A/N: i'm so so so so sorry. i should not be doing this, and i feel like crap for doing it, but when i thought about going to write, this is what came out and i couldnt help it. it's sort of based off "behind these hazel eyes" video by kelly clarkson. i dont know, i may continue it. blah. tell me what you think. and MERRY CHRISTMAS! because i dont know if i'll be posting anything else before then. i know it will be a long few days for me, so i hope everyone enjoys their holiday:-) enjoy and review.

chapter one

The church was packed, standing room only, crammed asses and elbows when she stepped out into the commons to wait for the wedding march. Something felt off, but she didn't know what. This was the right thing, right? Getting married to the guy you first loved, first everything.

But why did it feel like this? She had a beautiful strapless white dress, her hair was perfectly set in a tiara with a small veil covering her supposed-to-be-radiant face. She didn't know what it was. Something off kilter, not set quite right.

She shook it off, cold feet, that's all. She hooked her arm through her stepfather's elbow and smiled at him brightly through her veil. This was what she wanted, wasn't it?

It was the fairy tale ending; all she needed was a castle. But instead, she gets a small run-down apartment because that's all he can afford with his construction job. It didn't matter to her, she knew, she just always imagined something different.

The wedding itself was her grandmother's idea. It was the only thing deemed appropriate for a girl of her social standing, so naturally, a large, impressive wedding was the only way to go. Personally, she thought – no, knew – her grandmother didn't approve of her marriage, the groom, the lack of his financial security and his lowliness of social status, and apparently, having some big wedding was the one way she could attempt to rectify it.

They began to walk down the aisle, the guests' faces passing before her eyes, only glimpses in her memory. That's not what she would remember. Well, no, that's not exactly true. There was one face.

She reached him with a smile on her face, his own eyes lingering on a face behind her before he smiled at her and took her hand. Her stepfather, Luke, kissed her cheek and she smiled at him as he whispered in her ear, "As long as he's good to you." So much sentimentality than she expected from him…no wonder her mother loves him. And her mother, shining on the altar as her maid of honor.

She moved up the steps to stand in front of the priest, her hands clinging to his. She was nervous, he seemed…indifferent with an air of false happiness. They proceeded through the ceremony quickly, up until the vows, where he said his part without a hitch. She slid the ring on his hand with shaking fingers; did she really want to spend the rest of her life with him? She figured cold feet shouldn't last this long, nerves either. When you see the person who you're going to live with forever, it's supposed to go away.

It didn't quite work this way.

She began her vows and went through them, and when he moved to put the ring on her hand, she dropped her arm, taking the ring in her hand. She looked to the priest, her mother, anyone for some sort of help. This wasn't what she wanted. He cheated on her and she knew it. She looked to the crowd and saw her. Lindsay.

She should have known, really, when she found them in her car the night before at the rehearsal dinner. He had told her that it was nothing, they weren't doing anything. She had gotten him a gift for the wedding. He didn't mention it was her own lingerie. Rory knew Lindsay had tried to hard, helping with the wedding shower, being the little friend to help with the wedding plans. It made her sick to her stomach.

Dean looked out to her and smiled, she gave a sly smile in return, and Rory watched the interaction with a weary eye. Before the blind rage set in. She grabbed the ring and threw it at him, ending whatever thing they may have had.

"You bastard! You knew it wasn't nothing. God, I don't know why I believed you. This can't be happening. You did this on our wedding day!"

He tried to console her, it was useless. She ran down the aisle, throwing the flowers at Lindsay, receiving an angry outburst from her as she moved past everyone. Leaving Dean at the altar with his hands over his head as she moved out of the church and into the light of the spring day.

She was only twenty-three, why should she want to be married in the first place? Right, that feeling of being happy, and she truly felt she loved him. Why shouldn't they be together?

She ripped the veil off her head and threw it in a New York trashcan. She looked up as it clouded and rain began to fall. It was perfect. Here she was, all alone, in a wedding dress, for God's sake, when she wasn't to be married anymore.

She smiled in spite of it before the reality set in. She sank to the ground of the sidewalk, probably not the best idea, her head in her hands.

This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. Why didn't he want to marry her? Why wasn't she enough?

Angry, she pushed herself off the ground and brushed by someone, she didn't know who, though they tried to apologize. She looked at him with a blank expression, indifferent, almost, to her situation.

And that's all that Logan would remember from that day. Running into a jilted bride on a New York street, her hair all curly from the tiara and veil she had taken off, her bright blue eyes shining with tears, and a face that almost forgot how to smile.