view askewniverse, clerks. dante/randal. PG-13. characters belong to kevin smith. written for neofox.

jingle, jingle.




The chime on the door is getting really fucking annoying.

As yet another haughty customer exits the store in an indignant huff, Randal turns to Dante and raises an eyebrow, shooting him a skeptical look. Dante shrugs helplessly, shaking his head in agitated defeat.

"There's just no end to these people."

Randal snorts and leans back against the counter. "The Idiot Patrol prefers to stop by while you're on the clock, Dante Hicks." He shrugs, too. "And that, my friend, is the way the world works."

"It sucks, though. Why me? Why is it always me?" Dante laments, gesturing with both hands, palms upturned. "It's not fair."

Randal pats him on the back in just-slightly-not-mock-sympathy. "There is truly no justice."

The door chimes again. A woman starts to walk in, catches sight of Randal with his hand rubbing at Dante's back, glares at them, and leaves. The door chimes for a third time.

"I'm going to fucking kill that thing!" Dante yells. "I'm so sick of hearing it all day, every day!" He stomps over to the store's entrance, furious, and locks the door. Deciding that he deserves a break for a few minutes, he flips the sign to "closed" and continues ranting. "It's never accompanied by decent human beings, either. It's always these entitlement bitches and arrogant assholes."

Randal's lifting both eyebrows now, rather amused by the entire scenario. Dante is still going on about it. "Furthermore, why the hell would anyone need to buy our entire stock of Little Debbie snack cakes as a Christmas present?" He slumps over the countertop, face buried in the crook of his arm, and is silent for a long while.

For most of that long while, Randal simply watches Dante as he stews in his job dissatisfaction. Eventually, though, he also rests his arms on top of the counter, head tilted to keep observing Dante.

"Well, Christmas doesn't entirely suck," Randal muses. "You get free shit, and the snow's nice when the dear ol' City of Leonardo bothers to clear the streets."

Dante lifts his head, looks at Randal, and rolls his eyes. "Sure. It's abso-fucking-lutely fantastic. I love holiday shopping more than anything else on this planet."

"Not the shopping, dickwad." Randal rolls his eyes right back. "So, what's that on the ceiling?"

Dante looks up.

"...the mold on the ceiling tile, you mean?"

Randal grins. "Pretend it's holly."

Quite confused, Dante props himself up on his elbows and starts to question Randal further.

"What does holly have to do with anyth--"

Randal sends him a genuine Lecherous Look™ and lifts himself up as well, shifting closer and tilting his head to press their lips together, tongue laving Dante's mouth heatedly.

They end up on the floor, both of them regretting having paid no attention to sweeping the accumulated dust and assorted bits of garbage from behind the counter. Dante has a piece of straw wrapper in his hair; Randal finds this entertaining as he grins down at the other clerk.

"The plant you meant," Dante states matter-of-factly, despite Randal straddling him, "was mistletoe. Not holly."

"Do you always have to correct me?" Randal asks, smiling contentedly as he removes the straw-wrapper-scrap from Dante's head.

"...maybe not always." Dante pulls him into another slow, lingering kiss, and smiles back.

The Quick Stop closes early, and neither of them worry about it.




--- elendraug (at) yahoo . com





and because neo is completely made of amazing, she illustrated this. THANK YOU, MA'AM!

deviantart . com / deviation / 44979976 /