Happily Wedded Bliss

Lorelai Kline

A/N: I HAD to do it. I was just so bummed about the lack of Zoph fics that I was FORCED to take action. Plus I was really bored today and this idea had been nagging at me. Okay, BEFORE YOU START TO READ: (Pay attention, this is important!!!) The will be fanship bashing, but it's all in good fun, I swear! I, personally, am a diehard Zoph fan. Kataang and Sokki are cool too. These are the couples in the fic, along with Smellershot. I make fun of other couplings because it is funny, not because I am against them. If I offend you, I'm sorry, but I'm only joking. Don't take this stuff seriously, PLEASE! This is a humor fic, so instead of getting ruffled and miffed, just laugh because it is funny. Or at least I hope it will be.

ANOTHER THING: This whole chapter seems to be all dialogue. There's a reason for that! I wanted this chapter to come from a blind perspective, (Like a blind omnicient), therefore there isn't too much detail on what can be seen with the eyes. I just wanted to try it once. It was sort of a literary experiment to put myself in Toph's position. I'm pretty pleased with the result, but I leave the final decision to you. I'm not sure if I'll continue with this writing style, but if you really don't like it let me know. I hate writing in first person when it comes to stories. It just feels too one-sided to me. I like knowing everything that's going on.

LASTLY: Merry Christmahanukwanaka and Happy New Year!!!


Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm kind of glad I don't too, because I doubt I could ever come up with a character as freaking awesome as Toph.

AND ANOTHER THING!!!!!: I forgot to mention that everyone is older in this fic. Toph is now 18, and I'll leave you to do the math around that to get everyone else's ages, because I SUCK at math!!! Okay, I'll let you get to the story now. Sorry I delayed you so much!!! Enjoy it, AND don't forget to review!!!

Happily Wedded Bliss

It was sickening. Why would a place like this even exhist? Toph silently fumed as she was truly embarassed by her fellow Earth Nation citizens. The Gaang, consisting of Aang, Katara, Sokka, Suki, Toph, and Zuko, were standing in front of a large walled in city within the city of Ba Sing Se. Overhead was a sign positioned at the top of the gate they had to go through that read "Holy Matrimony". Below those dreaded words it read in smaller letters "A blissful retreat for newlyweds sure to bring prosperity to any new marriage".

The only reason Toph knew what it said at all was because Sokka had gotten into the habit of reading EVERYTHING aloud after Toph had accused him of being unable to read and making things up. It started when he had read an add for a play about the avatar that featured a love story between the avatar and a sassy earthbender. Toph accused him of lying, since the whole idea was just nuts, and an argument erupted from there. The only thing keeping her from pummeling him with dirt was Zuko lifting her from the ground. She didn't really complain since then, because it did come in handy to know what signs said, even it was something as dumb as this.

"Why are we here again?" Toph asked out loud. She knew, but she was hoping that everyone else had forgotten and they would just leave and could put this awful place behind them. She was trying to resist the overwhelming urge to bury the place under a mountain.

"Yeah... Why are we here?" Ah... good old Sokka. Sometimes Toph was truly grateful he was a bonehead. Now only four more to go.

Katara sighed. Not a good sign, not at all. "Here it comes..." Toph though as she braced herself for what was next.

"We are here because we need to talk to Longshot and Smellerbee", she said and Toph swore she could hear Katara's eyes rolling in her head.

"The last we heard they got married and decided to enjoy it before getting back to the war" Aang explained.

"Wait a second..." Apparently Sokka was begining to figure something important out, because Toph could feel him tensing up. He usually did that right before he began flailing his arms and jumping around in his usual manner as he shouted whatever came to mind. "LONGSHOT AND SMELLERBEE GOT MARRIED!?!?!". Toph smirked. He really was getting too predictable. She had no idea who he was ranting about or why they needed to get in touch with them, but apparently the idea of them together was too far out for Sokka to grasp. Something about "The Silent Wonder" and "Ms. I-Wish-I-Was-A-Boy".

Toph could sense Zuko off to her side. He was shaking violently and Toph was worried until she heard his attempts to quell his laughter. The result was a weird wheezing-cough noise that sounded like Momo farting. If Princess was giggling then this SmellerShot union must've been a real hoot.

"I don't understand what's wrong with two people in LOVE getting MARRIED" Suki said with an edge to her tone. Toph grinned as she felt Sokka stop moving altogether. Apparently there was something to be read between the lines and Toph had a pretty good hunch that Sokka was being glared at. Poor guy... Totally whipped, though it was pretty obvious that Suki could have most guys whipped with ease.

"Errrr... Uhhh... Nothing?" Sokka managed to cover his ass.

Toph leaned toward Sokka and just had to comment. "Smooth move, Romeo" she whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"Shut up, Toph! Let's just get in there, talk to the creepy... err... HAPPY couple, and get going" Sokka barked.

"Let's just get this over with" Zuko said gruffly, but Toph could still hear the smile in his tone. She was with Pyro on this one, the sooner this was over, the better. She was NOT looking forward to being surrounded by mushy stuff and goo goo eyes galore. Couples were irritating, (She was traveling with two for crying out loud!), but newlyweds were hell. She knew this from the scarring experience she had when her cousin Hana came to visit with her new hubby and stayed for a week at her parents' house. It was torture, pure torture. And now she was looking at that nightmare again, only this time a hundred fold.

"Goody" She mused aloud humorlessly to herself.

Aang marched up to the gate and rapped on the huge door. Moments later Toph heard the sound of a small door sliding open and the voice of someone new. Said voice was dripping with sugar and tempting the Blind Bandit to gag.

"Aaah! Welcome! Welcome!" The speaker was either a woman or an effeminate male, it was hard to tell. "This is truly a wonderful sight! THREE happy couples here to bask in the glory of their new relationship! I was so afraid that the war would stop people coming, or even, HEAVEN FORBID, getting married at all!!!".

"Ummm... Hello there... Uhhh... Person!" Sokka was trying to be diplomatic, but it was obvious that the person he was addressing was hard to place a gender to even with sight. "We are here to see some friends of ours, actually".

"Oh really?! That's so sweet! A reunion between married friends!!!" Suddenly the voice got lower, and a tad scary, "You ARE married, right? Because you HAVE to be married to even enter the gates of our little paradise".

As Sokka fished for words Katara piped up for him. "Oh, of course we're married! Isn't it obvious? This is Aang, my hubby. I'm Katara. That's my brother, Sokka, and his wife, Suki. We had a double wedding." Toph could feel the "married" couples moving closer together and posing like they really were newlyweds. Considering how lovey-dovey they already were it wasn't a hard act to put on. She was still kind of stuck on the word "hubby" and she mouthed the word as if to magically make it sound intelligent. It didn't work and her expression twisted into one of disgusted confusion.

"What about those two?" Asked the chipper voice. Toph froze. "She wouldn't DARE" she thought to herself as dread creeped up her spine.

"Oh them?" Katara laughed nervously.

"The grumpy looking one is Toph and the grumpier looking one is Zuko. They were forced into an arranged marriage and came here in hopes of cozying up, if you know what I mean..." Toph was going to kill Sokka, and from the sound of Zuko growling beside her, she would have to do it before he got to him first.

"OOOOooooooh!!! Well that makes sense!!!" Said that damn voice.

"So, can we come in? We are kind of in a hurry to see our friends again" Aang said pleadingly.

"OF COURSE!!!! Just one moment" the voice chirped.

The little door that the person had been speaking through slid closed and the group waited as patiently as possible for the gates to open. Sokka had wisely moved to a safe spot behind Suki when he sensed he was screwed.

"Oh, you can hide, Ponytail, but I WILL get you for this" Toph hissed.

"Yeah, yeah! But I had to do it so you could get in!" Sokka argued.

"We would've been happy to wait outside, FOOL!" Zuko barked.

"Whatever! You guys earned it! It serves you right, Shorty, for making me look bad in front of my girlf... errr... WIFE!!! And you... Well you deserve it because you're a firenation jerk!!!" Sokka shouted, only to duck and cower behind Suki when a rock was lobbed at his head and a fireball shot over him at the same time.

"Cut it out, you guys. This could be fun! I mean think about it, married couples are just SO adorable!!! And fun!" Katara said as she tried to pacify the fuming trio.

"And I really don't like being a meat sheild for Sokka" Suki muttered.

Toph groaned.

Zuko groaned.

Toph turned her head in Zuko's direction and tried to look at him through sightless eyes. She sensed Zuko looking back at her blank stare. They looked away simultaniously.

Zuko and Toph groaned in unison.

And then the gate was opening and everyone was being dragged inside while someone was loudly singing "Here come the brides!!!" out of tune.

A/N: So... What did you think? I know I didn't get too far into detail with this chapter, but that's because it's the first chapter and I want to give you a reason to keep reading! I'm just sneaky like that. Anyway, I truly hope you loved this as much as I do because I REALLY want to keep going with this story. Let me know what you thought, PLEASE!!!!

Now, all you have to do is leave a review for me. It will make my Christmas very merry. Please, for the love of milk and cookies, GIVE A REVIEW!!!!


After all... Santa's watching you...