Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney Co. As for other characters...
Season Four Spoilers
AN: While Kim Possible was on hiatus the writers moved on to other projects and were not available when Disney announced plans for Season Four. The entertainment industry is filled with people between jobs, however, and veteran scriptwriters from other shows have been hired to fill the void. Look for this episode towards the end of the new season...
Establishing shot, a laboratory on a dark evening. The camera zooms in to a blue-skinned man deep in concentration at a workbench and a woman in a tight green and black outfit lounging on a chair filing her gloves.
"What do you want to do tonight, Brain?"
"Same thing we do every night, Greenie. Try to take over the world!"
Cue catchy music:
They're Greenie and the Brain
Greenie and the Brain
He thinks he's a genius,
but's really insane.
They're laboratory rats,
Who act like spoiled brats,
They're Greenie, they're Greenie and the Brain... Brain... Brain... Brain...
"So, what's your plan for tonight, Doc?"
"I've figured out a cool method for interfacing with the Lost Sock Dimension."
"Gee, Doc, lost socks don't sound very cool to me."
"Quiet, Greenie, or I shall have to hurt you. Clothes dryers are our only known link to the lost sock dimension. I've mathematically determined I can build a ray gun which will open the portal without the heat and tumbling."
"I don't know about that -getting all hot and rolling around has always sounded like fun to me."
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Shego."
"What's the Lost Sock Dimension like, and how does opening a portal to it help you take over the world?"
"No one knows what the Lost Sock Dimension is like. Thousands, perhaps millions of socks go through the portal every year - but none ever return. As for how it helps us, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I think so Brain, but if I drop Kim in guacamole won't she stain the sheets?"
"Don't worry about that, you idiot. My plans for world domination are always stopped by those meddling kids and their dog-"
"Actually, I think it's a naked mole rat."
"Whatever. I'll send them, and all who oppose me, to the Dimension of Lost Socks and there will be no one to stand in the way when I take over the world."
"You really need to see a doctor for that sinus infection."
Shego went to her quarters to set up an appointment with a rhinologist and, since Drakken had told her to not worry about stained sheets, to place a large order for avocados. Meanwhile, Drakken continued work on the LSD ray.
Outside the Lair two teenagers worked quietly on opening a ventilator covering. "Sing me a song, Rita, I love it when you sing," the blond youth requested.
Kim sighed, "I don't know what Monkeyfist did to you, Ron. But you need to snap out of it. You seem to think I'm a cat."
"A cat! Where's a cat, Rita? I hate cats! Us dogs got to stick together."
She grabbed him and held his face between her hands, staring deep into his eyes. "Ron, if I were a female dog, what would that make me?"
The young man's eyes went wide in horror.
"See, you don't want to go there. Now help me get the vent cover off."
"Hey, how come Wakko-"
"Wade! His name is Wade!"
"Well, how come he always knows the Brain's plans before they even start? It's like he's read a script or something."
"You don't want to go there either. Now, lift."
Inside the Lair Drakken tapped his foot impatiently. He'd sent their computer whiz a copy of the script. Where were Kim and Runt? And for that matter, where was Shego?
The alarm on ventilator shaft number three went off, and Drakken's smile suddenly went from ear to ear, "It's show time!" he barked into the intercom.
Shego, anticipating the arrival of the meddling kids and their dog... er, naked mole rat, had already been watching ventilator shaft number three - the same one they had used to break into the Lair the last fifty seven times. As they moved over a new section of flooring she pulled a lever and the floor gave way - followed by two loud splats and a quieter one as the trio hit the dip.
"Holy guacamole, Batman! How are we going to get out of the Joker's death trap?"
"Focus, Robin- er, Ron - Focus."
The pale green woman moved to the side of the vat, "Hey, Princess. How long can you tread guacamole?"
"Since it's thicker than water we're in no danger of drowning. It wasn't much of a trap. We're fine."
"Speak for yourself, Rita," Ron said. "Scooby and I need a few bags of tortilla chips."
"Rufus," the mole rat squeaked, "wi' nacho cheeeez."
"Actually, Pumpkin, I'm doing a study on the effectiveness of laundry detergents. Want to help me get my sheets messy?"
"I don't think so," said Kim, pulling her hair-dryer grappling hook from her backpack and firing the line over a structural beam. She hit the recoil button and the line winched into the hair dryer, pulling her out of the green slime. She swung over Shego and landed fifteen yards behind the pale henchwoman - then ran, leaving a trail of mashed avocado behind her.
Shego sighed, none of her plans ever worked out the way she wanted. "How about you Stoppable?" she called. "Want to help mess up my sheets?"
"Sure, throw me a line."
"Okay, who was that lady I saw you with at the restaurant yesterday?"
Kim paused at the little villain's room to clean up before confronting Drakken in his lab. "Where's the self-destruct switch this time?" she demanded.
"Ha, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me one hundred and twelve times, shame on me. There is no self-destruct button this time. But where's Shego? She's supposed to stop you."
"Ron is taking a turn at distracting her this time while I-"
"You'd better rescue him, she's probably torturing him while we-"
His comment was interrupted by a loud scream from Ron, "Oh, God! Yes! That feels good."
It was followed by sounds which might, if one was feeling charitable, have been mistaken for hand-to-hand fighting. Although the illusion was harmed by the moans from Shego, "Harder... Oh, yeah! ... Harder."
"Can we pretend this isn't happening?" Kim asked Drakken.
"Not the whip," they heard Ron scream. "Anything but that!"
"Anything?" Shego asked.
The pause would have been pregnant, if it weren't on the pill, before Ron answered, "The whip."
Kim blushed, "It sounds like our partners are, ah, hors de combat."
"Well, it certainly sounds like they're a couple hors anyway."
Kim groaned, "You know that when a family fool tells a joke that's too French half a crown is stopped out of his wages?"
"No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it."
"Never mind, it's the hopelessly obscure reference for the episode - I'm just fighting the urge to break into song with Bernadette Peters' voice."
He pointed an odd ray gun at her, and told her smugly. "Farewell, Kim Possible, you are going to solve a mystery which has plagued mankind since the invention of the clothes dryer - where do all the missing socks go?"
Kim tried to dodge, but the orange glow of the ray struck her. There was a mild tingling sensation, but nothing unusual seemed to happen - until it started raining socks in the lab.
"Oh, snap!" Drakken cursed. "The portal opened from that dimension into this one."
The socks were falling faster. Kim dove and grabbed one, a black silk with gold clocks, "Ha! I lost this a month ago." (An equally obscure reference.)
Drakken's form was hidden beneath a growing pile of missing laundry. "Damn," she heard him exclaim, "why didn't I build a self-destruct switch on this?"
Socks were falling even faster as she made it out the lab door. "Grab your pants, Ron. We've got to get out of here."
They paused on their way out of the lab to collect a fat and happy Rufus from the now empty guacamole vat.
"Can we go back soon, Rita?" Ron asked Kim. "I liked the nice lady. I want to see her again."
"No, Runt, we're taking you in to see Dr. Scratchandsniff, the studio shrink."
Some hours later Shego and Drakken stood outside the lab, watching the last of the trucks haul away unmatched socks. "Come, Shego, we must get back to the lab and prepare for tomorrow night."
"Why, what are you going to do tomorrow night?"
"The same thing we do every night, Shego. Try and take over the world."
I had my initial idea for this story months ago, but planned to spare everyone. I've been provoked to action by Pharaoh Rutin Tutin's abuse of cold medicine and the Colin stories by A Markov. After the UN refused to implement sanctions against the pair in the face of a threatened French veto I felt compelled to release this unilaterally.