Fading

Hey guys, this fan fiction was written when I was feeling really upset. Don't kill me after you finish reading this. Please!


NOTE: Sorry about not updating Third Eye Blind but I've hit a road block on this story but fear not the story will be complete, but if you guys have any ideas of what you would like to see for that story feel free to write a review on that story saying what you would like to see.


The water rushed toward land, soaking it and washing away the clutter. The water didn't care if you lived or died. The water listened but it didn't care; it just listened. The water saw what happened but never stopped it. The water was vast, open and clear but with all this room the water still didn't care. It sunk ships, tore homes down and caused grief. It had it's moods; calm and peaceful; angry and vengeful. The water was unpredictable and ever changing, always brining attention to its needs and wants and it listened but never cared.

He sat there staring at the vast amount of water as he silently let empty, invisible tears fall down his face. It was cold and the night air caused a red hue to appear on his face. He felt empty and this made him afraid. He was dark inside but he smiled trying hard to make it reach his eyes. This time it didn't because it was too much. He felt abandoned and screamed silent bitter words. Guilt took over and he regretted those bitter words his brain formed, guilt for shouting them about one of the people he cared about.

He ran a hand through his blond hair, which was soaked from the growing waves. He was angry and upset but didn't want to voice it; he didn't want anyone to see. He tried to forget the angry voice that screamed at him earlier that night. That voice screamed out his faults and mistakes. It screamed out its dislikes and annoyance of him. That voice, one he held so dear, screamed out betrayal and disappointment. He didn't want to hear that voice anymore, didn't want to see who it belonged to. It hurt so much to hear that voice say that he wasn't wanted or wasn't needed anymore. His precious person screamed that she hated him for what he put through but she didn't need to hate him because he hated himself.

A large wave enveloped him and soaked him again. He shivered but made no move to get up and go to the warm house where everyone was having fun. He didn't want to stand there and watch as she mingled and completely ignored him as he tried to talk to her. He had tried to apologize for all the things he'd done, for things he would do in the future and for things he'd never be able to do for her. He wanted shout that he was sorry so the entire world could hear but no one would hear him. The music was too loud and the water, even if it did listen, didn't care.

Another wave overtook him and sent him rolling unceremoniously up the shoreline where the waves could not reach yet. The rocks caused scrapes on his arms but he still didn't move. He felt empty now, alone and in the dark. He was falling quickly into a dark endless hole. He couldn't grab anything and didn't try. He stopped lying to himself; stopped trying to convince himself that he hadn't hurt so much.

Tonight had been the last straw for her. He was just trying to protect her, trying to save her from him. He loved her but knew she could never love him. They were too closely related; too closely connected but that connection was gone now and she wanted nothing more to do with him. The door was closed and was washed away, never to return. Maybe he should just leave, head back to where he could hide from everyone. He flashed back to the party, wanting to avoid all those faces agreeing with her. He wasn't wanted and wasn't needed.

"Go away, stop the killing the party with your mood!"

"Way to go girl, that's telling him finally."

"Go sulk somewhere else."

"I hate you! I never want to see you again! I HATE YOU!"

He found the strength to move. His arms ached from all the scratches on them and his body was shivering. He stood and walked back to the party, he wanted to gather his things. The walk was slow and no one noticed the storm brewing but they were safe and warm. No one noticed as he took his coat and shoes. No one noticed as he walked out the door and toward his car. No one realized that the last time they would see him was when his world would end. No one seemed to care that he left and no one would care if he was gone.

His room was trashed so he cleaned up. At least he'd do one good thing before he was gone. An hour later all his possessions were packed into boxes and sealed. Each box had a name on it and his clothes were packed into a bag. His room had been stripped bare except for the blankets, sheet and pillow on the bed. His head lay against the pillow, the blankets slowly absorbing the water in his clothes.

"It would be better this way," he thought and lay down. He was tired, so tired. Maybe a nap before he left would do some good? Then he could do things with more clarity. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him away. He was back in that black void watching as nothingness passed before him. He was at peace maybe he could stay here? It was lonely, frightening and blank but if that was true than nothing and nobody could hurt him and he couldn't hurt anybody.

He had made people smile but it wasn't enough anymore, the bad outweighed the good just like the chaos overwhelmed the calm. In the end he felt just like the sea, he would listen but he didn't care anymore because there was nothing to listen to anymore and there was no one to care. There was no one to care if were to fade away; there was no one there to see Martin fade.