Title: Answering Machine Chaos!

Authoress: THE FEMALE PHARAOH

Rated: T

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN ANY COPTRIGHTED MATERIAL!


Chapter One: Yuugi Mutou's Answering Machine

(BEEP)

"Hello. This is Yuugi and I am not near the phone right now. Please leave a name, time of call, phone number and message after the beep and I will get with you soon. Have a great day! Ja ne!"

(BEEP)

Yuugi decided to check his messages after he got home from school before going to work with his grandfather in the Game Shop. (A/N: Oh, that poor baby! XD)


1st New Message…Today….10:12 a.m.

"YUUGI! This is Yami and I need your help! I am dueling Kaiba and he is WINNING! Yuugi, I can't hold out much longer. I need you to come down here to tell me to believe in the heart of the cards or some shit you keep saying to psych me out."

(Kaiba in the Background)

"Stop your whining, you bastard, so I can mop up the floor with you.

(Yami pleads)

YUUGI! SAVE ME! PLEASE!

(Joey also in the background)

"Yami, can't you just use your mind-link thing to call him?"

(Yami laughs nervously)

E-Heh-heh. OH, yeah, I forgot all about that, Joey, thanks. Yuugi, disregard this message!

(BEEP)


Yuugi: (OO) What in the hell…?
2nd Message…Today…10:25 a.m.

"Yuugi, this is Yami again. I beat that bastard, Kaiba, and I could not have done it without the heart of the cards. Thank you, Aibou!"

(Kaiba screaming in the background)

"YOU CHEATING-ASS SON OF A BITCH! I DEMAND A DO-OVER! HOW DARE YOU USE SHADOW MAGIC TO DISASSBLE MY ULTIMATE BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON! I WILL DISASSEMBLE YOUR ASS WHEN I CATCH YOU!"

(Yami) YUUGI! HELP MEEEE- (BEEP!)


Yuugi: (OO) What the-?! YOU KNOW WHAT?! I DO NOT WANNA KNOW!
3RD Message…Today…10:41 a.m.

"Shrimp, this is your friendly, neighborhood Tomb Robber speaking on this 'ass-swearing' machine. I have a message for you to give to that baka Pharaoh: (clears throat) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Did you get that, shrimp?"

(Ryou in the background)

"Bakura! You baka! Leave them alone! I should have NEVER taught you to use the phone, let alone leave messages! DO NOT EVER DO THAT AGAIN! If you do, Bakura, I will make sure you suffer a punishment you fear most…..WATCHING TELETUBBIES AND BARNEY ALL NIGHT INSTEAD OF SEX!"

(Bakura) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ryou, why?! OK! OK! OK! Forget that message, shrimp….uh, Yuugi! (BEEP!)


Yuugi: That was….interesting. Interesting, but disturbing.
4th Message…today…11:10 a.m.

"Greetings, you defective copy of the Pharaoh. I am Marik and I have a message I wish for you to pass along a message to His Royal Short-ness. Here is the message: I WILL GET ALL SEVEN MILLENNUIM ITEMS AND I WILL RULE THE WORLD AS TRHE NEW PHARAOH! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Is your pea-sized brain capable of reciting that message, you insect? HUH?! IS IT?!

(Malik comes into the background after hearing the 'message')

YOU IDIOT! I am trying to convince Yuugi and his friends that you are somewhat harmless, but are you helping? HELL NO!

(Marik pouts)

Awwww, but Hikari-pretty….

(Malik blushed)

Do NOT call me that…at least not in front of others, ok? (Gets phone) Yuugi, this is Malik. I am so sorry that this dumb ass is trying to take over the world AGAIN even though no one is really listening to this bullshit! I catch ya later ok? (pauses) MARIK! NO! WE DON'T PUT MR. COTTONTAIL IN THE RA-DAMNED MICROWAVE! (Marik whining in the background) But I'm hungry! (BEEP!)


Yuugi: (OO) Ewww. gross!I feel sick listening to that!
5th Message…Today…12:06 p.m.

"Greetings, Pharaoh's beloved. This is Shadi. (hic) I am planning on having a (hic) party and you are all invited, of course. (Yuugi hears pouring and drinking sounds in the background) I decided to buy 15 bottles of sake and bourbon to get this party started (hic). This is my first time drinking alcoholic beverages…

(Ishizu walks in)

"UNLESS YOU WANT TO SLEEP OUTSIDE IN THE BACKYARD, IT WILL ALSO BE YOUR LAST TIME DRINKING THAT! IS THAT CLEAR?!"

Shadi: Yes, ma'am.

(Ishizu gets the phone)

"My apologies, young one. Shadi can't hold liquor for shit and if he throws up on my brand new Egyptian sofa, I WILL DROWN HIS DRUNK ASS IN THE RA-DAMNED TOILET! Oh, sorry about that. (BEEP!)


Yuugi: (OO) Note to self: Keep ALL forms of booze AWAY from Shadi!
6th Message….Today….12:58 p.m.

"Greetings to the lover of the Pharaoh, This is his Priest, Seth. I heard that Yami won in the duel against my lover, Seto, and I expected as much, seeing that, in my opinion, he can't duel worth a damn…

(Seto enters the room and heard what was said)

"HEY!"

(Seth blushed)

"Oops! You're here, heh-heh. How was your duel, honey? Did you win?

(Seto was pissed)

"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK, SEEING THAT I CAN'T. AS YOU PUT IT, 'DUEL WORTH A DAMN'! I DEMAND AN APOLOGY, SETH…RIGHT NOW!"

(Seth was quiet for a minute)

Seto: WELL?!

Seth: Here is how I can make it up to you, honey. (He whispers in Seto's ear. Seto grins lecherously)

Seto: REALLY now? Let's get to it!

Seth: Wait, love. First, I must finish this message I was leaving young Yuugi.

Seto: (grabs the phone) YUUGI, SETH AND I ARE GONNA BE BUSY FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS, SO FUCK OFF AND TELL THAT CHEATING ASS PHARAOH I SAID I WILL SEE HIS ASS IN HELL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Seth: (in the background) Oh, Seto…the whipped cream is melting on my hot body!

Seto: Here I come. Don't start witho- (BEEP! BEEP!)


Yuugi: (turning green) OMG! Yuck...gross!

(Runs off to the bathroom to puke)


---End of messages for Yuugi Mutou--
So what do you all think?

The next one will be Ryou.

Then Malik

Then Seto.

Finally, Ishizu.

PLEASE R/R!