Chapter Eleven: Yackety Yack
Edward sighed, his face pressed into his knees, his ears flopping down over his big pink toes. Edward had been in many situations perilous to whimsical but never had his out look on life stooped as low is it was now.
"Don't worry darling!" Bella knocked on the top of the box. "I know it's here somewhere." She lied through her teeth dancing on the spot nervously. "I was taking to Emmett over here." She moved over to the couch. "Blah blah blah Jasper blah postman blah unfair blah blah blah" she raced through the conversation in her mind. "Yackety yackety yack...Rosalie blah invitation AH hah!" she said triumphantly. Bending behind the sofa and retrieving a small key that had flew off her finger as she gestured angrily at the "impertinence of that little twit!" Bella cursed as she slowly unlocked every side of the box. "To think she was just gonna hand it to her when I paid for a first class stamp." Edward straightened up and rolled his eyes.
"Come on Bella, it's not her fault, you're both gonna do a show aren't you?" Bella glared at him and he retreated against the wall of CDs as she advanced on him (a David Bowie box set fell on his head with a clunk of musical genius hitting musical genius.)
"Not her fault!" Bella prodded him in the chest with her wand.
"What I mean is…what I was trying to say…" Edward gulped and then collapsed. "…what do I know, I'm just a bunny." He dropped his arms despairingly and Bella returned to the box.
Rosalie did not care about the shows; she was rich. Richer than she had ever dreamed of being. Cackling, she counted the brightly coloured monopoly money into piles. So engrossed in this meticulous pursuit she hardly noticed Jasper peering down at her. When she did she hastily snatched the money from the floor and several notes flew away to rest on the carpet, out of reach. Rosalie looked frantically at them and then at Jasper who was smiling insanely.
"Hey there?" He grinned. "What a lovely day it is today?"
"Shouldn't you be salvaging your precious post office?" Rosalie spat the words out, her eyes still flicking between jasper and the fallen notes. Jasper bent down, chuckling.
"One of the benefits of being head postman is that you get to delegate. My associate is clearing everything up so don't you worry about a thing little miss." He patted her on the head; Rosalie strongly resisted the urge to bite him.
"So you've made Emmett do it then."
"At the post office we like to think of it as a team effort but thank you for your concern" Rosalie frowned.
"I wasn't concerned…I don't care…I…" Jasper chuckled. Ignoring her splutterings he produced a black bundle from his sack.
"Here is your letter little Miss, sorry it's so late, have this complimentary beret." Jasper handed her Alice's invite encased in the beret which she had relinquished only after several fisty fights as "compensation" for Jasper's "valued customer". (This was only after Jasper ascertained that Mimes don't carry loose change…no pockets see…get it…no pockets…cos she's wearing a lycra…? Oh forget it.)
Rosalie jammed the beret over the top of her flee bitten cap and glared up at Jasper who was still standing over her.
"Couldn't help but notice that you've got a fair bit of money saved up their sweetie."
"I'm not giving it back!"
"Alrightie then well I have to say that the post office has a savings plan which could help to increase the value of any finance you possess. Could I interest you in a leaflet?"
He extended his hand towards her, a bright red leaflet dangled in front of her eyes. Rosalie didn't take it. Jasper waited, Rosalie still didn't take it.
"Alrightie then, well if you are interested please feel free to stop by the post office anytime, anytime at all." He turned and, whistling, headed back to the kitchen
As soon as he had gone Rosalie furiously snatched the discarded notes, stuffing them into her bra and huddling herself against the wall.
There was a knock on Edward's door.
"Who is it?!" Bella yelled, dropping the knife she was about to plunge into the cold flesh of her fiancé. There was no answer. Bella sighed and raised the sword again. Edward tensed. There was another knock. "WHO'S THERE!?" Bella yelled again and Edward squeezed his eyes tight, waiting for pain such that he had not felt for a hundred years. "Yes?!" Bella was loosing her patience as there was still no answer. Edward gripped the chains that held him and his toes curled up inside his gigantic feet. There was another knock. Edward gave a squeak of anticipation the sword was still hovering over his torso which was exposed showing his rippling muscles and….FOCUS GEORGIANA FOCUS! Bella turned her attention back to Edward as the knocking got loader. "Right…let's see if I've done this right."
There was a final ear-splitting knock and the door shattered, Bella was knocked backwards over Edward, lying on top of her collapsible magician's table. There is the doorway stood Alice brandishing the sign which had hung on the door. Bella's untidy handwriting simply said KNOCK! Alice flounced over to Bella who was picking herself up from the wreckage of the door. She brandished the sign in her face.
"What do YOU want?" Bella spat at her. Alice held up five fingers. Bella nudged Edward but he seemed to be in a straight of faint relief such that he was just staring blissfully into space. "What does she want buggs!" Bella thumped him. Edward awoke and glanced over at Alice who was also looking disgustedly towards him.
"Showdown in the living room in five minutes." Edward said his voice a little higher than it usually was.
"Oh yeah?" Bella stepped forward so she was nose to nose with Alice. "I'll be there." Alice turned and bounded towards the space the door had previously been, cart wheeling into the hall.
"You gotta admit…" Edward sighed. "She's got style." He received a blow to the head from Bella's hat. (Bella had learned not to directly hit superhuman beings)
"Ah ok ok she's a horrible little Shemale! You happy?" Bella grinned at him and he wretched himself free from the chains. "Remind me to never let you have any kind of power over me…ever!" Bella learnt forward and pinched his cheek before wheeling the table (with Edward still on it) out of the door.
AN: Not much happens in this chapter but u know what they say about the calm before the storm….actually what do they say. They just say that there is one I'm not sure that they talk specifically about the calm itself so that makes no sense! And who are They anyway…I don't trust 'em…yackety yack