Disclaimer: My boyfriend told me today that if he could buy Grey's Anatomy in a store, he'd get me that for Christmas. But he can't...so I have to settle for jewlery or something. Sheesh. Because owning Grey's would be cool. But I don't. I just borrow the characters occasionally.
So this is it. My new fanfic. And I'm really really excited for it. Really.
As I said at the end of my last one, this one in entirely AU. Basically it's a world where the interns started their internship, but Meredith didn't sleep with anyone the night before. And two months into their internship Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd comes into town for a consult, and her husband comes with her. Because Addison never slept with Mark. And Derek, well he meets Meredith. And stuff happens. You will see what. And this is obviously Meredith and Derek...though it will take a while to get to that point. But this is definitely Mer/Der.
As if I'd write anything else.
The title is I'm All for Believing by Missy Higgins. I'd post the lyrics but I'm a lazy bum. So go find them. Or download the song as it's amazing.
I had been a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital for 2 months and I still wasn't used to the life I was now leading.
80 hour weeks. 48 hour shifts. No time for rest. And the little time I had off, should have been spent catching up on sleep, or at least with Ryan, the man who was willing to put up with my schedule. Instead I found myself spending it sitting in the bar across the street, with four people that I still couldn't believe I was actually friends with. Instead of sleeping away my nights, I was drowning them in tequilla. Which might have concerned me had the bar not been full of coworkers doing the exact same thing.
"Where's Ryan tonight?" George asked, sounding awkward as he always did when mentioning my boyfriend. George was the boy I would have laughed at in highschool.
"He didn't feel like coming out," I said with a shrug. Ryan didn't come out with us often. He didn't feel comfortable, something about them not being his people. I usually shrugged it off, but tonight something felt odd about him not being there.
"What? Did McAccountant need his sleep so he doesn't knock himself out punching numbers tomorrow?" Cristina said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Cristina was...well I would have been friends with her.
"He just didn't feel like the doctor scene tonight," I shrugged again.
"Dude, he's boring," Alex said. I adored Alex, Alex was the bad boy and I liked the bad boys.
"He's not boring," I tried to argue, but the argument sounded hollow, even to me. He wasn't boring, not really. Just not a surgeon, he didn't live from adrenalin highs. He didn't spend nights wide awake cutting into people. He didn't save lives. He just...wasn't a surgeon. That wasn't a bad thing. It wasn't. It was just different. But I loved Ryan. Ryan was good, Ryan was safe. He was always there when I needed him. And I love him, I did. So if he was a little boring, well, that's that.
"Be nice," Izzie scolded Alex. Izzie was the person I would have avoided in highschool, all perky and blonde and happy. "Did you hear who's coming in for a consult?" And gossipy.
"Who?" George asked, looking relieved to be off the subject of my absent other half.
"Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd."
'The gynie doctor?" Cristina asked, looking a little bored.
Izzie just nodded her head, excitedly.
"Who cares? Gynie squad is for wimps who sucked at surgery," Alex said with a sneer.
"Wonder if she's brining her husband," I heard in a voice that sounded a lot like my own.
Okay, that wasn't supposed to slip out. Stupid tequila. I had made myself this strict rule that I wasn't going to favour in speciality, at all. Until the moment I had to chose a specialty I was going to be neutral. Keep and open mind and all that junk. Because I didn't want everyone to know, I didn't know and I didn't want anyone to think they knew. I needed to try it all, to prove that I really could do this, that I really could live my own life outside my mother's shadow. So no specialty for me. But the neuro cases I had scrubed in on had been...amazing. So my supposedly neutral head started leaning one way, in a very big hard to ignore way. But I had promised I wouldn't say anything. Stupid tequila.
"Who's her husband?" George asked, sounding like the lovable slow kid that he was.
"Derek Shepherd. One of the top neurosurgeons," I heard myself say. Probably shouldn't have volunteered that information either. Stupid tequilla.
"I didn't know you were going neuro," Cristina asked with a raised eyebrow. That was the problem with best friends, they thought they knew you far too well.
"I'm not. I'm not. It's just, it's nothing," I said, trying to think of a way to change the subject. But the tequilla was slowing down my brain. Or the panic of them deciding I was going neuro was speeding it up. I wasn't sure which.
"Meredith..." Izzie started.
I cut her off. "I am not interested in neuro. Last week when I scrubbed in on the DBS I had to do some research, and his name came up in one of the journals. I was just wondering. It's nothing."
"Sure, it's nothing," Cristina said, sounding far too amused for my own good.
"I think I should probably get home to Ryan," I said, trying to change the subject.
"Mer, get your panties out of a bunch. We don't care that you like neuro. Just like we don't care that George is 007 and Izzie used to prounce around in her underwear. We don't care. You can have your fun with He-Shepherd," Cristina stated.
"My panties are not in a bunch," I started to argue but Alex cut me off.
"Oh, I believe they are. But I would be all to happy to fix them," Alex said, giving me what I has to assume was what he considered to be a sexy look.
I gave him a dirty look in return, and turned my attention back to Cristina. "There will be no fun with the He-Shepherd."
"That's what you say now," Cristina said, smirking at me.
I hated her. Right now, in this moment, I hated her.
"Meredith, that guy over there has been staring at you since he sat down," Izzie said breaking into our argument.
"What guy?" I asked turning around to see where Izzie was looking.
"Nice hair guy, he's looking away now," Izzie said.
That's when I saw him, nice hair guy. He was sitting by himself, and looked sad. Without even seeing his eyes, I knew he looked sad. Something about the way he was slumped over, something about the way he sat, he just looked sad. Or lonely. Something about him made me feel...safe. Or understood. Or something. It was disarming.
And then he looked up.
Sharp blue eyes met my own, and I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. He was good looking in a way that I never thought actually existed. He was gorgeous. He was...something else. If I had been that kind of girl I may have started thinking of terms like love at first sight, but I wasn't that girl. I wasn't. He was just...something. And then his sad eyes caught mine still gazing at him, and his didn't look so sad anymore. A smile spread across his face, and made it look entirely different. It was the kind of smile I could fall into. I smiled back at him, feeling a little lost and found all at once. Something about him made me feel like a cheesy romance novel, and I wasn't quite sure if I liked it or not.
But I couldn't tear my gaze away.
"McDreamy," I heard Cristina mutter from behind me, tearing me out of my thoughts, and giving me a way to tear my eyes away from her.
"McWhat?" I asked, turning away to look at her, even though I could still feel his eyes on me.
"McDreamy," Cristina repeated, only to be met by a group of four blank stares. "Nice hair guy, staring at Meredith guy is McDreamy."
"It fits," Izzie said, yet again looking at the bar. Looking at him like I felt like looking at him. This was wrong, I did not get Izzie like looks.
"McDreamy? Why is it my boyfriend is called by his job title and nice hair guy gets McDreamy?" I asked Cristina, knowing that Izzie was right, that McDreamy fit him, but I wasn't about to admit it. I wasn't the kind of girl to think those things, and definitely not admit them out loud.
"Because if I gave your boyfriend a real McNickname it would be McBoring. McAccountant is much more complimentary, I'm saving you the pain, Mer. Besides I don't know what McDreamy does."
"I think he's a firefighter," Izzie said sounding a little dreamy herself. "Or maybe a cop. Something sexy."
"Definitely something sexy." There was that voice that sounded an awful lot like me again. Stupid tequilla.
Everyone looked at me, but Alex just shook his head. "Dude, there's far too much estrogen at this table, I need some man friends or something."
"I'm a man," George said in a small voice.
The other two, the ones with the estrogen, mananged to ignore that part of the conversation and stick to just hearing my last comment. "So Meredith thinks McDreamy is sexy. Should McAccountant be worried?" Izzie said with a giggle.
"No. McAccount...Ryan should not be worried. Actually, right now, I'm going home to him. Right now. I don't need anymore tequila and I definitely do not need any more McDreamy. Home. I'm going home," I said, standing up, wobbling a little on my feet and motioning for Joe to call me a cab.
"Okay, just don't have too much sex with McDreamy before you go home to Ryan," Alex said laughing at me. And all my friends laughed along.
I gave them all my best version of a Bailey dirty look and turned to leave.
But of course McDreamy himself stood between me and the door. Which kind of sort of figured. My life could be defined by the word complications. I walked by him calmly, not planning on looking at him, not planning on stopping to talk to him. I just wanted to walk right by. But I couldn't help but look. The man begged for me to look at him. So I looked. And he winked at me. Not a creepy wink. A wink that made me want to go home with him instead of walking out of the bar and going home to Ryan. Which was probably wrong. But something about him made me want to sit down beside him and never move.
The word love ran through my head.
Which made me rush through out of the bar, before tequilla could make me say anything else I might regret later.
I did not fall in love. I did not fall in love. I did not fall in love.
You have appeared to my life, feel like I'll never be the same
I never write intern chapters. In all of my fanfic, never have I really written a chapter in which all the interns interacted on a purely intern level, without either Derek or Burke or someone else interrupting and being there. So this was new for me. And I loved it. I admit. Me, I'm entirely 100 in love with this chapter. I love all the way they're interacting.
And overall, I just love this chapter. Meredith and her curiosity over whether "Dr. Shepherd" is going to come with his wife because she's fascinated in neurosurgery even if she doesn't admit it to anyone, not even herself. And then Izzie notices that nice hair guy is staring at her, and Meredith looks and well she's done. Even though she's dating Ryan (you'll meet him) she couldn't help but look at McDreamy, and with just one wink she has to remind herself not to fall in love with him. It was immediate for her. And she doesn't even know who he is. And Meredith is Meredith, so she's scary and damaged and even though she's dating Ryan, she doesn't do cheesy true love. And then she gets hit with it out of blue.
Next chapter will be Derek's story. The next day. And it should be up tomorrow night.
Read. Love. Review. (please...it's new...I want to know if everyone is in love with it like I am)