Title: Everything I Learned...

Author: Zalia Chimera

Pairing: RenjiXIchigo

Warnings: Crack

Summary: Where Renji learned about gay relathionships.

"Che'! You bit me you bastard!"

Ichigo turned his head to glare blearily at Renji, the red-haired shinigami twisting in a painful looking manner to examine a swiftly darkening bruise on his shoulder. "What do you expect me to do when you're grippin' so hard you leave bruises on my hips?!"

"Treausre them as proof of my powerful love," Renji replied, giving Ichigo a look that stated that it was something utterly obvious and what the hell was Ichigo doing having to ask, didn't he know anything?

Ichigo just stared, not quite registering what he was hearing.

Renji sighed, drawing his hair back up into a tight ponytail. "You're the uke, right?" He took Ichigo's sudden outburst of sputtering as assent. "So you have to, like, see them as marks of love and look at me with adorin' eyes." He narrowed his eyes at Ichigo in annoyance, like he was chastising a small disobedient puppy. "That does not include bitin' me!"

Ichigo managed to get himself back under control, forcing the absolute horror of what Renji was saying out of his mind to try and get to the facts. "Where the fuck did you get that idea from?" It sounded like some crap from those manga the girls at school were always tittering over. The ones they hid when Ichigo walked past them.

Renji grinned triumphantly at that and leaned over the edge of the bed and scrabbled beneath it for a moment, coming back up with a slightly battered manga. He opened it at one particular page and thrust it towards Ichigo. "There! Rukia gave it ta me. She said it was a manual 'bout this kinda' stuff."

Ichigo took the proffered manga, stared at it and then turned it over to look at the cover.

And then proceeded to beat Renji about the head with the copy of BeXBoy Gold.

Outside the window, Rukia congratulated herself on a job well done.