Title: Missing Person

Author: FraidyCat

Warnings: As Alternate as the Universe gets. A Brief Parody for Fun. Lighten up. My tongue is firmly in cheek on this one.

Disclaimer: The television show "numb3rs" and its characters are never used for profit by poor, little ol' me.


Don propped his weary head up with one hand, elbow on the desk, and lifted heavy eyes toward the clock on the bullpen wall. With satisfaction, he saw that it was nearly 5 o' clock. As soon as he signed off on this report of Granger's, he was calling it a night and heading for Charlie's house. With any luck, Alan was making something remarkable for dinner.

As he dropped his eyes to the report again, he caught Megan hurrying toward him, waving a computer print-out. "Don! You're not going to believe the APB LAPD just broadcast!"

Don groaned. He hated it when his FBI agents talked in inititals.

He leaned back in his chair and regarded the pretty honey-blonde. "Come on, Reeves. Afraid we might actually get the evening off? Ever since Larry got lost in space, all you want to do is work!"

He heard Colby snort and attempt to disguise it with a cough. Megan stopped abruptly in front of Don's desk and frowned. "Very funny. Larry is not lost in space. He may have missed a turn or two, but that's no reason to assume he's floating around at will searching for a cosmic crossing guard!"

Her face was red and Don could literally see her temperature rising. He raised his hands in mock surrender. "Fine, fine, I was just kidding. Take it easy! What've you got?"

Megan's attention was drawn again to the print-out she held. She was still a little miffed. She shook it dangerously close to Don's face. "What? This? It's probably not important, really. I'm sure LAPD can handle it."

Don sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Seriously, Reeves. What the hell is it?"

Megan remembered who carried the title of "Team Leader". She bent slightly at the waist so that she was looking Don in the eye, and stage whispered. "All Points Bulletin for a missing fan fic writer. One of the most prolific and dangerous ones out there. FraidyCat is missing."

Don's eyes widened and he grabbed the print-out. His low whistle didn't drown out Colby's "holy shit", or the thump of his size 12s when he hurried to join them. Colby stood uncertainly with his hands on his hips, looking from Megan to Don. "What is it, Don? David left already, but I can call him on his cell if we need him. He can't be far away, yet."

Don quickly read the APB and dropped it on his desk as if the paper burned him. He leaped awkwardly from his chair and clasped both hands behind his head. He looked worriedly at his team. "This is bad. You know who the first suspect is gonna be, don't you?" He abruptly swiveled and paced away from Megan and Colby.

Megan pursed her lips. "You'll be all-right, Don. Granted, you've made some pretty strong threats against her in the past..."; — she frowned — "...and you weren't careful enough about who heard you...but you've got pretty stellar witnesses. The APB says her office was trashed last night, and you were with us at that crime scene in Burbank. We've been with you since 9 yesterday evening!"

Don stopped pacing and dropped his hands, but he didn't turn around. Instead, Colby looked at Megan incredulously. "You don't get it, do you, Reeves? What kind of profiler are you? LAPD is going to head straight for Charlie."

She stomped her tiny foot. "Stop yelling at me! And I don't have to profile Charlie to know he would never hurt anyone!"

Don turned and came quickly back to his desk. "Come on, Reeves, think. Who has the most to gain from FraidyCat's disappearance? Who has she whumped the hell out of for almost a year?" He reached for the cell lying on his desk while realization crossed Megan's face. He hit one number to speed-dial his brother. He had to talk to Charlie.

He growled in frustration when the call went unanswered and was directed to voice mail. He ended the call and stared at the phone as if it had offended him. "Dammit, Charlie..." His tirade was interrupted when the phone vibrated in his hand. "Thank God," he whispered, and answered immediately. "Charlie, I need you to come..." Don suddenly looked confused, and Megan and Colby exchanged a look. Don dropped his eyes to the floor. "Dad? I'm sorry, I just called Charlie and I thought you were him...WHAT?" Don lifted his eyes and stared with terror at Colby. He raised his voice so loud that others in the bullpen looked their way. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Megan took a step forward and placed a hand on Don's arm. In one motion he shook it off, jammed the cell in his pocket and started in a run for the elevator. "We're going to Huntington Memorial," he barked to the two agents following him. "Charlie's in a coma."