Disclaimer: Want them, but don't have them.

Rating: PG, I guess? Possibly PG-13.

Warnings: Some language dotted about, total crackness, some OOC, crack, shounen-ai/yaoi, crackness, Niou (he's a warning all by himself – you'll see what I mean. Watch out for his abusive language! It's not very nice or festive). Did I mention; beware the complete and utter crack?

Chapter summary: Party games and very convenient happenings. Everyone freakin' loves Yukimura, baby!! x3

Author's notes: Eh heh heh… Yeah, I know, Christmas has been and gone… -sweatdrops- Can I blame the hecticness that is the Christmas holidays?

Well, anyway, here's stage two. Sorry for the delay… on the bright side, you can all pretend it's still Christmas, ne? x33

My love to Linc, Sakia Ishida, Immaginator, Eiki Angel (hope you don't mind me shortening your name, love… I'm a lazy SOB ;p) Kirihara Akaya, Sky Rose, Pikke Wood, Milenalupin, Ahotep, May-Linn (special kudos to you for attempting to nag me –nodnod- I'm really sorry I couldn't update sooner. Happy late birthday! If you wanna request a birthday drabblething, do let me know and I'll see what I can do (might be a wee while before I can actually get it posted, but… yeah… lol), Merissala (-steals-), Mirokarosu, Skyblue147, Lily, Youngdaughterofdarkness (yes ma'am!), Risa-chan (more nickage), Ria Sakazaki, Ryuu Amethyst, Suki-megane, Toh Sock ("I LOVE HOW ALL OF THE INANIMATE OBJECTS ARE AFTER YUKIMURA'S AFFECTIONS". Well, they would be, wouldn't they? I know I would be, if I was a chair or a ladder ;p), Yuunon hitei2314, Jomei, Lupuslupin and Aya-Mikage2002.

How freakin' cute would Hiyoshi look in glasses? I would kill to find out. Totally.

Dedicated to and requested by Lily. You all have her to thank. ;p


6:06 pm

"Truth or dare!" Jirou giggled, falling off the sofa with a thud and beaming drunkenly at everyone who turned to look at him. He hiccoughed.

Fuji sat back in the chair he'd chosen and "Mm"ed. "Purely by coincidence," he said casually, "I believe Inui brought along an experimental little something that might make truth or dare a very fun game. Inui?"

Inui's glasses gleamed. "Thank you, Fuji. As a matter of fact, I brought along an experimental truth serum that should work very well. Only we'd have to play I Never instead, because it'd be hard to move around for a little while after taking it."

"That's… convenient," Momo could be heard muttering.

"Yay!" Jirou hiccoughed again. Oshitari and Fuji exchanged glances. Tezuka, Yukimura and Akaya could understand little fragments of the silent conversation, but to everyone else, the highly complex language of Tensai-Talk went unnoticed.

'You know, I could have sworn the punch was non-alcoholic,' Oshitari said, a question in his eyes.

'Don't look at me. I promised Tezuka that I wouldn't mess with any of the edible stuff.'


'Shut up, Yuushi. You're no better with Mukahi. Anyway, did anyone actually tell Jirou that the punch was non-alcoholic?'

'No, not as such…'

'Well, then.'

'I see your point. Jirou has a very active imagination.' Satisfied, both tensai rejoined the world of the mortal folk.

"Well then, let's play," Marui grinned enthusiastically. He sat down and gestured for everyone else to join. They all did, some (much) more reluctantly than others, and they just about managed to fit in a circle on the floor. Being the smallest, Ryoma had to fit in the space under the Christmas tree. Sucks to be him.

"Um, don't we need drinks to play I Never?" Choutarou ventured. The door opened and Niou entered.

"Well, of course," he said smugly, producing a large bottle of whisky and enough shot glasses for everyone seemingly from thin air. "Oh, and nobody's allowed in the kitchen until the icing's set," he added, squeezing himself in between Yukimura and Yanagi. "It's very delicate."

"Hai," several people chorused. The shot glasses were given out, Inui pouring a little of his truth serum into each glass. Once everyone had drunk theirs, the glasses were filled with whisky and the game began.

"I get to go first!" Gakuto said as Jirou opened his mouth. "Ok, right, I never…" he thought for a moment, and then looked up as words reached his ears.

"It's not very fair, playing a game that not everyone understands without explaining it first. They should explain. Otherwise the people that don't understand might do something wrong and then feel embarrassed. That's not a kind thing to do. Maybe I should ask. But then I'd be interrupting the game. Maybe-"

"Does everyone know how to play?" Oshitari said loudly, looking pointedly at Shinji.

"I don't," Kamio said nervously.

"Then you should have said so at the beginning, shouldn't you?" Niou snorted. "Too late now, Speedy McRhythm."

"'Haru, be a little more festive, would you?" Yukimura chided. He turned to Shinji and Kamio. "It's very simple," he explained. "When it's your turn, you say something that you've never done. When it's not your turn, you take a drink whenever somebody says something that they've never done, but you have. If you haven't done the thing they say, then you don't take a drink. Do you understand?"

Kamio and Shinji nodded mutely. Tachibana was a little unnerved to see the uncharacteristic shine in their eyes as they looked at Rikkai's buchou, but he shrugged it off.

Inui and Yanagi gave each other a tiny nod and surreptitiously got their pens and notebooks at the ready. Data like this was not to be passed up. As Gakuto started to speak again, they started to scribble in hasty shorthand.

'Mukahi: Ok, ok, I've never eaten a boiled egg.

Drinkers: Everyone bar Kuwahara, Choutarou, Kirihara.


Oshitari: I've never owned a cat. Even for a day.

Mukahi: -scowl-

Drinkers: Mukahi, Fuji, Eiji, Kaidoh, the entire Fudoumine team, Marui, Echizen.


Shishido: I've never eaten pizza with a fork.

Drinkers: Tezuka.

Everyone: -strange looks at Tezuka- -no visible facial response from him-


Choutarou: Um… I've never… drunk before today?

Drinkers: Fudoumine bar Tachibana, Tezuka, Kabaji.


Yanagi: Yagyuu? Would you like to play?

Yagyuu: Hmm?

Yanagi: I said, would you like to play?

Yagyuu: Oh, no thank you.

Marui: Um… you sure?

Kirihara: Seriously, senpai, do you want a hand getting untangled?

Akutagawa: -whispers loudly- Can he breathe through the carpet?

Yagyuu: I'm absolutely fine, thank you. Please, do carry on.

Kirihara: Um, ok…


Akutagawa: I've never dyed my hair!

Drinkers: Gakuto, Eiji, Echizen, Marui

Niou: Does bleached count?

Akutagawa: Um… yeah!

Drinkers: Niou, Jackal, Tachibana.

Oshitari: Does it count if someone else dyed your hair?

Akutagawa: Yep!

Drinkers: Ishida, Shishido, Choutarou, Niou –murderous glare at Kirihara-, Tezuka, Eiji, Kaidoh.


Kabaji: …

Oshitari: He says he's never smiled.

Everyone: … -.-;;

Drinkers: Everyone


Wakashi: I've never fallen out of a tree.

Drinkers: Mukahi, the entire Rikkai team bar Yukimura, Inui, Akutagawa, Eiji, Momo.


Tachibana: I've never tripped over a tennis ball.

Kamio: Tachibana-san!

Drinkers: Kamio, Kirihara.


Kamio: Fine, I've never had a little sister.

Drinkers: Tachibana, Ibu, Ishida, Yukimura, Kabaji, Kawamura, Momoshiro, Oishi.


Ibu: What should I say? There are so many things that I haven't done, it's difficult to pick one. I suppose I should pick one that would mean the most people would have to take a drink, but I don't know much about everyone, only Akira. Maybe I should do one that would make only him drink. But then that's a bit unfair, because he didn't do that to me.

Kamio: Oh, for god's sake, Shinji!

Ibu: Mmm. I've never built a chair that collapsed ten seconds after being finished, then.

Drinkers: Kamio, Kirihara.


Ishida: I've never… driven a car?

Drinkers: Niou, Kirihara, Fuji.


Uchimura: I've never… crashed a car?

Drinkers: Niou, Kirihara, Fuji.


Mori: I've never worn a bandana.

Drinkers: Ishida, Kaidoh, Niou, Marui, Kuwahara, Fuji, Kawamura.


Sakurai: Um… I've never lied about crashing a car…?

Niou: Stop with the car thing already!!

Sakurai: -Eeps-

Drinkers: Niou, Kirihara, Fuji.


Oishi: I've never done a backflip.

Drinkers: Kikumaru, Mukahi, Tezuka.

Oishi: Eeeh? Tezuka?!

Tezuka: -No visible facial response-


Kikumaru: I've never owned fish.

Drinkers: Oishi, Kamio, Kirihara, all of Fudoumine.

Kirihara: -Mutters- I had a goldfish called Kin-chan. But then Niou-senpai ate it.

Everyone: o.0;;


Kawamura: Um, I've never… um… -tries to think- smoked?

Drinkers: Niou, Kirihara (guiltily trying to stop himself).

Yukimura: Akaya! What did we talk about? Smoking is not a good thing to do!

Kirihara: -Looks guilty-

Yukimura: When was this?

Kirihara: Um, um…

Yukimura: … Akaya.

Kirihara: -Sniffles- Two weeks ago! I'm sorry, Mura-buchou! I didn't mean to! –To Inui- I hate your truth serum!

Yukimura: 'Haru, we'll be talking about keeping your cigarettes somewhere safe.

Niou: -Gulps-


Kaidoh: I've never broken a tennis racquet on purpose.

Drinkers: Marui, Shishido, Tezuka.

Oishi: Eeeh? Tezuka?

Tezuka: -Still no visible facial response. Note to self: Must check to see if his brain is still functioning-


Inui: I've never drunk Ponta.

Drinkers: Echizen, Mukahi, Oshitari, Ohtori, Jirou, Fuji, Kikumaru, Kirihara, Marui, Yanagi, Yukimura, Shinji, Mori, Uchimura.


Momoshiro: I've never been called Mamushi!

Kaidoh: -Glares- You wanna start?

Momoshiro: Ha!

Inui: Now, now, Kaidoh.

Drinkers: Kaidoh


Echizen: I've never worn glasses.

Drinkers: Oshitari, Tezuka, Inui, Wakashi, Niou, Kamio, Marui, Fuji.


Tezuka: I've never swallowed a pencil by mistake.

Kikumaru: … Where did that come from?

Drinkers: Fuji.

Kikumaru: … Oh, right.


Fuji: -Smiles sweetly- I've never had a crush on Atobe.

Drinkers: Tezuka (very, very reluctantly. All of Seigaku bar Echizen tries not to laugh), Akutagawa, Shishido, Ohtori, Yanagi, Oshitari.

Mukahi: Yuushi!!

Oshitari: That was three years ago, Gaku. Don't worry about it.


Yanagi: I believe that turnabout is fair play, hmm? Therefore, I've never had a crush on Ibu-kun.

Niou: Oi, leave me out of your damn power games, Yanagi.

Drinkers: Fuji, Niou, Kamio, Tezuka, Ishida, Mori, Uchimura, Sakurai, Echizen (Momo: Wait, so you can have normal human feelings?), Kawamura, Mukahi, Yukimura, Kuwahara.

Tachibana: … Woah.

Ibu: … I'm really, really scared now.

Niou: -Grins and winks- Hey, you're a popular guy, huh?

Ibu: -Tries to hide behind his shot glass. Doesn't work since glass is transparent-


Kuwahara: I know who's more popular. I've never had a crush on Mura.

Drinkers: Everyone. Bar Yukimura, of course.

Kuwahara: -Looks smug- See? I alone am immune! I alone stand aloft! I alone can resist the charms of the demon!

Yukimura: Demon?

Kuwahara: How else can you explain the affection that even chairs hold for thee, o Buchou?

Yukimura: … Are you feeling alright, Jackal?

Kuwahara: MWA HA HA HA HA!!!

Marui: Uh huh… Yeah, time to go beddy-byes now. –Hits him on the head-

Jackal: Zzzzzzz… fire… zzzzz… baldness… zzzzz… armadillos…

Yukimura: Anyway. I believe it's your turn, Bunta?


Marui: Yeah. Sorry for Jackal, by the way, guys. It's the lack of hair. Anyway, I've never been mistaken for a girl.

Drinkers: Mukahi, Fuji, Yukimura.


Kirihara: -Giggles- And I've never knocked out the person who made the mistake.

Drinkers: Mukahi, Fuji, Yukimura.


Yukimura: Hmm. I've never been entered in the police records as a natural disaster.

Drinkers: Niou, Kirihara, Fuji, Marui, Tezuka.

Oishi: Wait, what?!

Tezuka: -Slowly keels over. Face remains the same-

Oishi: … Tezuka?! Tezuka!!

Yanagi: Hmmmm. As I suspected. This isn't the real Tezuka.

Oishi: Wait, what?!

Yanagi: I knew it couldn't be the real Tezuka. Ingenious.

Oishi: Wait, what?!

Niou: Stop saying that, idiot.

Shishido: But, if it's not Tezuka…?

Yanagi: It's a robotic replication.

All of Rikkai: (Variations of) Ohhh, right. That makes sense.

Everyone else: … Wait, what?!

Niou: -Rolls eyes- It's obvious. Tezuka probably didn't want to have anything to do with this party.

Yanagi: Yes. Look; there are cameras behind the eyes. He must have been watching from home. Hello, Tezuka. Can you hear me?

Robot Tezuka: -Spasms weakly-

Yanagi: I'll take that as a yes.

Yukimura: I think we'd better put a halt to the game and try and get it fixed.

Yanagi: Good idea. It was probably the whisky. It must have messed up the internal mechanisms.

All of Rikkai: (Variations of) Ohhh, right. That makes sense.

Everyone else: … Wait, what?!


Niou: Hey, hang on! I'm the last person, I want my go!

Yagyuu: -Muffled- If we stop now, it'll mean we can have your cake.

Niou: -Teleports to the kitchen-

Yagyuu: Good, good. Carry on.


Sandy: Ta da. :) Stage two: Complete. Hope you liked, sorry again for the delay. Yes, I know it's a bit short. I had to cut it off there, because the next chapter's gonna be a big one. Besides, I wanted to get this posted as soon as possible.

Please, please review, even if it's just a sentence! It would make my day, plus, I'd get the next chapter out faster.

P.S. To everyone who's made a drabblething or a fic request… it's coming! Honest to god! LOL

Until next time! $.$