Disclaimer: As in first part, they're not mine. But they're so pretty I can't resist playing with them. I promise to give them back in more or less the same condition I found them in.
AN: This part was read by the lovely and helpful dancydreamer over at LJ who reassured me it was good enough to post and then beta'd by the equally lovely and helpful silversolitaire also at LJ. All mistakes are still mine. Happy late Christmas to the people who wanted Ianto's side of this. Please R&R
The first time Ianto finds Jack dead, he nearly passes out. He's half-way through dialling Owen's number when Jack suddenly gasps and starts breathing again. If it hadn't been for the fact that Jack was lying in a pool of his own blood and there was bloody hole in his chest, right over his heart, Ianto would have convinced himself he had just missed the pulse first time round in his panic. He still might have done if the hole hadn't healed over right before his eyes and Jack hadn't taken the phone off him and suggested he makes them some coffee.
The first time Ianto is kissed by Jack, he doesn't even know about it until it's almost over. He wakes to find himself cradled in Jack's arms, with the other man's lips pressed firmly against his. Then Jack pulls away and motions for him to be quiet. For a moment he can't move, he knows they must be trying to kill her, but Jack has his hand on his chest and somehow he can't bring himself to break eye contact with the man who earlier held a gun against his head. Then Lisa cries in pain and he doesn't care anymore. He scrambles away, vaguely aware of the fact that his sudden movement has caused Jack to partially collapse on the floor behind him, but too afraid that they've killed the woman he loves to give it another thought.
The first time Ianto really, truly hates Jack is only minutes later. He watches Jack cover Lisa with the sauce they put on Myfanwy's food and knows exactly what Jack is going to do and is helpless to stop him. He fights so hard against the hold Owen and Gwen have on him that their hands leave bruises on his shoulders, and he begs Jack to have mercy on her. Her screams mingle with the Pterodactyl's cries to form a sound he will never be able to forget. Outside, he punches Jack, puts all his strength into it, and would do it again if only Gwen wasn't in the way.
The first time Ianto thinks maybe Jack isn't a monster after all is when the fairies take the little girl. He listens to the others condemn Jack, hears Gwen call him heartless and Owen curse and Tosh talk about the look in the mother's eyes, and hates Jack even more. But that only lasts until he sees the look on Jack's face when he walks back in. He gets the whole story from Tosh by making her favourite coffee as soon as Owen and Gwen have left. It's when she admits that she doesn't know what else Jack could have done that he realises, in the end all of them would probably have done the same thing if faced with that choice. The next morning, he finds Jack dead in his office. He cleans up the mess without comment.
The first time Ianto realises he's totally forgiven Jack is after nearly being eaten by cannibals. He watches in terror as Jack bursts in and saves the day. He can pinpoint the moment when his anger and disgust change to concern and compassion. It's the moment Jack looks at him. Jack pulls the gag out of his mouth and Ianto makes a pathetic attempt to hide his sheer dread by voicing a prayer to a god he doesn't even believe in in Welsh. The relief is so overwhelming and Jack is being so gentle and looking so concerned that he finds himself collapsing forward against him, shaking, as he whispers his thanks over and over.
The first time Ianto kisses Jack back is the same night. He makes tea, because the last thing they need is coffee when Tosh has only just stopped shaking and he still jumps at every unexpected noise. Eventually, exhaustion takes over and Tosh falls asleep against his shoulder. It's only when he gets her settled that he discovers Jack has been standing there watching every move. Jack, looking so calm and unruffled and in control, despite the fact that he shot a dozen people within the space of a minute. Ianto finds himself stepping forward and allowing himself to be drawn into a kiss. He kisses back. The moment is lost when Tosh stirs in her sleep. He pulls away and avoids looking at him while he tidies up the tea cups.
The first time Ianto sleeps with Jack is after Suzie dies the second time. He does the clean up, just like he always does, except this time Jack appears and makes half-hearted suggestions that it should be him doing it. They stand there on either side of their dead colleague and for the first time since they all came back, Jack lets his guard down. Ianto can see the pain and the exhaustion and how much it hurt to shoot Suzie so many times and to think that he'd lost Gwen too. He does the only thing he can think of, he offers himself to Jack. It takes a moment for Jack to catch on but when he does the smile is well worth the wait. In the morning he awakes to Jack kissing him and this time he's not confused or frightened at all.
The first time Ianto thinks he might be falling in love with Jack is after John kills himself. He spends the night in Jack's bed, just holding him as he sleeps. Whatever Jack says about never sleeping, Ianto knows that he always sleeps after he dies. He realises though that he's never before actually seen him sleep; usually he knows when Jack wakes screaming from nightmares that Ianto has never had the courage to ask about. For the first time, Ianto is in Jack's bed fully clothed and watching him sleep. He discovers that somehow, in his sleep, Jack becomes vulnerable. One fist grips Ianto's shirt lightly, as though, even in sleep, he is afraid he will be left alone. The thought of leaving never crosses Ianto's mind.