HA! I decided to do a Christmas special - for once. It's rather cute. I kinda replaced words and added some things in the original Dr. Seus book "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". But other than that, I really like how it turned out! Enjoy! And Merry Christmas!
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, any of the charcters, and I do not own the original Grinch story. I do, however, claim the ideas I threw in there that are out of the original book. Other than that, don't believe I own anything. I don't feel like getting sued.
DC: Ugh... sorry, just joking around about the sueing part. (((Rolls eyes))) I don't expect to end up with it, anyway. Whatever...
Lawyer: (((slaps forehead)))
How Megatron Stole
Every Autobot down at the base liked Christmas a lot – especially when Cody, Lori, and Bud introduced it to them, which took a while to explain. There was the confusion of how the slag Santa made mere animals fly, and then how he was able to fit the entire world's presents in a bag, which was carried in his still rather small sleigh. So, even if they did come to enjoy the pleasures and joys of Christmas, the Decepticons – especially Megatron – did not.
He hated Christmas! The whole season of Christmas! Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason – unless the Autobots have been holding out on us. It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right – well, that a possibility (he's a friggin' robot, afterall). It could be that his metal feet were compacted too tight. But the most likely reason of all might have been that his spark was two (THOUSAND) sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his spark or his feet, he stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Autobots, staring down from his little base, using the fiery viewing gate of his, with a sour, Megatrony frown at the warm lighted rocks below in their base. For he knew every Autobots down at that hidden base beneath was busy now, hanging their oversized mistletoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer. "Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!" Then he growled, with his mega-fingers nervously drumming, "I must find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew... those three humans with the Autobots would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys! And then – oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise Noise! Noise! The one thing he hated! The noise! Noise! N-
"Megatron?" Scourge peeped in, "What are you saying? There's no noise in here. Oh, and your tea-time's delaying."
"Get out! Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!" Megatron snarled at the dragon-former, "You're more annoying than the sight of a Christmas stocking!"
Scourge ran away crying, and Megatron continued…
Then the Goody-goods, young and old, would sit down to feast. And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd feast! Feast! Feast! F-
"Megatron," Scrourge returned, tears running down his cheeks as he sniffled, "I just wanted to let you know that your tea set is crippled." And he escaped without seeing the reaction.
The Decepticon overlord continued his pondering…
They would start on energon-pudding, and rare Jungle Planet-roast-beast, which was something Megatron couldn't stand in the least! And then, they'd do something he liked least of all: every good-guy at the base, the tall and the small, would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing. They'd stand hand-in-hand. And they'd all start singing! They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd sing! Sing! Sing! Sing! S-
"Megatron, look!" Ransack and Crumplezone entered the room with antlers and red noses, dancing like jolly elves. "We stole these from humans on Earth! We cleared out the shelves!"
The sight of those two was something that stirred him inside, which made Megatron release a roar that could be heard distantly outside, "Give me privacy!"
The two ran out, squealing like little girls.
And Megatron continued…
And the more that Megatron thought of the Autobot-Christmas-Sing, the more Megatron thought, "I must stop this whole thing! Why for fifty-three eons I've put up with the Autobots now! I must stop Christmas from coming! …But how?"
Then, he got an idea! An awful idea! Megatron got a wonderful, awful idea! "I know what I'll do." He laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Santa Claus hat and coat. Good thing he took those sewing lessons when he was a youngster, or he might've made something to make his stomach bluster. And he chuckled, and chuckled, "What a great Megy trick! With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! All I need is a reindeer…" Megatron looked around. But since reindeer were scarce, there were none to be found. Did that stop old Megatron? No! He simple said, "If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called on his pet, Starscream. Then he took some red thread, and he tied a big horn on top of his head.
"I looked like a mutated unicorn!" Starscream flailed his arms in protest. "Can't you go find at least another horn?"
"Shut up and get hooked to the sleigh," Megatron ordered.
"What sleigh," Starscream gulped at the disorder.
Megatron loaded some bags and some old empty sacks on a ramshackle sleigh and he hitched up poor Starscream. Then Megatron said, "Giddyup!" And the sleigh started down through the warp gate and to the base where the Autobots and humans lay a-snooze in their beds. All the area was dark. Quiet snow filled the air. And the goody-goods were all dreaming sweet dreams without care when he came to the main door in the canyon. He opened the door, not sounding an alarm, and snuck inside with Starscream and the sleigh.
When they came to the first room, they paused. "This is stop number one," Megatron hissed, and he quietly opened the door, empty bags in his fist. Turned out, it was the living room, and Megatron found the stockings on the drawn-out fireplace – most probably done by Bud – all hung in a row. "These stocking", he grinned, "are the first things to go!" Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room, and he took every present. Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums! And he stuffed them in bags, and Megatron very nimbly, stuffed all the bags, one by one, out the entry.
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Autobots' feast! He took the energon- pudding! He took the roast beast! He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, that Megatron even took their last can of energon-hash! Then he stuffed all the food out the door with glee. "And now," grinned Megatron, "I will stuff out the tree!" And Megatron grabbed the tree, and he started to shove when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and saw a small human! Little Buddy-boo Chu, who was no more than… twelve?
"I thought the kid was two in the story," Megatron complained to the author.
"Just ignore the broken rhymes and get on with the fic. I'm getting tired of hearing my keyboard go click!" the author clonked Megatron on the head and walked back to her director's chair, where she grabbed an electric fan and blew some dramatic air.
Megtron had been caught by this little human son, who'd got out of bed because bladder weighed a ton. He stared at Megatron and said, "Santy Claus, why, why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?"
But, you know, that old Megatron was so smart and so slick he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied, "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my boy. I'll fix it up there. And bring it back here."
Then his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head and he got him a drink and sent him to bed.
"But I had to go pee," Bud turned and said.
"No you didn't. It's all in your head," Megatron replied.
So Bud shrugged, and left as he sighed.
And when Buddy-boo Chu went to bed with his cup, he went to the gate and stuffed the tree away! Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire. Then he went out the door himself, the old liar. On their walls, he left nothing but hooks, and some wire. And the one speck of food that he left in the house was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then he did the same thing to the other Autobots' rooms, leaving crumbs much too small for the other one's mouses.
It was a quarter past dawn… all the Autobots still a-bed, all the Autobots still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled, packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings! Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit, He rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh, to the Autobots!" he was Megatron-ish-ly humming. "They're finding out now that no Christmas it coming! They're just waking up! I'll know just what they'll do! Their mouths will hang open a minute or two. Then all the Autobots in the base will cry boo-hoo! That's a noise," grinned Megatron, "that I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And Megatron put a hand to his receiver. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow…
But the sound wasn't sad!
This sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it was merry! Very! He stared down at the Autobot base. Megatron popped his optics. Then he shook – what he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Autobot down at the base, the tall and the small, was a singing! Without any presents at all! He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming – it came! Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Megatron, with his mega-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!" And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore – and Starscream tumbled the huge snow-devil horns on Megatron's head.
"Huh? Starscream! What are you doing?!" Megatron snarled at his fake reindeer.
"I'm just simply keeping my entertained while you pondered," Starscream shrugged, "It's not like I left you and wandered."
Megatron huffed and shook his head. Then, he thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."
And what happened then?
Well, as the Autobots base, they rumored that Megatron bumped his head a short-circuited his logic processor that day – oh and his spark grew three sizes, too! And the minute his spark didn't feel quite so tight, he whizzled his load through the bright morning light and he brought back the toys! And he brought back the feast!
"We won't starve!" cheered the Autobots.
"But keep up your guard," warned Optimus. "Surely Megatron is up to something."
So he himself – Megatron – carved the roast beast!
"Good thing we saw Scourge defenseless and out of his mind," Hot Shot grinned, "or we wouldn't have our beast for the feast!"
"Do what?!" Megatron overheard this, and knocked over the table. He trashed the base and went through a rampage. Maybe his spark never did grow from small. Maybe he bumped his head going down the mountain after all.
And Starscream sat outside the base, whining sadly over the smell of the feast – for Megatron wouldn't let him have a taste – not even in the least…
"I hate being a reindeer!"