Well, I'm still dealing with a new idea for an Xmas story, but it might not make it time for Christams, since I'll be doing my holiday thing for the next week. So if there is anyone who comes through here reading this, and you don't know why I have replied or whatever don't panic or think I'm ignoring any of you.

DISC: Nope. Never have. Never Did. Never Will. Besides, there is no way that all of them from Star Trek or Paramount could fit in my car for the trip.


CHAPTER ONE

"Morning, Bones. Missed you yesterday, so I thought I would stop in to wish you..a..belated…Merry… What the hell happened in here? Have you been fiddling with Spock's experimental portable replicator again?"

"Funny, Jim. Just utterly hysterical." Grunted McCoy as he stood in the middle of his cabin, surrounded by hills of fruitcakes. "Showing off that flatland, Midwestern humor of yours again. That everyone loathes."

Managing to pull his grin down into a smile, Kirk glanced around the room that was nearly filled to the rafters with the dark, sticky cakes. The infamous gold flecks glinted wickedly in the hazel gaze that came to rest on the dejected looking Doctor.

"So, what are they? A new hairless breed of tribbles?"

"Listen, I haven't been able to get out o here to get my first cup of coffee yet Jim. So believe me when I say that if your reason for venturing into my unassuming hovel to find out if it's possible to have your butt medicated until it turns into play dough, then you've hit me at the right time." McCoy snarled acting as if he was about to snatch up one of the offending cakes.

There was a faint twitching in the corner of Kirk's mouth as he let his eyes take in the walls of fruitcake that surrounded the two men.

"All right then Bones, what's your explanation for all of this sudden eruption of calcified cakery?"

He had a decent idea of what had happened, but the small shard of evilness that lurked deep in his soul wanted to hear what the tormented Doctor had to say.

An eyebrow abruptly arched at a dangerous angle over a frosty blue eye. "That wonderful blessed crew of yours is to blame, Captain."

"My...crew?" Kirk replied with just the hint of necessary surprise to make it believable, unless you had known the man for the last four years. "Are...you positive...about that Bones?"

"Oh, for jumped up Stonewall Jackson sake, knock it off Jim." Snapped the Doctor, not wanting to witness one of Kirk's infamous effusive discourses with the impending possibility of an avalanche occurring at any given second and trapping the two. "Besides, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if you were the one who put them up to it."

"Not that I enjoy and want to draw out these neurotic moments with you Bones, but what the hell are you talking about?"

"Like you don't know." Sneered the Doctor, as he began to sit down only to freeze when remembering his chair was filled with bundled up fruitcakes. "You're not talking to one of your mini-skirt wearing, 42-22-38, bubble heads with industrious strength fake eyelashes, here Jim."

"No, just a general, paranoid bucolic bubble head." Sighed Kirk aware of a slight pain starting to build behind his right eye.

"Ha! You thought if you made the entire crew give me fruitcake for Christmas this year I would wind up being bricked off in my own cabin so I wouldn't be able to force you to take that quarterly physical in the next few days! Well, I screwed that plan when I had the entire medical staff bring their gifts to my office in sickbay! Granted I can't get into my office right now, but I'm not trapped in my cabin either. So the jokes on you, Captain Velcro Pants."

"Bones, this is just a theory," Began Kirk with a quick swipe of his fingers through the lock of hair that fell over his forehead. "But did you slip and crack your head on the corner of one of these things earlier?"

"Why?" Was the hesitant suspicious response.

Giving the Doctor a hard incredulous stare, Kirk let a corner of his lip's quirk ever so slightly. "Maybe because you're behaving a little more, let's say, unconventional than normal."

"Yea, well how do you think you would be acting if you had been forced to room with an agglomeration of fossilized fruitcake." Harrumphed McCoy with a disgruntled glare around the barricaded cabin.

Folding his arms in front of him, Kirk ruminatively ran his tongue over his teeth before answering. "You really don't want to answer that one, do you Bones."

Scowling in the direction of Jim again, McCoy harrumphed again. "Listen Jim, I've got a fruitcake and I know how to use it."

"Nothing could frighten me more than what you just said Bones."

"I'm setting up your physical tomorrow morning."

"Save maybe that."

"Okay Jim," Tossing the brick hard loaf off to the table that buckled under the weight, McCoy sighed as he seemingly retained some of his composure. "Why have you decided to darken my door at this time of the morning?"

"Just thought I would wish you a belated Christmas since I never saw you all day yesterday and see what you planning for the New Year's party this year?" Kirk answered watching as the table visibly began to crumple under the small cakes weight.

"I don't think I'm going this time."

"You say that every year. In fact you say that everytime we have a party onboard. Yet you manage to show up and exhibit the fact that it is possible to expand the boundaries of imbibed idiocy ever more." Murmured Kirk as the table dipped another few inches.

"You must've perused that ninth grade grammar improvement disk Spock gave you for Christmas last night with that string of words." Grumbled the Doctor with a sour look. "But even with those complimentary words I won't be persuaded to partake in you all's little soiree."

"Right Bones. Just makes sure when you show up to try to bring or do something a little more original than ususal. The confederate uniform and boiled peanuts is getting more than a little tiresome." The Captain's smile faintly returned as he started to turn back toward the door.

"Fine." Came the drawled response from a seemingly ever growing wall of fruitcake. "I'll show up in pointed ears and a plate of prune Danish instead."

Throwing a slightly humorous look back at the Doctor, Kirk then cast a final gaze around the cabin. "In-between your pastry baking Bones, why don't you do something with all of this...good cheer before the ship gets pulled into some solar systems giant sun or a black hole."

"Right." Grunted McCoy with a lethal expression on his face. "Believe me Jim, I'll give it some serious thought."

TBC