Author's note: This is the end! This is the final chapter to the story, so hold on to your hats! When I started this on Thursday, I had no idea that this was going to be so long, or that it was going to get so many hits! I REALLY NEED REVIEWS, SO IF YOU READ THIS PLEASE REVIEW! Well, enough of my bellyaching, let's end this!
Part 7: of Conclusions and Justice
"Ha, ha!" Misato laughed in a drunken manner, "You were up the whole night, trying to kiss Shinji, and Rei beat you to it and out did you in every way! That's really pathetic Asuka!" Misato laughed a while longer, then passed out.
Asuka cried and headed into the sanctuary of her room. Christmas was ruined. Rei had given Shinji a far better kiss than even she had planned and Shinji had obviously enjoyed it quite a bit from the pig-in-shit look on his dazed face. This was supposed to be her night with Shinji, not that blue-haired snake! She pulled her covers over her head and wished for the night to end.
Outside on the pavement…
"Wow," Shinji thought, "that was amazing."
Indeed, Rei's kissing was simply amazing. True, Shinji had kissed Asuka before, but this was amazing! He couldn't believe how much energy and passion Rei had put into it, she had been like a wild animal, and, in that moment, was the hottest she had ever been. He blushed as he got up and picked up his wallet. Rei was so nice! He had to admit that this Christmas was starting to improve quite a bit. In fact, he felt that once he took Aoba's advice and told off Asuka and Misato, this was going to be quite the fun holiday. He then got up, marched through the doorway, and with a newfound confidence that he had never before possessed, he yelled:
"Misato, Asuka, you've treated me like crap and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
Unfortunately, the only response that this received was a loud snore from Misato, and a renewed sound of weeping from Asuka's room followed by a slap from Hikari.
"How can you be so mean, Shinji? Asuka was waiting the whole night for you to come back, and now she's even crying in her room because of all that's happened!" Hikari said. She then explained all the happenings of the night, minus the whole "letting Misato tie Asuka up and starve her while believing that Asuka was a nymphomaniac" bit. She then left with a "merry Christmas" and pulled a grinning Toji, who gave the thumbs up to Shinji as he was dragged out.
Although Shinji would normally try and just block out others and their problems, Asuka was crying because of him, so he walked softly to her door and slid it open. He saw Asuka huddled up under her covers, and walked over to her.
"What are you doing third child? Something perverted I bet." Asuka said half heartedly, "I'm not crying because of you (sob) I'm crying because I made a fool of myself."
Shinji contemplated just leaving her alone, like Misato did whenever one of them had a problem, but felt guided to sit on the side of her bed.
"Hikari told me what happened, she said that you were waiting the whole night for me." Shinji said, "So why were you waiting? Did it have anything to do with the mistletoe that was hung on the doorway?" He asked, knowing all well what Asuka had planned from what Hikari had told him.
"You think I wanted to kiss YOU?" Asuka asked angrily, "Just because you're one of the few people that see me for more than my piloting skills and good looks and just because you reached in and saved me when I was about to be lost in the lava forever, you think I would want to kiss YOU?" Realizing that she had just given the reasons for why she felt like she did, she immediately shut up.
Shinji then pulled the covers off of Asuka and wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her up, so she was sitting next to him. Asuka then turned her face away from him, but still let his arm encircle her waist.
"Asuka, is there something you want to tell me?"
Asuka suddenly reached out and grabbed a package off the floor. Then, without turning to face Shinji, she handed him the package, saying, "here Shinji, Merry Christmas."
Shinji held the package in his hands, it was small, but he hadn't expected any presents, let alone from Asuka! He delicately unwrapped the present, and said, "Uh…Asuka?"
Asuka looked around, she knew Shinji probably wouldn't understand the gift but…wait a sec…what the hell? Shinji was holding up a pair of her panties! Asuka immediately opened her mouth in shock and snatched them away. She considered slapping Shinji, until she noticed a note attached to them.
I took Asuka's present, and hawked it at the pawnshop for beer money. I think she won't mind, as she's so hot for you. In fact, I bet if you got her a little tipsy she'd put out.
The amazing gift-giver,
Asuka's face, which was already red from crying, turned into a fiery red blaze of anger, she couldn't believe Misato would do such a thing! And she had put so much thought and money into the present!
Shinji then ran to his room and came back with his present for Asuka. They both looked nervously as they opened the package to find…some whiskey filled chocolates. Asuka's eyes opened in surprise; did Shinji not know that she couldn't stand alcohol?
Shinji immediately protested saying, "Asuka, I swear, this present was meant for Misato!"
They then noticed another note:
I don't think you would have liked the gift Shinji got you, so I took it. Besides, all Germans like drinking and chocolate, right?
The amazing gift-giver,
P.S. Shinji, these will get Asuka tipsy in no time. Have fun!
P.S.S. I'm the one who ordered the condom from Hyuga to give to you.
Shinji growled, that present was extremely hard to get, and he had put a lot of thought into it! Misato was the worst guardian on the planet! He sighed; he should have known nothing was ever going to go his way.
"So what was your present Shinji?" asked Asuka.
"I knew that you liked the trip to the hot springs we took, so I found a local spa that had one and got you the a day pass there with all the pampering they offered."
Asuka smiled to herself, that was exactly what she had wanted for Christmas!
"So what did you get me?" Shinji asked.
Asuka blushed, "Well, I got you a…that is to say, I mean, you don't have to like it, well, guess it doesn't matter since Misato took it, but," Asuka took a deep breath, "I got you a heart shaped gold locket with a picture of the two of us inside from when we were practicing to fight that one angel, and it says on the other side, "This is my heart, take good care of it." Asuka then said, "Shinji, there is something I want to tell you, I lo-she then turned away, but Shinji pulled her back.
"Asuka, I feel the same way," Shinji said. He then pulled her in close for a kiss, but Asuka stopped him.
"Shinji, I look hideous don't I?" Asuka said. Indeed, she was not looking her best. She had a black eye and multiple scrapes and cuts from when she smashed into the pavement, not to mention her broken nose. Her eyes were still red and bloodshot from all of her crying, her hair was all messed up, and her breath still hadn't got the smell of puke out yet.
Shinji realized that no matter how he answered this question, he wouldn't come out smelling like a bed of roses, but then he got an idea.
"You're only as hideous as you think I am." Shinji said.
The idea worked perfectly, as it threw Asuka off her guard, and didn't allow a quick comeback. Shinji then pulled her in close again and Asuka pulled him in close, they could feel the heat from their bodies and their cool breaths as they brought their lips together…well, they would have brought their lips together, had it not been for the sound of a gun firing, which really ruined the moment.
"Piñata, Piñata, Piñata!" screamed Misato as she ran around the house, extremely drunk, firing her gun.
Meanwhile, at the MP eva hangar…
"Dingus, what do you think Keele would say about this?" Kaworu asked, as he watched Dingus and Lilly put reins and antlers on the Mass-produced Evas.
"Dingus, why did I ever think it was smart to drink five bottles of Jack Daniels and then do some cloning?" Dingus answered.
Kaworu thought for a sec. "Okay, besides that."
"Have you been eating your lead paint chips?"
"Try and catch the bullets I fire with your head?"
"The giant Evas are not toys?"
"Exactly, those things are being saved for a special occasion."
"More special than Christmas?" Asked Dingus with a sad look on his face. Lilly and the Rei clones also looked at him with equally sad expressions on their faces.
"Yes, more special than…" Kaworu thought for a second, why the hell should he care what Keele wanted? He had locked him and Dingus in this basement and only took them out when he wanted to try and kill Dingus or have Kaworu meet with the council. And the plan that Keele had, seemed to not work unless he, Kaworu, died. Plus, his brother found something that he was good at, so who was he to stand in his way? Plus the clones were pretty hot.
"You know what Dingus? You're right, those will make fine reindeer!" Kaworu said and then built a sled out of a couch, their beds, and a bookcase (duct tape, is there anything it can't do?). He fastened the Evas to the sleigh and sat down in the back of the "sleigh" where he received many hugs from the Rei clones, which made Kaworu lose any regard he once had for Keele or his plan.
Dingus smiled and sat with Lilly in the front of the sleigh, grabbed the reins, and, with assistance from Kaworu's ability to control Evas without souls and Lilly and Kaworu's combined AT field stabilizing the sleigh, he made the evas take off and fly.
Meanwhile, in Gendo's office…
Ritsuko had heard an explosion some time ago, but she had ignored it, thinking that Gendo was probably just hunting clones again. The sight that she saw however was quite surprising. The office was wrecked, all the decorations had fallen, and there was a huge hole in the ceiling that she could even see the surface through. She ran over to Gendo to find an even more disturbing sight. He was smiling and seemed very happy! Amazingly, the bag of coal and arsenic laced cookies and milk had destroyed the brain tumor that had been developing for the last 15 years! Now, his nicer side had reappeared.
"Ritsuko, I'm so sorry I used you and everyone else for all this time." Gendo said, "Had I only thought about how much my actions were causing pain! I abandoned my son, put souls inside machines, and murdered people, all just to get my wife back! And I hurt Rei, and Asuka, and you! I'm sorry Ritsuko, but I'm going to try and become a better person. For one thing, I'm going to accept that Yui is dead and needs to pass on. And Ritsuko, I want our relationship to be more than just a "I'm bored let's (censored)" I want us to start going steady, I want to meet your parents, oh, whoops, sorry about that, but I want to be with you."
Ritsuko was shocked, but tears of happiness fell from her eyes. She had always hoped to hear those words, but had never expected them to come from Gendo, (even though she was (censored) the (censored) out of him every night). She ran over to Gendo and pulled him into a tight embrace.
Meanwhile, in Keele's office…
Keele watched the monitor, how could Kaworu do this to him? He had created him in a lab, locked him in a cozy basement, and all he had wanted him to do was be a martyr. It must be Dingus! Yes, that must be it! That idiot was always causing trouble, and this was no different. Well, he would put a stop to this! He pressed the button to have the MP Evas initiate third impact (ruining the scenario, but with the cat out of the bag, it did'nt matter), but to no effect. Kaworu's controlling ability must be greater than he had thought. Keele sighed, it would take a miracle (or disaster in this case) to make Kaworu lose control of the Evas.
Meanwhile, in Gendo's office…
Gendo broke the embrace. "First things first!" he pulled off his right glove, revealing the Adam embryo, "I'm going to make it so nobody can start Third Impact!" and with that, he stabbed his right hand with the letter opener from his desk.
"Worst…death…ever!" said the embryo as it curled up and died.
Throughout the Earth and space, all the Angels descended from Adam screamed out in pain. Especially including…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Kaworu screamed.
"What's wrong Kaworu?" a concerned Dingus asked, "do you need to go to the bathroom?"
The pain ripped through Kaworu's body, it felt like every pain receptor was firing at once! This could only mean that something had happened to Adam's body! But if that was what was happening, then that meant that his powers were going to leave, but if his powers left…
"OH! Look what the reindeer are doing! Bad Reindeer, stop ripping off your reins! If you stop, We'll give you some oats! Oh wait, we don't have any oats! Um, would you like some carrots? Yum, I love carrots, well I think I do, I've only been alive a few hours, so I haven't eaten them yet, but I think they're really good! Hey! Where did you get those huge weapons? Reindeers shouldn't have weapons!" Lilly said as the white Evas broke free of their reins and pulled out their giant swords.
All the occupants of the sleigh, who were now being held up by Lilly's AT field alone, gazed in fear at the smiling winged evas as they flew up even higher and pulled their swords back. Then, without warning, one of the Evas flung their sword at the sleigh.
"Don't worry," Lilly said after seeing how terrified everyone was, "I can stop this, no problem."
And for a moment, it appeared the AT field would hold out as the sword smashed into it. That is, until the sword changed shape into a two-pronged spear and flew straight through the field! Luckily, it missed the sleigh and it's occupants, though not by much (Kaworu got an unexpected hair cut), and flew through the other side of the field. Unforunately, the shock of having her AT field broken caused Lilly to pass out and fall into Dingus' arms.
As the sleigh hung in the air, Kaworu, who had just gotten over the shock of losing his powers, made an interesting observation. "Wait," he said, "If Lilly is passed out, and I can no longer spread my own soul out, what's keeping us from falling?"
Dingus, the clones, and Kaworu came to the conclusion at the same time. Their eyes got wide open, and they all screamed as the sleigh went crashing towards the ground below.
Meanwhile, in Gendo's office…
"Warning, unidentified objects are flying towards Tokyo-3!"
Gendo and Ritsuko watched as a monitor flared up. On the screen were nine giant, white, red-lipped, black winged, smiling monstrosities flying towards them.
"And Keele complains when we screw up the scenario." Gendo mused. "Ritsuko, get Shinji, Rei, and Asuka here immediately!"
Ritsuko quickly pressed the "angel alarm" button, and started making calls.
"Why do the evas have huge plastic antlers on their heads?" wondered Gendo.
Meanwhile, at the Katsuragi residence…
"Piñata, Piñata, Piñata!" screamed a drunk Misato as she fired her gun. She had been keeping this up for some time without any sign of stopping, how she had managed to not kill any of the other members of the household was a miracle in itself. Luckily, she had only wandered into her room, shinji's room, and the kitchen.
"Shouldn't she have run out of bullets by now?" Asuka asked as she huddled next to Shinji in the corner of her room.
"She hides clips all over the house, though she'll probably run out in a couple of hours." Shinji whispered.
"We might be dead in a few hours!" Asuka retorted.
Suddenly, the phone went off and was picked up and answered by Misato.
"I'm not, I'm not drunk! I only drank a case or two."
"I don't know where Shinji and Asuka are. Do you?"
"An angel, on Christmas? You need to not joke around so much Ritsuko. You need to be more serious like me! Now I have to go get a Piñata that's running around my house."
With that, Misato shot the phone and continued searching for the "Piñata."
An angel? Shinji and Asuka looked at each other. If this was true, they needed to hurry and get to NERV! But how were they going to get past a gun-wielding Misato? As if things were'nt bad enough, Asuka's door was being slid open!
"Pinata?" said Misato as she pulled the door open, her gun at the ready.
Shinji covered Asuka as best as he could with his body and said, "Asuka I've always lo-huh?"
Misato had disappeared!
"Get off of me pervert!" said Asuka as she kicked the boy off of her.
Shinji sighed, he should have known it was to good to be true. Asuka must have just been teasing him before.
"There will be plenty of time for that after we beat the angel." Asuka finished with a sexy wink. She then pulled Shinji in and gave him a quick kiss. She then dashed out the door smiling.
Shinji stood there for a second, amazed with his luck, and then followed after her.
Meanwhile…in the airspace above Tokyo-3…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled Dingus, Kaworu, and the clones as they plummeted towards the ground. At this height, they would be smashed into paste when they hit the ground.
"Dingus, quick! Snap your fingers!" Kaworu yelled.
"Kaworu! You already got your presents!" Dingus protested.
"Just do it!"
Dingus snapped his fingers, and all kinds of things fell out. There were stuffed animals, televisions, videogame consoles, card games, action figures, SDAT players, CDs, DVDs, and many other things, but nothing that would save them from splatting against the ground when they hit. Kaworu started laughing hysterically, he was finally in a story where he had four hot Rei clones hanging on him, and he was going to die, this was absolutely not fair! And what about Dingus? The lovable oaf just wanted to be Santa Claus, was that such a crime? Tears started forming in the former angel's eyes; it was over.
"Oh, is that you Santa?" Lilly asked weakly, "You know, me and the other elves haven't eaten yet, could you make us something? Something sweet would be nice. Oh! I know…"She said as she passed out again.
The other clones rubbed their tummies in agreement. Kaworu continued his maniacal laughter, of all the times to think of food!
Dingus snapped his fingers, however, nothing fell out. Kaworu closed his eyes and silently prayed to be reincarnated as something nice.
Kaworu felt himself hit something and bounce up. He then felt himself hit the surface again and this time land softly. He opened his eyes. He and everyone else were surrounded by a white landscape, with small, multi-colored hedges. He stood up and saw that the land ended after a little bit. He then grabbed some of the white ground up and tasted it. It was frosting! He went to the edge and looked down and then jumped back, they were on a gigantic cake! By his measurement, it was about six hundred feet tall and had a diameter of three hundred feet!
Kaworu started laughing, this was incredible, Lilly and the clones had wanted cake, and they got a gigantic cake that saved them from destruction! He continued laughing until a handful of frosting smacked him in the face. He looked over and watched the unnamed clones, who were dressed in elf costumes, throwing frosting. He laughed and then threw some frosting that hit one of the clone's cheeks. The clone scraped some off and tasted it. After she showed delight at the taste, another clone came over and licked it off her cheek. Kaworu started stuttering, and then collapsed with his first anime/manga nosebleed.
"Lilly, are you okay?" Dingus asked, his eye full of tears. Lilly had to be all right, she was the head elf, she couldn't be hurt, or worse!
"OH! Wow! This is incredible! You're amazing Santa!" She got up and hugged Dingus tightly, "This is so amazing! OH! What happened to your eye?" She asked.
Dingus thought for a second, he could see out of his left eye, so what could she be talking about? Then, he reached towards his right eye and found only an empty socket! The shock from landing must have knocked it free. He frantically looked around with his one good eye, but to no avail.
"OH! Santa, let me help!" Lilly said as she walked up to him and placed her hand on the right half of his face and then stepped in close and kissed him. As their lips were locked, Lilly's big ears wiggled, making them seem as though they were flapping.
When Dingus finally opened his eyes from the pink haired beauty breaking the kiss, he found a surprise, he could see again! He poked at his right eye and screamed in pain and delight; it really was there! He then looked down at Lilly, who was holding him tight. He placed his arms around her and smiled. This was a really good Christmas.
"Oh! Santa! Could you get me some new clothes? The others got them back at Poppa Gendo's, but I could really use some! I mean they don't have to be that fancy, but this shirt is really getting dirty!" Lilly said.
Dingus snapped his fingers, and a red set of elf clothes appeared. Unlike the other clones though, it appeared not on her body, but a few feet away. Without warning, Lilly threw off the long shirt she had been wearing, her only article of clothing, and walked over and dressed in her new attire.
"OH! This is so beautiful, don't you think so Santa?" Lilly said as she turned around.
Dingus did not reply however. He had passed out from his own anime/manga nosebleed.
"Merry Christmas…Dingus." Lilly whispered.
A little earlier, at Rei's apartment…
"It went just like you said boss. The guards were all gone for the day, the surveillance was off, and only one teller was there." Aoba said.
"Well, of course it did. Did you doubt me?" asked Rei as she smoothed the wrinkles out of the black dress she had put on.
"Of course not." Aoba answered nervously, "I mean, I was just surprised that you of all people would be the one to hatch such a scheme!"
"Technician Aoba, what do you mean?" Rei asked in the emotionless voice that most people knew her to have. Rei then snorted, laughed, and then changed to a more lively voice. "Do you really think I could have worked with such an interesting group of people for all these years without picking up some skills? It was child's play to hack into the bank's employee files and check shifts and stop the security system using the magi. And with those obstacles out of the way, any idiot could have cleaned the place out." Seeing the hurt expression on Aoba's face, she added, "no offence."
"None taken," Aoba said, "but I mean, you seemed like such a nice person, albeit unemotional, not the type who would plan a bank robbery!"
Rei turned around and faced Aoba with a smirk. "I am a nice person, Aoba. I specifically picked that bank because I knew that all of its clients had amounts that didn't exceed the amount that would be replaced if stolen. Also, the money will be replaced by Thursday, days before the credit card bills come out. So no harm will happen to anybody. Now," Rei said, tracing an S on Aoba's chest, "How about we split that money and go our separate ways?"
"You know boss, about that, I was thinking…"
"Now Aoba," Rei interrupted, "that hurts, we've known each other for quite some time, I'd like to think we could go by a first name basis."
"Oh sorry boss-I mean Rei," Aoba said nervously, "it's just I was thinking, since I did all the dirty work and took the risks, I should," he paused, taking a deep breath, "get a bigger cut."
Rei's smirk faded into a frown. "Risks? Risks? I went to the Major's house so section two would follow me instead of keeping tabs on you! Do you know how horrid that was? As soon as I open the door, the second child sexually assaults me, leaving me stunned for the next few hours, in which I had biscuits shoved in my mouth and peas thrown at my face by a certain purple-haired bitch!" Noticing Aoba's pig-in-shit look on his face, she knocked him down, grabbed his gun and shoved it against his forehead. "I pray to GOD you weren't picturing what I think you were picturing! By the way, who was it that couldn't keep their hatred for a certain cartoon cat under control and almost screwed up the plan? Not to mention, forgot to tie up the teller so they couldn't hit the alarm?" Noticing Aoba's puzzled look, she added, "Wondering how I knew about that? The security system wasn't actually turned off; I just erased the bank's copy and kept one for myself. That's right Aoba, I have enough evidence to send you straight to a 9x10 with a large cellmate named Juan who's looking for a longed hair pretty boy like you to be his bitch!"
Aoba started sweating like mad, this girl was the devil! And was it just his imagination, or were there flames dancing in her eyes and a forked tongue licking her lips?
Rei stepped back and grabbed the duffle bag full of cash while still keeping the gun aimed at Aoba's head. "Now, Aoba be a good boy and turn around while I divide the money into what I think is fair."
Aoba turned to face the wall.
"Good boy, now, I'm in the holiday mood, so sing "Jingle bells."
Aoba started trembling, "Dashing through the the s-now in a…"
"Louder!" Rei ordered, "Unless you'd like your brains to be splattered all over the room. And try to sound more cheerful, it's Christmas Eve after all!"
"Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh, over the fields we go," Aoba sang with tears streaming down his face.
A few minutes later…
"Oh what fun it is to ride, in a one, horse, o-pen sleigh!" Aoba finished.
"Very good Aoba!" Rei said as she put the gun to the back of the terrified man's skull, "now turn around, slowly."
Aoba did as he was told. His face was covered with tears and snot.
"Aoba," said Rei as she gave a seductive smile, "you know, your kind of cute when your terrified like this." She then pulled Aoba's head down to her level, the gun still pointed against the left side of his head, and gave him a deep kiss that lasted a few minutes. She then pulled back, saying, "Ah, no tongue? That's too bad, might have been more fun, not bad though."
She then shoved a duffle bag into his hands. "There's your cut, now leave."
Aoba quickly ran for the door.
"Aoba, aren't you forgetting something?" Rei asked as he put his hand on the doorknob.
Aoba turned back. To his horror, she had his gun aimed directly at him. Without warning however, Rei tossed it to him. Aoba caught the gun and without a moment's hesitation, ran out the door, there was no way in hell he would mess with that psychotic albino, even if he did have a gun.
A few miles of frenzied running later…
Aoba decided it was time to open the duffle bag. He had worked hard, of course, so she wouldn't have screwed him over that much, right? That's what the weight in the bag suggested at least. Unless (gulp) it was a bomb. Aoba unzipped the bag, inside was LOADS of cash. Also inside the bag was a note from Rei.
I took what you said into consideration. You were right. Only twenty percent of the haul was a pretty crappy amount to pay you after all your dutiful service. So I decided to raise it a little bit, to 45 to be exact. Have a Merry Christmas!
Your lovely boss,
P.S. I included an additional 5000 yen, get yourself some new clothes, I think you soiled and pissed your pants.
Back at Rei's apartment…
Rei smiled. With the money she had made off of the heist, she would be set for life! Once the angels were beat, she could go wherever she wanted, and if Gendo still wanted to use her to bring his wife back, well…she had ways of remedying that. Ahhh…it would only be a matter of time now! She started to picture it, a nice beach side home with a view of the ocean, palm trees swaying on a white sand beach. As she started to wonder if it was possible for her to get a tan, there was a knock on the door. Rei quickly shoved the duffle bag full of money under her bed and opened the door.
"Hey Ayanami!" said her classmate, Kensuke Aida.
"Oh, good evening Aida." Rei said in the voice most people knew her for, "why are you here?"
"Oh, well, uh Rei, I was just wondering if you'd like to go with me to the tree lighting downtown." The combat-nerd said while nervously rubbing the back of his head.
Rei paused for a second, had Kensuke just asked her out? Since when did the little geek have some balls? She paused again before she answered, "Why would you want to do that?"
"Well Rei, I have to admit that since you joined our class last year, I've taken an interest in you, but since you were always so distant, I never had the courage to come up and ask you out. But, after I almost fell to my death and landed in a truck full of manure, I realized that if I died right now, I would regret never having asked you out."
"So that was the smell." Rei thought. She was about to dismiss him with an "if I am ordered to, I will," but had a change of heart. He had come all this way, and it would be rude, though admittedly fun, if she were to simply cast him out. Besides, he was kind of cute in a nerdy sort of way, and this confession of love was simply adorable.
"It would be…nice…to go with you" She replied.
Kensuke's eyes lit up. "Oh thank you Rei! Uh, pick you up in two hours?"
"Leaving so soon?" Rei asked, her voice starting to change to her "business" tone.
"Well yeah, I have to go change, I mean, I'd hate to embarrass you by smelling like this."
"Oh, don't worry about that." Rei said as she pulled the boy into her apartment, "I can wash those for you."
Kensuke started to get nervous, since when was Rei so forceful? "Well I'd hate for you to go to all the trouble, especially since your dressed so nice."
"Well yeah, I mean that your dress really makes you look good."
Rei smiled, she normally was never complimented about her looks, except by the Yakuza who tried to stay on her good side, it was nice to hear it for real.
"Oh, that reminds me," Kensuke said, pulling a small, gift-wrapped package out, "I got this for you."
Rei took the package and opened it. Inside was a small, gold necklace. She immediately strung it around her neck and admired how it looked in the mirror. Though it was plain, it went well with her dress and looked quite nice around her neck.
"How did you afford this?"
"I got a part time job."
Rei was impressed, getting a job could mean expulsion from most schools; he had taken quite a risk.
"This is a very nice gift Kensuke," said Rei in her real voice as she started to unbutton his shirt, "I insist you let me wash your clothes."
Kensuke started sweating, was this really Rei? "But Rei, if you washed my clothes, I wouldn't have anything to wear and I would be…"
"Naked." Finished Rei in her mind, "Which is sounding pretty damn good!" Kensuke had played his cards right, though very sloppy, and Rei had been wanting some loving for a long time. She was about to rip the shirt right off the startled boy, but the phone rang. Rei sighed, walked over and answered it.
"I understand. I'll be there as soon as I can."
She hung up the phone. Of all the times for something to attack the city!
"I'm sorry Aida," Rei said in her public voice, "I have to go to head quarters."
Kensuke sighed (though he was glad the phone call had ended the awkward moment before Rei had stripped him). "It's okay Rei, maybe some other time."
Rei grabbed her ID off of her nightstand and silently walked towards the door. That is, until a light bulb went off in her head.
"Hey Kensuke," Rei said in her real voice, "You know how you always say you wish you could be an eva pilot?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
Rei suddenly grabbed Kensuke's arm and dragged him behind her.
Later, at NERV…
Ritsuko slapped her head in disbelief. Most of the NERV staff was gone and wouldn't answer their phones, and those that were down here were mostly drunk due to finding Misato's secret stash. As if it wasn't bad enough, they had taken control of the PA system and were letting their true feelings out.
"That Misato is a fine piece of ass."
"Yeah, but she knows the whole Hepatitis alphabet. What about that Dr. Akagi?"
"Oh yeah, I would totally tap that. Just grab that ass and give her system an update!"
"Men." Ritsuko muttered as she loaded the handgun she kept in the inside of her lab coat, there was going to be quite a few Christmas bonuses that wouldn't be cashed this year.
"Who's bright idea was it to not turn the escalator on?" panted Asuka as she dragged herself into the briefing room, "That is a long damn staircase to go down."
A few minutes later, Shinji entered the briefing room and collapsed.
A few minutes later, Rei entered, dragging a scraped up Kensuke behind her.
"Well wonder-girl! Looks like you can get a man without stealing him from someone else!" Asuka said, noticing Kensuke.
"And it looks like you can get one too, provided they're softened up for you." Rei coolly replied.
"Blue haired bitch!"
"Red headed trannie!"
The two girls glared at each other and yelled at their respective boys, "Shinji/Kensuke, get up and defend my honor!"
The two boys were too worn out, one from running, and the other from being dragged, and couldn't even think of trying to fight someone.
"That will be enough you two. In case you've forgotten, we have a BIG problem." Ritsuko said, pressing a button on her remote.
Suddenly the monitor under their feet changed to show the white, red-lipped, flying MP evas breaking through the geo front.
"What the (rhymes with duck) are those things?" the four children exclaimed.
"Apparently, they're the remaining eva series, and they've come to destroy the base and initiate third impact." Ritsuko explained.
"Why would they do that? Isn't the purpose of eva to defeat the angels and prevent third impact?" Shinji asked.
"I'm afraid that's not the case in this situation." Ritsuko said, "besides, that video was from twenty minutes ago, they're actually already here."
The monitor changed again, showing a bunch of very confused evas scratching their heads; apparently, they hadn't been programmed to deal with a situation that didn't include flinging lances or making a tree of life.
"Well, what are we waiting for?" Asuka asked. "Let's go shove a Yule log up their ass, and go have a merry Christmas!"
"Exactly my opinion." Ritsuko said, straightening her glasses, "The order will be Asuka, then Rei, then Shinji."
"Why am I last?" Shinji asked.
"I can't answer that at this time. Now get your plug suits on and move out."
A few minutes later…
"Rei, are you sure it's all right for me to be sitting in the pilot's seat?"
"Since when did I say you could use my first name?" Rei asked in a threatening tone.
"I'm just kidding Kensuke," Rei laughed, "It is all right if I use your first name, right?"
"Of course," Kensuke replied nervously, "So, uh, how do I pilot this thing anyway?"
"Well, first, the LCL is poured in," Rei said, finding it strange that the yellow liquid hadn't filled the plug yet, "Then, you wait for the locks to be released, then the catapult launches, then," Rei paused and climbed to the front of the plug and seated herself in Kensuke's lap, "you grab a hold of these two large sticks and," Rei pushed herself back as far as she could against the embarrassed Kensuke, "then you just push and pull them back and forth," Rei demonstrated this by pushing and pulling the control sticks back and forward, rocking her whole body with each pull or push. "Now, you are paying attention right?"
"Huh, uh, yeah!" Kensuke said with a pig-in-shit look on his face.
Rei chuckled to herself; she could feel his "attention." "Now, while your pushing or pulling, focus on what you want to do." She stood up and turned around, then sat in Kensuke's lap, this time facing him with her leg wrapped around him and the back of the pilot's seat. "So Kensuke, what is that you want to do?" Rei asked, pressing her chest as close to his face as possible.
"Uh, Rei, you're starting to scare me." Kensuke said as he watched the normally quiet and shy Rei try to seduce him. This was indeed getting quite freaky, and Kensuke gave a sigh of relief as Dr. Akagi's voice came on and said:
"Rei, I'm sorry, I just found out that we've only been able to purify enough LCL for two plugs, and Asuka and Shinji have already had theirs filled, you can eject and exit the plug if you want."
"Oh, well thanks for the lesson Rei, but it looks like we'll have to leave." Kensuke said as he mentally said thanks to every deity he could think of.
"I don't think so Mr. Aida," Rei said pushing herself against the terrified nerd, "The night's still young, and we're alone in these tight plug suits." She started to unzip her plug suit, when she took a good look into Kensuke's eyes. He was absolutely terrified.
Rei sighed to herself; she had done it again. She didn't know why, but since she had hit puberty, she had the most overwhelming sex drive. This made it almost impossible to have a good relation ship with anyone, let alone nice guys like Shinji or Kensuke, guys who made her exceptionally turned on. This of course meant that her drive was never met, and it just kept compounding. Since Shinji had gotten here, she had been going crazy, she had even tried to get him to take advantage of her by pretending she hadn't heard his knocking and then "falling" with out a stitch of clothing on (episode five is lying I tell you! The slap Shinji received was for a whole different reason). She looked again at Kensuke. He was extremely nice, and he probably wasn't trying to get things going this soon. Still, she wasn't going to just let him leave her, she liked him, besides, another restraining order would really be annoying. She would have to come up with a quick excuse.
"Aida, I'm very sorry, I've never been asked out before (true) and I don't know how to react (true). I mean, I never knew my parents (half-truth) so the only people I've had to teach me the ways of life are the commander, Dr. Akagi, and the major (unfortunately true). And I'm just so lonely some times," she started sobbing, "I just wanted you to like me (kind of true). I'll understand if you don't want to go out with me (HA HA HA, lie of the century)." With that, Rei pushed the ejection button, stood up and started to turn the lever to open the hatch.
Suddenly, she felt Kensuke's hand on her shoulder.
"Rei, there's nothing to be sorry about. In fact I'm sorry if you felt you had to do anything to make me happy, I'm just glad to be able to spend time with you." Kensuke said, "and for what it's worth, I do want to go out with you."
Rei suddenly turned around, no tears to be found quite surprisingly, and gave him a gentle embrace followed by a quick peck. "Thank you Kensuke, I'm glad to hear you say that. Now let's go and see how the others are doing." Inside her mind however, this was the conversation: "must, resist, temptation, a while longer!"
With that, the two stepped out of the plug, Kensuke stunned at his first kiss, and went to watch the main monitor.
Shinji sat in the plug, tirelessly waiting to launch. The reason? First off, he was worried about Asuka and Rei getting hurt. Secondly, He wanted to get this done and over with so he could go home with Asuka, maybe say the words that kept getting cut off, and get some sleep so he could go to school tomorrow. But most importantly, he wanted to launch so he would stop hearing the damn comments of the drunken NERV staff.
"You remember that time we made Shinji go fishing in the LCL?"
"Oh yeah! He was at it for like two days before Maya finally told him there were no fish in the LCL."
"What an idiot!"
"You remember the time we locked Shinji in the female locker room and did'nt unlock it till Akagi, Misato, and Asuka were using it?"
"Who could forget? Asuka beat his ass and kicked him out of there without a stitch of clothing on his body!"
Shinji gritted his teeth.
"You remember that time we strapped Shinji to the catapult and kept making it go up and down?"
"You know it! That boy pissed his pants and screamed like a girl!"
Shinji's face started getting an angry twitch.
"Hey, Shinji!" said one of the techs, "how bout you get us something from the vending machine?"
Another tech started to sing "stairway to heaven."
Shinji gripped the control sticks as tightly as he could.
"Launching unit 02!"
Shinji gulped and said, "good luck Asuka"
Inside the geofront…
The Nine smiling Evas had their smiles grow larger as they heard the sound of an Eva catapult arrive right in front of them. When it popped out of the elevator, the eight who hadn't thrown their swords/lances tossed prepped to throw. The red eva had no chance to dodge as eight lances skewered it.
Akagi gasped as she watched the monitor. There were no life signs.
"Dr. Akagi, is Asuka okay?" Shinji asked desperately.
"Dr. Akagi, what happened to Asuka?"
"Shinji, there are no life signs coming from Unit 02." Ritsuko said, trying to hide her emotions.
"Asuka." Shinji said in disbelief. She couldn't be gone, it wasn't conceivable! He had never told her…and now he would never get a chance. She couldn't be gone, it wasn't conceivable! He had never told her…and now he would never get a chance. She couldn't be gone, it wasn't conceivable! He had never told her…and now he would never get a chance. She couldn't be gone, it wasn't conceivable! He had never told her…and now he would never get a chance. She couldn't be gone, it wasn't conceivable! He had never told her…and now he would never get a chance.
Shinji kept thinking this same line for quite some time.
"Hey you remember that time that Misato switched Shinji's underwear with Asuka's panties?"
"That was so funny, she pantsed him right in front of that red head, and Asuka just went to town on his ass!"
"Yeah, Asuka's such a bitch."
Shinji's blood started boiling. How dare they talk about Asuka that way! Especially after, after, after…the rage consumed him and a giant explosion rocked the cage.
Meanwhile, on top of the giant Christmas cake…
Kaworu opened his eyes slowly. He got up and looked around the cake. He then noticed that everyone, with the exception of Dingus, who was still passed out from seeing Lilly in the nude, was gone! He then noticed there was a hole in the cake. He leaned close to inspect it, when all of a sudden…
"OH! HI SANTA'S BROTHER!" Exclaimed an enthusiastic Lilly, "oh, did I scare you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Is Dingus still out cold? I didn't think seeing me without clothes would do that to him."
Kaworu caught his heart, and, after breaking for a minute, responded to her inquires. "You scared the shit out of me, it's okay, yes he's still out, and…" Kaworu almost got another nosebleed picturing what Dingus saw, "Where are the others?"
"OH! So glad you asked! Me and the other elves were hungry, so we ate out a tunnel in the cake! It was really good, and now we can get down."
"This cake is six hundred feet tall, that's impossible." Kaworu said.
"OH! Don't worry, it's not straight down."
A few minutes and a woken up Dingus later…
Kaworu had to admit; the clones had done an impressive job. The path coiled all the way to the bottom, so at no point was the group in danger of falling. At the bottom, the other clones were still gnawing at the doorway, amazingly still hungry.
"I can't believe they're still hungry." Kaworu said.
"OH! Well they just started a bit ago, after I ate the tunnel; I let them eat the door."
"Where does she put it?" Kaworu thought.
"Wow Lilly! You must weigh a ton!" Dingus said tactlessly.
Kaworu shook his head. He knew his brother didn't have any experience with the opposite sex, but come on, everyone knew you didn't talk to a woman about her weight when she was standing right in front of you! He covered his ears to block out the sound of screaming or slapping that was sure to come from the pink haired, big-eared girl.
Lilly just smiled. "Oh, not that much Santa, I have a fast metabolism." Seeing that Dingus was confused about that comment, she jumped at him, and quickly wrapped herself around him
"See, I'm not heavy at all!" She then dropped down and ran over to a huge hole next to them.
"OH! You guys! Come look at this! I found the reindeer, and, hey, what's that big orange light?"
Meanwhile, inside the geo front…
The mass-produced evas stood around, not knowing what to do again, when all of a sudden, a giant purple eva, with orange wings came up through the ground. It's eyes blazed with energy, and the ground was torn up as it's sheer power ripped across it. The white evas smiled with exceptional glee; the end was about to come. They readied to extend their lances, when they suddenly remembered that the lances were stuck in the red eva. One of them ran over to unit-02 and tried to pull a lance out.
"RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGARGAAHGAHR!!!" Unit 01 bellowed as charged with a speed it had never before possessed.
The eva who was trying to get its lance back turned to face the rampaging eva, only to open its mouth in horror as Unit 01 pushed both of its hands into it and pulled the eva in half lengthwise. The purple Eva the proceeded to stomp both halves of the eva flat, destroying the thing's S2 engine in the process. It then walked over and started to remove the lances one by one from its fallen comrade. Another Eva, having not learned from the example its sibling had made, charged over to Unit 01, with the intention of getting him in a headlock. Unit 01 turned around, and, with a lance it had just extracted, skewered it. The purple eva then took the lance, with the smiling eva still attached, and ran another eva through, after which he slammed the lance and two eva into a side of the geo front.
"What the (bleep)? Since when could he do that?" exclaimed one of the remaining eva series.
"Since when the (bleep) could we talk?" asked another.
Seeing Unit 01 shove the long end of a lance right up another of its sibling's arse and up through its mouth, another said, "I don't know about you (bleepers) but I'm getting the (bleep) out of here!" He then tried to fly off, but Unit 01 ripped one of its wings off and pummeled the eva to a bloody pulp with it.
"Why do we keep censoring ourselves?" asked another, "we should be able to say fu…" he was interrupted as Unit 01 ripped his head and spinal chord out.
The remaining three Evas flew towards the opening in the ceiling, but were quickly followed by Unit 01 with its orange wings outstretched. It grabbed hold of one of the stragglers and flung it right into a weapons cache, which shattered its skull. Unit 01 then pulled out its progressive knife and flung it with amazing accuracy and speed. The knife went straight through another Eva's head causing it to stop flapping its wings and smash into the city below. Unit 01 then sped towards the remaining eva and shoved a flat hand through the white eva's body, which made the eva disintegrate into a pile of dust.
At the Tokyo 3 airport…
"Wait, did that purple robot just steal my move?" Alucard asked.
Suddenly, a silver tea tray smacked against his head.
"Just get on the damn plane Alucard." Integra said, still mad about Alucard charging his plane tickets on her account.
Back at the geo front…
Unit 01 descended to the earth and rushed to Unit 02. It quickly extracted the last lance that held the red eva and cradled the defeated unit in its arms.
"Asuka," Shinji said, tears streaming down his face, "Asuka, I never told you, I never told you, I'm so sorry Asuka."
"Shinji…" Ritsuko said. "There's something you…"
"Leave me alone!" Shinji screamed. "This is all yours and NERV's fault, how could you make children like us protect the world, you all make me sick!"
"I don't want to hear it! Children like us shouldn't have to be fighting! We should be going to school, hanging out, going on dates, not fighting against giant monsters!" Shinji started sobbing even louder as he thought of how he would never be able to do any of the things he had mentioned with Asuka.
"Listen to me Shinji."
"NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME!" screamed Shinji, "If you say one more god damn word, I will wreck the entire base! So just leave me and Asuka alone." He willed Unit 01 to hold Unit 02 in a tight embrace, "I love you Asuka, I couldn't say it before, but at least I can say it now."
"What are you doing to my Unit 02 third child?"
Shinji looked up from his sobbing, "Asuka? How?"
"Stop your crying Shinji! For a boy, you're a real crybaby, you know!" Asuka said.
"But Ritsuko said there were no life signs!"
"Of course there were'nt! Those idiots launched my Eva without me! Otherwise, I would have beaten those Evas in no time with my superior piloting skills!"
"So it's over, we can go home now?" Shinji asked, happy that Asuka was all right.
"And get ready for school tomorrow," Asuka added bitterly, "I swear, why do Japanese schools put such an emphasis on going during the holidays?" She then clicked the PA system, and said, "I heard what you said Shinji, I love you too."
"HOLY SHIT! SHE ACTUALLY SAID IT!" the entire Nerv staff exclaimed before breaking into fits of laughter.
Asuka looked around, completely embarrassed. "I thought that message was private!"
"Sorry Asuka, that was the button to make an announcement to the entire base." Ritsuko informed.
Shinji chuckled inside Unit 01.
"And what are you laughing at third child? When you get out of there, I'll…" she suddenly slammed down the speaker and steamed.
"Shinji, you can come in now." Ritsuko said.
"Okay, but what about these wings?" Shinji asked.
"Well, I don't really know…wait a sec…what the hell?" Ritsuko exclaimed, "wave pattern blue! An angel! Cue angel battle music Behind you Shinji!"
Shinji turned around, and was quite surprised at what he saw. Floating at eye level was a group of kids, all who looked about his age. They were all albinos, with two males both who looked quite similar, with the exception that one was taller and wider than the other, had black hair and a scar, but more interestingly were five females dressed in elf costumes that, with the exception of the one with pink-hair and big ears, looked like someone who Shinji knew very well.
"OH! You must have met our sister! Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, you can call me Lilly, me and my sisters, who haven't found names yet, Do you know any good names for them? Because I've been thinking about "Mary," "Sue," "Hermione," and "George." She went over to one of the Rei clones and gave her a hug, "I think I will call you George, because you're just so huggable!" She then hugged the other clones. "OH! Your all just so huggable!"
Shiinji was confused and scratched his head. Since his synch ratio was still hanging around 100, Unit 01 scratched its head as well.
"You'll have to excuse Lilly, she's…well…I'm not really sure. My name is Kaworu by the way." The smaller of the two male albinos said, "and this is my brother, Dingus." Kaworu said, indicating the larger albino, "And he and Lilly have this notion that he's Santa Claus, really strange, we'll be going now, have a Merry Christmas!" He then added to Lilly, "okay, let's go!"
"But Kaworu," protested Dingus, "We haven't even asked him about pulling the sleigh!"
"Dingus, did you see what he did to the evas? Aren't you worried about that happening to us?"
"But he has wings! He's the only one who can do it!" Dingus exclaimed.
"Dingus, for the love of god! He made a suckling pig out of an eva! Hell, he's still covered in blood!" Kaworu said, indicating the blood soaked Unit 01 that still had the crimson liquid pouring down its armor.
"We could at least ask." Dingus said.
Kaworu started shaking his brother. "Dingus, I don't want to get butt-raped by a lance of Longinus!"
"Excuse me, but what is it that you want to ask?" Shinji inquired.
"OH! So glad you asked! We need to deliver the presents, but our reindeer went bad, and we need someone to pull us! What's your name?"
Shinji still didn't know what to make of this odd bunch, but he didn't see any harm in answering, so he said, "Shinji Ikari."
"OH! That name is really cool! OH! Shinji Ikari, with your wings of light, will you guide our sleigh tonight?"
Shinji was stunned. He started wondering if he had died from the eggnog, and the past few hours had been some weird kind of purgatory. Still, the whole lot of them seemed really nice, so what the hell? At least it would probably be fun. He stepped over to them and turned around, allowing them to attach some reins.
"Shinji!" Ritsuko exclaimed, "What are you doing? One of them is an angel!"
"They seem nice. By the way, do you know why five of them look like Rei?" Shinji asked. Hearing only silence, Shinji started to fly upwards with the albinos in tow.
As they reached the airspace above Tokyo 3, Lilly suddenly exclaimed, "OH! This is bad! Really bad! It's already 11:50!"
"Why is that so bad, Lilly?" Shinji asked as he hovered the group over the city.
"Because all the presents have to be delivered by midnight! Otherwise, me and Dingus will disappear!" Lilly said with out her normal bubbliness.
"Lilly, are you okay?" Kaworu asked, "You called Dingus by his name and you didn't say "OH."
Lilly suddenly started pounding on her head. "Got to think, got to think, I don't want to disappear, but there's no way the second sephiroth can fly fast enough!"
Dingus suddenly came up and held her. He then said, "Shinji, fly into space."
"You want me to what?"
"Don't worry, we'll all be fine, just please, do it!" Dingus said with authority.
Still wondering if this was all just a bad dream or demented afterlife, Shinji shot up and kept climbing higher and higher in the sky, till they broke out of the atmosphere and were floating above the blue sphere we call Earth.
Dingus spread his hands out and snapped them, instantly, presents started descending upon every person on the planet.
Keele spoke to the black monoliths in front of him. "And so, I might have kind of sorta, by complete accident, sent the Eva series out to initiate third impact, ruining the scenario which we've carefully constructed over the past decade and a half. And Ikari's son might have kind of destroyed the Evas beyond recovery, but there's a good reason, I tell you!"
"Keele today we have seen the destruction of our plans. I believe I speak for the rest of the committee when I say that we have no choice but to…oh a present, I wonder who could have sent it?" one of the monoliths said.
All the other voices of the black monoliths started mentioning that they had received presents as well.
Keele looked on his desk and noticed a present on his desk. He unwrapped it revealing a large metal object with lots of wires and a timer that displayed 5…4…3…2 "I wonder what it's counting down to," thought Keele.
Two seconds later, the group known as SEELE ceased to exist.
11:59 (30 seconds remaining)
Dingus sat down exhausted, all the presents had been delivered.
"OH! I guess we'll be okay!" Lilly said, "That was good thinking Santa!"
"Lilly, who are you? Really?" Kaworu asked.
Lilly hugged Kaworu tight and whispered, "Well Tabris, you could say I'm…" She suddenly stopped, she couldn't feel Kaworu! She looked at her arms. They were disappearing! She looked over at Dingus who was down to only his upper torso! "How? Everyone on Earth got a present. This can't be happening!" She collapsed as her lower torso disappeared.
10 seconds remaining
Lilly was down to only her neck and head and Dingus was down to his head and a right arm.
"Okay, quick, everyone on Earth received a present, so who still needs one?"
Shinji had been listening, still stunned that any of this was happening, and thought of something, he still hadn't received a present, because he wasn't on Earth!
5 seconds remaining
"I haven't got a present yet!" Shinji exclaimed.
"Quick, Dingus! Make a present for Shinji!" Lilly said before her mouth disappeared.
Though all that remained of the boy was a right hand, it snapped its fingers and disappeared, leaving a small package.
Though joy spread across the world from the amazing gifts, only sadness existed above the earth, the clones and Kaworu cried their hearts out over the loss of the pair. Shinji cried as well, though he hadn't known them very well, they seemed like really good people. He started to drift down to Earth with the group being held in his Unit's AT field. Unfortunately, at that moment, the orange wings disappeared, sending the whole lot of them plummeting towards the ground. Kaworu quickly grabbed a hold of the clones and held them tight as…something teleported them to a little outside of NERV head quarters.
"How did we get here?" Asked Shinji as he found himself out side of his Eva, standing next to it.
"Good question." Kaworu replied.
Suddenly, the whole staff of NERV appeared and raised them up on their shoulders.
"What's going on?" Shinji asked.
"Shinji, we have no idea what happened up there, but everything is all right! The ice caps are back, so all the land that was lost during second impact has returned! Not only that, but all these presents came down, and everyone is filled with holiday cheer like an old Christmas special!"
They put the group down, and Asuka, Rei, Kensuke, Gendo, and Ritsuko rushed out to meet him. Asuka quickly hugged him and planted a kiss on his lips.
"Shinji, you won't believe it! The gift you said you were going to give me came! But there were two passes!" Asuka then whispered in his ear, "Want to share some hot springs?"
Shinji blushed and Rei and Kensuke came forward.
"Ikari, I'm sorry for the incident at your apartment, I was merely playing a joke on pilot Sohryu." She then added in a much more lively voice, "it was pretty damn good though, wasn't it?"
Shinji nodded slightly and received a slap on the back of his head.
Rei chuckled while Kensuke looked confused. "I'm sorry pilot Sohryu, I must seem to be quite a "bitch" as you might say. I hope this will be a good peace offering." She then placed two tickets into the redhead's hands.
"What are these wonder girl?" Asuka asked.
"They're plane tickets to the Bahamas," Rei explained, "I've come into possession of a house there and was wondering if you and Ikari would like to come to my house warming."
"But Rei, how did you afford this?" Shinji asked, "Besides, don't we have school?"
"Your father gave me the house and the tickets as a gift. Also, a giant cake landed on our school, so I doubt we will be able to attend for quite some time. The plane leaves in a week, so go to the spa with Sohryu and have a good time." Rei said before walking off with a surprised Kensuke.
Shinji was extremely surprised. He was even more surprised when his father gave him a hug.
"Shinji! I'm so sorry for how I've acted all these years," Gendo sobbed, "Though its not much, I would like to try to make it up to you by giving you a residence wherever you wanted and a few million dollars too. You too Asuka."
"Father, isn't that illegal?" Shinji asked, realizing that his father could'nt possibly afford that.
"Do you know how much money there is just for paint? A few million won't matter."
Shinji decided to just drop the subject and ask his father, "Why are you doing this?"
"Shinji, I've been a horrid person, abandoning you, making you fight against giant monsters, and I just want to try and be a better father." He then put his arms behind his back and said, "Shinji, you must still have a lot of hate for me, so please hit me."
"Father…" Shinji said, "Thank you." He then proceeded to punch Gendo in the balls until he was satisfied. Ritsuko gave him the thumb's up, and then tended to her fallen lover.
Shinji walked over to Kaworu and the clones who were trying to join in the merriment of the NERV staff, but still felt extremely sad over their loss.
"Kaworu, are you going to be okay?" Shinji asked.
"You know, I never told Dingus that I loved him. He was my own brother, and I took him for granted. I just wish he knew that I cared about him. He used to always act so stupid, but it always made me laugh, even when he got hurt, he would just laugh it off so I wouldn't worry. And now, right after he does something that he always wanted to do and meets someone who loves him, he had to die? How is that fair?" Kaworu exploded in tears and hugged Shinji who pat him on the back.
"OH! Don't cry!"
Everyone in the geo front looked up. Floating above them was a pink haired albino with big ears, and a large albino who no longer had black hair or a scar.
"OH! Attention everyone! I just wanted to say Merry Christmas! Also, there aren't going to be anymore attacks from our siblings."
Lilly then descended to the ground with Dingus and then walked over to Kaworu and Shinji. "You see, me and Dingus are the 21st and 20th angel respectively. I'm the angel of Joy, and Dingus is the angel of good will!" Seeing that everyone was confused, she sighed and hugged Shinji. "Let's just put it this way, because of your help, there's going to be peace among the angels for quite some time."
Asuka was about to slap Shinji and call him a pervert, but stopped as she too received a tight embrace. "Your race was my greatest creation," Lilly whispered, "Your ability to love is just so wonderful! Plus, breasts are just so beautiful!"
Asuka freaked out as the big-eared girl rested her head on her breasts. Lilly then raised her head back up and whispered into her ear, "I saw the gift you got Shinji. It was very nice! Here," said Lilly as she pressed the locket into Asuka's hands, "give it to him. And Asuka, you were one of my favorite children to watch grow up, and you've developed into quite the young lady." She kissed Asuka on the cheek and walked on over to Kaworu.
"Tabris, you no longer are burdened by Adam's powers, you are free to live as you see fit. Please take good care of the others," Lilly said, indicating the clones. She then turned to walk away.
"Wait," Kaworu said, "how do you know my angel name? How can you be an angel? How is Dingus an angel?"
Lilly smiled, "A mother knows everything about her children, even when their souls are from someone who she never got a long with till now." She said grabbing Dingus's hand.
"Souls can be split more ways than one, angel of free will."
Dingus then went to Kaworu and hugged him.
"I love you too, Kaworu."
Kaworu hugged him back. "Dingus, where are you two going?"
"The moon! I wonder if it tastes like cheese? Seeing Kaworu get sad, he added, "Don't worry, we'll come back every Christmas."
Lilly and Dingus then held each other and kissed as they flew to their new home on the moon.
In a small Colorado town, a boy looked up at the sky and said, "Dude, this is really (bleeped up)!
Author's note: Phew…that was a long last chapter! But, it's finally done.
Kaworu: Yep, five days after Christmas, you really hurried didn't ya? I mean at least you could have turned in some quality work.
Well, I tried to do my best.
K: If this is your best, I fear your worst. By the way, care explaining things to me?
Sure, but make it quick.
K: Where do me and the clones go?
Since Shinji made his dad unable to bear children, Gendo and Ritsuko adopted you, and you live as one big happy family inside the geo front, also, you still are the only man in the clones' lives.
Indeed. (considering they think of you as a brother only, and never have a romantic relationship with you).
K: Okay, what about Shinji and Asuka, and Rei and Kensuke?
Asuka gave him the locket and Shinji gladly accepted it, their currently quite the item, though they're taking it slow and are planning to wait till their married.
Well, that's what they're saying now, but it's only been a day. Rei is having trouble keeping her hands off Kensuke, but she managed to go on a date without sexually assaulting him. She also decided to stop running her Pachinko parlors and sold to her Yakuza friends for a tidy ten million. She's currently planning her house warming.
K: Okay, what about the Evas?
The souls were released, and now the are on display, there were three white evas that regenerated, but they were defeated by Godzilla and Ultraman
K: That is the lamest way to grant a reviewer's request.
I'm really sorry, I'll make a deleted scene if its requested.
K: Speaking of deleted, what happened to Misato?
Oh, (bleep), I thought I forgot something.
Misato woke up in a daze, she could'nt see very well and had a terrible hangover.
Ah, it looks like the drunken beauty is up.
"Quiet disembodied voice, now, where did the Piñata go?"
Misato, I had to teleport you out, you almost shot Asuka and Shinji, by the way, there was no Piñata.
Why am I in this…
Mascot Costume? I warned you that if you didn't stop, I would make you pay.
Misato stood up and started walking. It was really stuffy inside the costume, but she didn't have the coordination to remove it. She kept walking until she saw a familiar face.
"Aoba! How's it going?"
Aoba turned and faced the roaring Hello Kitty mascot. Hadn't he already dealt with this sick bastard? He quickly pulled his side arm out and fired a barrage at the cat. When he saw the cat run, he followed after, firing his gun while he ran.
Misato collapsed as a bullet hit her in the leg.
If you want, I can spare you. All you have to do is promise to be a better guardian.
"(bleep) you, those to hate me anyway."
No they don't. They just don't appreciate how you treat them. Tell you what, I'll cure your STD's and make sure the baby doesn't have any defects.
"I'm pregnant? But I always take the pill!"
Those were tic tacs.
"So all I have to do is be a good mother and guardian?"
Yes, and I'll be checking in, so don't try anything.
"Well, uh," the sound of Aoba getting closer made her hurry up, "YES! OKAY! I'LL BE A GOOD GUARDIAN!"
She suddenly found herself in a hospital bed, not knowing how she got there, her roommate being Kaji.
"It sucks being a part time mascot doesn't it?" asked Kaji.
End of scene…
Kaworu: wow, that was vindictive. Who's the dad?
K: wow, that, uh, wow. Well, okay, what about my punishment? You said you were going to get me.
I've given up on that. You know what? I've never heard a Stradivarius before, if you play a tune, we'll call it even
K: all right. OW!!! OH MY (bleeping) god!
Ah, the classic string breaking on the violin.
K: you (bleeping) bastard! I hope you rot in hell!
Here, I'll fix your eye.
K: you sick (bleep)!
Look, if I write a fic where there's an Asuka and you pairing, will that make it up?
K: uh, not too many people write those, um, sure. I think I'll just leave.
Finally, seriously, I'm sorry it took so long. This story was a lot of fun for me to write, and I hope you enjoyed it. Please review, I can take some flames. Anyway, have a good new year! Ah…now to relax and, (cell phone) oh, Mr. Krueger…uh…yeah, I realize I need to get another chapter off for your crossover. No, I don't want you to visit me in my sleep. Yes, I'll get right on it. (cell phone) Hi Saul, wait, you want to be called Ian? No, I haven't written any chapters yet.
"OH! Goodbye. See you soon!"