Disclaimer: This would totally have been the Christmas special if I owned it. So, no.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Some language dotted about, total crackness, some OOC, shounen-ai/yaoi, Niou (he's a warning all by himself – you'll see what I mean. Watch out for his abusive language! It's not very nice or festive).

Summary: Yaoi. It's a Christmas party, and guess who's invited? Seigaku are. And Fudoumine, and Rikkai, and Hyoutei. Beware the total crack…

Author's notes: This is separate to the Rikkai drabblethings, but I'm including it in the list anyway. You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit.The drabblething list goes:

Times of Stress

Passing the Time

How to ask out Marui Bunta

Four Days Later

October Ice

Because I Love You


Further Nonsense

Dear Diary

Kind of… the same

100 Word Challenges

Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma

Doctor, doctor!

The Woes of Solomon Grundy

I'm Not Going

The Little Things


Operation: Christmas Party

Oh, and for those who haven't read any of them, that's ok; here's a basic few things you probably want to know.

1. Akaya is currently living with Niou for reasons that I can't really be bothered to go into ;p

2. Niou refers to Akaya as either Aka-chan (which means 'baby' in Japanese) or the bratling.

3. Mura Yukimura, 'Haru Niou.

Dedicated to and requested by Lily. Hope you like!


4:16 pm

"What the hell kind of pansy-ass cake is that?" Niou asked, prodding it disgustedly. "There's no way in hell that's gonna be enough for two people, let alone thirty-odd."

"Well, considering I've never baked a cake before in my life," muttered Yagyuu. "Marui's the cake expert, but he's not here, you said baking was boring, Yukimura's busy with the tree, Yanagi's busy with the mistletoe, Jackal's busy buying stuff for the party, Sanada's busy with Atobe… I was the only one who was willing to do it."

"Oh, stop bitching, for crying out loud…" Niou shoved Yagyuu to the side and rolled up his sleeves. "Look, I'll do it. You go force the two happy couples to come and help us out."

"Where are they?" Yagyuu neatly avoided the poor, soggy little thing he called a cake as it was flung towards the bin.

"How should I know? Fukubuchou'll be at Atobe's, but I dunno where the bratling and the sugar freak are."

"Yeah, I meant to ask you about that actually… Did you really get Sanada's permission to use his house for this party?"

"His family's gonna be out all weekend. It'll be fine."

"… You didn't ask him, did you?"

"Hell no. What, do you think he'd let us hold it here? Besides, this way it means he'll be the one who has to clean up the mess afterwards. Sounds like a good idea all round, I'd say." After some debate, the Trickster pulled on an apron and started menacing the eggs.

Yagyuu edged out of the kitchen and hurried towards the livingroom. He practically burst through the door before remembering that he didn't burst, he Entered with Dignity. The effect was spoiled when he tripped over the fairy lights, but never mind that.

"Did you know that Sanada has no idea we're holding the party here?" he asked Yukimura.

Rikkai's Captain was balancing precariously on the top of a ladder, trying to position the star on the top of the huge tree without falling. Yagyuu might have been worried, except he could feel the ladder desperately fighting to stop Yukimura from falling off. He nearly rolled his eyes; even inanimate objects seemed to have a bizarre infatuation with him.

Sure enough, the star was placed successfully, albeit with a bit of gravity-defiance as it tried valiantly not to look wonky, and Yukimura straightened up with a sigh of satisfaction. "Hmm?" he asked, glancing at Yagyuu. "Oh, Genichiroh? I sort of guessed. I don't think he'd have let us hold it here if he'd really been asked by 'Haru."

"Yeah, that's what he said…" Yagyuu sighed. "Why do I get the feeling that we're driving Sanada to an early grave?"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it," Yukimura said, descending from the ladder. "He's got to be made of stern stuff if he's dating the drama queen to beat all drama queens." He folded up the ladder, leaning it against the wall where he'd found it, and glanced worriedly at Yagyuu. "Erm… Would you like a hand?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh, no, thank you. I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite positive."

Yukimura didn't look convinced, but he nodded. "I'll go and help Renji, then. Give us a shout if you decide you'd like a hand, ok?"

"Oh, of course. That won't be necessary, though."

"If you say so." Yukimura carefully stepped over Yagyuu and exited the room, leaving the Gentleman lying on his face, completely tangled in the fairy lights. He hoped Yagyuu could breathe through the carpet.


4:55 pm


Niou threw off his apron and glowered. "If that's the same damn group of carol singers again then I'm going to stuff a roadmap down their throats," he growled, stalking to the door and practically wrenching it open. Luckily for the hapless group of carol singers that had come knocking three times before, they were on the other side of the neighbourhood, and instead one Kamio Akira stood nervously on the doorstep, looking quite frightened by the irritated, flour-and-chocolate covered apparition.

"Um… Niou-san, right?" he ventured. "Tachibana-san sent me on ahead to help… the rest of the team will be arriving in about half an hour or so, so…"

Niou grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him in, shutting the door behind them. "Come and make yourself useful, then," he said, smirking at the scared expression on the younger boy's face. "You can help infect the banisters with tinsel. Go find Mura, he'll show you what to do."

"Wait, find who?"

Niou rolled his eyes, already halfway back to the kitchen. "Yukimura! Geez, is everyone from Fudoumine this dense?" he asked, feeling pleased when he felt Kamio try to glare a hole in his back.

"Which one's Yukimura?" Kamio asked through gritted teeth. "I've never seen him before!"

"He's the one that you haven't seen before, then," Niou snorted. "Honestly." He pulled his apron back on, ignoring the feeble half-protests from the poor boy standing in the hallway, wishing fervently that Tachibana-san had sent someone else.

"Who was at the door, 'Haru?" a voice called from further inside the house.

"Um, me," Kamio called back anxiously. "Kamio Akira. I'm supposed to be… infecting the banisters with tinsel?"

"… I'm sorry?" Yukimura's head popped round the corner and Kamio hurried towards it with relief. "Infecting the banisters with tinsel?"

"Um, that's what Niou-san said… Are you Yukimura-san?"

"Ohh, I see. Yes, I'm Yukimura. 'Haru… Sorry, Niou, doesn't like tinsel."

"Hates it," another voice called, and Kamio caught sight of Yanagi Renji sorting through a box of the multi-coloured stuff. "He says that it makes everything look tasteless and tacky."

"Oh, right… Well, is there anything I can do to help, anyway?"

"That'd be appreciated. Where's the rest of your team?"

Kamio crouched down and started untangling the tinsel. "They're on their way. Tachibana-san sent me on ahead to help."

"Ahh, I see." Yukimura started tying the tinsel to the bottom of the banister, and worked his way up the stairs. "I think we should probably try and put as much on as we can. It would serve 'Haru right for not telling Genichiroh about using his house for the party."

"Hmm. Then again, negative reinforcement isn't something that tends to work on him. Quite the opposite, in fact."

"Well, we can always see how crabby he gets when he sees it. We might have some good evening entertainment if he gets grumpy enough to take on Genichiroh and Atobe directly."

"Mm. That should be fun."

Kamio wondered why he felt like the only sane person in the room.


5:18 pm


"Get the door!" Niou yelled from the kitchen. "I'm not getting it again!"

"We're a little busy," Yukimura called back. "Can you get it?"

Niou yanked off his apron again, opening the door and scowling at Marui Bunta and Kirihara Akaya as they grinned cheerfully at him. "Where the hell have you two been?" he demanded, pulling them in before the cold beat them to it.

"Making out," Marui chirped, pulling off his scarf and gloves and hat and coat and shoes and earmuffs and extra jumper. "Sorry we're late. Too busy laughing at you."

"At me?" Niou narrowed his eyes. "What for?"

"Oh, nothing," Marui said innocently. "Didn't know you were scared of water, 'Haru." He and Akaya made a quick dash towards the safety of their buchou before Niou could react.

"… I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT!" he yelled furiously, hugely embarrassed. "That was the condition I took you in on!" There was no reply except for a few muffled giggles, and he fled to the kitchen to regain his composure.

"What was that about Niou being scared of water?" Yanagi asked, looking highly interested.

Marui stuffed a fist in his mouth to stop himself from laughing hysterically. "You… you won't believe it!" he gasped around his hand.

"Try us?" Yukimura said, settling himself down on the bottom step. Kamio was fighting the urge to back away. And also fighting the urge to gape at the boy who had sent Tachibana-san to the hospital with a manic grin on his face just a few months ago, and was now giggling happily while snuggling cutely against Yukimura's side.

"Well, didn't you think it was weird for 'Haru to do something so altruistic?" Marui asked.

"Yes," Yanagi nodded. "He did say that it was in return for something Akaya had done, didn't he though?"

"Yep! But guess what it was that Akaya did?"

Yanagi considered this, and came up blank. "Enlighten me."

"He rescued him from drowning in that tiny carp pond last spring. Apparently he's always been terrified of water, and he never learnt how to swim, and he fell into the pond. He's scared of water! That's so… so…" Marui burst out laughing.

"I promised I wouldn't tell anyone," Akaya added, "so don't tell him I told you, 'k?"

"It's kind of obvious," Yanagi said. "but alright, we won't tell him."

Akaya beamed. Confused as hell, Kamio mumbled something about phoning Tachibana-san and fled.

He dialled Tachibana's number and waited anxiously for him to pick up.

"Hello? Akira?"

"Tachibana-san! Where are you? Are you nearly here?"

"Are you alright, Akira? You sound a bit panicky."

"Tachibana-san, don't come over! They're all insane! Save yourselves!"

"Akira, I think you're overreacting. They might be a little... odd, but everyone has their quirks."

"No, no, seriously! This goes beyond quirks!"

"Don't be silly, Akira. We'll be there in ten minutes."


Beep. Beep. Beep.

Kamio hung up in despair. What the hell had he let himself in for?


5:30 pm


"Will someone else get the fucking door?!" Niou yelled from the kitchen.

"We're decorating upstairs!" Marui yelled back. "Get it yourself!"

"No! I've had to get it every single time! I'm trying to bake a fucking cake here!!"

"'Haru, I'm sure Genichiroh wouldn't like you swearing in his house. Just get the door, ok? I'll get it next time."

"Fine! Fine then!" Pulling off his apron again (it was starting to look a lot worse for wear), Niou answered the door.

"My, my, Niou-kun. You don't look particularly festive with that scowl of yours," Oshitari Yuushi said, smiling with amusement.

Niou resisted the urge to make a rude gesture and stepped to the side, gesturing everyone in. The entire Hyoutei team had arrived together, it seemed, and they filed in one by one. Niou eyed them, resentful that he'd had to leave the kitchen again to let them in. First came Oshitari Yuushi ('Damn smug bastard'), then Mukahi Gakuto ('Flippy, bendy, twisty little bitch'), Kabaji Munehiro ('Retarded yes-man'), Shishido Ryoh ('Arrogant prick'), Akutagawa Jirou ('Drowsy idiot'), Ohtori Choutarou ('Um… Ah, too damn nice for his own good!') and Wakashi Hiyoshi ('… Don't know him at all, but he has zero fashion sense').

"Regretfully, we aren't entirely sure where Atobe is," Oshitari said, placing his shoes neatly next to the others, "but I'm sure he'll turn up. This is Sanada's house after all, yes?"

"Yeah. Go… make yourselves comfortable, or something," Niou said, heading back to the kitchen.

Yukimura came round the corner and smiled sweetly at them, walking forward to greet them. "Ah, welcome. I apologise if Niou's been less than hospitable – he's not in a very good mood right now."

"Really? I couldn't tell," Oshitari said, smiling back. It was hard to tell whether he was being tactful, snide, sarcastic or sincere.

"Kamio-kun from Fudoumine is already here, but apart from him you're the first guests to arrive," said Yukimura. "I'm afraid we're still putting up decorations and whatnot, but please feel free to help yourselves to party food, punch, etc. I do advise you to take plenty of punch now rather than later; I managed to make all of my team promise not to spike it, but Seigaku's Inui will be arriving shortly and so…"

Oshitari nodded. "Of course. Thank you for the warning."

"Tell them to put on the Christmas CD!" Marui yelled from upstairs.

"Yes, if you could please set that up? It's in the front room," Yukimura pointed to it. "It's very easy to operate, and the CD's already inside, I think."

"Of course."

"Thank you," Yukimura said, smiling, and he went back upstairs.

"… Is he male?" Gakuto asked blankly. "I honest to god can't tell."

"That's rich," Shishido snorted. The group started to move towards the front room. "You're the one who looks like a woman."

"Shishido-san," Choutarou chided gently. "Mukahi-senpai doesn't look like a woman."

"…" Everyone turned to stare at him.

"Yeesh, even I admit I look like a woman sometimes," Gakuto said.

Choutarou flushed and protested, "But it's not a very nice thing to say, even so…"

"Maybe he's a closet cross-dresser?" Shishido suggested with a smirk, earning a fast smack on the back of his head from the acrobat.

They entered the living room and the first three in, Oshitari, Jirou and Kabaji, promptly tripped over. Oshitari managed to keep himself from falling completely, glancing in astonishment at the object they'd tripped over.

"Um…?" he said. "Are you… alright?"

"Who, me? Oh, yes. Perfectly fine, thank you very kindly." Yagyuu's voice was muffled by the carpet, but each word was perfectly clear.

"Ah, alright then…"

"Would you like a hand?" Choutarou ventured, concerned.

"Oh, no, don't mind me. Please, do make yourselves comfortable."

"… Ok…" Gakuto jumped over him and started to inspect the Christmas tree. The others stepped over Yagyuu carefully.

"What's he doing?" Jirou whispered loudly to Oshitari. "He's all tangled up! Can he breathe like that, do you think?"

"Putting up the fairy lights and failing? Taking a tea break? I don't know," Oshitari whispered back.

"Oh, I found the CD player," Shishido called, switching it on and pressing the play button. Inanely cheerful Christmas jingles started to play. Grinning broadly, Jirou immediately bounced over and turned the volume up.

"See? Now it really sounds like Christmas!" he cheered.

There was a crashing sound from the direction of the kitchen, and barely two seconds later Niou barrelled into the room, completely ignoring his doubles partner and instead glaring daggers at the people nearest the CD player.

"Who. The. HELL put that on?" he demanded through gritted teeth. "I am literally in pain here."

"Now, now. You did promise Mura that you'd let everything go festively," Yagyuu said muffledly.

Niou whirled round and delivered a cross mini-kick to Yagyuu's arm. "Shut up, Hiroshi. This isn't festive, this is… this is… like watching tiny snot-nosed kids put on a Nativity."

"Cute and heart-warming?" Jirou suggested hopefully.

"No, painful and annoying!" growled Niou. "Turn it off."

"Please ignore him," Yagyuu said, tone apologetic. "He's not in a very good mood."

"Yes, Yukimura said that too," Oshitari nodded.

Kabaji suddenly gave a powerful sneeze, pulling everyone's attention to him. He almost looked embarrassed by the attention, and said monotonously, "Something's burning."

Niou's eyes widened. "Oh, fucking hell…!" He dashed back to the kitchen to rescue his cake.

"So that's Niou Masaharu," Shishido said dryly. "What a colourful character."

"I apologise for his language as well," Yagyuu added. "I hope he didn't offend anyone."

"I don't think so," Oshitari shrugged, glancing questioningly at Choutarou who blushed and shook his head. "No, it's alright."

Shishido helped himself to some punch, handing a cup to Choutarou. "Yagyuu, right? So who else is coming?" he asked.

"Atobe should hopefully be turning up at some point," he might not have been able to see, but it was obvious by the lack of Atobe's voice that he wasn't there, "and the rest of Fudoumine. Seigaku will be coming soon too. Oh, and Sanada, of course."

"Oh, right. Cool. What about Yamabuki and Rokkaku and them?"

"We did invite them, but it seems they're attending a special festive tournament of some kind and they can't make it," Yagyuu said, attempting to shrug and not quite making it thanks to the coils of fairy light wire.

"Ah. Pity," Oshitari mused, sipping some punch of his own, "I would have liked to meet that Saeki boy. He seems very interesting, if Fuji-kun's description is anything to go by."

"Yeah. Oh well, never mind."


6:04 pm


"Mura, you promised!" Niou called from the kitchen.

"I know, I know, I'm really sorry! But I really, really can't come down right now; we're putting up the light outside and if I let go, Akaya might fall out the window."

"So let him! Might do him a bit of good!"

"Please, 'Haru?"

Cursing darkly under his breath, Niou put down the icing tube and went to answer the door. The Christmas music had been turned up to full volume (which wasn't actually all that loud; Niou made a mental note to make Yukimura make Sanada get a CD player that wasn't a hundred years out of date) and the Christmas decorations were all but done. All in all, the place looked very festive.

He opened the door and gestured the people outside in with a sharp tilt of his head. "You had so better be the last ones," he muttered, kicking the door shut as the last of the guests trooped in. "Jackal can squeeze himself through the letterbox or something; I'm not letting him in." Fudoumine and Seigaku had coincidentally managed to arrive together, it seemed. Tachibana was fiercely glomped by Kamio as he took his shoes off.

"Tachibana-san! You're here!" Kamio whimpered. Tachibana patted him consolingly and turned him over to Shinji, who started mumbling at Kamio in an effort to make him feel better.

"Go play nice with Hyoutei," Niou said, pointing to the front room. "Oh, and I was told to tell you," he nodded at Tezuka and Tachibana, "to keep things civil until fukubuchou gets here. Kapeesh? You're in charge until either Mura's finished decorating upstairs, or fukubuchou comes and finishes having a hissy fit."

"Why would Sanada have a hissy fit?" Eiji asked curiously.

"That is something I'd like to see," Inui mused, glasses glinting in the dim lights. Niou smirked a little.

"Oh, yes. They're rare as an unused crayon within a hundred miles of Aka-chan, but it'll make you feel fuzzy all over. Very fun."

"But why would he have one?" Eiji asked again.

"Cos he doesn't know we're using his house to hold the party," Niou shrugged. "His bad. Anyway, go play nice, help yourselves to food, yadda yadda. The party'll begin properly in a couple of minutes." He went back to the kitchen to finish icing the cake.

The Seigaku and Fudoumine member exchanged glances, and headed towards the front room.

"Yay, yay, yay!" Eiji chanted under his breath. "This is gonna be so fun! Ne, Fuji?"

"Oh, yes. Very fun." Tezuka did not like the smile on the tensai's face. It was far too happy. A happy Fuji tended to mean suffering for someone else, and a damn big headache for him. Good thing he'd come prepared with a bottle of various painkillers.


Sandy: Mwa ha. Stage one: Complete. $.$ Next up; Yanagi and Inui have far too much fun coming up with party games.

If you liked, then please review! If you wanna see more soon, then please review! If you are vaguely human in any way, shape or form, please review! 33 Suggestions, requests, ideas, questions, comments, constructive criticism, blind adoration (xp)… all are welcomed and loved.

Until next time!