I'm still on that high cliff, starting to tremble as flirt with the line between death and life. It could all be over in a matter of minutes…seconds, really. A little bit of pressure and that's all it takes. Nothing more.
Then, my brain, finally coming to its senses, forces me to bring my arm back down. A huge gush of air escapes between my lips, and it's over.
I couldn't have died like that. No, not being a fool, killing themselves due to sorrow and guilt. I'm not like that. If I have died, then Max and Tinga wouldn't have been all that far behind. And a family reunion in hell, (well, that's where I'd go, but as for them? Who knows.), isn't exactly what I had planned out on my itinerary.
Coming to my logical thinking that I've been able to uphold for most of my time since I escaped from Manticore, I put the gun back in the backpack so I won't have to look at again. Or, until I choose to do so, anyhow.
As my fingers slide into the backpack, I feel the plaster of the Blue Lady statue. I pull it out and lift it to eye level, so that I can see her clearly. Her face is slightly chipped, causing her pale skin to be white in some spots where the underlying plaster is shown. Most likely from caused when Carly fell after she got shot. But, other than that, the Blue Lady is still the Blue Lady, beautiful as ever.
Ben's dead and now I'm wondering why I should even believe in her at all. Why I should think that she would help me. Weakness. All human weakness. Nothing good has happened since she came into my life this time. I met my father who tried to take me back to the hell on Earth; I got shot; and Carly died, taking a bullet for me.
With a new rage, I pick the statue up and throw it off the cliff. It falls for eternity before hitting the water below with a white froth. Finally, with my vision, I can see the statue bobbing away before it sinks away, disappearing forever.
There. My present for Carly's grave.
After this, I'll head back to Seattle or Portland, whichever one seems to be working for me at the time. Hopefully, I can get everybody out without too much trouble. And, if somebody gets captured, it's once again going to be on my head-just like Brin, but that's other matter unto itself. So, I have to make sure I save them all from danger as I play "Super-brother Zack".
Give me a break.
With my rotten luck, I'll swipe a gun and crash through at just the last possible minute because I've spent so much time up here. Besides, aren't dramatic entrances the best, anyhow?
And from there? After Tinga's rescue mission? I don't know. I'll probably retreat away, as always, because I can't stay with Tinga, for she has a family. And staying with Max is certainly out of the question. Her boyfriend, (although she denies it), Logan, isn't exactly open the idea of me being around at all.
Not that I blame him any.
I sigh heavily to myself, resting my hands in my pockets, keeping them out of the wind that whips around on top of this cliff. My hair is flapping back and forth, but I don't bother to wipe it out of the way. And, the backpack, filled with only food and a gun, still rests at my feet.
It's almost time for me to leave and start heading south for the United States.
Ever since I came into Canada, I've met a lot of people. Some of those people I'll remember forever, and others, I'll try my best to forget. Either way, they're in my mind, locked away with the rest of my memories.
I've met X5s. And, I'm not like them. They all have some kind of life-unlike me.
Brin has her life with Manticore, even though she doesn't know any better, but it's still her life nonetheless. Zane has his up here, in the Canadian wilderness, being just…well…"Zane-y". When he gets his dog back, his life will most definitely be complete. Ben, now unfortunately dead, (another dead X5. We're becoming an endangered species, really, we are.), he had a life-even if it's killing people for fun. Max's life is with Logan in Seattle and her friends. Odd friends, but they're not mine anyhow. And, I could stand here and go through all the rest of the remaining X5s, saying how they have a life, but that's not the point.
The point is that I don't have a life. Running from Lydecker. Hah. But, that's not a life. That's living.
So, I'll never truly be one of the X5s.
I've met the human population. The regular humans, that is, not X5s who pretend to be fully human. Carly, specifically here. She knew what she wanted, and she got it-freedom from her world. Well, like I said, she got it and now she's dead, and I'm still kicking myself over and over for it. I know, don't dwell on the past, it's not going to help anybody. But I can't help it.
She changed something inside of me. Changed who I am. I've loved and I killed, both with her. And, all along, she kept on telling me that I was still a human, no different from her.
But, I know that I'm different from her, and therefore, I will never be a true human.
Of course, let's not forget my own flesh and blood. Kyle. Evil to the core and thinking of only himself, he was. Even when he knew he was going to die, he still didn't give up, didn't give up. Idiot. Perhaps, if had pleaded, I might have let him live. I guess it's better that he's dead now anyway.
Again, I'm not like him either. He was a self-serving, Lydecker loving, jerk. That's not me.
Now I stand, with the stark realization of what I truly am planted firmly in my mind. I've seen people from all walks of life. All that could relate to me somehow, but they don't.
And so, I shall always remain one apart.