Title: Odd Disorder

Genre: General/Romance

Rating: T for slash and Hidan's language

Characters/Pairing(s): ShikaHidan (a fun crack yaoi pairing to melt peoples' brains with!), implied ChoIno

Summary: Shikamaru is ill and only one religious-crazy pervert can help him. However, it ends up with Shikamaru becoming gay. Warning: CRACKY YAOI! ShikaHidan and some implied ZetsuIno. Takes place after Asuma dies!

Shikamaru tried to sustain a sneeze as he and his two teammates walked to Tsunade's office for a new mission. Suddenly, Shikamaru lost control and sneezed. "Yeesh, Shikamaru! You don't look so well…" Choji remarked as Shikamaru sniffled a bit.

The new leader of Team Ten grimaced and replied, "It's just a sneeze, okay? God, sometimes you two are more annoying than my mother!" "Oh, come on, Shika-san! You know we're just looking out for you!" Ino retorted. Shikamaru sighed in defeat and thought, 'How troublesome…'

Later that day, Choji and Ino left to find Shikamaru a doctor. "I better not catch you two making out again!" Shikamaru called as his two teammates walked away. Shikamaru pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and muttered, "I don't need a goddamn doctor. I just need some rest…"

Suddenly, a gruff voice replied, "You're such a whiny little fucker, aren't you?" It was none other than Hidan (Who else curses so much?)! Shikamaru stood up and pulled out a kunai, but was quickly overcome with the urge to sneeze again. Hidan smirked and said, "So…you're sick, huh?"

Before Shikamaru could respond, Hidan placed his arms on Shikamaru's waist and began to kiss him. Shikamaru pushed Hidan away and shouted, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO THAT, YOU FREAK?"

Hidan took a step towards the chunin and replied, "You see, after spending years with a group of fine-looking men, things start to change and-" Shikamaru clamped his hands over his ears and shouted, "OKAY, STOP TALKING! I'M NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING!"

Hidan just chuckled and sat down on a nearby bench. "So, what do you think of me?" he asked. Even though Hidan was the enemy, Shikamaru was too sick to fight. Besides, he could use this chance to dig up some dirt on the Akatsuki! "Well, I think you're pretty well-built. You're very tough, I'll give you that…" he remarked as he took a seat next to Hidan.

Shikamaru looked Hidan over a bit and said, "You'd make an awfully good seme, except your bad mouth kind of ruins the whole thing…" Hidan grabbed Shikamaru by the collar and shouted, "WHO YOU CALLIN' A 'BAD MOUTH', YOU GODDAMN FUCKIN' BASTARD!"

Shikamaru slapped Hidan's hand away and replied, "See? That's what I mean! You need to stop cursing!" Hidan just rolled his eyes and ended it right there. After a few moments of silence, Shikamaru asked, "What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be hunting for those tailed beasts?"

"We are," Hidan replied, "But I was fuckin' tired so I snuck off from Kakuzu and came here for a little R and R, you know?" Shikamaru nodded in agreement and tossed his cigarette into a nearby manhole. Eventually, Hidan got tired of the silence and slammed his lips against Shikamaru's, his tongue moving about the younger boy's mouth.

Shikamaru let out a small groan of pleasure as Hidan started to nibble on his neck. Slowly, they began to remove their clothes…

Finally, Ino and Chouji finally returned. They were both tired and covered in sweat. They had been too busy having sex to find Shikamaru a doctor! However, they were quite surprised to find Hidan and Shikamaru making out in the middle of the street.

3 days later…

Kakuzu took the thermostat out of Hidan's mouth and looked at it. "God, your temperature is through the roof!" he cried, "You'll need to stay in bed, mister!" Hidan just grumbled and marched off to bed…

(He caught Shikamaru's cold .)