AN:// Its not Justification, but here's a little Christmas ficlet that I made for the boys on Christmas, enjoy all! Happy Christmas!

Twelve o one

Dean sat thinking in his hotel room. Sam was asleep in the bed, curled up like a child, the way he always slept when he was upset. It was Christmas Eve and they had not heard from their father. Both boys were completely alone. Neither wanted to admit the fact that they missed their father as much as they undeniably did. They wanted him back for this one holiday… this one holiday that they were always together for, no matter where John had been on a job or what not, he was always there on Christmas for his boys. Granted New Years wasn't as important he still tried to be there for that also. Easter… that bunny never saw it coming… walking into the Winchester house… what did he expect?

A small smile graced the young hunters lips as he took a swig from his beer… he didn't want to be sober on this night… shit-faced and drunk was what he wanted. Oblivious to the pain around him, the pain inside of him… He kept a close eye on the clock having an eternal stare down with it. Waiting till it was just past midnight waiting to hear his version of hoof prints on the roof, his fathers trucks roar coming home. It was 11:50 pm and counting down.

Memories that he wished he could forget came slowly to mind, through the haze that began to build around him. Memories of his mother, his father, and the itty bitty baby Sammy in his mothers' arms. Dean remembered his mother sitting with him in their small house. Telling him how Santa would be there soon. Dean wasn't a strong believer in the old man, but he sure as hell wanted him to come, he wanted one wish, his father to be home for Christmas. The past three weeks John had been gone on business. They were alone, and he was the man of the house. But he missed his father; he missed him a great deal, at the time he never realized just how much.

He had sat with his mother the same way as he did now with his brother in their shady little motel room, watching the clock. It clicked another number 11:55pm and counting. Six minutes. He always came back one minute after midnight making it just on the turn of the new day, always bringing home something cool and interesting that Dean would love.

Slowly Dean took another long sip of his drink rubbing at his eyes angrily, not letting the tears that were behind them pass. He would not cry, another minute ticked by. The tears and the pain grew harder to keep restrained, he finished his beer popping another bottle open and downing that one quickly. He would not loose himself. He would not shed another tear for that man. John knew of the tradition that Dean carried every single year. He would wait for him, always waiting by the door, waiting for him to walk in, or if he was already home, to walk into the room and tuck him into bed.

12:00am the new day was here, it was Christmas. A day for celebrating and opening presents, Dean downed his fifth beer and tried to forget that his father wasn't coming. Glaring angrily at the clock he picked up the last beer and chugged it. His mind was fuzzy but he could still feel the pain that his father abandoned him.

Dean threw the bottle he was holding at the clock across the room startling Sam awake when it shattered. "wha's goin on?" He asked groggily pulling his knife out staring around trying to figure out the threat.

"Nothing Sammy… go back to sleep." Dean whispered as the clock took its final tick 12:01, a car rumbled and Dean's heart stopped beating, was it him? Dean closed his eyes as head lights swept through the apartment and continued on the tears that he was holding back fell. He heard Sam get out of bed and walk to the small kitchenette pulling out more drinks.

Nothing was said between the two brothers as they drank in silence. Tears started falling from Deans hard eyes. He kept wiping them but they kept coming. His eyes didn't stray for long away from the clock as it kept on ticking telling him that his father wasn't coming.

Sam put down his third drink and stared at his brother, it wasn't every day that you saw the mighty Dean Winchester cry… "He's not coming Dean… He can't come…" Sam offered quietly trying to ease his brothers pain. Dean's eyes drifted to his face.

"Don't you think I know that?" Dean asked tearfully downing another beer and throwing it at the wall. "Don't you think I know that Da…" Dean stumbled over his words "Da… Dad isn't coming? I killed the man for god sakes! I should know that he isn't coming!" Deans strong body started to shake with the force of his pain, tears pouring from his eyes. He tried to gain control but the more he tried the more he lost control.

"Dean, you didn't kill him." Sam whispered reaching out a hand and rubbing Dean's arm, who shrugged it off. "Dean you didn't kill him." Sam repeated ducking as Dean threw a bottle in his direction.

"Sammy, don't even try. I know what I did. I know that he isn't coming… but…" Dean choked harshly on his words. "I can't… I can't let go. I won't accept that… that he isn't going to walk through that damn door…" Dean cried pounding the table with his fist.

Sam couldn't say anything… he couldn't do anything. He waited it was the only thing he could do, and pass Dean more beers. Slowly the more Dean drank the more worn down he got until finally his older brother passed out on the table. With a small sniff of his own Sam hefted his brother up and lugged his way over to Dean's bed and put him on it. He re-adjusted and tucked Dean in.

As Sam lay down in his own bed he looked across to his brother. "Even though he can't be here… I'm never going to leave you Dean, I will always be there for Christmas for you…I love you Dean… Merry Christmas"