If You Just Believe
Disclaimer: Nope, unfortunately I'm not J.K. Rowling nor do I own Harry Potter (though, I wish I did).
Author's Note: Okay, this may be a little confusing, but I'll try my best to explain. This takes place in OOTP the night after Harry and everyone else visit Mr. Weasely in St. Mungo's and when Harry overhears that he may be possessed by Voldemort.
Harry woke up at exactly twelve o'clock midnight, his stomach aching with hunger. He sighed and got out of bed. There was no point in trying to go back to sleep, he was far too hungry and anxious for that. He opened door as quietly as possible and tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen. He made himself some hot chocolate (or at least tried to) to help him calm down, opened the front door and slipped out into the silent, starry night. He spotted a sofa on the patio and sunk into it, sipping his hot chocolate.
'I wonder what it would be like to be normal...' he thought bitterly. Voldemort always ruined everything for him; he took away his family, his home, his happiness. 'I won't let him take over me...no, I won't.' He felt so scared, so helpless, so alone ever since he overheard Moody in St. Mungo's. He wasn't scared for himself, but for the ones around him, the ones he loved. He forced himself to be strong; to think that he would stop Voldemort from possessing him, but deep inside he knew that if Voldemort really was possessing him, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. What if he killed Ron or Hermione? What if he killed Sirius? He shook his head vigorously at this thought. Even though he had met Sirius at the end of his third year, he couldn't imagine what his life would be without him. He was family. He was like a mixture of his friend, father, and brother. Someone who he could tell anything to and know that he wouldn't be ridiculed or laughed at. He didn't even want to think of losing him.
A gentle hand on his shoulder and a soft, familiar voice broke him out of his thoughts. He jumped slightly, and turned around to find himself looking into the face of his godfather.
"A bit paranoid are we?" said Sirius with a grin, as he sat down on the sofa next to him and put a cloak around Harry's shoulders, who was shivering slightly. Harry smiled in thanks.
"What are you doing up at this time of night?" he asked.
"What are you doing up?" retorted Harry.
"Nope, I asked first," said Sirius, smiling.
"Alright, fine. I dunno...I was just thinking I guess." Harry replied.
"About what?" Sirius was very persistent.
Harry frowned, wondering if he should tell Sirius what he overheard on the Extendable Ears. He didn't want Sirius to be angry with him, but at the same time he needed to tell someone.
"Sirius...if I tell you this, you can't tell anyone else," said Harry, biting his lip.
Sirius looked a bit uncertain for a moment before saying, "Harry, if this is something really serious about Voldemort then I may have to tell Dumbledore, but other then that I promise I won't tell anyone."
Harry gave a slight smile; he knew he could trust Sirius.
"I dunno, Sirius...I've just been so confused lately. I guess it all started when we went to visit Mr. Weasely we overheard Moody talking on the Extendable Ears. He said something about Voldemort possessing me. And Sirius," his voice was barely over a whisper now "I think he was right. I attacked Mr. Weasley. I was the snake. It's my fault he's like this right now. If Voldemort's possessing me I could do anything to any of you. I tried to leave but Phineas Nigellus had a message from Dumbledore that said to stay where I am. And now I don't know what to do. It's so dangerous for me to be here with all of you. What if I attacked Ron or Hermione? What if I attacked one of the Weasleys or someone else from the Order? What if I attacked you? I would never be able to live myself if anyone died because of me...if you died because of me." Harry broke off and looked up into Sirius' grey eyes, his own green eyes begging Sirius to tell him that he was wrong, or that he had somehow misheard Moody.
Sirius let out a low sigh and put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Oh Harry, is this what's been worrying you? I promise that Voldemort isn't possessing you in any way. You only heard the beginning of what Moody said, there's so much more to it."
"So what's the 'so much more to it,' Sirius?" Harry asked sneakily, hoping that Sirius would tell him.
"Nice try, Harry," said Sirius, reaching over and playfully tweaking Harry's nose, "but I can't tell you that. Believe me, I really want to. You have every right to know what's going on, but I have to wait for Dumbledore's permission before I'm allowed to say anything." he said that last part bitterly. "But there are special signs to look out for to see if someone's being possessed and you're not showing any of those major signs."
"Why won't Dumbledore tell me anything?" asked Harry, rubbing his nose. "Does he think I can't handle it or something?"
"I don't know, Harry. I don't know. Dumbledore has good reasoning for his actions, though, so you'd be better off trusting his decisions at this point rather then questioning them. But trust me, Harry, Voldemort isn't possessing you."
Harry frowned slightly. "Yeah...I guess so." He was relieved to know that he wasn't being possessed, but he also wanted to know why he was getting all those strange visions. But if Sirius wouldn't tell him, he didn't know who would.
Once again, Harry let out another sigh. "I wonder what it's like to be normal..." he said, more to himself then to Sirius.
Sirius smiled sadly. "Don't we all, Harry? We all wish that Voldemort never existed, yet he does, and nothing can change that. We all play a part in this war between good and evil, whether we like it or not. We can't escape no matter how much we try. We can't afford to be so pessimistic, otherwise we'll lose faith in ourselves, and right now hope and faith are pretty much all we've got. We just have to be strong and fight and have hope that we'll win."
"And how will we win, Sirius? How will we win when there's so much hate in this world? How will we win when we have so many enemies? I so desperately want to believe that it'll be alright, Sirius, but I just can't do it. Right now, I'm his main target...he'll do anything to get to me, even take the lives of innocent people. Look at what happened to Cedric...I couldn't bear it if anything like that happened to anyone that I loved." Harry whispered, his eyes glistening with tears, yet he wouldn't let them fall.
Sirius took Harry's face in his hands. "I don't know how we'll win, Harry. No one does. But with every darkness comes light. I promise you, we'll make it through somehow. We'll find a way. You'll make it through somehow, Harry, you'll find a way...if you just believe." He wiped away the single tear that escaped Harry's eyes and pulled Harry to him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly.
"Everything will be alright, Harry. Just believe." he whispered as he rested his chin on Harry's head.
Harry didn't know how long it had bee before he finally pulled back from Sirius.
"Thank you, Sirius."
"Anytime Harry. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always come to me." he said with a smile. He leaned back on the sofa and looked up into the starry sky. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Sirius broke it.
"Look at that star...you know what it's called?" asked Sirius, pointing to the star that was shining the brightest.
"No, what?" replied Harry, curiously.
"It's Sirius...the brightest star in the sky."
Harry smiled. "So that's what you're named after?"
"Yeah...that's what I'm named after." he repeated with a sort of glazed look in his eyes.
"Sirius, how did you know I was out here?" asked Harry.
"Because I know everything," Sirius replied smugly.
"No, really!" insisted Harry.
"It was just an instinct." he said with a mysterious smile.
Harry didn't bother trying to make sense out of that. He put his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle a yawn, but Sirius wasn't fooled.
"Alright, time for bed, Harry." said Sirius, chuckling.
Harry gave in and stood up, stretching. He put his empty mug in the sink and he and Sirius walked upstairs together.
"G'night, Sirius." said Harry, yawning, as they reached his room.
Sirius smiled and ruffled his hair affectionately. "G'night, kid."
Harry got back under the cozy covers, feeling comforted and safe. He knew that everything would be alright. He knew that he'd make it through. If he just believed.
Author's Note: This is for Bibbs, who encouraged me to write this story. Thank you, Bibbs! )
Well, I really hope that wasn't confusing or anything. Obviously, after this Harry doesn't shut himself up in Buckbeak's room and doesn't have the conversation with Hermione, Ron, and Ginny when Hermione comes to Grimmuald Place after her skiing.
I'm pretty conscious of this story, actually. I hope it's not too mushy or corny or anything. I've edited it over and over again since I first wrote it so I really hope it turned out okay.
I'd really love to know what you think, so please review!