanket. She handed her to Jackie, who looked down at her daughter and instantly started to cry.
Kitty and Donna looked at each other and followed in Jackie's footsteps. Donna went over to sit by Eric next to Hyde. Brooke sat down at the end of Jackie's bed.
"How do you feel?" She asked.
"I'm good." Jackie smiled.
Hyde couldn't stop staring at his new family.
"She's the most beautiful thing in the world." Jackie said. "She's like, the shiniest sparkliest diamond in the world."
"Is she better than a hamburger wrapped in tin foil?" Hyde asked her.
She nodded. "Even better than that."
"Would you like to hold her?" Jackie asked him.
Hyde took his daughter. "Hi"
The baby cried in response. Everyone in the room laughed.
Laurie walked over to her husband who was talking to Kelso. She pulled him up and dragged him over to an empty corner.
"I want one." She told him matter-of-factly.
"Want what?" Fez asked, confused.
"A baby." Laurie rolled her eyes at her husband's denseness.
Fez's eyes widened and he gulped. "Really?"
Laurie nodded. "I say we should start trying as soon as we get home."
Fez waggled his eyebrows. "Why wait that long?"
Kelso held his daughter in his arms as she slept. Brooke smiled thoughtfully at the two as she sat beside him. Grinning, she whispered in his ear that they were going to have another baby.
"Really?" He asked, trying to be quiet for his daughter's sake.
Brooke smiled. "I wasn't sure until now, but yeah, we are."
Kelso grinned, "Wow, and this time it happened on an actual bed!"
Brooke shook her head and leaned in for a kiss.
Hyde and Jackie laid in Jackie's hospital bed, Jackie was holding their daughter. "What are you thinking about?" Jackie asked him.
"About how I almost lost this." He told her honestly.
"Oh." "Well, you know, technically you did."
"But you got it back." She and Hyde shared a tender kiss.
"I love you." Hyde whispered into Jackie's ear.
Jackie smiled. "Okay." They turned back to their daughter.
The song Sweet Jane by Velvet Underground started to play on the radio.
"Sweet, sweet Jane." Jackie sang.
"I think we found our name."
She looked down. "Hello Janie."
"Can we please come in?" Fez asked through the doorway.
"Come in!" Hyde told them.
The group walked in.
"Give me my niece!" Laurie demanded, taking Jane.
"So, what did you name her?" Kelso asked. "I hope it was something classy like Bambi."
"Well, we all took our suggestions very seriously." Jackie told them. "But, unfortunately, none of them were right."
"So what did you end up calling her?" Brooke asked.
"Jane Katherine Forman Barnett Hyde."
The group all looked at each other.
"Jane?" Eric asked. "Where is that from?"
Laurie looked down at her niece. "Anyone who's ever had a heart wouldn't turn around a break it and anyone who's ever played a part, wouldn't turn around a hate it."
Fez sang with her. "Sweet Jane, Sweet Jane, oh Sweet, Sweet, Jane."
Hyde nodded and pointed. "You got it."
"Katherine is for you Mrs. Forman." Jackie smiled up at Kitty. Kitty smiled as tears rolled down her cheeks, she walked over to hug Hyde and Jackie. "I love you both." She turned to the rest of her children. "In fact, I love you all so very, very much."
W.B walked into the room. "Hello."
"Hey W.B!" Hyde stood up to shake W.B's hand.
"This is a momentous occasion." He pulled out his wallet. "Twenty dollars for everyone! He started passing out money. He gave Jackie her twenty and leaned down to kiss her head. "How are you Jackie?"
She started to respond but was interrupted by the sounds of fireworks outside. Eric and Kelso looked out the window.
"If you guys want to go watch the fire works you can." Hyde told them.
Kelso and Eric looked back at Hyde and both shook their heads.
"I'm good." Kelso said, going to sit by Brooke who was now holding Jane. Betsy was sitting next to her, staring at Jane.
"As am I." Eric told them, sitting by Donna.
"Yeah, who needs fireworks when you have this." Fez gestured around the room.
"Sterilized equipment and bad hospital gowns?" Laurie asked him.
Fez laughed. "No." He looked at the guys. "Look around you. We're surrounded by beautiful women; we've got beer, champagne and good tunes. Pretty sparks in the sky can't compete with this."
"Oh, Fezzy." Jackie gushed. Laurie drew him for a long kiss.
"Fez is right." Eric told Hyde who nodded in agreement.
"We lucked out." He said.
Jackie and Donna smiled. "You bet you did." Jackie told them.
"Yeah, and we plan on letting you know it every day for the rest of your lives." Donna smirked.
Eric and Hyde just kissed their wives in response.
"I changed my mind, Steven." Jackie told him.
"I don't want to have another wedding."
"But what about your dream wedding?" He asked, at the same time Eric asked, "But what about my speech?"
Jackie took Hyde's hand. "Steven, I just had my dream wedding."
"Your dream wedding was to get married in a hospital with cheap plastic rings while giving birth to our daughter?"
"It was magical, nothing can possibly compare." She then looked at Eric. "Eric, we'll have a reception and you can give your damn speech."
Hyde kept his attention on Jackie. "Are you sure about this?"
She nodded, looking him in the eye. "Yes."
"Why won't my children have normal weddings?" Kitty asked no one in particular.
"Hey, Brooke and I had a normal wedding!"
They all turned to stare at Kelso.
"Kelso," Hyde said slowly, "You nearly burned down half of the church."
"Again, I ask why my children can't have normal weddings." Kitty said.
Brooke stood up and walked to Kitty. "Would it help if you got to hold your new granddaughter?" She handed Jane to Kitty.
Kelso pointed at Jackie. "It's her fault for putting candles in the church!" "Seriously, what were you thinking?"
Jackie scoffed. "I thought you'd be able to control yourself for one day, Michael."
"Yeah, well, you clearly thought wrong."
The two glared at each other for a moment before both of them burst out laughing. Jackie pointed at Kelso.
"You burned down the church!" She said, still laughing.
"Yeah, well you just got married in an ugly hospital gown!"
The two laughed even harder.
Eric looked over at Hyde and Brooke. "What do you two see in them again?"
Brooke answered. "He makes me laugh."
Hyde stared at Jackie who had tears of laughter rolling down her face and then back at Eric. He shrugged. "What can I do man, she's hot."
This story is in no way or shape over, but I don't have enough ideas to keep this going, so what I will probably do is write one shots that take place in this universe. Be on the lookout for them, because it shouldn't be too long before I come up with an idea.
Not to get gushy or anything on you, but I'm really, really grateful for your support. It seems like only yesterday that I concocted this story in my head, and it was you guys who kept me going, so thank you.