Disclaimer: Nope, unfortunately I'm not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own Harry Potter (though, I wish I did).
It was painful, coming back to Grimmuald Place, especially after the death it's owner. Sixteen-year-old Harry Potter sighed as he leaned against the headboard of the bed in the room that used to belong to Sirius. Harry was both comforted and pained by that room, comforted as it reminded him of his beloved late godfather; painful as it was a reminder of what he had lost.
He had been taken away from the Dursley's just the day before. Today was Harry's birthday, and of course, Mrs. Weasley insisted on having a huge party, consisting of most of the Order, and his friends from Hogwarts. He really did appreciate the lengths that everyone went to to help him get over the death of Sirius, but he wished they wouldn't go to so much trouble to mend a heart that was, and would forever remain, broken.
The heat was stifling, the crowds suffocating and the noise made his head spin. He didn't feel like celebrating, in fact, it was the last thing he felt like doing at a time like this. At that moment he knew he had to get away, to breathe. No one noticed when he turned his back on the room and quickly ran upstairs. Not knowing where his feet were taking him, he came to find himself in Sirius' room. He didn't know what possessed him to go in there. He had avoided it ever since his arrival, but at that moment he felt he needed to be there, away from everyone, alone. And that was why he was sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard.
The room contained so many memories of Sirius. There were pictures all over the walls of the Marauders (minus Peter) and some with Lily in them, in their Hogwarts years. He scanned over the pictures until one caught his eye. This one was of Sirius and baby Harry at the Potter's house on his first birthday. He was in Sirius' arms on the sofa, and both of them were fast asleep. He watched curiously as his younger self woke up and started to cry. Sirius awoke too and sat up, rocking Harry back and forth, attempting to put back to sleep again. And sure enough, Harry's eyes soon closed and Sirius planted and kiss on his forehead before returning to his nap with a content smile on his face.
Harry tore his eyes away from the picture and walked over to a chest of drawers on the far side of the room. Hoping Sirius wouldn't mind, he opened the top one and looked inside. There were stacks of parchment inside and soon Harry realized that these were all of the letters that he had received from James and Harry throughout the years. He gave a sad smile and he closed the drawer and returned to the bed again.
He buried his face in the pillows of the bed, absorbing in the warm and familiar scent of his godfather. He reached over to the nightstand and took the picture frame off of it. Inside the frame was a picture of Sirius and James on their graduation. They had their arms around each other's shoulders and Sirius was making bunny ears on James. They were both smiling and waving at him, looking very happy and content. He fixed his gaze on Sirius and a sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
"I miss you so much, Sirius…do you know that? How am I supposed to go on without my godfather? You know, they say that when someone you love dies a part of you dies with them. I never realized how true that was until now." Harry closed his eyes and tried to fight against the tears threatening to fall, however, he soon accepted defeat as the first tear slid down his face with many more streaming after it.
"Thank you for being there for me, Sirius. You were there when I was first born; you were there the night Cedric died. You believed me when the rest of the world turned away. You never doubted me for a second and had faith in me when no one else did.
"I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm sorry for not studying Occlumency, I'm sorry for not listening to you and Remus when you told me not to leave the castle at all costs. I'm sorry I disobeyed you…I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry that your death was all my fault, Sirius. I'm sorry that you had to die so I could live. I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Sirius.
"I wish I could see you again, Sirius. Just to talk to you and hold you one more time. I wish that none of this ever happened and that you were with me right now, maybe playing a prank on Remus or arguing with Snape.
I survived, Sirius. I made it through again, but with a terrible price. And now I'm right here, I'm alive but I'm alone. While part of me is staying here, another part of me is gone. I wish I could have said a proper goodbye, to hug you for the last time. To tell you that I love you…I love you and goodbye…"
Harry hugged the picture to his chest and buried his face in the pillows once more, crying for all he was worth. His body shook with sobs of sorrow, hurt, and despair. He didn't know how long he stayed like that until he heard a gentle knock on the door. He ignored it, hoping that the person would realize he wasn't in the mood for talking and just go away. The knocking stopped and Harry continued to cry into the pillow. Suddenly he felt a gentle hand touch his shoulder. He gasped, sat up, and quickly raised a hand to wipe away his tears when someone grabbed it. Harry slowly turned around to find himself looking into the amber eyes of Remus Lupin.
"Harry, what are you doing here? Are you alright?" he asked gently.
"I-I'm fine. Nothing's wrong at all," said Harry in a very unconvincing way.
"Then why are you crying?" Remus inquired softly.
He lowered his head, ashamed and humiliated at being caught sobbing his heart out over Sirius. Remus cupped Harry's face in his hands and forced him to look up into his eyes.
"It's okay to cry," he whispered, "I miss him too, Harry."
"I'm sorry, Remus."
"Why are you sorry, Harry?"
"It was my fault. You lost your best friend."
And with that he pulled the younger boy into his arms, letting his own tears fall and he rested his head against the top of Harry's messy black hair.
"Sirius' death wasn't your fault, Harry. He would never want you to think that. He died for you in battle and that was the way he was willing to go. He was willing to sacrifice his life for you because he loved you. You were the person he cared about most in the world. He chose to come out and fight, knowing that his life was at risk, but he did it anyway. For you."
He felt Harry nod against his chest, and pull back. His eyes were red-rimmed and there were still fresh tear tracks on his face.
"Thank you, Remus," he whispered.
"If you ever need anyone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, know that I'll always be there for you, Harry."
"Thanks," he said again, giving him a grateful smile before standing up and stretching.
"No problem, Harry," he replied, ruffling Harry's hair affectionately, making it even messier then it was before.
Remus also got up and headed towards the door.
"Now, what in the name of Merlin are we doing here when there's birthday cake, presents, and treacle tart waiting for you downstairs?" asked Remus, mischievously with a glint in his eyes that only a Marauder could achieve.
"I'll race you down…ready, on your marks, get set…" And Remus was off already, before he even said 'go.'
"Hey! That's cheating!" called Harry, and for the first time since Sirius' death a real smile spread across his face. Not one of sadness or sarcasm, but of happiness. And it felt good. Today he would be happy, not for him, not for Hermione, not for the Weasleys…but for Sirius.
Author's Note: Hmm...don't you love Harry and Sirius' relation ship? It's so sweet and sad. It was horrible how Sirius had to die when he had spent so little time with Harry. sigh There's always fanfiction, I guess...
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