Author's Note: So here it is, the final chapter of I Blame the Muffin. I'm actually really sad to be finishing this fic… it's been my favorite so far out of all 3 ½ fics I've written xD So, anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Oh and just a note: the use of present tense in this chapter rather than past tense (like in the first two chapters) is intentional. -pokes first paragraph of fic-


I Blame the Muffin
Chapter 3: I Could Kill You, Potter!

So there you have it. Here I am, laying on top of Potter on the common room couch, wrapped up in his arms, as Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew stand in front of the portrait hole, gaping.

"Th-this isn't what it looks like!" I cry, jumping off Potter and straightening out my robes.

"Uhh.. it looks like you were in the middle of a mad snogging session with my mate Prongs here," says Black, arms crossed.

"Alright, it's exactly what it looks like," I admit as I straighten my hair. "But it wasn't my fault!" I exclaim. "I-I-I couldn't control myself!" Black raises an eyebrow, smirking.

Potter looks uneasy as he sits up on the couch. "Oh… yeah. About that…."

"See, Lily… I'm not really sure how to say this, but… James, Sirius, Peter, and I made a love potion last night," says Lupin, his eyes on the floor.

"Oh?" I ask, placing my hands on my hips and arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah, and we went down to the kitchens and… put it in the muffin that James gave you this morning."

I had suspected as much, but that doesn't stop me from completely exploding.

"WHAT?!" I shout. "You put LOVE POTION in my MUFFIN?! I could kill you, Potter!" I scream hysterically, whipping around to face him. He cowers slightly under my death glare.

"If it helps, you're a really good kisser," he says nervously, attempting a grin.

"UGH!" I scream, slapping him across the face with all the strength I can muster. "You're such an immature, desperate, disrespectful, rude, insensitive PRAT, James Potter! I never want to see your revolting face ever again!" And with that, I storm upstairs to the girls' dormitory, slamming the door behind me.

"UGH!" I shout as I hurl my pillow the room. I crash onto my bed and lean up against the headboard, crossing my arms and glaring at the door.

After several minutes of this, I hear footsteps on the stairs, and the door opens to reveal a frantic Catherine and Elizabeth Lewis.

"Lily! We just got back from dinner—" breathes Catherine.

"—we came into the common room—"

"—Potter and his cronies—"

"—said you were upstairs—"

"—what happened?" finishes Elizabeth.

I take a deep breath, and start from the beginning: Potter forcing me to eat the muffin, our date in Hogsmeade, and – I thought I might throw up during this part – Potter and I snogging on the common room couch while everyone was at dinner, and how everything finally came out.

They stare at me for a moment or two, then Elizabeth murmurs, "You made out with him? Poor thing. I feel sorry for you. Drink lots of water, maybe you'll be able to cleanse your mouth." I raise my eyebrows. "Just trying to be helpful!" she says defensively.

"I'm so sorry, Lils," says Catherine, patting my shoulder. "We figured it might be something like that – the love potion, I mean. We'll help you strike revenge if you'd like."

"Oh, yes we will," says Elizabeth. "How I'd love to get my hands around that disgusting git's neck—"

"Elizabeth!" exclaims Catherine! "We don't want to hurt him! We just want to embarrass him so much that he decides that he'd do much better at a school in Brazil." She grins.

"Thanks, you guys," I say appreciatively, seizing the twins in a group hug. After a few moments, I pull away. "So, let's get started on those revenge plans, shall we?"


The next morning comes soon, and Catherine, Elizabeth and I wake up bright and early to carry out our plot to embarrass Potter so much that he wants to go into hiding in the Black Lake until term ends, then move to Guatemala. (Much to my dismay, Catherine deemed just Avada Kedavraing him to be too extreme.)

"Don't you think our plan might be a little too…harsh?" asks Catherine as she pulls on her robes.

I narrow my eyes. "Nothing is too harsh for Potter," I reply.

"Okay Lils, if you say so," mutters Elizabeth, slinging her bag over her shoulder and running a hand through her long dirty-blonde hair.

We finish dressing, and set off down the stairs.

"Oh, we're going to get Potter today, aren't we?" I say with relish, rubbing my hands together. "That good-for-nothing prat is finally going to get a taste of his own potion."

"Lily, I think you might be taking this a bit too seriously," remarks Elizabeth worriedly.

"Yeah, Lils, it doesn't seem healthy," says Catherine, frowning slightly.

"Well, snogging Potter for ten minutes straight isn't healthy, either," I reply darkly.

"And that helps your case how, exactly?" she asks, raising her eyebrows.

"I'd like to see you try without going a bit insane, too!" I respond indignantly.k,m

"I think I'll take your word for it, thanks," Elizabeth says hurriedly.

We walk down the rest of the way in silence, each silently reviewing our role in the Demise of James Potter (or at least the chain of events that will hopefully lead up to said demise).

We reach the Great hall to find Potter and Company already seated at the Gryffindor table, drinking orange juice huddled around Lupin's copy of the Daily Prophet. Perfect.

"Alright, you know what to do," I say, bringing Catherine and Elizabeth into a group huddled. "Is everything set up?" They both nod. "Okay then. On the count of three, we'll set the plan in motion."

"One…" I hiss as we approach the table, "two…." And then…

"Evans, wait!"

"What are you talking about, Potter?" I growl, reaching the table and sitting down across from him. Catherine and Elizabeth follow suit and sit down next to me. We've missed our opportune moment as it is, I think sourly. Might as well give him the chance to make a last request now.

"If I know you at all, you've probably got some elaborate scheme up your sleeve to avenge the… well, just yesterday in general," he begins. "So just listen to me before you go through with it.

"Fine," I reply grudgingly.

"First and foremost, I feel I ought to apologize for what we" – Black and Lupin glare at him – "alright, what I did yesterday. You were absolutely right. It was immature and inconsiderate of me, and I can't express how sorry I am," he says, sounding frighteningly sincere.

"I'm listening."

"Second, I think I should tell you why, exactly, I did what I did. I just… I care so much about you, Lily – seriously, I do," he says, seeing the skeptical look on my face. "And… I just thought that if I gave you that love potion, you see just how much I care about you, and maybe you'd fall for me just I have for you." He sighs. "Not a very well-thought out plan, I realize."

I think about that for a minute, then reply, "But that still doesn't excuse you from using me. You kissed me knowing full well that I wouldn't object."

"Ah, but Ms. Evans," he responds, a smile creeping over his face, "it was you that initiated the kiss, remember?"

I smile before I can stop myself. "Touché, Potter."

"So are we friends?" he asks after a pause, looking hopeful.

"I don't know…." I reply uncertainly. He used me, a part of me thinks. I can't forgive him for that. Not now and not ever! But another voice in my head switches on. But he had good intentions, and he sounded so sincere, it says. He truly cares about you. I sigh. "Alright, I guess we're friends. Not good friends, mind you, and I don't completely forgive you, either," I say, seeing his triumphant expression. "Friends in the loosest possible meaning of the word." I pause. "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Never put love potion in my muffin ever again," I say, grinning.

"Of course, Lily," he replies, returning the grin. "Bagels, maybe," he adds in an undertone. I kick him hard for that.


More Author's Notes: So there it is. 25 handwritten pages. The longest story I've ever written, fanfiction or not xD Now you see why it had to take place in sixth year, right? I don't think Lily could ever fully forgive him by the end of the year if it had taken place in seventh year. Anyway… I guess that's it. -sniff- Now I'm going to work on Lay Under the Stars With Me, and then I'm going to have to think of more ideas. -gasp- Thank you to everyone for reading, and please review to tell me what you thought of the ending! Until next time! –Magical Moo