Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a prefect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were to truly
To be myself
I would break my family's heart
Washu, you claim to be my mother, and I believe you, I honestly do! You want me to call you that beloved name, 'mom', but I cant! You don't understand. Look at me! I am Ryoko, the most dreaded space pirate. I'm not supposed to need anyone, I have no feelings. I am a supposed cold-hearted ruthless killer who has killed millions of innocent people's lives and have enjoyed it. But, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't want to hurt those people! Some of those kids were like Sasami, so innocent, so full of life and had everything going for them, and I took their chance of living a full life from them. Their blood is on MY hands! Not that damn bastards, mine!
How can you love somebody like me? Before I was kidnapped from you I bet I was an innocent little girl like Sasami. I bet I used to come home from school and show you the project that I finished for you. I bet on Mother's Day I would make you something special to show that I loved you. But now look at me, I am a selfish, proud, independent, and cold-hearted space pirate who can't even call you 'mom.' I want to call you that name, but I don't have the right! I want to have mother/daughter talks with you and be able to say 'I love you' but I can't. Why? 'Why do you still love me? Why do you refuse to leave me alone to wallow in my sorrow? I will never be the perfect daughter you dreamed of raising. I will never be like Zero. Damn you Zero! Now I have something to compare myself against. Now I know how I was supposed to turn out and I realize how even farther away from being a good daughter to Washu I am. I will never be a good daughter let alone a good wife…
Tenchi…That name alone is enough to make my heart skip a couple of beats. But I wonder…What does my name do to you? Do I instill a fear deep inside of you the chills your very being just hearing my name? Or do I make your heart race, the love you have for me growing at the mere mention of my name. Ha! Yeah right! Tenchi Masaki, the innocent earthling boy with the puppy dog brown eyes and a smile that could make anyone's day love a demon, the thought is unheard of. Ayeka would probably make a better bride than me. Miss Priss is very pretty, rich, gentle, caring (except when it comes to me of course), and just so happens to be the princess to one of the most powerful planets in the world. What more could a guy ask for? She's every thing I'm not.
Every day I try to show you that I love but you're always pushing me away! How come you never push Ayeka away? Is it because you love her? I guess I'm just not good enough for you. Kagato didn't give me a chance to experience emotions. But since the first time I met you, you have forced me to experience an emotion that I never thought possible by a demon like me. You forced me to experience love. Don't you get it? I would do anything for you. I would die a thousand times if only you would say them once; if you would say those three little words that would mean the world to me…
"I love you."
But I guess that it's just not enough for you Tenchi. Its not enough that I love you with every fiber of my being. When I "choke you to the point of passing out" as you so fondly put it, I feel extreme happiness for those two or three seconds of pure bliss. Funny huh, how being pushed away by the one you love could give you joy, but it's just being near you even for though few seconds that gives be the strength to go on. I love you Tenchi, and I hope that one day you will also love me…or maybe even like me.
Who is that girl I see
Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
You all think you know the "real" Ryoko. But how can you possibly know me if I am still trying to figure out the real me also? When was the last time that anyone has had a real conversation that has lasted for at least a two minute time period? I'd like to think that you guys think of me as more than something than just a demon or space pirate or an the cause of all your problems. What exactly is my role in this peculiar family? Sasami cooks the meals in the house and makes sure we don't starve to death or kill ourselves by our own cooking. Washu is the mad scientist who has a solution to every problem and can create inventions to benefit our life (even thought they usually end up doing more harm than good). Ayeka with that high and mighty attitude of hers keeps the house running smooth and in an orderly fashion. Nobuyuki makes the money in the house. Lord Katsuhito trains Tenchi and helps him become a better fighter. But Tenchi wouldn't need to become a better fighter if it weren't for me. And me…what do I do for the family?
I like to think that I'm a pillar of strength for the family. But what would you guys say if you saw me here by the lake crying uncontrollably because I feel so alone and useless in this forsaken world? What would you guys think if you saw the ruthless space pirate Ryoko wanting to be loved by the only family that she has ever had? What would you think if you saw the demon Ryoko actually showing her emotions, finally letting her mask fall to see the vulnerable lonely girl who so desperately tries to show through? On the outside I let show my aggressive, loud, playful self who doesn't give a hoot what people say or think about me. But it hurts every harsh word that is said against me by Ayeka, every time Tenchi pushes me away, every time I can't call my own mother 'mom', it hurts. But I hide it, and very well if I might add, from everyone, but one day I'll slip, I can almost feel it. What am I going to do then?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
If anyone cared to look at my reflection, they would see that it was the real me because reflections don't lie. What they would see is the woman that I really am, not the act that I put up for everyone everyday. If anyone cared to look, they would see the real me, in my reflection…
Because reflections don't lie.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately or fortunately, I'll let you decide…I don't own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters. I'm not making any money of this fic its just for fun.
A/N: Did you like it love it hate it? Well please review my story…thanx!