A Very Akatsuki Christmas
Ok…so before the story begins, I'll warn you that it's completely random. And you may notice I often poke fun at Tobi, but I don't honestly dislike him. So, uh, just read the story now! It's Christmas EVE!! Note: Sorry if I got some of the honorific terms wrong, the only one I'm sure Tobi would call one by is "Deidara-senpai". So here you go, a simple G-rated fic to enjoy in case your overly conscious parents are reading over your shoulder. How this is 5 pages in word, I don't know. I though it would be like 2…
"Itachi-samaaaaaaaaa!!!" a young voice called from another room. Itachi raised an eyebrow but resumed painting his nails when none other than the orange masked Tobi entered…from a window. (wtf?)
"Do you know what tomorrow is?" Tobi asked.
"Time to repaint my nails." Itachi motioned with his hand for Tobi to leave. A sad Tobi slumped out a decided to bother the nearby Kisame…el sharkman…if my Spanglish is correct.
"Kisame-samaaaaaaa!" Kisame could've sworn he'd heard a window break at the sound of Tobi's horrid sing-song. Before Kisame could respond, however, a chorus of people yelled 'shut up', though by Deidara it was followed with an 'un.'
"Um…Tobi is a good boy…" Tobi quieted down. Kisame turned back to Tobi and then Tobi also asked him if he knew what tomorrow was. Kisame, however, didn't have an answer at first. But, he though, if it had anything to do with going somewhere with Tobi, he better get an excuse. And after a pause, Kisame answered,
"Time to sharpen my teeth." Tobi sighed again and hoped at least his own partner knew what tomorrow was. He walked into another room and found Deidara, attempting to sleep, on a couch.
"What now, un?"
"Do you know what tomorrow is?" Tobi excitedly squirmed, awaiting an answer.
"One: Time for you to shut up, un. Two: Tomorrow's Christmas, un."
"YAY! Someone knows! Tomorrow is Christmas!!"
"I hate Christmas, un. It's all happy and bright and giving, un…"
"The Akatsuki don't celebrate Christmas, un."
"But we can!"
"It's stupid, un!"
"If you go shopping me, I promise I'll let you explode anything you want!" Deidara's eyes lit up at explode, but only for a quick second. Ah, the way of a fine artist like Deidara only lasts quickly, not eternally. Thus, he was uninterested in a minute.
"I would do that regardless, un."
"PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE! If you don't, I'll sing 'You've Got A Friend In Me all day long in your ear! And I'll eat your food for you and impede your way all DAY LONG!"
"That's not anything new, un!"
"PLEASE! Just this once?" Tobi did puppy dog eyes, and though Deidara couldn't see them through Tobi's mask, he sighed and finally gave in.
"Fine, un. You really like to annoy me, don't you, un?" Tobi grinned and Deidara groaned. They both agreed it wouldn't be good to attract attention to themselves, and needed disguises. Too bad for Deidara, because he couldn't see the evil smile spreading across Tobi's face…
"ALRIGHT! Makeover time!"
"WHAT, UN?!" before Deidara could react, Tobi shut the door, covered his eyes and tied him to a spiffy spinning chair. Deidara couldn't tell what was happening, but he knew Tobi was creating a disaster, so he flailed about as Tobi attempted to get him to stay still. An interesting scene it was, indeed…
As Deidara took off the blindfold, he looked into the mirror to see the reflection of a beautiful…woman? Deidara twitched, then yell,
"Tobi, you idiot! What did you do to me, un!?"
"I…I thought you'd make a better with than me…"
"What is your problem, un!?"
"Well, we need a husband and wife…"
"Couldn't we just be two gay guys un?" (no offense to gays, I have nothing against you!)
"I'd rather not…now wear this shirt and these pants." Tobi threw Deidara a shirt and pants and once again, Deidara groaned. Though wondering where Tobi got the clothes, he just got into the clothes as soon as Tobi left. The now female Akatsuki could think only one thing:
"I hate Christmas, un…"
As Deidara walked out of the room, Itachi and Kisame stared.
There was an awkward silence.
There were crickets.
"SHUT UP, UN! I have a reason for this! You see, tomorrow is--"
"Time to eat potatoes?" Zetsu inquired.
"Time to bite your mother?" Itachi made a chomping motion and everyone went 0.o. Tobi raised an eyebrow, though no one could tell, and Deidara let out a questioning 'un?'. Of course, at their chance to get out, Tobi and Deidara dashed out to the store.
"Wanna get some desserts? Like a cake?" Tobi asked. Deidara nodded as they entered a place in the middle of the suspiciously deadly forest called "Sound…pastries, donuts, crossiants, etc…", without noticing the suspicion in the name. As the partners entered, a boy with gravity defying blue hair and natural blue highlights walked towards them…in a skirt…with a miserable expression.
"Hello. Welcome to the Sound…pastries, donuts, crossiants, etc…. Would would you like---HOLY WHACK-A-MOLE! I know you guys…YOU'RE AKATSUKI!"
"HOLY CROW! YOU'RE…YOU'RE…ITACHI'S LITTLE BROTHER, UN!"
"Crossdresser!!" Tobi yelled.
"Look at your partner, idiot!" Sasuke pointed at Deidara.
"Finally someone realizes…I AM A MAN!" un…"
"Sasuke-kun, what's going on?" a voice yelled from a back room.
"N-nothing." Sasuke stammered. It was the man who forced him to wear the dress…it was…it was…
"Sasuke-kun…" Orochimaru came out from the room. Tobi and Deidara cringed when they saw the pink apron and heard his sing-song voice, then Orochimaru finally noticed them.
"Holy…CHEESE WIZ! You're AKATSUKI!" by the time he had finished, the two left, wishing they had never seen the frightening content in that room.
"All right…no desserts. Presents, un! Let's get going!" And as in a movie, some insert music played as they gathered their presents. Soon they were home, quickly wrapped the presents, threw them in a corner, and waited until the next morning.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Tobi yelled, waking everyone up. The Akatsuki all yawned and walked down the stairs getting presents chucked at them by Tobi. As I am too lazy to write what happens, next, they did their normal daily routine and then decided to open their presents.
As Itachi opened his present, he found a limited edition Sasuke plushie only available on Ebay, and found a disturbing note from Deidara attached. He licked the plushie and shoved it down his jacket.
Next went Zetsu. He found plant fertilizer and a small plant that said "Mini-Me" on it.
Then came Hidan, who found a bible, enough said.
Kisame followed, who found a shirt that said "Fish are friends, not food" and had a shark biting a fish's tail.
The others kept opening, but no one cares about them. So, onto Sir Leader…who got a lump of coal for being on the Naughty to the fifth power list, failing to see the humor. Tobi walked up to Deidara and handed him a gift. On it was a tag that said "To my lovely Deidara-senpai", as a joke to annoy Deidara about his feminine appearance. Deidara growled, but opened the present anyway, to find a pillow that said "Art is a bang, un!".
Tobi smiled under his random mask, waiting for a present. When no one did anything, he asked,
"Don't I get a present?"
"Only if you take off the mask!" Deidara poked Tobi.
"OKAY!" Tobi pulled of his mask and everyone screamed.
"PUT IT BACK ON! PUT IT BACK ON!"
And that was the story of A VERY Akatsuki Christmas.