Author's note: Okay so I really didn't mean to start a new fan fic with forgiveness and my Maine man still in the works but I couldn't help myself and my mind started playing with ideas. I am hoping this is a somewhat original idea and no one else had really done it, or at least a lot of people haven't done it before. Anyway... I hope you all like the story enjoy reading and review if you please.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon they belong to Stephenie Meyer.
My heart wouldn't let me
As I turned and walked away from her, I heard her screaming my name. I could smell the tears that were running down her face, it took everything that I had to continue to run towards the edge of the forest, to not run back and hold her in my arms and comfort her.
My mind was still indecisive on whether or not I was making the right choice. I needed to do this though; I needed to allow her to have some type of normal life without her having to worry about vampires attacking her. I had to keep on repeating this thought through my mind, I needed to let her go, and she needed to live a normal human life without me. The few simple thoughts of her not being with me sent pain coursing through my whole body. The hurtful things I just said to her in the woods were replaying in my mind and I had to place my hand on a tree for support as the pain continued to rock me from the inside out. I took a deep breathe and continued to the edge of the forest. I stopped when I was at the edge staring blankly down on the ground. I knew that if I stepped out of this forest it would be the last time I would ever permit myself to see her, it would be the last image I would have of Bella. Her beautiful brown eyes filled with sorrow and hurt, her voice zombie like and numb.
I didn't' want to take that step; I didn't want things to be over between us. She meant so much to me; I never wanted to let her go. But hadn't I just promised that I would stay out of her life forever, that I would never interfere. What right did I have to go back and see here after I had just completely broken her heart?
The wind shifted and I felt a slight breeze surround my face. The air was filled with her scent, the smell was too much and I made my final decision. I was running fast, faster than I had ever ran in my life. Her scent was getting stronger but she was not along the trail I had just left her on. She was father back in the woods. As I slowed down to a normal pace my eyes scanning through the woods searching for her, I finally saw her.
She was lying on her side in a wet bracket. Her brown hair was in disarray and hung loosely, and surrounded her face. I couldn't see her face but I could smell and hear the tears streaming down, hitting her clothes and the bracket.
I walked slowly over to her side trying to decide whether or not she would accept me back? Trying to decide if she would forgive me or tell me to go away and tell me that she never wanted to see me again. How could I have done this to her, she looked so hurt, so broken. I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms.
"Edward?" Her voice held anguish, pain, and hope.
"Yes." For once I was speechless; I didn't know what to say. Had I made the right decision coming back? Only time could tell.
Bella pushed her face into my shirt and inhaled deeply. "Edward please, please don't leave me. I love you."
Her words were like knives piercing through my granite skin. Had I really intended to leave her, to let her suffer through this heartache, this pain?
"Bella I am not going anywhere." I shifted the position she was in so that I could dry the tears flowing from her eyes. We walked out of the woods with me still holding Bella tight in my arms. When we reached her house I let her go so that she could open the front door. She looked disappointed that I had stopped our contact. Her hands trembled as she tried to put the key into the door. She continuously threw nervous glances over her shoulder to make sure that I was still there. I finally put my hand over hers to steady it and she was finally able to open the front door.
She walked into the house and upstairs, while I followed closely behind. The whole entire time we were walking she continued to look at me nervously, as if I wasn't real. We reached her room and she silently walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge and started to stare out the window. Her expression was unreadable. I couldn't tell if she was mad, hurt, or confused.
I leaned against her door frame my head down in shame. We sat like this for fifteen minutes although it felt like hours. When I looked up at her, her eyes were starring at me they looked empty and didn't hold an ounce of the essence that usually filled them. Her shoulders were hunched over and she was forcefully biting her bottom lip.
"Edward you don't have to do this."
"Do what?" I asked my voice was controlled masking the battle that raged inside of my body and mind.
"Sit here with me; act as if you care anymore."
Her words stung, but the only person I could be upset with was myself. I was the one who said those hurtful things only an hour or two earlier. I was the one who said I didn't want her, but how could I make her understand. How could I show her that she meant more to me than anything else in my existence?
"Bella I am so sorry. I do care. I care more than I can ever show you or explain. I thought leaving you would be the best thing, but my heart wouldn't let me go."
"But you said you didn't want me." Her voice was cracking and tears steamed down her face. She put her head down in an attempt to hide her tears.
I strode across her room and knelt down before her, and gently place my hands on her knees. "Bella it was a lie, lying was the only way I thought you would believe me."
She lifted her head and her eyes locked into mine. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have almost let her go? I truly didn't deserve her love before and now I realized I never would.
Switch in POV's this is Bella's POV which most of the story will be written in, I just felt that Edward deserved his little in put at the beginning.
As he sat before me I really wanted to believe his words. Believe that his words were lies, but a part of me didn't want to believe, couldn't believe him.
Why would he love me? A pathetic human. The voice inside of me was telling me he just came back out of guilt. Maybe the though of him leaving me alone in the woods he once made me promise not to go into was to much for him.
The voice was slowly winning. Doubts of Edward's love swirled around in my head. His words, the words of pain and hurt replaying in my mind was enough for my face to grow hot and traitor tears to stream down my face. I was pulled out of my thoughtful reverie when I felt his icy, smooth finger gently wipe away my falling tears. My face felt a burning sensation in the places were his fingers had grazed my face.
I looked into his eyes to see the pain in them, yet I couldn't fix it, I didn't even know if he would let me fix it. I wasn't special enough to do such a thing, to make all of his worries go away.
He finally got up off the ground and sat on the edge of my bed, his fingers laced with mine, his other hand drawing small circles on the back of our hands. Just the simple gesture of his hands in mine made everything feel fine and safe. I took comfort in the action, it seemed he wanted to hold my hand maybe part of him did want to stay; maybe part of him wanted me, the frail human, as the love of his life.
My eye lids began to feel heavy and coherent thoughts were becoming a thing in the past. I fought against them, I couldn't go to sleep. I was too scared to sleep. The feeling that he would leave as soon as my eyelids slid shut gnawed at my insides.
I felt myself sway a little bit as the sleepy feeling refused to back off. My eyes began to close; the room was becoming blurrier as they were almost clamped shut. My attempt to fight off the sleep was a losing battle.
I felt Edward's strong, stone arms pressing me down against the mattress of my bed, my head landed on the pillows below me; they felt fluffy and velvety smooth. I heard him began to sing my lullaby. I lost the battle and sleep over took me quickly. The sleep I had that afternoon would forever be burned into my memory, it was the first time I screamed out from deep within my sleep, it would be the first time I would wake up and feel my throat raw. Yes it would be the first time the haunting nightmares came to me, but it was no where near the last.
Author's Note: So what did you guys think good? Bad? Should I continue? Well I will tell you one thing. I know this is a little shirt but this is the first chapter and well I didn't really feel like writing a prologue more or less just felt like diving right into the story, sorry about that. Anyways I hope you guys liked it review if you please. Peace.