Invasion of the Love Bugs!
A/N: Just a slice of insanity staring Mace Windu. The female padawans have gone crazy and no one is paying any attention to the Jedi Code…how will Master Windu handle this? Not very well…
Co written with the awesome Kitanga, my friend and beta reader. Look out for her on FF. Net in the near future!
Disclaumer: We do not own Star Wars, that pleasure belongs to George Lucas. If we did, then we would be busy re-writing Episode III!
"Macey-Poo, we're going to catch youuuu!" The frenzied shriek broke through the peace and calm of the Jedi Temple and many Masters, Knight and Padawans opened the doors of their quarters and looked out, wondering what ever had made such a noise. Their questions were answered as Mace Windu, second most powerful member of the Jedi Order and senior member of the High Jedi Council came shooting past, looking like he was being pursued by a reek. Behind him, the floor trembled from hundreds of feet and suddenly the corridor was overflowing from all the senior Padawans in the Temple. Well, all the female ones.
"We love you, Macey Wacey!" They cried as the herd trampled after the poor Master. "We're going to catch you!"
"Help me!" Mace screamed, redoubling his efforts to get away from the frenzied mob. However, none of the Jedi watching were going to lift a finger to help. After seeing what had happened to Kit Fisto and Aayla Secura, not to mention Obi-Wan Kenobi and Siri Tachi… well, none of them wanted to be bitten by the love bug.
There! Mace grinned as he charged up the corridor, there was his salvation, his safety: the Council Chambers. Surely those crazed girls wouldn't dare to follow him into there: that was his Zen place! His haven! Surely they wouldn't dare breach the centre of Mace Windu Kingdom.
His thoughts were sadly interrupted by several of the Padawans tackling him from behind. With an oof, he fell to the ground, several crazed teenage girls sitting on his back.
"We've caught you, Macey Wacey! We looooooove you!" Behind him, the Padawans were now doing tribal dances, thanking the Force for delivering them their beloved Macey. Mace groaned, decidedly ignoring the arguments from the girls, who couldn't decide who was going to rub his back, polish his head and give him a foot massage. Others were quarrelling over who was going to be allowed to dance with the purple Mace Windu fan pom-poms.
"Okay, Tahl, Qui-Gon enough!" Mace snapped after a moment, rubbing his head tiredly. What did he do to deserve this? Before his eyes, two figures shimmered into view, both blue and wavering: the typical appearance of Force Ghosts.
"Well, Mace, you wouldn't have allowed our love had I survived, so think of it as future revenge." Tahl grinned evilly and kissed the Force Qui-Gon.
"Oh yes, and, well, it was getting a little boring living in the 'nether world of Force' day after day after day, with absolutely nothing to do. So, we thought we would spread the joys of love." Qui-Gon added in, stroking Tahl's cheek.
"But… but… you can't do this! The Temple must be smoothly run, and half of the Jedi going insane - all because of you two - does not constitute smooth running! And, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan? What did he ever do to you? He was your Padawan! Practically your son! Why did you make the Love Bug bite him?" Mace exclaimed, looking disbelievingly up at the two Ghosts.
"He needed a little more fun in his life…plus, he kept forgetting to make his bed when I was alive. And he wouldn't let Anakin have ice cream for dinner." Qui-Gon shrugged. "Awful offence! Unforgivable!"
"Oh, yes, Indeed. Now, Mace, as these are your final moments of being an up-tight, overly grim, fashionably unconscious Jedi… any last words?" Tahl asked, opening her palm to reveal a small pink beetle with red hearts all over its shell.
"You'll never take me alive!" Mace cried before using the Force to call his lightsabre to his hand. Activating it, he waved the purple beam threateningly at the Padawans until they got off him, Mace leapt to his feet, and running straight through Tahl and Qui-Gon, he charged off down the hall towards the Council Room.
"Just try and catch me now, Qui-Gon you menace!" He bellowed over his shoulder.
Putting on an extra burst of speed, he made it to the Council Chambers door and wrenched it open, diving inside and slamming it shut, quickly locking it. However, it was only now that he got a good look at the rest of the Jedi Council.
"Qui-Gon! Curse you!" Mace roared, gazing at his fellow Council members in despair: Kit Fisto had some how snuck Aayla Secura into the Chambers and the pair were making out. Yoda was braiding Yaddle's hair; Plo Koon was standing beneath some mistletoe with Mace's former Padawan Depa Billiba, wondering how he could kiss her while wearing his mask. Ki-Adi-Mundi was organising a conga line, making sure that Shaak Ti was in front of him.
Yareal Poof was writing a secret admirer letter while Oppo Rancisis was busy reciting romantic poetry (Mace didn't want to know who for). Saesee Tinn, Agen Kolar and Eeth Koth were starting a dating agency while Obi-Wan and Siri were quickly following Kit and Aayla's example and Adi Gallia was clutching a datapad with a picture of Mace on the screen to her chest.
"Damn the Love Bug, how in the name of the Force did they manage to spread it around the Temple so quickly?" Mace exclaimed, looking at the Jedi in complete shock, wondering what he should do, and if this was a good time to get out his holo-recorder.
Quickly making up his mind, Mace tiptoed quietly back to the exit when he remembered the rabid fan girls on the other side. He groaned in exasperation. When would this nightmare end? Keeping a wary eye on the assembled Jedi in front of him (especially Adi) he shuffled along the wall towards his last possible means of escape: the windows.
The Jedi didn't notice him at all, being too absorbed in their activities, and he had almost reached the glass panes when there was a loud banging on the Council doors. He stared, wide-eyed as several dents appeared in the thick door while frenzied shrieks of "Oh, Macey-Pooooooooo!" and "You can't hide forever!" and even a shout of "We luuuuuuuuurve yooouuu!" drifted into the Council Chambers.
The Jedi in the chamber stopped and stared first at the door, which was slowly being beaten down by hundreds of love-stricken Padawans, then at Mace, who stared back at them blankly.
"Um, hi?" He chuckled nervously. Suddenly, Adi gave a shriek of joy and jumped at Mace like a pouncing Nexu, flinging the forgotten datapad over her shoulder. With a yelp, Mace fell down with Adi on top of him. The pounding on the door grew louder.
"Oh, Macey Wacey, my beloved! At last, we are together!" Adi hugged him tightly and Mace groaned again. Over Adi's shoulder and behind the other Jedi, he could see two Force Ghosts, grinning at him evilly, before disappearing from sight with a small pop! Curse you, Qui-Gon and Tahl! Mace roared inside his head. Suddenly, the door in which had several noticeable dents in it, mainly because of the fists of hundreds of senior female Padawans, crashed to the floor with an almighty… crash.
The rabid Mace fans all poured in, desperate to find their beloved Macey Wacey. With a yelp, the Jedi Master in question leapt up, dumping Adi unceremoniously off him and in a matter of seconds, he had jumped out the window, shattering the huge glass panes into millions of fragmented pieces, which caused Yoda to cry out in dismay.
The fan girls - including Adi - jumped out after him into the Coruscant city below, too love-stricken to care that what they were doing was suicidal. "Come back, Macey-Poo!"
"Stay away!" Cried the victim - err, I mean; unfortunate Jedi Master. "Stay awaaaaaaaaaaay!"
Fortunately, for the insane Jedi, Coruscant's security forces came and rescued all the suicidal Jedi in speeders before they hit the ground. But, much to Mace's dismay, that meant his rabid fan girls (including the much more dangerous and menacing Adi Gallia) survived as well.
Kit Fisto hummed a merry tune as he strolled through the now-more-peaceful Temple to his private quarters. He had just had the time of his life with Aayla, Obi-Wan and Siri. The four Jedi had spent the time chatting and catching up, and for Kit that involved making out with Aayla! And if that wasn't enough, he was going out with Aayla that night! He grinned broadly at the prospect of having the whole night with his beloved.
He was rudely jerked out of his thoughts (literally), however, by a dark-skinned hand grabbing him by the collar of his robe and yanking him into the men's room.
"Hey!" He protested.
"Shhhhhhh!" His cloaked captor hissed. "Not so loud!"
Looking closer, Kit realised that it was… Mace, who was huddling behind the door and peeping out nervously every few seconds.
"What's the big deal?" He hissed.
"Are any of…them out there?" Mace ignored his question and shakily asked. Kit stared at him, confused.
"Nooooooo…" he began, not having a clue at all as to whom Mace was talking about. The Korun master sighed in relief and wiped a sleeve across his brow.
"Phew!" He stood up and walked out quite cheerfully. "Thanks, Kit, old buddy!"
Kit stared for a while before shrugging and walked out. He stopped abruptly; however, as a tornado of furious Jedi Master Adi Galla whirled past him, lightsabre drawn. With a gulp, Kit backed up against the wall, praying that the Jedi would pass him by. Unfortunately, his prayers were not to be answered that day.
"FISTO! What have you done with Mace? I know you're behind this!" Adi roared at the unfortunate Nautolan, grabbing him by his collar, with her lightsabre perilously close to his tentacles. Sweating, Kit tried to smile politely, while screaming internally: What did I do to deserve this? DAMN YOU MACE!
"W-whatever do you m-mean, Adi? I ha-haven't done anything to Mace. Nothing!" This last word came out as a mousey squeak, and Kit kicked himself for his voice, it was hardly going to impress Aayla if it became permanent.
Glaring even more darkly, Adi flicked her eyes over the Master before dropping him to the ground. Stepping over him, she stalked down the hall, peering into all the rooms she passed, calling "Macey, Macey, won't you come out?" In a pitiful voice.
Not wishing to be in the homicidal Adi Gallia war path any more, Kit hurriedly leapt to his feet and took off, sprinting along the corridor of the Temple. Good luck Mace, you'll need it!
The Master in question was currently hiding in a tree in the Temple hall way, praying that Adi would pass him by. As the figure of the imposing Jedi came into Mace's view, he shrunk back against the wall, peeping out among the foliage. Holding his breath, he waited, every nerve on fire. Eventually, after many agonising seconds, Adi moved on, still calling Mace's name in a pitiful voice.
Thank the Force, Mace thought in as he sagged in relief against the hard wall behind him. Keeping a wary eye on the retreating form of Adi, he edged out from behind the plant, silently congratulated himself for his ingenious hiding place.
However, his moment of relative calm was interrupted by the appearance of two blue Force Ghosts, "standing" in front of him.
"Mace, Mace, Mace. Didn't anyone ever tell you it is rude to stand a woman up?" Qui-Gon asked, shaking his head like Mace was young Padawan who had stayed up past bed time.
"Indeed, Mace. Poor Adi. But, if you give her a call right now, she might forgive you." Tahl added, smiling wickedly.
"P-please. No…" Mace begun, trembling at the mere thought of having to deal with the obsessed Jedi and her homicidal tendencies yet again.
"Oh, Adi!" Both of the Force Ghosts hollered, their voices sound suspiciously like Windu's own, winked at the now shaking Master and then faded, disappearing with a small pop as Adi Gallia came tearing up the corridor, flinging herself at Mace.
"Oh, Macey-Wacey! At last, we are together! Oh, Mace, may our undying love never die." Adi fluttered he eye lashes at Mace and squeezed the Korun Master even harder. "Oh, my love!"
"Ugh…Adi, can't breathe! Let g-go!" Mace whimpered, clawing at the death grip the Jedi had him in.
As Adi prattled on and on, ignoring Mace's pleads for air and life, Mace's vision began to swim slowly, turning black…
"Mace? Mace! Are you alright? Wake up, Mace!"
A familiar voice intruded into Jedi Master Mace Windu's rather disturbed dreams and with a gasp, he sat bolt up right, thoughts of love bugs, Force Ghosts and insane Jedi filling his mind. His eyes focused on his quarters, thanking the Force for the slice of normality. However, as his keen eyes scanned the room, they caught sight of the owner of the voice that had awoken him from his nightmare.
For the rest of her life, Adi Gallia would never know why Mace Windu had screamed like a little girl before running out of his quarters after she had awoken him a the nightmare that was causing him to thrash in his bed and call out things like "Curse you Qui-Gon!" and "Damn the Love Bug!".
Of course, there is the question of what Adi was actually doing in Mace's quarters at this crucial moment. However, that is a question you shall not be privileged to hear the answer for… use your imagination