A/N- So. I'm kind of a lazy bum and don't really feel like updating any of my current stories (ok… that's a lie… I have each chapter half written… but whatever)… and I happened to look back on this one. The idea behind it isn't so bad I suppose… but what really bothered me was the fact that the writing was total crap. So… I'm re-writing it. Joy! It'll be longer this time… and maybe a little more interesting. Or not. Whatever. At least I can write without knowing this eyesore is on my authored list.

Disclaimer: This may come as a surprise, but I don't own Artemis Fowl. Weird, eh? I don't own Frankie and Johnny either… it's a traditional song though- no copyrights- so I think this songfic is 'legal'.

So… er… here goes. This probably isn't better than the original. Still fun.

This Story Only Goes to Show-

Frankie and Johnny were lovers

Lordy how they could love

Swore to be true to each other

Just as true as the stars above


I hovered lightly by the window, taking in every detail of his face. My concentration was so deep I didn't even turn on my shield. I needed to memorize him. After all, I was determined never to see him again. I had promised myself that after my stupidity I was never going to embarrass myself- or him- with my presence. It would hurt, but it was my entire fault anyway.

I was just an idiotic elf with fanciful notions of interspecies peace who had fallen in love. I thought that our love would overcome the barriers set by our race and our backgrounds. I thought that if we loved each other with all our hearts it would be enough.

I never considered for a second the possibility, which seems to stare me straight in the face now: I never wasted a second thinking that he might not love me back. Maybe it was arrogance, or maybe it was desire, but I really did think he loved me. I thought that all we had to do was get over our qualms and admit our love and everything would go smoothly and beautifully. Like I said, I was a superbly stupid elf.

That moment haunts me to this day. It plays before my eyes every time I hear his name mentioned. I can no longer think about him alone, only that one soul-crushing moment in time. The smallest things lead me to it: the sharp smell of lemons, uptight shoes that are obviously well worn but have made it through many years without acquiring a single scuff, anything related to Armani, people with black hair that falls into their eyes just so, a scarf that comes in exactly that shade of piercing blue… I would give anything in the world to turn back time and take my words back, but they are irrevocable.

It was the perfect moment. We were sitting side by side on the couch, laughing. It was one of the rare moments when all of Artemis's stupid pretences had finally dropped and he was laughing all out. He was letting his cold exterior go.

There was something about his hair that day. It was always silky and slightly… fluffy… but that day something that made it look particularly tantalizing. I longed to reach up and touch it ever so lightly. And then it struck me. His hair was a sign! Fate was telling me that this was the day, the hour, the minute, the precise second to tell him how I felt. I should have known better. There's a reason hair doesn't usually play a big part in fairytales (Rapunzel accepted).

I reached up to touch his hair, but my hand landed on his porcelain cheeks. Still, I wasn't one to complain. His face was just as magnetic as his hair, and my fingers had resisted that pull for far too long. He whipped his head to face me instantly, his eyes wide with surprise. I was mesmerized. I gazed into those bright, intelligent blue eyes and moved in slowly. I was so sure, so absolutely positive. I knew, or thought I knew, that he was going to kiss me. But instead, he pulled away.

"Holly!" he gasped, "What are you doing?" I could see his previous light mood evaporate. Already he was retreating into his protective cocoon.

Maybe that's why I said it. I could have brushed it off. I could have said he had something on his cheek. I could have said that I wasn't feeling too well. I could have lied. But that was against my nature. My stupid, abnormal fairy nature. I didn't want to have to watch him retreat. I didn't want to be pushed away. I wanted Artemis Fowl the Second. I loved him.

"Artemis… I-I love you." I blurted out unthinkingly. I. Love. You. The three most deadly, most poisonous, most idiotic words in the universe. The three words that mean nothing but pain. To my credit, I covered my mouth with my hands as soon as I had said them. I shook my head as a denial of the words ever having passed my traitor lips. But the damage was done.

"Holly…" he began painfully, "You're like… like a best friend to me… or more… a sister. I love… no. I care for you like a brother would for a sister. I really, truly do. I'm always happier around you, and I fell like I can relax and let go, like I don't need to be all uptight around you because you don't buy that act anyway. But… I don't… I can't…" He faltered.

I had heard enough. I didn't press the matter. I didn't try to convince him. I should have known it was too much for a fairy to ask. I mean… how clichéd can you get: An actually fairy getting her happily ever after? No. It doesn't work that way. The fairies just grant wishes, bless babies and take care of the dreamy godchildren. We're the nannies of stories, taking care of the spoiled princess's every request. I always did think Tinkerbell had gotten he short end of the stick.

I didn't confront him. I just turned and ran. And I was never going to come back.

I was weak though. I had to see him one last time before I took permanent residence underground. I expected nothing, and yet seeing him again was a welcome relief. He was so perfect, even if he was so desperately out of reach.

He was her man…


But he a-done her wrong…

I stretched out on my bed, totally immobile. It had been three days since she had told me. Three days since I had been the world's biggest idiot and rejected her. Three whole days and the pain had not diminished in the slightest. I felt as though someone had squashed all the air out of my lungs and ripped them to pieces as a favor- they were distracting me for the gut wrenching pain in my heart. I could hardly breathe, let alone eat or drink. My thoughts were a grey drabble of Holly. I had forced myself to remember every conversation, every word, and every encounter. I pictured her countless times in my minds eye. My only distraction was the word that pounded relentlessly through my head.

'Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.' It was no longer a question. It was barely even a word anymore. I couldn't understand why I had been so utterly stupid. Why had I forced myself to reject the girl I- but I still couldn't say it. She wasn't even there and I could not bear to admit that I loved her. I just couldn't do it. Nothing was stopping me but my own fear, but I still couldn't bear to utter those three words. I kept coming back to the excuse and the lie that I had given her. Over and over again I told myself that she was a sister- that she was just a sister.

And then I looked up. She was there. Her face, that perfectly angular, golden, beautiful face, was there at my window. I thanked the heavens for my memory. It had somehow projected my thoughts into a living illusion. I could tell the illusion about my feelings. The illusion wasn't the real Holly! If I could just tell her, tell this figment of my imagination, then it would be all right. I could pretend I had told Holly. I could believe my deceiving eyes.

She spoke. I could hear her despite the glass window that separated us. And I knew she was real.

"I'm sorry… sorry for everything Artemis. I'll go away now… It'll be nice to know I said goodbye." She spoke softly. Her electronic wings reverberated silently behind the glass panel, but I could only hear her voice, her beautiful voice. She started away.

"Holly!" I called out to her frantically, throwing open the window, "Holly, stop!"

She turned right around, almost eagerly, as though she had been waiting for something. I noticed this and words failed me.

"I-I…" I began. I kicked myself mentally. It wasn't so difficult. Three words. Three stupid words. I could say them. I would… But I couldn't really. My nerve failed me, and I finished my sentence differently, "I'll miss you… sister."

With that I turned away and I didn't look back. I slumped on the floor and cried. But I never, ever looked back.

I never saw her again.


I never saw him again.

This story has no moral.

This story has no end…

This story only goes to show…


A/N- Ok, so it's entirely possible that this is worse than the orginal. Whatever. At least I feel better about it. I really, truly hope you enjoyed. PLEASE DON"T KILL ME! Whatever you do, SPARE THE AUTHOR.

I'd absolutely /adore/ reviews… but for those of you who have already reviewed this story, I'd really, really, really appreciate it if you'd PM me your thoughts. I'll put up the original as a second chapter just incase anyone wants to compare the two.

SUPER DUPER NOTE OF SPECIALNESS TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED THE ORIGINAL: mxhpfreak, CriminalMastermind, Olynara Sedai, xXArtermis Rox Mi Sox Xx, AnimeRose93 Sovrani, ckontowderdon32. You guys are my SUNSHINES.

Anyone who notices and tells me aboot a mistake gets a GINORMOUS virtual cookie and a side dish of Mac and Cheese.

Muchos Luff and all that Shtuff


...There ain't no good in men

They'll do you wrong

Just as sure as you're born.